Why is it always like this;
laughing in one minute and crying the next.
It's like I've been cursed with the devil's kiss,
or a witch's gruesome hex.
My feelings are a roller-coaster,
and I don't know where it ends.
Though it wasn't like this on the poster,
and nobody cares to make amends.
It's no one's fault I'm like this;
broken, disregarded - who knows what's next?
Yet I'm the one who most dismiss
my well-being as it is very complex.
Before the ride begins, you always look over the rules and regulations. You look ahead as the group in front of you gets on, and you expect something similar. You've never been on before, and it seems fine enough. You're scared, but he takes your hand and swears that things will be fine. He's been here before when things were a little rocky, but he assures you that this time around, things will be smooth sailing. Glancing over your shoulder, you see the group that was in front having a fun time. The group and his words are enough to convince you that it's okay to get on.
The ride starts out a bit slow, building up your anticipation. This is how it started with the last group, so things should be fine. He holds onto your hand even tighter, and tells you that things will only go up from here. The ride takes you higher and higher, and the view looks amazing from where you are. Everything seems so perfect, so wonderful. You look down to see the clouds below dancing around, and he looks amazed as he looks at you. This is an amazing time, this is what you had been hoping for. This was all you could have ever wanted. And then, that's when the ride stopped.
Things were going just fine, so you start to panic a bit. He tells you that this is normal, and that things will pick up once again. You don't recall the other groups stopping completely, but you have a bit of faith in the situation. You believe that things will eventually be okay, but that doesn't stop you from freaking out. You are new to this, it's understandable. Some things are just a bit unprecedented and you can't predict these situations. And as you start calming yourself down, things start moving again. But they move downward.
Rapidly, your stomach lunges towards your heart and your heart towards your head. You can barely breathe as this downward spiral takes control of you, and there seems to be little you can do. When there isn't any room for you to be in control, it worries you sick. And i'm the midst of all that is going on around, he lets go of your hand and reaches for his own safety feature. Falling, you shut your eyes tightly and pray that it's over soon, though you never did believe in that higher being much.
All you can think about is how this wasn't so visible before. The other group still held onto one another when things seemed to go downward, and it didn't seem to go nearly as fast. And you didn't expect him to let go of your hand, you needed that reassurance constantly, and he let go. But he needed his own reassurance, so that is perfectly fine. You are understanding, and you just silently cry as the ride seems to go on forever downhill.
Until, it climbs again. You open your left eye to peek to make sure you are still alive after such a traumatic point. You look towards him, and though before he did let go, he was still there. And he weakly smiles at you, and grabs your hand again. "Sorry." he mutters. And you gladly accept it. You understand now that things aren't going to be perfect all the time. It will take patience and trust and only then will things be okay in the end. It is slow to the top once again, and though you know that eventually, things will go downhill, this time you are prepared. And though he may just let go again for his own safety, you still will hold on until the ride is over. That is what you must do.
Life is so hard sometimes.
It pulls, taking the table cloth
along with it.
It strengthens, taking the tide
along with it.
talking the moon
out of its misery
wishing it were daybreak
but when day arrives,
the moon wishes it were night.
Round and round we go
on this roller coaster called life.
Hanging on is so difficult
with responsibilities tugging
at the mainframe
about to crumble apart like
break pads crumbling under
the weight of it all.
A pressurized catapult or
catalog explaining the width
it takes to squeeze through
the trash chute without
crushing anything of importance.
Holding our breath
as the bumps become clear
afraid of the coaster
slipping off the tracks
and plummeting into
the frigid unknown.
Luck is only heresy
in this world of uncertainty.
But cars can be fixed,
jobs can be taken,
and bodies can be satisfied
in ways unheard of in reality.
Life is so hard sometimes.
But looking at it with new eyes,
with a combative, stubborn grip
on the cold steel handle,
a roller coaster can be both exhausting and exhilarating
if you know what to look for.
That we would end up like this
A giant rollercoaster that for a while only went up
I’ve never felt so high
I’ve never felt so good
This rollercoaster suddenly would turn
Everything that goes up has to come down
Every high has a come down
That one year ago
One month ago
I was in love with you
I still am
But now I’m not even your second choice
We would end up like this
Damaged, broken, fucked up
Once upon a time we were good
We were great, to be honest
You’re pulling away, aren’t you dear?
And I can’t blame you one bit
You’ve been on my roller coaster
Long enough, so I understand that
You’re nauseous and tired of my
Ups and downs
You’ve severed the ties that held
You to me and now I feel empty
Because I always want what I can’t have
I miss you and want you and I know
You’re thinking, “Too late now.”
But I still message you and
I still invite you over
And I still want your arms
Wrapped tightly around me
And your kisses on my shoulders
When we are surrounding each other
Enveloped in the moment
That will soon end
Because you’re tired
Tired of me and my words
Or lack thereof
Tired of my moods and my
Varying opinions about how
I feel about you
And although I typically send you
Everything that I write
I will keep this to myself
Because I know that
You’re pulling away from me
And this will just be seen as
Me trying to rein you back in
And strap you to this
Roller coaster of mine.
It absolutely amazes me,
the dichotomy of how
you can make me feel so special and
leave me feeling so desperate and
You are the best and the worst,
the source of my greatest joy and
and I am sick in my desire to
not feel these extremes;
I am sick in my desire to
to get off