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Cole May 20
I've been hiding myself for so long
I almost forgot who I was.
I've closed off my light
To please others,
But I was never happy
Being that perfect little girl

I am not.
Your terms do not define me.
Girl. Boy. Non-binary.
Who cares what I am?
I am anything.
I will not remain that

I am far beyond what you have told me to be.
I don't owe you androgyny.
I could become the embodiment of femininity on the surface.
But my core will never meet a binary.
I could flatten my chest, to mimic a man's.
But no binary can accurately define me.
The beauty of traversing this gender spectrum--
To play with every colour of the rainbow.

To me there is no deeper joy,
Than being something
That can be anything.
You cannot frame the oceans waves.
Forever changing,
vibrant blue -- ever-changing into deeper shades of understanding.
A never changing struggle between the sand and the water.
I am the ocean -- blue.
How am I supposed to react
When inside my own body
I feel so trapped

I'm expected to be what I present
But that doesn't reflect me
And this person you see, I've began to resent

Her pronouns don't feel like mine
And they haven't for a while
But changing them has helped over time

Sometimes it feels okay
Others I can't take it
Because how I feel changes day to day

The girl you see who wears the skirts
Who wears makeup to be confident
Isn't a girl at all, and feels like dirt

When you call me beautiful
I don't know how to feel
It feels so unusual

My body doesn't feel like mine
It belongs to a woman
If it didn't maybe I'd feel fine

My clothes don't reflect me
Neither does my makeup
This isn't who I want to be

I'm scared I'll never look neutral
Maybe you'll always see a girl
It just feels so brutal

The person you raised
Isn't who I grew into
I'm a new person today

I've never came out
But it's because I'm still so unsure
And if I told you you'd feel doubt

You raised a girl
Not someone doesn't feel right
A child who'd grow to wear dresses and pearls

I was always your princess
Never your prince or neither
But I've never felt secure in a dress

I'll never feel feminine
Not how you perceive it
But how I feel it is relevant

The tiara never fit my head quite right
And the long hair felt wrong
I wish I could change overnight

One day you'll know
I'll explain it all to you
But until then, I'll continue to grow
caz Feb 24
the human race:

divided between male, female, neither

yet why do i not identify as either?

instead i am a combination of all,




the sight of myself in my mirror makes me want to puke.




undeniably, irrevocably,


"you're so pretty!"

the thought makes my skin crawl.

she, her, hers,

never fit me at all.

maybe i could be male,

yet that does not feel right either.

he, him, his,

makes the skin on my bones fit a little bit better.

maybe i could be neither?

yet that still does not feel quite right.

they, them, theirs,

about as fitting as an overgrown sweater.

i identify with all of them,

but all at different times.

makes me feel better,

knowing that i'm not a new find.
wrote this on a particularly dysphoric day. hope you enjoy it! :)
You tell me I'm one thing,
But really you're just afraid that I'm something
You believe everyone is one or the other,
But whats the beauty in that?
Maybe one day I'm
The next I'm
Then the day after I'm
Don't suppress me for being
I am undefinable
Natalia Dec 2020
What I thought would be easy
Turned out to be a trial.
I lay curled up feeling queasy.

Frustration, anger. A strong stance.
Is it denial in their faces?
Am I to give another chance?

But as I gaze into your eyes
Those soft, warm orbs bring light,
A fresh breath. I realise.

I shall conform no more
That young girl is gone,
This will not be like before.

Dead is the binary
The girl in the mirror, gone.
Now I see myself. Finally.

Societal chains bear me down
Some days I give in.
Allow myself to drown

In your norms
Your dead ways.
This strange form

Will never fit in,
I quickly realise
No matter the colour of skin.

Yet I gaze in the mirror,
I see myself, finally.
The world looks clearer.
Pt 2 of  Your Binary
Natalia Dec 2020
******* and your binary
It's always been there
But never fit me.

I was made to confirm
Yet it was never taught.

Through bruises, cuts and tears
Layers upon layers of guilt.
Endless starry nights.

In candlelight and incense,
Discovery was made.
It was built this way.

Tears streaming down our eyes,
You still question our surprise.
******* and your binary

To be queer is to be beautiful.
You may choose to look away.
They, he, she, ve. Me.

******* and your binary.
There was no rhythm to this as I was writing it, but it is so satisfying to read aloud. Pt 1 of 2.
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