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930 · May 2018
Anti-Suicide Letter
Haylin May 2018
Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right?
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live.
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep.
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause.
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide.
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon.
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.
If anyone seeks help and wants to talk, message me privately and we can talk on there or I will give you my number.
900 · Apr 2018
Sex
Haylin Apr 2018
***
There are some places that can't be touched and there are some places that can't be kissed and there are some places that need to be kissed and some of those places haven't been discovered. I'm a handbook. *** is like drivers ed. Am I crying, or shaking from pleasure? *****. Sometimes hands are there that aren't really. Sometimes fare fine linen fingers feel like brown bony paws that don't listen to "let go".
**** me. Even when my eyes get glossy and you're wondering if I'm still there. I'm there. Grab me. *** isn't always this way.

Sometimes I'm in charge, but it isn't freaky. Don't call me a freak, call me lovely. I can **** **** ****, but don't whisper that it's *****; it isn't "*****". Sweating and running make-up. Heavy breathing. Wheres my body, wheres my mind? Don't call it nasty. It's not "nasty". Grabbing, groping, grinding; it isn't lewd. Don't call me a ****.
Touch me and remind me that I'm pleasing. Touch me and remind me that there's only me. Touch me and enjoy it. Enjoy me.
I want the lights on. I want the lights off. I want you you you.

*** isn't always this way; sometimes I'm in charge.
This is not me. I just thought of this
894 · May 2018
I Had a Dream
Haylin May 2018
I had a dream
you were there
right beside me
spooning
cuddled up close
I rolled over
as I awoke
and you
disappeared
Haylin Jun 2018
If you want to find me,
You know I am easily found.
Watching sunsets,
Sitting at the hideaway,
With the ocean breeze.
Under turquoise skies,
Exploring Lanikai,
Kaena on North Side.
Out here by the sea,
And in forests,
Running along wild things,
Along mountain edges,
Roaming free.
876 · Nov 2018
Insomnia’s a Dick
Haylin Nov 2018
Shadows dance upon the walls
The clocks incessant tick
Why am I awake right now?
Because insomnia’s a ****
Why am I awake zzzzz
859 · Aug 2018
Educating the Youth
Haylin Aug 2018
Don't tell me
what you learned in school
was useless

because
every day
you:

count
the number of likes
you got on your selfie
to figure out the value
of your beauty,

write
perfectly formed tweets
to exude creativity and wit
you wish you
actually possessed,

read
status updates
from former friends
who always seem
to be doing something
exciting,

become curious
about the lives
of people
you've never met,
and

question
why you waste
your time
comparing yourself
to carefully crafted personalities
that exist only
for Internet audiences
they would otherwise
be too afraid
to address.

Don't tell me
what you learned in school
was useless.
856 · Oct 2021
Loving You
Haylin Oct 2021
Loving you...
Is like acid;
I know I will get addicted,
But I can't help but ingest it.

Loving you...
Is like colors;
It has many shades with millions of layers,
To peel back and watch its beauty emerge.

Loving you...
Can not be described using all the words and phrases in the English language.
They know who they are
819 · May 2019
Nothing but Calm
Haylin May 2019
You know that feeling
When everything around you
Is just spinning,
Pounding,
Bringing total chaos?

But somehow you feel nothing at all.
Not scared about being shot at.
Not being scared that a car is about to hit you.
Not being scared that the freshman that you just shoved out of your way will come and hurt you.

You just stand there,
Watching the bullets fly at you.
Watching the headlights on the car come straight at you.
Walking away but turning around to make sure he isn't running after you.
Just waiting to see what will happen next.

That feeling you have when all that chaos is happening,
That my friend is called calm.
800 · Jun 2018
School is out
Haylin Jun 2018
I survived my freshman year
I'm now a sophomore
But I want the school year to be here
I miss school
I have 82 days left of hell

