One day I will get married
And one day I will be the most beautiful bride

One day I will be preparing to say my perfectly executed vows
And one day I will be so in love that I will cry

One day I will wear something borrowed
And one day I will wear something blue

One day I will get married
And on that one day I will somehow still be thinking about you

One day I will be ready to walk down a rose lined aisle
And on that one day I will be praying that you will stand up when the priest asks “Does anyone have a reason these two shall not wed”

It didn't happen overnight
In fact I never thought it would even be a possibility
How could it?
There are so many incredible differences among us
It didn't happen the way people say it will
But it happened, and it happened strong
Somewhere between the four hour a day phone calls
Somewhere between becoming each others emergency contact
Somewhere between screaming the wrong lyrics in the car at each other
Somewhere between laughing so hard about birds, we are in tears
It must have happened some time between crying to each other about the hardships we have to face
I mean it had to have happened somewhere along kissing and holding hands in my parking lot at 2 in the morning
Anyways, what I am trying to say is I have some how found myself irrevocably in love with you

I am still so in love with you that it burns a hole through my skin directly to my heart

So irrevocably still in love with you that it creates an effortless stream of mascara stained tears across my rosy cheeks each night

And there's no ******* way to turn that into poetry

So I’m not your cup of tea?

I know, I know
I’m loud
I’m abrasive
I’m bold
I’m not ladylike
I’m too political
I’m too modern of a woman
I’m not maternal
I’m overly comfortable with sexuality
I make jokes like a man
I swear like a sailor
I don’t dab the grease off my pizza
I drink liquor from the bottle
I got some mouth on me, the audacity
I don’t filter my words
I fight when I’m right, or wrong
I push buttons and boundaries
I’m nothing short of a firecracker

So I’m not your cup of tea?
That’s okay
I’d much rather be someone’s shot of tequila, straight, no chaser

Your body is like a road I traveled along when I was a child
Bumpy and all of the twists and turns drive me wild
Your eyes are dark blue like the sky I could not look away from when I was young
Full of stars and I cannot wait to stare into them and find constellations
Your voice is like the wind blowing through the highway fields in Illinois in the midst of spring
So swift and soft, yet could catch the attention of any person perusing through
Your hands are like gravel I fell into when I was learning to ride a bike
Rugged and painful to the touch however I cannot stop touching and yearning for more
Your smile is blinding just like the sun's reflection over Lake Michigan in the summertime
It has left everyone who viewed it enamored by its beauty and coming back for more every possible opportunity
Your demeanor reminds me of my childhood and all of the love I wanted to feel when I was young
Rare and sublime and everlasting

You are a series of red flashing fabrics and I am a Matador thrusting myself into you over and over and over again

I know it is nothing but pain and embarrassment and yet it’s so natural to me to proceed with these actions

You are a red flag I can spot from a mile away glistening your sequins in my face and I cannot stop but ram my face into yours

I know you bring me no satisfaction and I know I will never win against you in these battles and yet it’s so natural for me to hurt myself for you

I’m the one before “the one”
I’m the one that you meet before you get your big break
I’m the one before the one that makes your heart race and your knees shake
I’m the woman you love before you meet your bride
I’m the storm that roughs up the waters and then they reach their perfect calm when I pass
I’m the boom that shakes up your life and makes you realize what you don’t want
I’m the woman you learn to hate because I’m a forest fire that cannot be tamed
So pick me, someone come on and love me so that you can finally meet the love of your life when my storm has passed

Maybe somewhere out there in an alternate universe you fell in love with me
Perhaps in this other universe I was the one, and the only one, not the other one
Alternatively, in this made up universe I was not a naive girl who wanted to believe you could give a **** about me

I wish I could step into this alternate reality and feel what it would be like to be loved by you
To be held by you
To be kissed by you
Simply to be noticed by you

I would give anything to waltz into the room and your eyes be drawn to me first
To be the first name you want to call when you have something important to say
To be the girl who holds up the posters rooting for you in any situation

Maybe one day I won't be the other girl.

Do not fall in love with girls like me

I will stray away and become a recluse and forget your name
But you, you will still feel the poison coursing through your bones that was injected the first time I kissed you
You will still taste the bitterness of my name on the tip of your tongue for years to come
You will still feel the sting of my embrace and my finger tips grazing your thigh long after I have run off
You will hear that one song and remember the haunting melody of my voice whispering to you during our late nights

Girls like me do not start with the intention of being this way
Girls like me dream about love and romance and living together in holy matrimony
But girls like me are full of fear and abandonment issues
"Leave before you get left" plays like an alarm in my mind over and over

Do not fall in love with girls like me, unless you are a *******

The timing is off

That is what I keep telling myself anyway
Maybe we met at the wrong time, wrong place, wrong life time?
Maybe if it was a few years earlier or a few years later things would work in a different manner

The timing is off
But the feelings are on.

we have never even touched hands
we just know each other
we laugh together
we share smiles, and glances for far too long

but i dream about the way ur breath would feel at the nape of my neck
and i think about how fast my heart would beat just sitting on the couch with u
and i even think of how ur kisses would feel like chapped lips but i smile
sometimes i imagine having real conversations with u...


about our pasts
about our goals
about our favorite songs
about our first kiss experience
about our number one desired meals
about our previous pets and current pets
about our views on if aliens exist
about our future with or without each other


but then i remember if any of those things happened i would fall in love with u






and then what would she do?

