I miss you. I miss you so ******* much.
Everything I see, everything I do, reminds me of you.
Your voice burns like acid in the back of my throat when I cry into my pillow at night.
How I long to feel your hands graze my face just once more. I promise not to be greedy.
But that’s all our love ever seemed to be, not one satisfied with what was presented.
No golden platter for me to serve your ego further.
Tomorrow it’ll be a week. One whole week without seeing though smoldering amber eyes.
One whole week without your touch, your lips, your company.
One whole week without hearing the words “I love you”.
I sit in my room, repeating voicemails you’ve left me over and over again.
Some of them remind me why I left, the others remind me of why it was so hard to.
I loved you so deeply that I didn’t realize how far I’d sank. Will I ever see the surface again? More importantly; will I ever see you again? No...
I love you, and I hope I never forget the smell of those after *** cigarettes, the way your hair looked when you stepped out of the shower, how happy you looked when you’d smile in your sleep.
I hope I never forget how it felt when your hands melted into me when I was high, or how the sun felt on my skin when you showed me its warmth for the first time.
I hope I never forget those late night drives, or the look in your eyes when you saw me naked.
I hope I never forget the late nights spent watching tv or playing games, or the first night we met when I was a literal nervous reck. But I think I knew even then how much you’d end up meaning to me.
I hope I never forget all the reasons I fell in love with you.
But then again... maybe I do. Hope I forget.
Because I know I’ll never have you.
I know that we’ll never fix this.
And that’s okay I’ll say.
You told me you always wanted to be apart of my life, you lied.
You told me I was just like everyone else,
You told me I always made you out to be a monster, but here you are villainizing me.
You told me you’d be there if I needed you, and god I need you so badly.
But I promise you, I’ll act as if I’ll never need you again.
I love you,
And I’m sorry this is where endlessly ended.
I truly hope that you find happiness, whether it be in yourself or within another. I never wanted it to end this way. I never wanted to hurt you. You never believed a word I said when it came to my feelings for you. And I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to prove those feelings to you. I’ve always been bad at talking, I know that drove you crazy, and I’ve always been bad at goodbyes so I chose not to say it. I’m sorry I turned out just like everyone else, another crazy girl to add to the list of ex’s you decided you never really loved. Another user, another girl who became her issues, another tragedy.
Maybe we’ll get it right in the next life.
Maybe next time love really will conquer all.
But not this time...we’ll only end up destroying each other more. And we both know we don’t have much left to destroy.