~6/14/18
784 · Dec 2018
when being a boy
Haylin Dec 2018
when you're born a girl.
But don't feel like one.
When you are forced to go swimming and expose your body.
The one that causes all the pain and dysphoria.
Oh how much it ***** having boys staring at your *****.
When you want to be one of them.
776 · Sep 2020
Dear Ex-boyfriend,
Haylin Sep 2020
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry you had to go.
It wasn't fair, but I understand.
Your happiness was just as important to me
as my own.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I hope you're doing well.
Never will I wish ill upon you,
no matter how much I wish I hate you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm crying on the floor.
My sadness is a black hole trying to **** me into myself.
I miss you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm wearing the makeup that you hated.
*******.
I do what I want.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
You gave me hope that you would come back to me.
Don't.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I realized that I never needed you to love me.
I realized that I was right here to do it for you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I look back fondly on our time together.
I will always love you.
But you left, and please never look back.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
One day you'll find a girl better than me.
I hope she makes you happy.
Its been 9 months since we broke up. When he broke up he was straight and mono. Now he's pansexual and poly.
774 · Feb 2020
Lips
Haylin Feb 2020
Your lips.
They're really pink-red,
Kissable.
Bite your lips,
Give me those eyes.
Place your hands upon my hips.
You know what to do
738 · Nov 2018
Suicide; the answer
Haylin Nov 2018
To all the goodbyes
I say goodnight
To everyone that dies
I hope it's bright

To everyone;
With a razor
Hand of pills
Tied rope
Dangling keys
Extreme hight below
Finger over a light trigger
Electricity at hand
Open propane tank
Empty plate, with full glass

Stop, think about who you're leaving behind
I know my words aren't going to stop you, but just read
Did you bother to write and leave a note?
Is it worth it then?
Saying you're sorry, knowing you'll leave someone behind?
Stop. Think about why you're doing it
Do you have nobody?
Think about your opportunities that'll fly past
The chance of ever meeting someone?
Did you lose someone?
Think about if you'll actually see them again?
Being bullied?
Fight back, with whatever you have
Life shoved you down?
No, I'm not asking you to get up!
I'm telling you to get your *** into a nap
Think about all the possibilities that might not be
Think of all the opportunities and people in the future
Think of your legacy
Think of anything except the pain
Now balance the pain and everything else
Want to jump? Skyfall
Want to shoot? Paintball and games
Want to hang? Bungee
Want to overdose? Take 10% of it and party
Suffocate in propane gas, or blow up? Cook a nice meal, invite a friend or family. Surround yourself. No friends and family? Find a friend, build a family. Make space cakes
Want to speed wrong side of the road? Speed on the right side of the road and get carried with the wind, do it over again
Want to cut yourself? Cut off the pain and wrong influences
Electricute yourself? Rather save electricity and watch a good movie with friends or family. Have none? Watch a movie alone, play a game online. Make friends, build a family
Want to starve yourself so you can get drunker and finally forget it all, when your liver gives in? Eat a lot more, blow off some steam at the gym and build a body that girls/guys would like, attract them and make new friends. Drink with friends.

I've done and tried all these things and it never worked out
Life had a pleasent surprise and yet I'm depressed and yet I'm suicidal, but I push through. I know you can too!
Push through to that wedding day, or in my case the day I see my Suzuki GSX-R 750 K8 and take my first ride. Create new dreams if the old ones died. Work hard for them. Achieve something
"At least leave a ******* legacy behind" is what my bestfriend, Steph used to say
"You can get out of this alive, but maybe a little ****** up, but anything damaged can be repaired" My bestfriend Josh used to say
"Life can carry you away without what you thought you needed" my bestfriend Divene used to say

Even more quotes from people I've lost in my life, so I ask you just think about it all
Still going through with it? Remember it's a one way ticket
Need some extra help?
269-281-8555
Message me and we'll work through this
I'm suicidal myself. Been for a long time. Just speak to me. Speak to someone. Let's fix this ****
721 · Jan 2019
Explaining Nothing
Haylin Jan 2019
As you can see,
I've never been a prodigy.
Always unimpressive, apparently.
Stressing is an everyday thing.
But you wouldn't care,
You're just so unaware.
Depression has me ensnared,
But you couldn't handle my despair.
So keep your eyes closed.
And I'll do the same.
The things I think about are completely insane,
I wish the good times would never change.
But this isn't my dreamland.
It's a place where I don't want to stand.
Depression is the ocean,
Anxiety is the sand,
And I'm somewhere floating in between it all.
691 · Nov 2018
Just a Cut
Haylin Nov 2018
Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was just the cat"

Just an excuse
Just another lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"

Just a tear
Just a scream
"Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream"

But it's not just a cut
Or a tear or a lie
It' always 'just one more'
Until you die
685 · Dec 2018
Pretty
Haylin Dec 2018
I hate the word pretty.
Every time I hear it
it's a reminder that I am
a girl.

