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My heart began to tick away time
Like fingernails to a table
Running out the clock on our relationship
Running out the excuses in my brain

I became so good at weaving lies,
I kept myself warm even when your arms were far.
When a person freezes to death,
They take off their clothes
in a phenomenon known as paradoxical *******.
Taking off my
lies
excuses
folly that you're good for me
was the hardest part of
learning where we were.
In letting go.
In death.
If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.

Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.

He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.

I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.

Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.

"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?
Lily Jan 30
The things he said hurt her terribly,
His words cut like knives,
But she wasn't allowed to scream
Because then people would see what was happening,
And they would know how terrible he was.  
No punches were thrown, no slaps were
Necessary to bruise her heart.  
Now with every beat her heart grows weaker.  
Her mind weakens with it thinking,
“What if he says it again, what if he hurts me again?  
What if it turns physical?”
She doesn't trust him, doesn't love him
The same way she used to.  
Her heart is damaged, and his words now have
Done too much damage for him to fix it.  
So she must find another, one who has
The capability of fixing her heart without hurting it more, someone with the true skills of a surgeon.  
She finds him, and grows to love him,
This one who has mended and enhanced her heart
In ways she cannot explain, but
She is not destined to be with him,
As her lover drags her back to the
Dark recesses of her mind where
She grows to hate herself because of his hurtful words.  
She prays that one day that
She will have the courage to break out of the cycle
And keep her heart intact and whole;
The way it was supposed to be.
A thought to all of those caught in an abusive relationship; you don't deserve this, and things will get better, but sometimes it's hard to find the courage to let go.  I believe in you <3
Bettlejuice Jan 18
Calling out my name,
Get that word out of your brain.

Turn crystalline,
opaque with time.

Litter me with your lies,
I’m so done with you this time.

Litter me with your thoughts of me,
Tear me down with your hypocrisy.

All you think of is your lies,
That you tell yourself to get by.

Not on my name one more time,

Hate me when I leave you alone.

Call me selfish,
Even though we both know you are.

You couldn’t even be nice to me,
All you did was beguile me.

Judge me with your hateful eyes.

Misunderstand me one more time.

I won’t be there the next rhyme.

I don’t know what you tell yourself this time.

When I leave the door locked,

While your on the outside.

Not even a chance to say goodbye
Release from past pain.
hollow Dec 2018
I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.
notice the signs. the eyes don't lie.
ashton Dec 2018
you were the moon,
and i, the tide.
you hauled me in,
only to set me loose again.
"i'm sorry, i love you"
bruises from the impact litter my spine, my ribs.
"forgive me"
the words emerge from your coarse lips,
begging me to overlook the torment.
"it won't happen again"
i try to escape, to fly away,
but the arduous grip of your hand keeps me on the ground,
cemented with a scar to show for it.
and as i stare at you, the fury burning in your eyes,
it's now me repeating those same words.
**trigger warning
Samira M Nov 2018
Do you need me, in the lonely hours of the night?
Let my love consume you, and your soul will be at ease.
With the a swift touch, the feeling of your affection, I beg of you, don’t be a tease.
As I lie awake and think of you at night,
I feel fine, everything’s alright.
Your touch makes me feel like the only girl in the world,
I know that’s not true, you’ve got your way around,
putting the other girls’ minds in a whirl.
I get excited when you come to my window at night, to see your eyes gleaming in the moonlight.
But your breath reeks of *** Spice, i’m gasping for air as your hands around my neck grow tight.
  
Your words that hurt me are forgotten as I feel your kiss against my neck.
The sensation you give me, makes me feel like I can fly,
But the days your hands find their way arond my neck, all I want to is die.
I know you love me, I know that you do.
You only forget to love me on the nights you’ve had a few.
The next day you always approach me at school, full of apologies.
I lie and say there’s no excuse for your atrocities.
You know I love you too much to let you go,
This thing I’ve called love has kept me at an all time low.
  
