Nothing hurts when I'm alone,
As I drink the sweet poison
That empties my mind.

How unkind,
This substance can feel
So fresh and fine,
Without a thought to mind.
As I run for fun,
Through streets of unknown,
Not knowing who the ones are
Vibrating my phone,
As they text and call me
To come back home.

A smile creeps on my face,
As i'm restless and dazed,
In a hypnotic haze,
For one can only suffer
The very next day.

But alas,
The day has come,
And I for one
Awoken by a
Frosted memory,
Of one late night,
Turned into a horror sight.

Was I there?

As I meekly glare
At the ones who care,
Standing before me,
Beginning to stare.

I hear silence in the air.

Not one feeling I remember,
Not one feeling I forget.
I wake up in a cold sweat
Of utter guilt and regret.

I woke up to screams from a stolen razor.   
Where is it?  
It was a loud scream.          
The end comes swiftly,
anyway,
and,
if there are no razors around,
it comes even faster.                        
 
At the top of the mountain,
the anger flows to the valley,
and there is no scream.                                  
In the valley, we wait.                
There is a pull from a cigarette.                               
Small talk that is not small talk.                                        
A man wheezes   
A woman wonders where she'll go tomorrow                                          
it comes out as a laugh
                  and lightly in the background plays a song that can only be called the disease of the 80's.                                       
 
We didn't need another.                                     

But, thank you.

the holes in your soul are
filled by the tears that fell
for lessons learned long ago.
the body’s basic desire for healing
creates a hammock for new hearts
craving to become full.  

you stand here, now
cleansed by the fires
of a hell that you didn’t ask for —
burning with the best of us.

it takes
            a special kind of
self loathing
            to reach for a
bottle
            as your eyes are
opening

to begin
            the process of
poisoning yourself
            as darkness
dissipates

blind to the orange
              explosion
the yellow and red hues
              now encapsulating
the sky

the warmth
and radiance of
The Sun
as its rays
blanket my world--

a sensation I willingly
                 betray
a sense of happiness I consciously
                 ignore

as I sit in my
                 dark room

Shot
                 After
Shot

trying to (literally)
d r o w n
my sorrows
that creep up
behind closed eyes
unleashing upon my
mind as lids part

running rather than
                  fighting

choosing to sink
                  when I could be
swimming

The Sun is high
encouraging plants to dance
and animals to wake
and yet I wither
in an enclosed space

my roommate returns
from an overnight shift
to find me

intoxicated
                   inebriated
vomiting
                   in bed

the day is beginning
but my life
                   feels over.

When will I finally see the light?

Faded stains of spilled bourbon
dot the weathered nightstand’s surface
like stars speckle a clear midnight sky
Each commemorates a prop of courage
swigged to help forge another day

Bras, slips, heels and flats
pepper the soiled carpet
reflections of the many
nightly transgressions now
impediments which fleck her soul

Her frontal lobe
harbors distortions
from her past
forgiven by those who know her
forgotten by others

Rain pelts her window
rat-tat, rat-tats against the panes
compulsively splatters the door
flings open her mind
to let today’s downpour
splash away
any trace of her anguish

On my way to rehab
Just one more short day
Till i have to say goodbye
Till i have to go away

Till i have to start a promise
That i know i shouldnt have made.
I promised I'd be better
But that's not as easy as said

I wish it didnt get this bad
I wish that it was better
I wish that I could move on like her
I wish I never m....

No. Thats not true.
I know I'm glad I met you
So I could ****** challenge myself
Trying not to mean that I regret you

And no, I'm not starting over
Consider this a step two
You took my life and ran with it
And I mother ****** let you

I'm glad I couldn't have kept you
Permanent damage, written in red too
I know you're probably sick of me
But I still hope the world will *bless you