Girls are great
and there's nothing
wrong with them,
it's just that I'm not one.

I've been stuck
in this body
looking at someone who
I no longer recognize
for so long.

I want to be handsome and cute,
not pretty.

I at least deserve something better than
pretty.
I'm genderfluid, so sometimes I'm a girl. But I don't like being called pretty
680 · Nov 2018
Addiction
Haylin Nov 2018
Addictions are like *******
Everyone has one, and they usually stink
Smoke
Shoot
Snort
whatever you need to get you through
but...
What about when its not drugs?
How does she disclose
When her scars itch
When she's twitching
Scratching
Looking for something
what is it
what is it
what is it
what is it
where is it
where where where....
Her mind races
Her scars burn hot
Hot enough to burn her shorts
Hotter than her tears
There
Under the board on her stand
Shiny and stolen
Mechanical pencils are better anyway
She mutters to herself
Up goes her shorts
Up goes her sleeves
1
2
3
4
5
Dont count, make them even
In a line
Not like that
Her sister gets clean
She's left in limbo
How could she justify
How could she seek help
When she does it to herself
When it wont make her *****
When it wont make her seize
Addictions, everyone has one
For her, there's a relapse on the way
who knew self harm was addictive
657 · Dec 2018
They say life is good
Haylin Dec 2018
They say life is good
But I don't believe it.

What is good
In millions of people dying every year

What is good
In global warming

What is good
In school shootings

What is good
In floods, earthquakes, tsunamis

What is good
In being diagnosed with a chronic illness

What is good
In divorce

What is good
In your home being destroyed by a fire

Maybe there is no good
Maybe they're just lying.
643 · Mar 2018
Shut Up
Haylin Mar 2018
Would it be nice if people would shut up
There would be a lot less noise pollution
If people would shut up
We could work

But no
You think your life is more important
And want the world to hear you
Just shut up
Some people just want some peace and quiet
I want some peace and quiet

Just learn to shut up
Be quiet
And keep your mouth shut

Oh, and as I said
Learn to SHUT UP!!!
I made this out of thought of my school
631 · Dec 2018
Social Media
Haylin Dec 2018
Facebook gave us a new look
Addicted to reading people's lives
Forgetting that we have ours to problematize

Messenger connected us to strangers
Being indulged in chatting with them
Dis-remembering those people,
People that are not virtual,
People that you have to catch up to

Twitter lets it all out,
Our problems, our thoughts, our whines, our woes
But while using twitter, you overlooked those around you
Those who're willing to listen to you
Those who can actually help you

Instagram lets us share photos with our loved ones
Photos where everyone looked delighted and felicitous
Photos that are pretentious
Only on photos do they seem happy
But in real life, they're constantly neglecting,
Neglecting and taking each other for granted

Why do we let social media measure our worth?
Is it really worthy?
Is it really that worthy to be connected to those who are far from you,
While sacrificing those people you love who are near you?
625 · Aug 2018
Social Media
Haylin Aug 2018
Almost asleep when my phone ticked;
'A notification,' it says.
Your name was there, you liked my photo.
And my stomach drowned in butterflies--
Scratch that--moths, surely they're moths.
Stronger, buzzier, like your power
To occupy and stay in my brain
With that single heart emoji beside your name.
Thinking that the double tap
Is as if you love me just the same.
Haylin Dec 2018
I’m sorry
if I
wasn’t
the daughter
you had
in mind.


- I only ever wanted to make you proud
606 · Dec 2023
I'm Here
Haylin Dec 2023
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you've had to endure. It's understandable that the fear and pain you felt at a young age would have a lasting impact on you. It takes a lot of strength to trust yourself and listen to your inner voice when those around you have caused you harm. And it's not easy to carry the weight of grief and brokenness within you.

But I'm glad to hear that you found solace in words and were able to use them as a tool for healing. It's amazing how writing can help us connect with ourselves and the world around us. It's inspiring to see that you were able to break down some of those protective walls and allow yourself to live in the present moment.

