All I manage to catch are glimpses. Peepholes through time and space.
Small ravels of memories I had before this time, before this space. I try to catch them, but they’re always out of grasp.
Like the light that filters through the rustling leaves of the tree. Appearing and disappearing without a moments notice.

I go towards these memories, hoping to achieve them, but I’m always pulled back down to the memories I possess now, that stretch over the ones before, and I forget. I forget who I am, and I remember who I am not.

You were so close to me.
Every heart beat pumped you closer to me.
But you were just poison being injected in.
I tore my heart out before it could beat again.

We stretched the horizon,
Our pallet decorated the sky,
For one sweet moment it was just you and I.
Your sunshine kissed my closed eye lids.
Even when they were closed you still managed to seep through,
I couldn’t escape the image of you.

But you set in that sun,
And never rose again.
You took the warmth with you,
After all you put me through.

It is painful to feel you.
What was once petals is now thorns.
Bleeding me from every pour,
But you don’t seem to care at all.

You handed me a revolver,
And urged me to pull the trigger.
It was hard for me to tense my finger,
But you convinced me that this was for the better.

Eyes that are a shade of blue,
Shriek in the light when pulled into view.

Standing right behind me,
Just out of view.
In direct sunlight,
I cast a shadow of you.

I draw you back under my feet.
Where I can't see you.

You are slowly dying everyday!
Every breath takes a breath away!
You are all going to die someday!
Were you even alive anyway?!

The bodies of man are beginning to ashen.
I leave them to be swallowed by the sun.
The dead remind me of you.
Shedding red into the blue.

Drowning in every drop of water!
Eaten alive by every human flower!
Killing every son and daughter!
Sprayed by the capillaries of a sick mother!

You are all sick!
Sick like her!
You are all sick!
Like your mother!

Artificial clouds are where the sun used to be!
The black hand of death chokes the sky!
Short may you live,
And soon you shall die!

Breathing through the gaping holes in her lungs!
Flowing through her thinning blood vessels!
Stored inside her dissipating muscles!
This is how dying feels!

You insignificant little *****!
You live like this,
And you are going to die like this!
You keep bleeding your mother,
You are going to die with her!

You are all sick!
Sick like her!
You are all sick!
Like your mother!

As consistent as a snowflake,
Counting up from one to infinity.
Free falling through this endless shape,
Contained within a finite space.

There is something blocking the light in front of me,
And creeping up behind me.
A shadow without a cast,
Seemingly moving by itself.
Killing the light fast enough,
For the darkness to catch up.

What drives us to take our lives?!
What turns the hand against the one it belongs to?
Something we resist wants to bring us down.
It is creeping up on you.

Those who are most ready for a bad meal,
Are those who are starving.

Been stepping on the roaches again.
Couldn’t see them on the black tiles.
Next time I should remember to put the light on.
Because now I got bug matter all over my shoes.

It is hard to notice the little people,
When you are big and wondering around in the dark.
Please take notice of where you step,
Because you might be stepping on someone else.

Oh please look down,
I may be small,
But that doesn't mean I don’t exist at all!
Can you hear my little bug voice from way up there?!
You are about to silence it forever!

The next time you take a step,
Consider what it may do to another,
Because you may end up with a squished roach on the tiles.

Strapped to the outside of a rocket ship with nothing in the way.
I took off, and I just kept going. Reaching a height higher than heaven.
Nothing to orient myself. No time. No space. No self. Nothing but darkness stretching out all around me.
A roar of a million voices trying to scream over eachother resonates through my head.
I then came into orbit. Everything begun to crystalize.
No longer was I confounded to the restrictions of flesh. By birth and by death. I was out of my shell. Out of my world.

Complex geometrical patterns formed around me. Beating. Breathing. Moving. Almost like they were alive.
I had no way to process this. It was all so perfoundly alien. This was not my world. "Where the **** am I?" I thought
Terror possesses me. I feel like I am going to **** myself. Then all of a sudden these beings of indescribable features surround me, telling me to relax. "Relax now. Take it in. Settle down."
They told me they were my guides. They were going to show me around.

They gave me the tour of this universe, "Look at this! Look at that!" they said excitedly, showing me worlds that I can not explain, yet they seemed to reflect me.

I suddenly lost them. Where has my tour group gone?!
Suddenly these entites besieged me. Giving off negative energy. Holy ****! Jesters with tight pants and bell hats. Giving me the finger. They were so mischevious. Surrounding. Laughing. Jumping inside of me. ****** my soul. Is this what hell feels like?!

