I am a hurricane
I am a force to be reckoned with
My love can cause tumultuous damage to cities
Tear down walls and rip the streets to shreds

I am a tornado
I am a force of nature to fear
My love can rip through towns in seconds
Tear up the ground from above and move a path of destruction

I am a tsunami
I am a force of change to not mess around with
My love can move oceans and nothing can stop it
Tear through the sandy shores and cause pain to whole villages

I am a natural disaster
I am a force to be reckoned with

I'm bad with dates and names and numbers
But I know the color of your eyes matches the sky in the middle of June before the rainstorm hits Florida
And I know that your skin is the same shade of tawny as the deck on the porch of my mother's best friend's vacation home back in Michigan
And I know that your hair is just as soft as the kittens I pet in the shelter where I cried because I had to pick only just one
And I can pick your scent out of a lineup of boys with every single variation of Axe body spray spread among them
So I can't remember the day we met, or the name of your grandmother or the number of times we have kissed or held hands
But I am a writer, and the essence of your life will never die as long as I have a pen and a paper

When you tell me that you love me
Do you really mean you love that I am so reckless and lacking of compassion

When you tell me that you love me
Is it really you saying that you love how long I let you keep your hands wrapped around my throat when we are tossing around in my sheets at 3 AM

When you tell me that you love me
Do you really mean you love that I am so cold and so bitter and so devoid of feeling for anyone other than my own, selfish self?

When you tell me that you love me
Is it really you lying and saying you love me just because you know I could never love you back?

I don't want to talk about the weather
I don't want to talk about how humid it was today, or how it rained some time last week
I want to talk about if you think the aliens are real
I want to talk about which type of flower reminds you of your mother
And I want to talk about what song from the last five years reminds you of summer
I want to talk about the pets you had growing up and their names and the marks on their coats
I want to talk about the first time you fell in love and what her smile looked like
Did she have crooked teeth?
Were her lips painted red the day you noticed you loved her?
I want to talk about what kind of toppings you like on your pizza
And I want to talk about how you like your coffee in the morning
Do you prefer more sugar, more cream?
Black coffee, or no coffee at all?
I want to talk about your stance on immigration laws or abortion or gun control
I want to talk about where you have most felt at home
Was it the basement at your mother's place, where you first got laid?
Or maybe it is the baseball field where you scored your first home run?
I want to talk about who you are when no one is looking, because that's when it counts the most
Do you always spare a dollar for the homeless man under the bridge at the intersection by work?
Do you hold the door open for old ladies with six bags in their arms and a coat full of cat hair?
I want to talk about everything and anything except the weather

I tried to imagine a life without you
A life where we never touched hands and clenched them too tightly
A life where we never exchanged gazes in hallways
A life where our lips never touched in the dark under the covers
A life where we never sat up on the phone until the whole world was asleep
A life where we did not once share every secret in our books
A life where I never knew your family and you never knew my heart
A life where my skin never got to know the pleasure of your graze
A life where I never prayed for you because I never knew your struggles
A life where I never went to the games and never cheered you on from the sidelines
A life where I never sang along to the love songs you played on guitar
A life where I never even got to know your name

I tried to imagine a life without you
And I would rather die than to ever think of that life again

You're supposed to feel happy for your old lovers when they find someone new
But that feeling is so foreign to me
So I pretend, so I lie, so I cover up anger and jealousy with "Oh wow how wonderful for the both of you"

But I would be lying if I said I didn't wish them perpetual misery
I would be lying if I said I didn't wish them both mediocre *** where nobody finishes
I would be lying if I said I didn't wish for their oven to break halfway through making a Thanksgiving turkey and not to notice until it's too late
I would be lying if I said I didn't hope they both get called into work every Friday night on "date night"
I would be lying if I said I didn't wish for every drink they have on the rocks to taste like straight water
I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope their internet cuts out every single time they try to Netflix & chill
I would be lying if I said I didn't dream it rains every time they plan a wondrous beach afternoon

I would be lying if I said I didn't care
And so I fake smile every time he tells me how beautiful her smile is, and how happy she makes his days, and how her voice is like an angel's

Oh wow, how wonderful for the both of you.