I want you to know that you're not alone and that it's okay to feel vulnerable and fragile sometimes. You are brave and resilient for continuing to listen to your heart and your inner voice, even when it's hard. And I hope that you continue to find ways to express yourself and connect with the world in meaningful ways.
558 · May 2018
SOCIETY!
Haylin May 2018
Welcome to our society.
Where the teens are depressed,
And the students are stressed..
Where people will hate you,
For what you wear and your weight..
Where there's only *** no hugs,
And there is no candy just drugs..
Where we cut form an escape,
And the parents beat and ****...
Where laws forbid people of  being gay,
And everything is weary and grey...
So I hope you enjoy your visit with society,
Just try not to get depressed and anxiety..........
552 · Apr 2018
Teen
Haylin Apr 2018
Converse shoes and sometimes vans.
Most of them aren't worn up because there's always new ones.

Skinny jeans and crop tops.
Whoever understood these shrinking styles?
This generation of despair and confusion.

Teens who look up to eachother more than their family.
Teens who find satisfaction on the side of a sharpener's razor or the end of a cigarette.
Teens who live in their young lives more than their parents ever did.

We're seeing chaos and ****** of little children.
Wars in countries that hates eachother.
The oxygen thats thinning right in front of our faces.
And how much poison being thrown at us, brainwashing youths and toddlers.
Making them miserable without them being aware of it.

But this is the generation that knows the power of loving eachother.
The generation that uses that power to stay alive.

We're living on the edge.
We're seeing what the world is becoming.
And we are the only hope, to get **** back on track.
Hell even adults say that.
551 · Feb 2019
Succubus
Haylin Feb 2019
Her fingers trail my arm with cold calculation,

her laughter as sweet as the deadliest sin.

She looks into my eyes with nothing but determination,

bites my lip and gives a sigh.

She takes what she wants without hesitation,

weaving her magic into the air.

At last, I am told that my time is over,

she ***** my soul out without a care.
548 · Oct 2018
Flaws
Haylin Oct 2018
We all have flaws,it just takes a while to realize them.
Some people will hate your flaws,
I know how that feels.

But if you’re lucky like me,
that’s the reason they love you.
You could have all these flaws,
but they will still love you
because our flaws make us who we are.
543 · Apr 2018
First Love
Haylin Apr 2018
It happened in Physics,
reading a Library art book under the desk,
(the lesson was Archimedes in the bath)
I turned a page and fell
for an older man, and anonymous at that,
hardly ideal –
he was four hundred and forty-five,
I was fourteen.
‘Eureka!’ streaked each thought
(I prayed no-one would hear)
and Paradise all term
was page 179
(I prayed no-one would guess).
Of course
my fingers, sticky with toffee and bliss,
failed to entice him from his century;
his cool grey stare
fastened me firmly in mine.
I got six overdues,
suspension of borrowing rights
and a D in Physics.
But had by heart what Archimedes proves.
Ten years later I married:
a European with cool grey eyes,
a moustache,
pigskin gloves.
534 · May 2018
"I'm Fine"
Haylin May 2018
when did fine come to mean depressed, anxious, scared, suicidal, desperate, self-conscious?
when did we start to lie?

"I'm fine," she says, as her stomach gnaws away at her insides, growling for food

"I'm fine," he says, as he pulls the sleeves of his sweater down over his blood-stained wrists

"I'm fine," she says, after purging all of her dinner

"I'm fine," he says, when the anxiety gets so bad that he can't breathe right

"I'm fine," they say, as they write their last goodbye,
one last lie.
529 · Jan 2019
A Knight's Tale
Haylin Jan 2019
My knight does not need to be
in shining armor,
nor blessed with prestige
or countless honor.

It only needs to be you,
someone who could wield
a sword, respectable enough
to be able to strike a heart of gold.
529 · May 2018
This Will Kill Me
Haylin May 2018
Wait... Don't leave, please; come back to me
I've been getting into drugs and other things
I am fearful for my own well being...
But these actions I am taking hold of
Keep my mind off from what's truly going on,
I'm not sure that I'll ever really stop...
Haylin Dec 2018
if i had only one wish, i would wish to be with you forever
Haylin Sep 2018
Step 1:
Realize that winning at life does not mean that you beat others, but rather that you beat life itself. Realize that the only thing holding you back is life's grip on you that convinces you that you can't beat it. Break free of it. You're not seized by death, but by life.

Step 2:
Take care of yourself. Self-care is the most important, specifically the hard stuff. Clean your house, one room at a time. Shower, brush your hair and teeth, go for a walk outside, exercise, cook proper meals. You're not helping yourself at all by doing things you already do and enjoy. If you don't change yourself then the world won't change around you. Better yourself and everything else will follow closely in your wake.

