I have 100% been through ****. I have been through so much my whole life. I've been judged and bullied for 10 years. I've been hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've been threatened over and over again. I've been Abandoned and alone a lot for long amounts of time. I've felt love toward someone for 10 years (almost 11), that person hurt me 3 times and put through heart shattering pain.
Do you know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you love so much that you don't know what to do with yourself? Do you know what it's like to love someone for 10 years, then get rejected and your heart broken by that same person and still love and wanna be with them? Do you know what it's like to hate yourself so much that your too ashamed to go or do anything, because your too fat, too ****, or you just don't fit in?
Well all of that, It's me. Every last bit. I know I am a crazy mess. I know I am a pathetic, ****, fat, loser, that has a loving caring family, but a really messed up life. That is the person I am in my eyes. So if you really think I am "all that", a "showoff", someone who's "perfect". Yeah, well, Guess what... There is no such thing as "perfect" and I know that very well.
I do not do or go through all this ******* to get attention.
I do not tell you who I am or "show the real me" because I will scare you away like everyone else.
So.. I guess this is goodbye because I know you'll run like everyone else.
Truth hurts I guess. And the truth is, I am nothing. I love him but he has someone better. There will always be someone better. I won't EVER have that one guy. FML. I give up.