i laid on the bed completely defeated with tears in my eyes and a handprint that left my skin heated. i said no, and i meant it. but you begged, you just couldn't accept it. after you ****** me and used me at your disposal you turned away from me and the phone screen lit up your face so i turned my back on you and cried into stained sheets. i never looked at my body the same after you branded my body with your all-too-common name.
I smile as tears roll down my cheeks The blissful moments I can’t seem to recall Perfect memories become demons gnawing at their own echo Passionate hugs tightened to a strangling embrace The electricity in his eyes filled with cold determination The racing of a heart in love, infused with anxiety The touch of skin, rubber Numb and painless And the beautiful memories continue to haunt me
sometimes, i hear it i miss it, and want him back i miss the feeling of what i thought was love and my family getting along so well i miss our 4 am face times and the love he gave to me but then i remember, he never was patient he always wanted to know more i gave him more, yet he never listened i cried and screamed at his false suspicions he yelled back, his voice raspy from staying up late, indecisive on whether he wanted to make ‘us’ work i cried because he never trusted me i laid in bed, restless, because he sent me to bed uneasy, fighting all night yelling over the phone never letting me glance at any other boys never letting me talk to many girls never trusting me to even go to walmart it was unfair and yet, somehow, i occasionally miss that boy
it’s been a year. i cry because i miss that love. i cry because i mess up and still get scared to this day that the boy i like is never going to trust me.