You call me at night, say you need to see me.
You tell me to be quiet, as you force me down and kiss me slowly.
With the smell of Mike’s prominent on your breath,
All I can think about is my time of death.
You never love me when I ask you to, you act like it’s a chore,
But you expect me to respond to your beck and call when you come knocking at my door.
Physicality isn’t another word for love, you only use me when you feel unwanted;
I want you all to myself, but you make me feel disheartened.
The love you give me is not from within, but the alcohol that reeks off of your skin.
As I stand at the top of the bridge, jump, drop my weight, go down full throttle.
You take a smooth sip from your brown rimmed bottle
this poem captures the thoughts of a girl in an abusive high school relationship with an alcoholic. She is afraid to leave him because she doesn’t know what he’s capable of. On one of the nights she’s had enough, she kills herself because she thinks it’s the only way out.
Lost Soul Oct 2018
Just when I'm about to have hope  
My breakdown are less
I finally learning how to cope
You start to make your way in again
I try hard to pray you away
But you're here before amen
Welcome back old friend
I'm a fool to think the last time
that I saw you was the end
You brought gifts with you
I wanna ask which ones
cause the demons brought some too

Did you send the voices in my head?
I don't like them
They say I'd be better off dead
You didn't sent them right?
You would miss me
Who would you hold at night?
Did you send the bile?
It burns, I start to skip meals
I hide my pain with a smile
Did you cause the sleepless nights ?
Where you mad you weren't there
to hold me from the light?
Did you send the dreams?
That either crunch my soul
or make me scream ?
When I wake up my heart hurts
I hold in my tears
Until they threaten to burst

I shouldn't have left you
I wanted to be happy
I thought it was the right thing to do
I've learn my lesson
I need to stay with you
Let go of my aggression
Don't worry its not too late
Everything can go back to when
You were my soulmate
Depression is my soulmate pt. 2
Abigail Night May 2018
We were laying there ***** and intertwined
I remember your arms  wrapped around me
Holding me close.
I had been blessed
With a false sense of security
For just only a moment in time
I come in closer
As you kiss the top of my head
I playfully tease you
And you tenderly hold my face
And in a split second
The stinging red appears
And I called it love
Ellen K Apr 2018
Turn back the clocks
Take me back to that one night
Four dates in, you called me at midnight and told me to look outside
Standing by your car, you asked
me to go on a drive
I was so young and innocent
Just happy to be by your side

Two weeks after that night
We’re official and flying high
A knock at my door, you showed up with a gift bag
I cried at the surprise, a baby blue instax
I went home with you that night
and never once thought to look back

Three weeks later
I said “I love you” for the first time
I was scared it was too soon
Then you kissed me and said it back
That night we danced in your living room
I was clumsy but you held me tight
Whenever I questioned your love
I took my mind back to that night

Two months later
We’re having our first fight
You lost your temper and
I just stayed quiet
You slam the door behind you and go on a long drive
You came home and said, “I’m sorry.”
and I said “We’ll be alright”

Three months later
I’m smoking with you on your front steps
You passed me your lighter
The taste of bourbon on both our breaths
Tears slid down my face
as you told me you missed your ex
Both our broken hearts were aching but
I wouldn’t give up on you yet

Four months later
I’m still trying to make it work
Most days were perfect
but the bad days were just the worst
Cause you never pulled your punches
You never tried to tame your temper
I hid so many bruises
From you unleashing your anger

Five months later
We’re at the theater two days after another fight
That day went so well,
it was your treat for date night
It was the first time you kissed me
out in public, in plain sight
The only time it felt like you were proud to be by my side

But six months later
You dropped me off at my brother’s house
With a hug and a kiss, you said ‘I love you’ and you walked out
I didn’t know it was a kiss goodbye
Didn’t know it was all just a big lie
Cause you called the next day
and you said we’d run out of time

One week later
On the floor in my bathroom
So empty and hopeless
I attempted to make it my tomb
22 years played on rewind
As you crushed my last will to fight
You screamed abuse into the phone
As I attempted to say goodbye

Two hours later
You put the nails in my coffin
I gave you my everything
But you still tossed me out in the end
You were almost the death of me
I tried so hard but I can’t pretend
My universe imploded as a dull knife ripped my skin

A cold hospital bed
Your words swirling in my head
A small bandage bleeding red
I just wanted to be dead

I tried to help you but at what cost?
You weren’t the only thing I lost
My nightmares this day will forever haunt
You put me through **** and just moved on

My life unraveling like thread
I can’t believe this is the end
Every excuse I now rescind
Left alone and hopeless once again

All your promises revoked
Gone like your cigarette smoke
You knew you were my only hope
I had nowhere else to go

All of your abuse,
I loved you so much so I excused
Lasting wounds serve as the proof
I tried to help but what’s the use

Abusers never admit abuse
You can’t keep running from the truth
Your words choked me like a noose
Second best, now I know I was used

Six months later
now I can see you for what you are
New perspective gave me clarity, I should never have let things go that far
I made you too many false excuses cause I didn’t want us to part
But now that your raging storm has passed, I don’t need you
I’m going to reclaim my heart.

-E.
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