The darkness begins to clear, as a large face of a shimmering blue woman, with flaming white hair blowing in a non-existant wind, comes into view. Her face has so much dimension, with thousands of other faces upon her own. A snake tongue escapes through her lips, wrapping around me, pulling me into her mouth. I am flung into a space that is pure white, and a warm tingling sensation fills me.
This is what heaven feels like. This is my home. I think I found god.
I have never felt so much love. I have never felt so alive.

I then opened my eyes, trying to process my surroundings. I was in my home. On the couch. Sitting in front of the tv. My friend Jason was sitting next to me. He asked me what did I see. I leaped off of the couch, screaming "It is all a simulation!" I pulled my shirt off, swinging it around like Daniel from the bible. I tried to throw myself down the stairs, but was stopped when Jason tackled me. He held me in a chokehold, and while this was happening I exclaimed:

"On earth I am just a monkey,
but out there I am so much more.
I am not just a speck on a spinning ball.
I am more than the skin I wear,
More than the title I bear.
There is so much out there.
This world is not real.
What is real is me."

When I finally calmed down, Jason asked me how I was doing.
I looked up at him and I said "I am a work in process."

Where does it end?
Where does it begin?
Is there a start at all?
Or has it just always been?

The cycle starts again.

Feels like I’ve been in this place before,
On the ground crawling on all fours.
Another lap around this body,
Swallowing the serpents tail.
It hisses just behind me,
Covering every track I make,
When my eyes turn to see the trail,
It’ll be consumed by the snake.

My own ouroboros.

Muscles expand and contract,
Pulling me further in.
I feel myself dissolving,
The future is the past again.

**** the lights,
Take my eyes,
I don’t want to see,
The repeat of me.

My own ouroboros.

****** into my sofa,
The infinite space of it.
The faces of my friends are melting off,
Like heated wax running down a candle stick.

I loaded the universe into a gun,
And I shot myself in the head.
I can not tell if I am breathing.
Am I alive or am I dead?

I’m strapped to the outside of a rocket ship with nothing in the way.
I’m taking off, and I just keep going. Reaching a height higher than heaven.
There’s nothing to orient myself. No time. No space. No self. Nothing but darkness stretching out all around me.
A roar of a million voices are screaming over each other, they’re resonating in my head.
I’ve come into orbit. Everything is beginning to crystalize.

Surrounding me are complex geometrical patterns of love and understanding.
Gibberish wall textures are whispering messages through their feelings.
This is all too much to take in,
It is like the universe orgasmed into my eye.
I just want to go home,
I think I am going to die.

A sense of calm echoes through me,
Probably brought upon by the faces of my long lost family.
They have so much dimension to them,
So beautiful, light and shimmering.
Looking like something out of religious doctrine,
They came out from the open.
Released me into my primal light laser body,
Everybody has been laughing at the joke never spoke.
And now that I get it,
It is infinitely funny.

It is like the sand man blew his sand,
Taking me on a train to dream land.
They are showing me everything,
I can not even begin to understand.
How am I supposed to understand infinity,
When I can barely understand a single moment.

I see God in a head of lettuce.
I feel the earth's rotation,
As I spin around the sun.
God handed me the universe loaded into a revolver,
And fired me into a flashing rainbow shower.
Friday's smoke opera has rendered me dumb.

Bathing in a melting rainbow,
The cosmos is dripping down my skin.
Infinity is stretching out,
And withdrawing within.

I become the colour,
And the colour becomes me.
I am in everything,
And everything is in me.

Coming out of the woodsmen's cloud,
I hear a child screaming out.
I didn't know what it was then,
But now I know what it is about.

The trees are no longer silhouettes,
My destination is not my goal.
I am in the middle,
Wherever I go.

Birth on one side,
Death on the other.
Fire runs down the middle.
I watch my life,
Taper down.

Hair stands upon jolted skin folds.
You never could eat a salad.
You look pregnant with a fat pig!
Large enough to eclipse the sun!
Large enough to cause nuclear winter for everyone!
Grass ceases to grow with every step that you take!
The earth weighs a percent more whenever you ingest!
Your rolls could warm the Eskimos!
An orchestra of clapping flesh fills the room with every movement you make!

You don't seem to care about the people you run over when rolling in the street.
You say it is their fault for getting in the way.
They all look like Indiana Jones trying to outrun a boulder.
Too many happy meals can make a lot of people unhappy.
Man sized pancakes dot the side walks that we all used to tread.
Skinny people no longer exist, they are all dead. You mistook them for French fries.