Did you know I felt that our lives were undeniably tied together, irrevocably?
Like even if we fell apart and strayed too far away our paths would cross once again?
I felt that our bond was star-crossed and our connection was meant to be regardless of our star signs and past loves
I felt that our love was a story to be told through the ages and one to write down in the books
Did you know I felt that every single time we kissed the stars aligned and all the words I knew finally made sense for once?
Like even though the world was falling down and the things I knew were crashing down everything was okay because I had you?
I felt that you could grow to love me again despite having some girl at home wanting you to love her
I felt that our love story was almost too good to be true even though we only had relations through our kisses at 5 in the morning
Maybe it is me and my blind intuition to trust a stranger
But also, perhaps it is you and your need to feel a connection through past experiences with loved ones
Either way, I miss you

If you still have the people you love most in your life today-
Hug them
Hug them tighter than you ever have
Call them and tell them you love them
Never ignore their calls
Pick up the phone and call them first
Make sure they know

They have to know
They have to know that when they're gone you won't be able to sleep knowing they've gone away
They have to know that all throughout the day you will cry when they have gone to sleep forever
They have to know your heart will be missing a piece when they leave
They have to know before they're gone

You have to tell them while you can
You have to tell them that they are special to you
You have to tell them that you will forever miss their voice and their laughter
You have to tell them you will miss never seeing their face on the caller ID

My God, please tell your loved ones you love them


I love you, Dad. I love you so much.

My throat is aching with the words I cannot fathom saying to you
My hands are shaking because I wanted to hold your hand so ******* badly
My eyes cannot see straight because all that I am seeing is you and your bright blue eyes
My heart is racing so fast and I cannot catch my breath because you are making me laugh too hard

And then I stop
And then I remember I am not the one
And then I remember there's a beauty at home waiting for you to text her goodnight
And then I think about how she went to sleep alone, and I got to have your attention to myself for once in seven years

My voice is shaky as I tell you about my family and hold back tears because things are getting just too **** personal
My skin feels hot as I sit there and wait for you to touch me back
My legs quiver a bit as I hike my dress up higher so you can see the black lace on my *******
My smile forms a smirk as I think about you actually taking the bait and grabbing my face tightly and kissing me

And then I stop
And then I remember "just friends" do not look at each other like that
And then I remember "just friends" do not touch each other that way after dark
And then I remember how you're going to break her heart the same way I broke yours seven years ago

Every word is for you
Every line is for you
Every lyric is for you
Every prose is for you
Every breath is for you
It’s you
It’s you
It’s you
It’s always been for you
You have always been the one

Did I love him right away?
No
Absolutely not
I don’t even think I liked him right away
He was cold, he was reckless, he was bitter
But his smile, when he smiled, he could light up a room
Did he love me right away? Of course not
I was loud, I was gaudy, I was too chipper and my laugh could make ears bleed
But somewhere along the way, somewhere along those years from 18-23...it started blending together and made perfect sense
I kept him alive and he kept me safe
Now here we are
And when we see each other on the street we might wave and we might share a smirk
But that is nothing compared to the energy we could have between us if things had gone differently
Nothing can compare to the epic love story that may have been, could have been, would have been

Follow the rabbit he will take you to happiness
Do not be late, do not miss that date
You could get lost in a sea of confusion
You would be deceived by the ostensible outlook

You could go fetch seven little men
You could be the fairest of them all
Beware of the deep and everlasting sleep
You would be deceived by the apple's red color

Worry about the petals, they are falling so quickly
He will be stuck that forever if you cannot make him love you
Keep an eye on the rose, it is far too beautiful to let go
You will be deceived by the appearance of a beast

Stuck in a tower, do not ever look down
Grow out your hair past the tall brick walls
Spot a good man, make him rescue your heart
You would be deceived by the family relations

Cleaning the bathroom, making the bed
Sneak out to town, be invited to a dance
"Fairy Godmother, please just give me once chance"
You would be deceived by the loss of one shoe

So waiting, I am waiting for an answer to come
Looking for one man to be the one that I want
A fairy-tale ending is nothing I am after
For I would be deceived by the misinterpretations of the story

On the night on the beach you laughed so hard that you snorted
I knew then that was a laugh I could listen to for my whole life
On the night on the beach you kissed me so hard that I stumbled
I knew then that was a kiss I could get used to feeling for eternity
On the night on the beach you cried ever so softly that I could barely even notice
I knew then that was a type of emotion that I could not get from many men
On the night on the beach you told me you loved me so much you couldn't move on
I knew then that was the level of  love that I couldn't pass up on twice

On a separate night on the beach you held my hand so tightly that I knew something was off
I knew then that was the kind of grip that said "I need you too much that is causing us emotional distress"
On that night at the beach you mentioned that you would die without me
I knew then that was a kind of feeling that compelled me to feel so suffocated
On the night on my bedroom floor you cried so severely that I could not even look at you
I knew then that I was not the type of woman you should be with for the rest of your life
On the night you left you looked at me with a passion so desperate and pleading
And I knew then that I could never look at you again in my whole entire life

I am going to continue to water you even when your thorns stab me
I am going to continue to assist your growth even though your thorns don't want me to touch you
You're going to be the most beautiful thing my garden has ever seen

After all, shots of straight ***** taste better than the thought of you and her