Step 3:
Accept that happiness is a reward and not a gift. Accept that happiness is fleeting and you will have to continue to work for it if you want to keep getting it.

Step 4:
Listen to music you enjoy. Listen to music that matches your mood. Listen to music that inspires you. Trust me, it's important and you'll even enjoy it.

Step 5:
Be mature, but never grow up. Remember how to be a kid, but keep in mind that you have to be an adult sometimes. If you can decipher when each are appropriate then life will be significantly easier.

Step 6:
Get over it. It's harsh, but it's true. If you keep dwelling on things that happened in the past and are irreversible then how will you find the time to make sure the future turns out better?

Step 7:
Remember that you have plenty of time left, but that you have much control over how plenty. Remember you were born with enough time to do everything you want, but if you waste it then you'll lose it and can never get it back. Remember that if you enjoyed wasting the time then the time wasn't wasted and that you will die eventually.

Step 8:
Acknowledge that forgiveness is not a requirement. You do not have to forgive anyone who has hurt you, but people say it's nice.

Step 9:
Remind yourself that your health is more important than others' comfort. If someone feels better at your expense then they need to stop. Take care of yourself first, other people have their own coping mechanisms and they will get over it. You are your priority, no matter what.

Step 10:
Never forget that all problems have solutions. If you feel stuck, think. You'll eventually realize you know how to solve all of your problems. Never forget that solutions might not solve every problem at once, and you need to pick what's most important and what can be saved for later.

Step 11:
Accept that the future might be worse. Especially if you're in an environment you don't have full control over, things out of your hands could change for the worse. Accept that you can change most things however, and you can decide when things get better.

Step 12:
Know that there will come a time when you'll be forgotten forever and that will be so freeing. After you die, someone will think about you for the very last time and you'll be truly free. Nothing you do in life will last forever and soon everyone will have forgotten you ever existed, and it will be good.

Step 13:
Don't be superstitious. You'll worry more than you already do.

Step 14:
Realize that you won't ever get a positive answer unless you ask. No one will tell you yes unless you express that that's what you want to hear.

Step 15:
Listen to your doctors. Take your medications. Do your exercises. They studies for many years to tell you how to not die, listen to them. I promise they know more about how to help you than a random article online with no sources of sustenance.

Step 16:
Trust your gut. If you even stop to seriously consider something, it's probably at least a little bit true. If something is wrong, you will know it. You also know when that opinion is yours, or the one you've been tricked into believing is yours.

Step 17:
Think about the past. In moderation. Realize that the past is only as good as you remember it, and if you think it's better than the present then you will grow to despise the present. Realize that even if the past was better, you cannot go back and it passed for a reason.

Step 18:
Don't get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason. Unless everything was a misunderstanding, in which case maybe. Even if you look back on your break up and think the reasons were foolish, remember that they hurt someone enough for you to break up. That will permanently damage your relationship, even if you try your hardest to fix everything.

Step 19:
Realize that you don't need to take advise from a random sixteen year old over the internet. Realize you can and should disregard any previous steps if you disagree.

Step 20:
Die knowing you lived.
504 · Jan 2019
Dear God of Study
Haylin Jan 2019
Dear God of Study,
I put my brain in your hands
Help me pass all my exams!

I'll be good all year round,
help my GPA from crashing on the ground.

All I need is a curvy C,
because that's what'll get me my degree.

Help.
502 · Jun 2018
I'll Never Forget
Haylin Jun 2018
4/3/18 - Started dating my boyfriend
2/5/09 - The day I lost my best friend (Grandpa)
9/16/17 - The day my dad and step mom got married
7/16/18 @ 3:35pm - The day I might lose my other best friend
495 · Sep 2019
America Anymore
Haylin Sep 2019
We have many ideas,
but we do not seem to have idealists anymore.

We have droves of problem solvers,
but we do not seem to have solutions anymore.

We have endless media discourse,
but we do not seem to have dialogue anymore.

We have unrestrained capitalism,
but we do not seem to have money anymore.

We have innumerable drugs,
but we do not seem to have treatment anymore.

We have scores of Baby Boomers,
but we do not seem to have elders anymore.

We have unlimited vacation days,
but we do not seem to have days off anymore.

We have incalculable amounts of information,
but we do not seem to have facts anymore.

We have regular, established elections,
but we do not seem to have elected officials anymore.