You are just as imperfect as me,
So who are you to point a chunky finger.
You think you are so big behind that screen. Lecturing me about body standards when you look like you washed up on the beach this morning.
Stop crushing your high horse and come down just a little bit.
Time for you to get a serving of your own medicine.
Gape those ears wide and give a listen:
I don't live to look good for some fat ***, greasy, disgusting pig on the internet, jerking off to ******* **** while his mother makes microwave pizzas upstairs!
So jam that finger up you ***!

Come on people it’s time to celebrate!
Today is the day when Jesus became a bunny and laid chocolate eggs.
Everybody get together.

Every Christian on the birthday lie.
Eating the eggs that fell from the sky.

Come to the alter.
Bring a ****** flower.
Impregnated by the spring sun.
When we see him again,
They will bring their children.

We hunt for dyed red eggs from the alter!
We toast to the birthday of the fertile mother!
It’s time to celebrate! Come on let’s celebrate!

Pull Jesus out of an egg. This way I will remember I’ll never die.
The Queen smiles from behind his face. The bunnies have got you hunting for a lie.
Chocolate bunnies mating in the spring sun,
Remembering the death of the Queen’s son.

She ascended and became the moon. Her husband, the sun, impregnated her, with rays of light.

She descended in an egg, touched the water, and hatched out all renewed, the Queen of all the clouds.
She beget a son, the first chocolate bunny.
She submerged all the bunnies in the blood of the cocoa bean, so they look desirable.
They are all hiding. Time to go hunting. Let’s hunt them in celebration.

What makes someone worthy,
To witness the birth of an angel.
A place that people only read about,
Is a place you have walked.
Beautiful and shimmering.
A face that cradles the universe within.

The bridge we built over the gap between us is rotting away.
This time when I walk over it, I may fall through it.
Your coldness left the bridge to corrode, we could have mended it together. You never let me enter anymore, you leave me with your silence at your front door.
Let me in, my dear. Let me in. Don't try to forget me, because you will only remember what I did wrong. I want to see you, I want to hold you, and make up for what I left hollow and broken.
Your smile, once illuminated the darkness that now surrounds this bridge, allowing me to cross without a given issue. That smile has faded, your gaze turns from me, no longer holding me in it. The back of your head is colder than darkest reaches of space can muster. Turn back, my dear. I need to see you, to engage you, to speak to you, to know how you feel.
Don't push me away. Don't run away. Don't hide away. Draw back the curtain to show me what is behind. I need to know. The bridge is crumbling into the abyss below. I need to know before it collapses, severing our connection. Let's fix this bridge together, let's regain our once strong connection.

Crawling. I've been crawling. Down in the dirt on my abdomen. Searching for a tree to cling to. To hang from upside down. To take a step into the chrysalis. To be born a new.
This skin I wear, encases me. When I've moulted I will be free. I will escape the confounds of bone and flesh. Of time and space. Of birth and death.
When I pass. When I pass through this knot. The knot in the infinite line of things. I will pass through biology, enter into a state beyond. Beyond our senses. Beyond our limitations. With nothing to gravitate towards.
The butterfly, it calls to me. My day is coming, it will be free.
It's been inside of me. Been here all along. Waiting to come out.
I am not the skin I wear. I am not the title I bear. I am, I am!
We're all larva. We all got butterflies inside of us. Come and crawl with me. Get down on your abdomen. We're gonna find a tree. To hang from, and set the butterfly free.

Move to the vibrancy,
Of a ripple from a raindrop.
Feel the current shift infinitely,
As they touch the water top.
Drifting with waves that crash and change.

Venus of the drains,
Receiver of their prayers and offerings.
Tires of the gifts washed down the streets,
From the city of the rats.

A goddess, prisoner of the rats,
Down in the belly of Cloaca Maxima.
Like the bud of a tossed away cigarette,
They’ve opened a forest fire.

This is how it ends,
Drowned in their own tithes and offerings.
The prisoner of Cloaca Maxima,
Is sending every prayer back to its sender.

Corruption, death and disease,
All flows down in the city of the rats.
When you try to call pest control,
Your blood will fill up the streets,
In the city of the rats.

You are fools, trying to build the ark when the flood has already come.
You never learned how to swim, all you vermin are going to drown.

You are up to your neck,
In your own **** and ****.
Out of all the ways to go,
This had to be it!

You thought you were rid of us,
When you pulled the handle down.
All little things add up over time,
We’re coming back up to drown,
The city of the rats!

