I don’t know how, but you make me loose my words

I don’t know how, but I fell in love

I fell deeply in love

How could this happen after wondering for 18 years if I’m not enough for anybody to care for me, to be with me

And now I don’t even care anymore,
I just care about how you make me feel and how insanely deep I feel about you

I can’t seem to put my love for you in words, but these words are currently bubbling out of my heart

I love you, you’re my favorite person, you check all my boxes and I hate nothing more than not being around you

Everything makes sense when I’m around you and I know that I can do and achieve anything, because you show me my worth

Nobody would be better as my first love and I want you to be my only love ❤️

Roses can’t bloom forever

Every Rose you meet in your life
will stop living one day

Be someone’s rose
and choose how long
you want to stay in their life’s

Bloom for somebody

Rethink your thoughts
-
It might help you to release the right words into the world

Recycle your emotions
-
You can’t put all your thoughts and emotions into one person

Reduce your problems
-
You can’t live with a world full of problems

Release your tears
-
You can’t keep all your feelings bottled up

My desires are
to **** my feelings
to freeze my emotions and
to numb my pain

Lying hides my desires

I’m not ready to let go
I can’t
How could I
I’m attached
My life is attached to it
I can’t let go easily
I hate thinking about the fact of having to let someone go
It feels like leaving
It feels like betrayal
All strings are attached
I don’t know how to loosen them
I don’t want to loose anyone
My personality can’t let go
I just can’t
It’s hard when it happens, once it happened and it’s going to hurt in the future.

I‘m trapped
Trapped in a time loop
Trapped
-
Same scenario
-
Different people


I‘m robbed of my lifetime
I can’t do anything
I don’t want this to happen

I can’t get help
I made my decision
I have to live with it now

Was it the right thing?
Was it the wrong decision?
Am I going to be happy again?

I don’t want to feel like this
I want to travel back in time and get out of this dark place!

Decisions lead to new people, new adventures, old friends
You don’t have to change your life completely
-
Nobody expects you to do this
Nobody should expect this from you

Summer weather are emotions
Emotions that are hard to express

You’re holding back emotions
(The weather is getting hotter)
They are building themselves up in you
(Clouds are getting bigger)

And then
Suddenly
You let go of everything holding you back
The rain is pouring down your face
And the summer thunder and rain is coming down from the sky

It’s scary
It’s a new perspective
It’s a way of life

Who is that shadow holding me back?
Who is that shadow grabbing my wrist?

Who is that ghost navigating my steps?
Who is that ghost controlling my voice?

Who is that storm throwing me back in time?
Who is that storm managing my emotions?

Who is that thunder regulating my decisions?
Who is that thunder making my heart beat?

Some people don’t want to accept love
They deny it and won’t even thank you for it

Love is a part of respect
Respect for people around you
Respect for people who where there for you
Respect for people who are there for you

Respect for people who never stopped respecting you

Respect everyone how you want to be treated
Everybody has an impact on feelings of others
Make a good impact

Blue eyes change due to the feeling a person has

Darker blue eyes are showing their spark when I’m getting tired
The sparks in my eyes can’t take very good glances anymore

They shine bringst and light when the weather is getting better and when I’m happy
They shine just like the clouds with wind coming for them

When the emotions are overwhelming my eyes look like an ocean
All the same but different
Different colours who can’t find the right place just like waves trying to catch each other in the ocean

My eyes are like a colourboard of feelings
You can read way much from the eyes than from the smile

Life is weird

It could be that you’re surrounded by clouds
Clouds around your head
Just filled with air and invisible
Clouds of air to breathe

Clouds are keeping us alive

Clouds bring rain
-
Which water we drink

Clouds are maybe giving us air to breathe

Clouds could be the thing that keeps us alive

Everytime i try to paint you next to me
I fail

Why isn’t this working?

You’re supposed to be next to me
I guess
I hope
I don’t know where you’re currently at

Come and find me
The road can be stony
We can do this TOGETHER

Let me try again
I’ll paint you next to me
I’ll paint you in my life

My paint is getting less
I don’t know where to get new paint
The paint must find me
Just like you do

Support is one of the most important things in a friendship

Everybody makes decisions and the people who are closest have a huge impact on these decisions

Friends and family who support you are the best

Yesterday I got surprised from my friends

A party to support me with my decision

Everybody can choose their friends

Choose wisely

I know that I can always count on my friends

Choose who you want to be your support

Age is just the earth going around the sun

What if the earth would just stop going around the sun?

