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River Scott Oct 26
what if?
what if all this studying
is for nothing?

what if?
what if i cant do it
i crack in the real thing
i just fall apart
how will i know?

i doubt everything
every little move
every little decision
what if it is not enough?
college is rough and im struggling
Comparisons can be deadlier than a knife,
Cutting down your successes because you are drowning in your failures
Pinching at flesh
Scrubbing at teeth,
Pulling at hair.
I am happy but not happy enough
I have money but not enough money
I have friends but not enough friends
Never enough
Countdowns to dates you know are a waste of time
...Of energy
He will run out of conversations
You will run out of smiles
Moans to fill the silence
touches to fill the voids
Making love is close enough to love, right?
Smudged lipstick, clothes discarded, dignity no where to be seen.
At least someone held me.
That’s enough for now
I’ll be fine once I’m out of my twenties. My eighties will be better.
My Deathbed ruined by the flashbacks of the life i did not live.
My husband, my kids, my grandkids..
Here but...
they are not nearly as good as Carol’s or Debbie’s or Caitlyn’s.
Never Enough
Tommy Randell Apr 22
Even at 68 there are firsts.
A surprise today, for example,
The smallest ritual of frying an egg,
Became a eucharist of laying it up
Onto a white plate, over a slice of sourdough -
When did this old Anarchist
Become so formalized in his worship?
Henk De Wet Apr 6
Who is this man

I show myself a picture
of the man
who could never be
who I need to be
and who I need to be
is not who I am to be

It's me

I show a picture
of the mouth of a gun
that shot the idea
that I could never be
this idea
without the idea
of my own ideas

But guns don't shoot
I do

It's strange
how the word
lost its meaning once it was said too many times
much like that idea

I have no quarrels
with myself
so why
do I wish
to **** myself
with these...

I don't
I have no quarrels
so these ideas
are only that
Litzy Sep 2019
Thanks for choosing to join society

On a side note it’s a permanent stay

Where everything is fake
From the flowers
To her lips

So get comfy this is our routine everyday

But not too comfortable
If you do we will tear you apart
Layer after layer
And don’t expect anyone to hear your prayer

Along with that we provide our services
With deconstructive criticism
Upgrade to our premium
Where there are many helpful tips
To learn to love your body
But thats only once you've met our standards
And we see you paper thin

It can be slightly difficult
Living in this new world
With our expertise and precision
It isn’t meant for everyone
But since you've gotten here already
There is no exit out
So this is your new life
Until your very last day
When we finally realize what living is really about

Thanks for choosing to join society
Where its an artificial place to stay
Put on the fake smile you’ve mastered
And have a great day
martha May 2019
Surface tension
Snips away at the inner bruising
Behind the eyes the windows are shut
And the curtains drawn
Run fingers over hidden ribs in the early morning
Witching hours
When fairy dust can decorate the pores
For imaginations sake

Morning skinny is now a norm
I plaster the walls of my subconscious
With posters of picture perfect shells

What they want
What you want
What I have convinced myself I think you want
What I want

What we want

I want to stop
I have told tall tales as unstable as my legs
Written them in invisible ink
Doused with sour lemon stings
So only I can see them
They appear before I eat
And in the quakes of my stomach aches

I know it is there to protect me
The most important parts of my body
The bubble which constantly pokes at me to ask
“what if there was nothing more than me
What if we couldn’t see
Shapes or sizes or colours or better
What if we couldn’t see pretty

Would that make you happy?

do I make you happy?”
Royce Apr 2019
There always seems to be open sores bleeding
Somewhere out there.
     Men or women suffering, and sometimes there isn't anyone
Or anything to blame.

     The heat is too much, and it often feels like hell,
And it's too expensive to turn on when it gets cold.

     I knew this one guy who was self-conscious
Of his weight, his skin, his nose, his balding head,
And he asked often why no woman would have him.
     He ended it one night after a bottle of whiskey
Got the best of him.

     I walked to a church after my shift,
And lit a candle for him.
     Then I wandered around the cold chaos
Until the sun came back.
lindy Feb 2019
I’m afraid of three things:

1 Being hurt again

2 It being different and not knowing how to act because I’m use to pain

3 What it will take not to feel this way
Xallan Feb 2019
Add that:
in all of my pointless comparisons,
I am self conscious of all
the ways I am similar to everyone else,
unoriginal and ununique.
To summarize: I am lame.
For who cares whether or not
others notice these things?
They are figments,
merely. But- I am aware
of my primary, incessant concern- myself.
I notice, naturally, with no sense.
It is totally normal
for me to engage in this self conscious nonsense,
without end.
I desire to be a robot, lifeless,
but what good would awareness do then?
Self conscious about a few loose bolts,  
the whole circuit would short,
and that'd be the end of me.
It is the schism.
It is the juxtaposition
between caring about myself and about others,
of everything and nothing,
and I cannot find the balance.
I am a teetering pile of flesh pancakes.
**** lame.
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