Venus rises out of Cloaca Maxima.
Rising out of every sewer.
She’s come to deliver,
Every prayer back to its sender.

Venus pull the handle down,
Flush all this **** away.
The only way to get rid of ****,
Is to flush it all away.

We are coming out of every faucet,
Pipe, plughole, shower-head and toilet!
Swimming in a flooded landscape,
Eyes, nose and mouth just above it.

We’re rising up,
Venus’ rising up,
****’s rising up.
Out of all the ways to go this had to be it,
Drowned in your own **** and ****!

You enter into the neighbor's room, clenching a knife cutting the morning light across the room. You are moving surreptitiously.  
There is a colour on the knife. It's colour reflects an image of you upon it. You look down at your body, and notice the colour reflects there too.
You notice there are two people around you, a male and a female, and their colour is yours too.

You taste the colour of death on your tongue, you share the taste with the people in the room.
You share it with the knife, you share it with the floor, you share it with all the neighbor's next door.
You followed them home, to share the colour with them..
The colour alludes you, it brings you a high. You like how it tastes to die.

The scariest thing there is does not hide beneath your bed at night.
It is not the silhouette that stands in the corner of your room in the dark.
It is not the cold, disembodied whisper that breaks the silence of an empty room.
It is the realization that beneath your skin lays the true horror that you hide from.

You can run from it,
You can hide from it,
You can even try to forget it,
But it will always be there,
Lurking around in the darkest inner workings of your mind,
Reminding you of who you truly are.

Have we forgotten so easily,
About the creature we refuse to see.
Waiting for the day when we open the door,
Allowing it to break free.

You hide from it under the bedsheets at night,
It is the monster under your bed,
It is the presence in your room,
It is the voice inside your head.
You can run from it,
You can hide from it,
But it will always be there,
Lurking in the darkest corners of your mind.

The reptile within is stretching over me,
Soon it will consume me,
Then I will become,
The reptile I was born to be.

“I want blasphemy,
I want **** and ******,
I want hate and propaganda,
I want everything and anything bad,
For it sustains me,
Sends a rush down my spine,
It makes me feel alive”.

This is what the reptile wants,
This is what the reptile needs,
In order to stay alive.

I felt a touch from a far,
It was like you were there but you were not.
My mind must have been playing tricks on me.
For one sweet little moment I thought you were there.

I caught a glimpse of a shadow in the corner of my eye,
I turned my head but there is nothing there.
It was like I was being haunted by the ghost of you.

The spark that once built our bridge burnt it down.
As you burned I just turned away,
Even when you begged me to stay.
Now I can’t escape the ghost of you.

Love was supposed to bring us together but it just tore us apart,
I managed to push you and myself away,
Managed to tear you and myself down.
Now that you are gone all I see is the ghost of you.

Stars are big *** mentos, and the space between the stars is coke. Sometimes the coke manages to touch the stars, causing a chemical reaction, leading to a supernova.

She was looking like a carrot,
With a green hat and orange dress.
She was spotted by a rabbit,
Who was hungry for a taste.

He now can see in the dark,
No longer needs to wear glasses.
He goes to tell his friends,
Restoring vision like he is Jesus.

Every moment is a gift,
So accept this moment.

Fear comes from the past,
And is projected into the future.
If you choose to live now,
The world will look so much brighter.

Accept this gift,
And live in the moment.

Overthinking again.
An insanity of my own making.
Separate from the universe’s song,
All these moments will soon be gone.

This will not happen again.

These thoughts do not serve me,
Why do I keep doing this to me?

I need to let go,
And sway to the music.

The universe is singing to me.
Listen to that old sweet melody.
Move to the rhythm of the music.
Let it pass through body, mind and spirit.

Unify this separate spirit.
Sway to the music.

I hear the hum of Saturn,
Resonating inside of me.
The stars they sing out,
Verses from a healing remedy.

I am,
An instrument,
In sync,
With the moment.

Sway to the music.
Witness the in-between scenes behind every moment.

Accept this holy gift.

I am an instrument in the universe’s hands,
Guide me through all the sacred cords.
Surrendering to the will of something bigger than me,
Joining in as the planets sing that ancient melody.
Feeling the unification of body, mind and spirit,
Swaying to the rhythm and the echo of the music.

Sway to the music.
Choose to live in this moment.

Accept this holy gift,
Receive enlightenment.

Control where to plant the seed,
But not how the tree will grow.

Who are you to tell me what to do?
We are the many run by the few.