Would we stop aging?

Would we know how old we are?

Your age is getting controlled by the earth


Age is scary

Growing up is scary

Disconnecting from people is scary

But this is life

Life is scary


The earth going around the sun is one thing controlling us

Missing is a part of life


Do I want to grow up?
-
I don’t know
-
Because of this actually no

Am I scared?
-
Yes, I am so scared of what is coming for me in life

Everybody lies at some point in their life
To protect others
To protect themselves

Lies are supposed to make situations in life easier
But most of the times the lies come to light.
Your protection will become your biggest enemy

Starting a lie starts a Desaster of more upcoming lies

Lies can be dangerous
But still lies are protection

Lies don’t have to be bad all the time
Keeping a secret from someone might be a lie
But a good one

Use lies wisely and don’t get yourself in trouble

Lies can be used as protection
But also protect yourself and others from disappointment because of lies

Connecting with people is easy
-
You just get to know them

Disconnecting with people is hard
-
You don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but the person is not good in your current life situation

Change is not bad
-
It just makes everything different

How do you tell a friend you need distance?
Nobody knows
Nobody wants to hurt feelings

But also nobody knows how they would go on with their life when people you want to have a break with can’t leave

Nobody wants to be rude
But change isn’t always bad
Goodbyes are a part of life
Leaving is a part of life

Let people change
You might disconnect but never with the most important people of your life

You can fight for everything you want to achieve

Life is complicated
Don’t get distracted by the wrong people

Disconnection is just a goodbye

There will be no freedom until we’re equal

The world is one

Everybody is different
-
that connects us

The world is one big family

Treat everybody how you want to be treated

Don’t judge until you know someone

Everybody has feelings that can get hurt

Everybody has their own lifestory

Accepting is a part of life

Nobody matters
-
Until they matter to you

Everybody should have the same rights

The world is ONE

Freedom belongs to everybody

Everybody decides for themselves how they want to live their life

Everybody makes mistakes

But the world is united and should be treated like that

Everybody is on this earth for a reason

Don’t criticize, judge and make mistakes just because somebody behaves different, looks different or talks different

This is what makes our planet so special
-
Our differences

At my lowest

I can pretend like I’m fine
I can pretend like I’m happy
I can pretend...

But at night lying in my bed listening to the raindrops running down my window or watching the stars I know how I feel

I am the only one who can see deep inside of me

When I’m at my lowest I can pretend
I don’t need any pity

I need to help myself get up
Don’t try to hard to help others
They decide for themselves when they want to get up and shine bright like a star

Did I loose myself?

I‘m surrounded by great souls of stars

I distance myself from toxic things I don’t want my planet of life to explode
-
because of anybody I trusted at one point

I‘m spinning around trying not to loose myself

I don’t want to loose the control of other people having the chance to hurt me

I surround myself with stars that shine bright like happiness

The heart
The center of the body
The center of feelings
The center of hope
The center that controls you

The thing that keeps you alive
The thing that beats in your body

The heart is the difference between people
Every heart beats different and for different people

People can share what is in their heart
But they can’t share their heart without the risk of losing their life

You always wish for what you don’t have or can’t have
Why don’t you wish for what is already there to stay
-
Appreciate everything and everybody that brings joy to you

Wishes don’t always come true how you expect them
-
But you can make them the way you want them to fulfill

What do you see in the mirror?

Do you see yourself?
Do you see your soul?
Do you see your emotions?
Do you see how people treat you?

And who do you see standing behind you?
Who is there for you and can’t stop watching you in the mirror?
Who do you want to see as yourself in the mirror?
Are you how you want to be?

And all this in a mysterious mirror who reflects your own appearance.

Sometimes it’s easier to describe your feelings in a different language.

I can describe my feelings way better in English than in German.

It just feels right.

Some people describe their feelings in pictures or mimic.

How do you describe your feelings?

Happiness
It comes from the inside and the outside

The people around you control how happy you are

Sometimes you’re just not happy with the people around you and need a change

But you will come to the point where you find the right people that make you happy

The people you cry about because you are so happy to have them in your life right now are the ones who care the most for you

You need to accept the happiness from the outside to become happy in the inside

Everyone feels different
But deep down we are all similar


Deep down
-Under the sea
-In feelings
-In love
-Full with hate

-everyone just feels-
-everyone connects-

The world is one

Problems don’t get noticed
Until they escalate

Racism doesn’t get shown in the news because it’s bad for the ,,right” people

People who cause trouble often think their selves are more important

They may have more power
But that doesn’t give anybody the right to be racist

The world is one
We should fight together
Skin colour doesn’t matter

People should see more than just the person in the mirror which is the right one for them

The world isn’t equal

But the people should be treated equal

equALLity for the world

Alone in a world
where nobody understands you.

