It didn't happen overnight
In fact I never thought it would even be a possibility
How could it?
There are so many incredible differences among us
It didn't happen the way people say it will
But it happened, and it happened strong
Somewhere between the four hour a day phone calls
Somewhere between becoming each others emergency contact
Somewhere between screaming the wrong lyrics in the car at each other
Somewhere between laughing so hard about birds, we are in tears
It must have happened some time between crying to each other about the hardships we have to face
I mean it had to have happened somewhere along kissing and holding hands in my parking lot at 2 in the morning
Anyways, what I am trying to say is I have some how found myself irrevocably in love with you
I am irrevocably in love with you.
This is not a poem.
This is a confession.
This is an outpouring of my heart stings.
I am so in love with you that I needed to get it out on the internet and let the world know.
You possess my whole heart.
Oh dear God, I am so ******* in love with you.
I fall in love ever so quickly
I always have
It happens in an instant, it cuts, it stings and it leaves me with marks
The loves either leave me with an itchy scab that bleeds and peels away after a short period of time
Or the loves leave me with a scar that remains and shows everyone I’ve been a victim of something tragic
But perhaps, maybe just this once, the love will leave me with a scar that’s a reminder that something beautiful and deep has happened to me
Perhaps this time the scar is not a throwback to tragedy, but instead an ode to a future of stoic and life lasting connection
Does anyone know the difference between feeling butterflies and feeling nervous?
Because they’re staring to feel like the same **** thing.
I think I’m in love with you.
I shouldn’t be a mom
There’s no reason i should allow myself to bring children into this world
Children with the same problems that I have
How selfish of me to think and assume I deserve or am worthy of allowing myself to bring someone into this world with my issues?
The anxiety, the depression, the self deprecating thoughts
I wouldn’t be a good mom
How could I look into the eyes of my sons or daughters and know I brought them into this world to feel such immense pain?
What would give me the right to bring children into this hell full of negativity, poverty and intense drama?
I couldn’t be a good mom
How insanely asinine of me to think I should be projecting my problems into my spawn?
What part of my last twenty seven years of life would prompt me to believe I should feel the happiness and pride the mothers and fathers around me feel?
But what if all my honest, true, real self realization would make me the best mom ever?
Here’s the thing about moments; we don’t take the time to appreciate them until they are over
-like that brief second when he pushes your hair away from your face mindlessly while lying down
-like that small amount of time when you’re laughing so hard you’re crying making fun of one another
-like that instant your eyes meet in a crowd full of strangers and you both smile ever so softly
-like that fleeting flash where his hand grips your knee without thought in the car on the way to the grocery store
-like that short minute where he without a care in the world accidentally tells you that he loves you for the first time and you cannot breathe
Love is a series of moments we seemingly take for granted, if only we knew how special those moments were as we were in them
When I think about the future with you I smile about the little things
I think about the late nights on the couch, eating leftover Chinese food and laughing until we cry
I think about the days at the pool, putting sunscreen on your back, and finding your sunglasses for you because you misplace everything
I think about the sunny afternoons, exhausted from the work day, and you're pouring me a drink and telling me you're so ******* proud of me