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basil Sep 24
we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one time, he asked to finger me. and i said no. but it's my fault. it's my fault.

we were at his house. originally, he had asked to just eat me out. he asked me do i remember the time he had wanted to do it before, i said yeah, i remember, but i need to ***. i'll **** in your mouth. haha. okay, so can i finger you instead? no, i'd rather you not, but he persisted. come onnnnn!! please?

okay, so yes. i said yes. that is was fine. i told him i was alright with it. he doesn't know what he did. he doesn't know what he did.

did i want it? no! but i did say yes. that means he's innocent. it's my fault.

we were playing minecraft. i asked can i go to the restroom, he said yeah, so i headed upstairs. his parents were home. i could have asked for help.

the deed was done. i had asked him to stop- it hurt- so he eventually did. i was in pain.

we're still friends.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

summer going in to 8th grade. my boyfriend liked to touch me... a lot. he was always really mean to me. i'd beg him to stop, but a nervous laugh always followed. he never took me seriously. the abuse continued until i finally gained the courage to break up with him.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

half the school has seen me naked. i don't know how to say no. my body doesn't feel like mine anymore. all yours, for you to take advantage of.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

i have an eating disorder that tears me apart piece by piece. i just want to be perfect so you will LOVE ME. there's nothing more to me than a disgusting, rotting, body.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one night, i chugged ***** until i vomited all over the carpet at etc coffee house.

i just wanted to feel okay.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

my sister got ***** in the closet next to my room. i thought she was just having ***. i got in the shower so i didn't have to hear the noise.

i could have gone in there and stopped him.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

one time in middle school, i cut myself and someone reported it to the guidance counselor. i begged her not to tell my mom so she never did.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.

i told my friend that i got sexually assaulted. he made jokes about it and laughed. i went home and cried.

we're the girls, we're the girls, we're the girls.
help
me
basil Sep 20
i feel like i'm rotting
from the inside out
i just really wish
not everyone would doubt
me

i'm rotting, can't you see?
he hurt me

he
hurt
me.
Aaron LaLux Sep 16
...so strong she was,
for being so delicate,
I asked her how her molestations had happened,
so she could express herself & maybe make some sense of it,

she said she didn’t exactly know,
I asked her if she’d ever gone to the police,
she said definitely no, I asked her why not,
& what she said next seriously surprised me,
she said she never wanted to get the men in trouble,
because she felt sorry for the guys,
as much as they’d abused her,
she had pity for them & always tried to empathize,

this hit me like the heaviest of epiphanies, tears hit my eyes,

she said she’d talked to each one,
after they’d done what they’d done,
she talked to her father,
& also to her grandfather,
she told them she understood it wasn’t their fault,
they had a perverse disease that became a problem,
or more specifically a distorted sickness,
& that this cycle had to stop no there was no other option.

THIS CYCLE HAS TO BE STOPPED.

I shouldn’t have to be the voice for these girls,
& be the one that talks about ****,
she shouldn’t have to share these secrets with me secretly,
because these things shouldn’t happen in the first place,

but this is not a world of should’ves’ & could’ves’,
this is a world of exacts,
this is a world of loud brags & silent abuses,
& I’m sick of this sickness what’s wrong with us?...

excerpt from poem #32 of THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide 9/9/19 here: www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆
Aaron LaLux Sep 11
From poem #27 of THHT3

...We all know what’s going on,
The Young & The Restless could be a list that’s forever long,
of confessions composed as a set list but not sung,
we all know They are attracted to the Innocent & Young,
because in the twisted logic, of their perverted minds’ tongue,
they think by being with children, they’ll stay Forever Young,
it’s disgusting, & I’m so ashamed of the city I’m from,
that I’m not even having kids, nope not even one,
because I already feel bad enough for those already born,  
wish I could warn every daughter & ever son,

& don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to single out Hollywood,
the problems are much more widespread just ask The Vatican,
or the over 800 Boy Scouts that say they were abused,
by the hands of those that were chose to lead as captains,

yeah man not much is mentioned but lots has sure happened,

lots of names go undisclosed in the drawers of the ****-Files,
Roman Polanski, R. Kelly, Brian Singer, Jeffery Epstein,
& those are just the ones that have been exposed,
we all know most crimes go untold,

& no please don’t take this the wrong way,
I’m not trying to say every celeb likes kids underage,
in fact most of those that act are kind, protect & fight back,
nor am I saying I always mean attraction in a ****** way,
I’m just saying I feel confused & it seems like everyone’s ***,
or at least strange & most don’t know how to behave,
& I want to care but these days who cares anyways,
I guess I don’t anymore, I just want to get away,

just want to escape, so I’m running away,

I’m leaving Neverland, never to return again,
I’m leaving Neverland, for real & forever man...