Nobody gets you.

You just feel alone.



Drowning alone in an ocean of emotions.



Left alone.


Feeling insecure.

Physically alone.

Mentally alone.




Swim to the surface of the ocean.
You can do it.
Get some help.
Be alone with other people.
Be together with other people.

My heart is made of stars

They seem so small watched from the earth
But they are big
-
Living in the universe

Knowing where their place is
and when it’s time to come down to earth

Our heart is full of joy
Full of sparkle
Full of lightness

My heart is made of stars
-
What about yours?

I am running around on circles
-
Can’t get my thoughts organized


Is this the circle of life?


I seem to be overthinking
-
Overthinking and overthinking


I just can’t stop
-
What am I doing?
What should I do?


Telling me to stop overthinking does not help

I have no control


Overthinking controls me in circles

The demons haunt me in my sleep
They follow me

You’re the demon I meant to forget
You keep coming back
-
Scaring me
-
Hurting me



I keep fighting the demons
-
The demons in my head
The demons under my bed
The demons in my soul



But you’re the worst demon

The one that tells me what to do

You control me
-
You’re the demon in my heart

You are someone’s angel
You make people happy
You bring joy in someone’s life

You protect with your wings.
You’re protecting.
Just protection.

You protect with your words.
You’re helping.
It is your mission.

Be someone’s angel.

Take a look at the world
What do you see?
Are you missing someone?
Can you see the mistakes you made?
Did everything turn out good?

Do you want it to be like this?

Open your eyes
Open your soul
Open your heart

You are full of life

Control what you want to see

Silence
-
A part of peace

Silence
-
A place where you feel save

Silence
-
All around you



Silence
-
For happiness

Silence
-
For sadness

Silence
-
For letting go

Silence
-
For being alone



Silence
-
For tears flowing

Silence
-
For thoughts



Silence
-
For the world

Change yourself
Change your personality
Change into a different person

You are not good enough
You are supposed to behave different
You are supposed to be different

You can’t look like that
You can’t wear that
You are showing too much skin
You are covering too much

Society is not easy
There is not a wide span between showing too much skin and covering too much up

You have to learn much
-
But don’t be a nerd

You have to have fun
-
But don’t be a looser

You changed
-
I don’t know if I can still be friends with you

You stayed the same
-
I don’t know if I’m too mature for you


Society has high standards
Society has impossible standards

Make your own standards

You don’t have to change yourself
Change the society

Emotions
You can’t control them

Some people are able to show their emotions
Some people prefer to not share them

Emotions are private
Everybody decides who they want to share their emotions with

Emotions are a way to express feelings

Emotions can be rough or sensitive

They sometimes drown you
You decide whether to swim back to the surface or go under the wave and become a part of the ocean

What do you see?
Do you see yourself?
Do you see your future?

Who do you see?
What do you see?
Who do you want to see?

What are your wishes?
Can you reach your goals?

Who was there for you when you needed them?

Are you proud of yourself?
Are you living with consequences?

Are you happy?

-


Make yourself happy.

The persons you love should be a part of your life.

Find the persons you love.

Live your life.

No regrets.

Don’t turn around.

Don’t think about what could’ve happened.

It was caused by you.

-

Close your eyes.
Think about what you want.

Open them and make your dreams come true.

Change is a good thing - they say

But who am I?

Do I want to change who I am?
-
No



I am who I am
But I will change sometimes

Love or hate who I become.

I want to become my best self.

Not everybody needs to be proud of me.



I need to be proud of me.

I am who I am.
And I will change into who I want to be.



I won’t change for other people.

I can become my own role model



Im never changing who I am
-
I might change how I am

Decisions
-
A part of life where you’d like gravity to stop

And just fly away

Decisions are a part of growing up

Sometimes it’s hard to decide
-
Sometimes it’s easy to decide


Sometimes it’s hard to accept decisions
Or make decisions

Decisions affect your life
Decisions can hurt or make you happy
-
Or both at the same time

Everybody makes decisions to make their life better or get another chance

After making a decision
-
You feel freed
-
But there also is this other feeling that hurts

The world

What is the world?
Does it describe our world?