We have America,
but we do not seem to have a nation anymore
Haylin Aug 2018
I despise social media.
It's ugly, to state the obvious
Our lives are posted, re-tweeted, altered, re-blogged, perfected, and photo shopped to exactly how we want to be perceived
We have the freedom to be exactly what they want us to be.

It starts with a few edits doesn't it,
pigmented our skin to seem smooth and sun kissed,
that would seem most acceptable right?
Maybe an extra like for the skinnier waist.
More reassurance for brighter colors.
Some more filters will hid the emptiness you feel with your friends
   Another like
Flashier clothing, phones, shoes, cars, other simple words our eyes have latched on to
     Another like
We urge ourselves to portray the life of leisure and effortless beauty, happiness, success,
       Another like
But what are we enjoying?
         Another like
Views of our changing world through a 3 by 8 view.
           Another like
Events pass by swipe
             Another like
and swipe
               Another like

And when we managed to unlock ourselves from this grasp
We always come back
Like flies to light, more like scratches to a scab
Festering we find ourselves getting ****** back in
To an imaginary world, that if destroyed, would have no physical effects on their fictional beings
For without this world, maybe eyes will open
We will step past the boundaries,
and start to love our beings
unfiltered
489 · May 2019
Chemistry
Haylin May 2019
We press our bodies together
Forcing separate atoms to form one
Of a new breed,
But it will never be achieved
We don’t bond
Just periodically breathe.
489 · Jul 2019
Where I Call Home
Haylin Jul 2019
I step through the door
of the place which feels
more like home than my house

My ears fill
with sounds of drumsticks on drums
mallets on marimbas

My eyes fall upon flutes, clarinets
trumpets and tubas

I look up at my family
none of which are related to me
yet they
make
this
place
home.
I just joined band this year and it's only been 6 days and I already feel at home.
488 · Jun 2019
An Exam
Haylin Jun 2019
Life is just a long exam

Some pass

But most fail
482 · Aug 2019
Band
Haylin Aug 2019
That feeling you get
When you finish the show
Before anyone starts clapping.

That feeling of breathlessness and accomplishment all at the same moment.

That my friend, is what we march for.
I just finished band camp 2 weeks ago and tonight we just had our first rehearsal and I've got to say, this has been the best time of my life. I love these people and I can't wait to spend the next 2 years with them
480 · Mar 2019
Names
Haylin Mar 2019
in my small town
last names mean everything & being a good kid means nothing
477 · Oct 2018
Father
Haylin Oct 2018
My father's voice was like a bomb
when he was clothed in anger
His words were driven by stress and pain
and he loved that pain like no other

In the wake of his wrath
grew flowers of sorrow
I felt my innocence die
and my maturity grow

I am my father's daughter
and I carry this fear
That I'll be a bomb like him
in the upcoming years
473 · Feb 2019
My Succubus
Haylin Feb 2019
I don't feel the want, to talk too much
her touch and eyes say more
every stroke, tender kiss
reaches, to my core

A subtle caress of motion
an embrace of words, pure art
statuary built from scratch
moving in my mind, and heart

So don't stop, or pause
on the path, of silent need
hand in hand, we'll wander on
and on each other, feed
457 · Apr 2018
DISAPPOINTMENT
Haylin Apr 2018
During every stage of life
I am a failure
Stupid,stuttering child
Always messing up
Probably never going to succeed
Pointless to try anymore
Over life as it is
In a dark place
Never anybody's first choice
Totally incompetent
Miserable
Exiting stage left
Nobody cares
Time to quit.
Haylin Jun 2019
We come before you Almighty God,
Policeman, Fireman, and EMT
to say a prayer before we go
Our ways to each his own Duty

Together now we've come to pray
In case we forget to
During our busy day

The Policeman steps forth,
“Dear God above
Keep us save
and also those we love.

We pray for your unending favor
that we never need use
the rounds we chamber

Our Vests that we wear
for our own protection
please keep 'em bulletproof
and our safety never question”

The Fireman steps up and then takes a knee
“Dear God above I need you now
I know you're always watching me

In the Fires of our Hell
or on the highway to there
Please keep us from hurt
and not singe a single hair

Give us the strength to lift a wall
or tenderness to pick up a tiny child
give us peace when others are losing it
and peace if the scene starts getting wild”

The EMT takes his stand
“God I guess it's my turn
Not really safety out there
or the protection from a burn

But rather Lord I need your help
let me make the right decision
on every patient that I care for
Their lives in my hands I've been given”

Then all Three stand together
with their heads, all bowed low
Dear God above, to all of us
please your mercy would you endow

Keep us safe and bring us home
to our wives and our children
And each time the truck roles out
let it come back safely to it's building
Haylin May 2018
People that don't self harm
Don't seem to understand it.
But I don't expect them to.

