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He said that I was a burden.
So I lit a cigarette and sobbed on my father’s couch, the tears dried up, but my heart never stopped crying.
I'm the shadow
Casted by the sun,
Feeling small
As the day's begun.

I watch people
With nameless faces
Go places
With no destination,
No purpose.

I watch them with
Bruised ribcages
And flowers blooming from their arms,
Pretending to be a part
Of the crowd,
Pretending to fit in.

Their hearts are shattered to dust,
But they fix it
With stiches and staples that turned to rust,
Pretending all the pieces fit

Their shirts are filled
With pins and needles,
that poke their skin
Pretending not to notice
The emptiness filling in.

But I stay put.
My shadow is too small to notice,
Too scared to move.
My mind is almost as broken as theirs,
But my door is fully open,
Not pretending.

Their cuts are filled with dirt and vines,
While mine are healed
From the years of pain.
I feel like my poems aren't as good as they used to be but I'm trying
I can feel the pain
I haven't felt in a while,
the tears I have yet to shed,
and the aches that don't hurt my heart.
Why is it I feel everything I have not?
I've left once
I can do it again
Do I want to
Or stay with this pain?
The pain of loving you,
Or leaving you for good.....
Whichever I choose I'll still belong to you.

You own my heart
The key to my soul
My love for you will never grow dull
Whatever you say or do
I'll always keep loving you

The way you smile
Share your laugh with me
Hold and kiss my hand
And tell me you love me
The nights we drive around looking at the stars
Feeling your lips on mine before we say goodnight

You own my heart
The key to my soul
My love for you will never grow dull
Whatever you say or do
I'll always keep loving you

I lie awake at night
Wondering if you think of me
Hours go by and you haven't answered me
Is this what it's like to love someone so much it hurts?
Feeling them slip away
Or is that false?
I love you with all I have
But is it worth it?

You own my heart
The key to my soul
My love for you will never grow dull
Whatever you say or do
I'll always keep loving you

What should I do?
Leave it behind
And forget about you?
Should I stay and fight?
And pray it'll stay good
I asked God for the answers
To the questions I always knew
Were hard to muster
Once I started with you
I love you so much
I don't know what to do...

You own my heart
The key to my soul
My love for you will never grow dull
Whatever you say or do
I'll always keep loving you

I can't see the future
What's in store for us
I'm terrified of losing it all
And leaving heartbroken?
I've heard it all before
How wrong this all is
But guess what?
I'm all in.

Love me to the very end
Give your heart to me
You already have mine
Cherish that with me
Don't take it for granted
Remember what I gave up for you
What made me belong to you...
What tears ?
For I feel nothing coming from my eyes
As the emotions of sadness covers over me

What tears ?
You see them as they slowly fall down
To the ground
I look at the mirror to see what you see
And I see no tears
For yet I can not feel or see them

What tears ?
I feel nothing when it comes to the tears
I see nothing when it comes to the tears

Why do I not feel or see them ?

Well it’s  because I’m used to it
When you’re used to something
You don’t feel or see it
You know
It's rare
When I feel like
I like myself
Because every time
I get excited
I get shot down
Crash and burn
And once again
Sadness ignited

You know
It's sad
To think so highly of myself
Only to be told
You're not good enough
You're too nice
Too mean
To distant
To clingy
So quiet
But oh so annoying
It's rough

You know
It's not easy
Having these conflicts
Deep inside
They never subside
Knowing what I want to say
But also knowing
I have no right to speak
But in my mind
I just can't hide
From you

You know
Your presence alone
Can lift me up
Out of this prison
In which I lock myself
Of course this is something
I can't tell you at present
So I suffer silently
So sure I was
Of this serendipity
I was wrong
Now an epitome
Of stupidity
I close my lips

You know
I don't know
What the future holds
I've spent so much time
On my own
My heart is screaming
For someone to hold
But alas
It seems I'll always be alone...
Marla Jun 29
Gesturing vaguely, requesting the waiter,
Asking for a different life.
There's sorrow in mine, and a toughness far greater
That can't quite be cut with the knife

If I could suggest – just some minor changes,
Put rue where there's ruin in mine.
The hint of resentment in the flavour of friendship
Does not seem to go with the wine.

The arrangement of garnish at the side of my lovelife
Looks lovely, tastes boring and bland.
With all your experience I'm sure you could contrive
a texture my teeth would withstand.

I am - by no means - complaining to frustrate,
But compared my meal just seems unfit.
And when you endeavour to bring me a new one,
I beg you, do not spit in it.
I was in that group chat yesterday
And I saw that you read her poem,
But do you still read mine?
Do they **** you off more?
Do they make you wish you were still with me
Do they make you think about how big a deal it was to me
That someone who I wanted to be with wanted to be with me?
Or does it make you think that I just wanted to know what it was like to be loved?

I don’t know why you chose me
But my guess is,
I was just another person
Another time marker
Another notch on the bedpost

I’m sorry for the lie I told you
That it was fine you started dating
But you have to realize how weird it is
How much it hurt
The proposal more than the aftermath
It was my ex best friend,
Someone who told me all the reasons not to be with you
Then said I told you so when you broke up with me,
Who took your hand next
I told you not to contact me
I even deleted your number
I even blocked you both online
But regardless
I find myself wondering why
What was I to you?

I find myself wondering
What are you thinking right now?
I still don’t want to talk to you, because I’m afraid to. I want to though. I want to hear your voice. I want to say things to you. But I need to see you to say them... I wonder sometimes, did you delete me?
Orchid Jun 10
Hush young one
Censored thoughts,

Keep it astray you must

Else a liar shall be spat upon
A scoundrel buried in dust

Sprint away
Without your whimpering cries,

Back to your solid slum

Your mother will be baking your pies,
Honeysuckle apple and plum

Now if you ever were to tell,
Satan would weep to behave

I'll build a wall for you

Patterned with words
Resting upon your fathers own grave
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