The world of every single one?

You might be my world or I might be yours.

Everybody has their own perspective.

Everyone’s is the right one.
It might be different of what you’ve imagined but it is your world.

You can change your world
and you can have an impact on the whole world.

You can make the world a better place.

You have the impact
-
Use it

It brings me down to earth every day.

I am just flying around in my daydreams.

And then it just comes.

The gravity that brings me back to earth.

Gravity one word that describes how people are living on one planet.

We can’t just repel ourselves from the earth and take off.

It’s just not possible.

Gravity stops us from flying away.

Gravity keeps us on the ground of facts.

Gravity is just there and determines all of us.

Gravity is letting us see the beauty of nature.
We feel satisfied by the birds flying and the clouds flowing at the sky.

It lets us see the stars at night.

Do you know me?
Do you actually know me?

Or are you just assuming how I am by my looks?

I don’t know what you think or how you see me

But you don’t seem to know me

I am me

And I never showed you who I am

You just assumed it

Like I’m a rumor

Everything somebody says about me is true.

No
-
That’s a lie.



I don’t know what people tell about me and I actually don’t think I’m anybody’s topic.

I am just me

And if you would ask me

I would show you who I am and how I am

Because I am me
I am just me
And I don’t allow everybody to see me
To see the real me

Because I am the real me
See me how I am or see me how you want to see me

Don’t judge
Ask if you want to know something about me
Don’t assume
Just ask it

Because I am just me and actually not here to judge people by their looks

I am here to find out who some people really are

Because everybody is just a me

And somebody may not know me

Is it where I am?
Is it where I would like to be?
Is it where my thoughts are?
Is it where my heart is?

I don’t know how I can get there

How far do I have to go to get there?
How fast do I have to run to get there?

Can I get there in time?
Is it timeless, or is the time running away?

Do I have to hurry?

Is my life long enough to live in the here and now?

With who will I get there and who will I meet there?

I scream for your attention
-
But you don’t hear me


I scream out all of my anger
-
But the wrong people listen to it


I scream
I just scream
Does anyone feel the same way?
Does anybody just want to scream.
Does anyone want to scream with me.

Scream about something
Scream about everything
Just scream

Scream about the environment
Scream about politics
Scream about generations
Scream about social standards
Scream about what is going on in my head

The roller coaster in my head is screaming
My ideas are flowing

And I stop screaming
I begin to overthink

Friday, the 13th.
-
Something bad is going to happen.

13 is an unlucky number.

But is it?

Can a number be unlucky?

Can something that is getting used in the world be unlucky?

13 is just a number.

A number that can mark a day, be something special for some persons.

But for me it is a lucky number.

No one can define what makes something lucky or unlucky.

Everybody decided for themselves what is supposed to be good for them.

Luck can not be predicted.

It just happens.

Luck is unlucky.

My thoughts.

They come and go.

They just exist.

They want to be heard.

They want to be written down.

My thoughts are coming like a wave
They either go lost in the sea
Or they want to be shown, be heard, be seen like a cloud in the sky.
High up and far away from the drama.

But all of these thoughts I have are just so confusing.

Are my thoughts enough?

Does anybody care about my thoughts and the way I think?

What are colours?

Colours define everything.

But who defines everything to the ones who can’t see?

Not only the ones that are blind.

But the ones who just don’t want to see it.

To see what is right in front of them.

To see the world around them.

To see everything that exists.

And what does not exist.

What is real and what isn’t?

Nobody knows.

Everybody knows.

Nobody really knows anything, but everybody knows something.

Wind flows in the air like water in the sea.

But Wind also brings the trash and plastic into the ocean.

You can’t stop everything.

Nature is unstoppable and invariable.

Nature does what it does.

The wind whistles together the invariable events of the world.

Politics - what is this?

Everybody wants to convince us that their opinion is the right one.

There is nothing like one right way.
Many ways lead to the goal.

People try to explain the world to us.
But what if we want to experience all of that by ourselves.

All ways may be right for us and our future.

Our life - our future - it belongs to us and nobody else.

There are just these little things - you never noticed.

But now that they are gone - you miss those things and moments - even the ones you didn’t like.

The things you would freak out sometimes - but now they are gone.

Gone like one little breath.

Gone and maybe never coming back.

Enjoy everything while it’s still there.

You will never know when it will disappear.

People come and people go with all they have and can offer.

Don’t take anything for granted.