First, it hurts, A LOT.
It hurts when you first do it
And it hurts the next day.
It hurts when your long sleeves rub against it
And it hurts when you look at what you did.

Next, cuts bleed, A LOT.
At first they don't bleed,
You start cutting deeper,
Then they bleed, a lot.
It doesn't stop bleeding.

Please don't tell me to just stop.
I can't just stop.
It's so addicting.
Even though I want to stop,
I can't.

It starts out as you control it,
But then it ends up controlling you.
You want to wear short sleeves?
Think again, you can't.
You want to go swimming with friends?
Oh yeah, they'll probably think you're crazy.

Every time you do it one more time,
It becomes more and more addicting.
Just one more you think, but no.
This is the last time, but it's not.
You can't just stop.

I don't mean to hurt the people around me.
In that moment, all I can think about is
Hurting myself.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone else
While I'm hurting myself.
456 · Nov 2018
3am
Haylin Nov 2018
3am
They say if you’re awake at 3am, you’re either inlove or broken.
I say it’s neither.
Perhaps it is the silent space between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all.
The indiscernible sentiments of someone who has been long lost and is yet to be found.
A soul that is neither gleeful nor wretched;
And instead waiting to feel, pondering on certain circumstances,
Or probably continually yearning for a type of serenity that time could still not dare to give.
453 · Jan 2019
School
Haylin Jan 2019
They said
Don’t wear leggings
Or a shirt that shows your cleavage
Because you need to be covered up
You’re a distraction

They said
Don’t use your period as an excuse
For male teachers to let you go to the bathroom
Because you’re not fooling anybody

They said
Don’t shave your head
Boys can
You can’t and don’t
And won’t because we’ll suspend you

They said
Watch the length of your skirt
The color of your hair
The shoes and makeup
The piercings
And they call that fair

They said
Come to us if something is wrong
if you’re feeling bullied
if you feel unsafe
I guess they don’t remember asking my friend and I
if we heard of anyone in our year with suicidal tendencies
They asked us because
We were the sensible ones
The bright ones
We couldn't have been depressed.
I guess they didn’t see my panic
and my hand squeezing my wrist.


Because school
Is not a place
Where you can express who you are
School is not the place where you feel safe
It's a battleground on the outside of your comfort zone.

School isn’t about education
Its a challenge, competition
Its a measurement of your capabilities  

But what if you don't excel?
You’re called out for not being good enough
You're humiliated. Mocked.

You get looked down on
Judged
Embarrassed
And you don’t get your
Degree

As if a degree explains who you are
What you’ve been through
How much you’re worth

As if a degree
Measures the capacity
Of your heart
And your knowledge

And a teacher can share your grade
Make a joke and smirk
Cause they think you’re not worth it

And they can laugh and yell and call your parents
Who don’t think you’re any better.

Because year after year they’ve been led to believe
that you’re easily distracted
that you don’t do what you’re told
that you’re rebellious

Because even if you showed respect to the hypocrisy
That you can't help but notice,
They still won’t understand that you're just fighting
for what you believe is right, for mutual respect.

Because that’s not what you were thought.
You were thought to raise your hand when you want to speak.
And even if you made a valid point
You would still get lectured on putting your hand up when you want to speak.
Discipline put first.

**And that is my definition of school
449 · Aug 2018
#hashtag
Haylin Aug 2018
Hashtag my soul away, so many can see it
I’m waving my hands saying hey look at me
Posting pics, statuses and videos
Can’t do it quietly
I want them all to See
Envy me and make me their fantasy
A few likes on this post is not enough
I deserve to get liked like I’m roylaty
adore me while you stare at the pictures
I spent hours cropping, adding more filters to guard my insecurities
Before I hashtag it, I dress it with perfection
Cut out any ugliness, clean up the mess
Show the world purity
because if they see the negative
their words will expose my insecurities
Behind this screen I found a secured me
That is the side I only want them to see
So I hashtag popular tags so they can all see
The better side of me
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