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Her glass was half empty
in more ways than one
She lies awake
still haunted by all of the promises broken
all of the to gropes unnoticed
all of the refusals ignored
She wondered if she was asking for it
but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway
She couldn’t stop the sky from falling
They take what they want
while she lives in a storm of melted ice
throwing punches to her own head
trying to beat out the feelings no one will validate
Punishing her body for the sins of her mind
She was hurt by those she trusted
she was burned by the stars she reached for
No one is coming to rescue her from her
So she hides under the bar in the shadows
from evils one couldn’t imagine
With bottles of contempt broken over her head
being burned to a million ashes
sprinkled in the ocean
The flashing lights can’t brighten
the darkness she knows too well
She wondered if she was meant to suffer forever
Trying to punish herself with each sip
Looking for God in the spilled drink on the floor
getting high to be closer to heaven
She would never tell you about the forced submission
the stardust left behind
in place of her innocence
She knows no one would believe her
so she believes in nothing

- Starlet
You thought I was speechless
but there’s a world inside of my head
far more magical than the one you know
It was just across the way
but you couldn’t find the bridge
you didn’t even look
You can’t see past your own view
I tried to fight
but I’m ashamed to admit
that sword was too heavy to lift
I always believed that I was too much
instead of knowing that you were too little
I tried to help you
the water carrier I am
enslaved to my humanity
I got tired of pouring from empty barrels
Some just drink every drop of water you have
Some just **** all of the air out of the room
You wanted me to be seen and not heard
though you were deaf to logic
Burning my brain with words like stupid
the hot poker of your narrow spirit
You made sure those words
would be branded on me for eternity
Some things can never be erased
Some cuts never stop bleeding
And I now must see necessity in barricades
Because I loved you loudly
but you weren’t listening
Because I protected you fiercely
but you weren’t the one in danger
Because I tried to be your life raft
but you sank us both
So I put up the walls
to keep you out of certain places
those that are too beautiful to be tainted
by a provincial mind
Not because I’m afraid
but because I’m brave enough
to realize that I deserve better  

- Boundaries
Sometimes you’re controlling
but that’s okay
because I know that you love me
and you will always be there
You’re the only one
that has always been there
It’s like I’m a ship
and you’re my captain
You always grab a hold of me
when the wind blows
and the seas get tremulous
you steer me away from the chaos
When life gets too hard
I know that if I sink
you’ll go down with me
Oh captain, my captain
Sail me away

- Submission
It must be a crush
yet I feel crushed by you
by this tidal wave of infatuation
crippled by the thought of your lips
You crush me
when you don’t look my way
metaphysically I suppose
I barely know you
I’ve mostly invented you
in my head
like a character in a fable
creating expectations
that you could never live up to
because everything is better
inside my mind

I stay up at night
wondering if you’re as lonely as me
You must be
We’re alone in our acumen
No one gets me like you
the way I see art
the way you drink to escape the hell in your head
I wonder what you’re trying to forget
With every sip
every intellectual prose
Our minds slow dance
to Sam Cooke in the moonlight

The truth is
you could be anyone
I just need someone
to think about
to obsess over
to distract me from myself
so that I don’t realize who I am
and fall back into the abyss

In my head you like
néo-noirs
Dorothy Parker
and ***** martinis
like me
We talk and talk
about decades we never lived through
romanticizing the music and fashion
neglecting the oppression
You help people all day
and slay dragons at night

Something about that cocky smirk
reminds me of him
It makes me nostalgic
of all the words left unsaid
that I can whisper to you instead

You lull me to sleep every night
with mellifluous nothings
and I sink into a slumber
and dream of your ocean blue eyes
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead

Then I wake up
and you’re not there
you never were
you’re not real
just my own imagination
playing cruel tricks on me

We would never work
I’m too grounded in my hopes for the future
to fly to the moon with you
Your glasses are too tinted with rose
to see me in the light
And I’m too cold of a person
to start a fire with you

Your face changes
from time to time
but you’re always here
radiating in perfection and fabrication
I wonder what you will look like
next time
I don’t know who you will be
but I know that you will
crush me
all over again
I think I made you up inside my head

- A Mad Girl’s Love Song
The people who can’t fall asleep to silence
are the people to be the most worried about
The people who are terrified
to be alone
with their own thoughts
with the voices
Where darkness knows no bounds
there’s a reason it can’t be measured
They don’t make bedtime stories or lullabies
for people like us
The monsters under our beds never go away
they just get scarier with age
Because we chase our nightmares
the way others chase dreams
Strangled by our own memories
I’m looking for gray
in patches of black and white
Blood still drips from those sunflowers
painted on my wall
when I dare to close my eyes
because I’m still the broken girl I always was
counting sheep in my ripped nightgown
torn like my innocence
Clutching onto my teddy bear
lost like my soul
Hush little baby
don’t say a word
You wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s ears
with your pain
There’s nothing to distract you from you
At least we can behave like stars for awhile
For we never shut our eyes
until the sun is in the sky

- Insomnia
Does she ever catch
that grin on your lips
or the glimmer in your eye
when you’re thinking of me?
I bet you draw my portrait in your sleep
Your blue rose
Your broken diamond
You never forget the lyrics
to your favorite song
See me
Breathe me
Bleed me
Don’t forget me

- Selfish
I wonder when I’ll stop
looking for approval
under the sand
buried like your heads
I wonder if I’ll ever live my life
in honor of me
instead of
in spite of you
I’ve splashed in these shallow lagoons
and climbed these trees a million times
but I don’t belong here
because a purpose for someone like me
is too colossal to be contained on land
So I sail away from the island you’re all sired to
and I find bliss in the places you’ll never go
I drop my anchor
where the tides are high
and the minds are open
It’s a shame you’ll never experience this beauty
because you’re too afraid of drowning

- Shallow
I dream in
lace & pearls
blue roses & ballet slippers
Poe & Plath
Because to properly drink a martini
you need a steady hand
and a broken mind
Don’t you know
There are certain shades of limelight
that can wreck a girl’s complexion
Certain scents
that can’t mask the desperation to held
Certain make up
that only highlights the you
you’ve tried to leave behind
Keep playing dress up little girl
everybody knows the truth
They know you’re hurt
They know you’re hungry
Eat your heart out if you’re starving for love
Keep sailing the open ocean
Keep telling yourself that you’ve changed
You’re terrified to look up to the sky
because you know the constellations
will keep calling you home
to the real you

- Dress Up
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