from The Hollywood Hills Trilogy vol. 3

I'm giving away 100 copies of my new book THHT3 for FREE right now on Instagram to the first 100 people that COMMENT and TAG a friend on my latest post. So go to my Instagram right now, @aaronlalux and tag someone in the comments so I can send you a digital copy of The Hollywood Hills Trilogy Vol 3 RIGHT NOW. No joke, for real, let's go! My instagram is @aaronlalux First 100 comments with tags ONLY. If you DON'T have Instagram just go directly to the Amazon page and leave a review of the book. If you review the book I'll also send you a copy for free, so there's TWO ways to get a free copy of my new book! Here's the Amazon Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XJRBSKD

∆ LaLux ∆
Pastel blue sky longing to
Hang over wheat;
There is only grass.
Green.
Green with envy at white clouds as
They pass.

                  (A different journey)

Poplars strive to touch
Shrunken, grey clouds that
Recoil at the very sight.
Ah, the plight of an
Innocent gesture.

               (Nowhere else to go)

Wind snears:
My train moves it so.
Grass is merely in the past
As I am slung
To and fro.

                          *

The seat next to me is empty. A passenger of invisibility kindly agrees for my bag to rest on their featherlight lap. Reservations elsewhere have been made.
Durham can wait.

                            *

In my lecture, there were four empty seats next to me. All other rows were full.

                            *

Last Monday, I got ****** at Stone Roses Bar. Stumbled along to ‘I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor.’
Hands were all over me:
Creeping and
Touching.

                     Why is it that when
I want company, it flees?

When I embrace
                            Loneliness,

             It molests me.
It has long been time to say goodnight,
The hands of the clock caressing my face, lulling me into secluded silence.
But I can still smell your skin on me, feel the bite of the binds.
And so the cigarette still burns. On. And om. And on. And the tears still fall. On. And on. And on.
Agony is telling the same story over and over until you believe it. "I'm fine, I don't think about it anymore. I'm over it."
And then you see something. Or hear something. Or read the ******* newspaper. And your name is never under arrest.
Maybe you never hurt anyone again. Maybe you only took my voice.
Maybe the cigarette still burns so close to my fingers that I have scars. Maybe I still wait for sleep. Maybe you'll catch fire to that bed dropping a cigarette. Maybe the flames will take you.
Maybe I can wait for the next time the pain will hit. Maybe I can smoke another cigarette.
none Aug 29
my body overrun by invaders
like still-breathing meat
but I could fight and get revenge
that boy I made bleed and cry

and then like stealth it became again
a girl like me, heartless
showed me how to hurt and discard
even each other.

and then like a bad dream, again
my body taken, grinded and contorted
tempered into nothing but base flesh
for no purpose but evil pleasure

and then another came, again...
she locked me in her room
slicked her body to mine
I ran through a moth eaten hallway.

and then....again. I grew tired.
he, who told me I *** too used
complained of my knowledge
he liked virgins the most.

There is nothing but heat
a blackness in my heart
I care not for them.
for they repent nothing for me.
Ash Aug 24
I am scared.
Not just for myself but for all the girls out there.
For all those girls who walk home alone really late.
For all those girls whose bosses after work hours ask them to wait.
For all the young girls who don't even know much about anything yet.
For all the women whose husbands or fathers get real drunk after sun set.
Why you ask me?
Because of all the disgusting stories I've heard and the terrible things I've seen.
Because men get away with almost anything.
Even if they've ruined a girl's everything.
Because y'all don't want to teach boys to treat women with respect.
You don't want to teach them to back off when she rejects.
You just want to go on about how she should have dressed more appropriately.
But even then would he have treated her differently?
I don't think so.
Because we encouraged this when we failed our girls a long time ago.
When we didn't give justice to all those countless women.
When we let the guilty men walk away as if they had done nothin'.
When we blamed the victim.
When we didn't even let her speak and only listened to him.
We failed when she stopped reporting even, because she didn't want to make it worse for herself.
We failed when we drove her so mad, so devoid of hope that she ended it then and there.
San-Pei Lee Jul 12
the girl cried wolf
but no one took heed
to her teardrops of crimson

the girl whispered wolf
still rose petals shed into the night

the girl thought wolf
this time there was none left to listen
not even the wolf
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