I have crossed the line
From friends to hiding dark neck kisses
Public displays are uncalled for
Where I stand with you; undefined

You have crossed the line
From friends to talking, up all night
Losing this could **** me
Where I stand with you; undefined

We have crossed the line
From friends to tear-stained bed cloths
A small action, a tragic consequence
Wherever I stand with you; undefined

It’s so weird because you’re someone else’s
You’re not mine
Not in the slightest
And I miss you so much


I want to make you laugh
I want to hear your laugh again

When I die and go begrudgingly into my next life, don’t lie about who I was
Don’t say I lead a life free of sin and was a breath of fresh air to everyone I met
Tell the world I was a strong woman with a foul mouth and I stood up for what I believed
Tell the world that I was mean and unkind to those who were that way to me
Don’t say I was a pure young woman who touched everyone’s hearts
Tell the world I left my mark on the people I met because I was strange and unusual
Tell the world I swore like a sailor and would not be walked all over like an area rug
Don’t say that I was so beautiful and it’s a wonder why I was never married
Tell the world I took up too much space and I stomped on the hearts of men
Tell the world nobody was in love with me as I went on into the afterlife
Don’t say lies about me during my passing
Tell the world I lead a life of surprise and anxiousness and tumultuous self destruction
When I die, tell the world the truth and remember I will feel no shame

And then suddenly one day it hit me;

It didn’t matter how many pennies I tossed into the fountain
It didn’t matter how many times I caught the clock at 11:11
It didn’t matter how many shooting stars I found up in the sky
It didn’t matter how many lady bugs or butterflies landed on my cheeks
It didn’t matter if I found the stray eyelashes that fell out in my palm
And it for **** sure didn’t matter how many times I ended up with the bigger half of the wish bone in my possession

If you didn’t love me back, a wish couldn’t make it happen either

I grew up around strong women
I grew up around unapologetic *******
And you think I should be "more lady like"
And you think I am going to stop swearing and make my way to the kitchen?
And you think I am going to give up my dreams for a man?
And you think I am going to cross my legs and pretend I don't burp?
And you think I am going to keep mum when we discuss politics?
And you think I am going put on a tiny little dress and sky high heels because that is what Y O U want?
And you think I am going to be someone's perfect trophy wife and mother?
I grew up around bad-*** women with foul vocabularies
I grew up around women who climbed their career ladders in unconventional ways and still ended up on top
I grew up around inspirational, take no **** from no man women
And you expect me to be anything less?

I don’t want to write about you anymore
But then again, there’s nobody else who fascinates me like you do

I don’t want to dream about you anymore
But then you remind me of all the little details you remember about me and I can’t breathe

I don’t want to talk to my friends about you anymore
But then I see your sleeves rolled up and I can’t focus on doing the things I need to do today

I don’t want to imagine that our paths crossed at different times anymore
But then I see your eyes meet mine and I can’t imagine you going away without knowing how I feel

I don’t want to keep ranting about you incessantly
But then I see your shy grin and I just lose control of everything I thought I knew

You were depressed so you decided to push away any woman who might love you and your idiosyncrasies after "she" left
I was depressed so I kept clinging on to every man who asked me what my favorite band was after "he" left

You were sad that she moved on so you secretly hated every woman who reminded you of her in the slightest
I was sad that he moved on so I not so secretly tried to make out with  every man who made me laugh

You met a woman who made you smile and made you hopeful and instead of running to her, you ran away
I met a man who made me laugh and made me question my goals and instead of making him love me, I scared him off

You turned your frustration into art
I turned my frustration into alcoholism

You made sure to keep me along for the ride on the thinnest piece of string you could weave together
(after all it feels good to know you have a backup plan)

I made sure to keep paying you the utmost attention and sending you the slightest reminders that I am still there
(after all it feels good to know maybe I could still have a chance)

Maybe you will wake up one day and feel this way too
Maybe you won't
Maybe you will wake up one day and think about my smile first thing
Maybe you won't
Maybe you will wake up one day and all you will hear is my laugh on repeat
Maybe you won't
Maybe you will wake up one day and think about how you wish it was me
But you probably won't