You know that feeling When everything around you Is just spinning, Pounding, Bringing total chaos?
But somehow you feel nothing at all. Not scared about being shot at. Not being scared that a car is about to hit you. Not being scared that the freshman that you just shoved out of your way will come and hurt you.
You just stand there, Watching the bullets fly at you. Watching the headlights on the car come straight at you. Walking away but turning around to make sure he isn't running after you. Just waiting to see what will happen next.
That feeling you have when all that chaos is happening, That my friend is called calm.
i guess i guess we weren't at the same place i guess i guess freshman year was meant for mistakes
i guess i guess i'm sorry i guess i guess i wasn't ready i guess i guess i didn't know what i wanted and neither did you i guess i guess we weren't at the same place i guess freshman year was meant for mistakes
i guess i had a lot of things to say to you i guess i hope this helps too i guess i wanna say i still like you.
As a mere freshman in high school I was cursed with the miracle of life Or an angel of death That was wrapped in a pink blanket. She was mine After nine months of developing She was here But on unwelcomed sircumstances **** An unwanted word That's the way she came When I was a mere freshman in high school. Lucelia Marie As I decided to name her Was small and fragile Something I couldn't take care of As a mere freshamn in high school Adoption, they called it For the best, they told me As a mere freshman in high school So now she is four months old With the woman she will know as 'Mom' Not me...But a stranger That picked her up in the night When I was a mere freshman in high school
So my little girl is gone... For four months ago today. I will miss her always Even as a mere freshman in high school The pain of a last kiss
so as of next week i will be starting my first year of college in a town too far away to come home for an evening and people keep telling me about the “freshman fifteen,” its inevitability, like i dont know how to live alone and the response to that is somehow gluttony. i dont think people realize how good i am at not eating. my digestive system still hasnt forgiven me for when i was sixteen and liked the taste of anorexia. no one ever talks about the fact that apparently part of recovery is running to the bathroom twenty minutes after every meal and having to stay there for twenty minutes after every meal because once you stop eating, your stomach stops holding anything. your intestines start making up for lost time. and it’s gross to say it but it’s something i live with and in reality the symptoms make me want to just stop eating again. there’s a reason i didn’t get the biggest meal plan. maybe i’ll start working out again, because that always helps make me forget that im missing dinner again, because thats what i did last time. i dont like the way people talk about the “freshman fifteen” because they dont know what i was like when i was sixteen. they dont know how good i am at not eating.
It wasn't a mistake that I took Philosophy 101 my freshman year in college. Indeed, It was "Fate" Philosophical questions ended my abuse They became me I know it's considered cliché to question everything, but now I do And if I hadn't taken PHIL 101, or had an extensive background knowledge in Christianity Because in 2013, A hot boy asked me to come to his youth group and I said yes And because of that hot boy I became engulfed with The Spirit, and became a worship leader in a youth group band Who became a worship leader in a church Who became a bruised and abused girlfriend of a non-Christian who broke her faith, that wasn't even whole to begin with, Who became a freshman in college who took a PHIL 101 class Who became the girl who finally ******* figured out That the destiny she so pined for from the moment she was a starry-eyed 7 year old coming home from Brazil Sitting on her dead aunt's lap, in a frame in the college girl's bedroom She would know Her destiny was her own choice She was the ruler of her own world And whatever decision she made would be the right one because she made it
grade nine, cold feet, new beginning when is this going to end? counting the scars, but only the visible ones 43. is that enough to send me to the counselor? i sit down, squint my eyes ****, everything hurts but i can't complain i did this to myself "oh my god, what happened?" pretty girl asks from across the table accident. that's what i say it's always an accident. day is done, get on the bus, wait to cry second stop i get off go into my room more scars they keep adding up i'm not going to make it past 14. 17 now happy moments oh, **** i still have scars, don't i?
It's hard to write about what happened to me in 9th grade. It's hard to really acknowledge that these things happened.