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Jul 2020 · 57
Fun House
Donielle Jul 2020
Surrounded by mirrors in some ******* hotel room -
I just wanted a bed.

I wasn't planning on sleeping with 
50 copies of my worst enemy.
Jul 2020 · 48
Independence Day
Donielle Jul 2020
Freedom is
A wooden floor with a nest of blankets
And snuggling up to the baseboards
To keep my pride warm.
Jul 2020 · 39
Shatter
Donielle Jul 2020
I punched my reflection, square in the jaw
And she showed me who I really am.
Jul 2020 · 44
Laundry Pile
Donielle Jul 2020
It's always blown me away how people can sleep with a sweatshirt on -
That burns me up,
Chokes me.

It wasn't until now,
Now that I sleep alone in the dead of winter,
Desperately trying to be my own best friend,
Doing my best to hold myself together,
That I've realized
The more layers I wear,
The longer it should take for me to fall completely apart.
Oct 2017 · 526
Snails
Donielle Oct 2017
Don't settle. You don't have to move fast, but never stop.

You don't have to stay right here, in this place, just for comfort.

Go off.

Learn to be content in other ways, in other places, with other people. You don't have to live in the same shell forever, friend.

There are mountains to climb. You'll never see what's on the other side if you don't try to reach the top. There are lakes as deep as your soul, and you'll never see the bottom if you don't dive in.

Keep your legs moving, even if for no other reason than to say you're always on your way somewhere.
Oct 2017 · 807
Pockets
Donielle Oct 2017
Our mouths are clogged with lazy abbreviations and shortened versions of intelligence.

Hands bound with all the cords needed to charge and sync and transfer data to our brains, empty of original thought.

Our storage is at max capacity with the lies we're fed and the senseless information we're expected to regurgitate to earn our badge of Respected Member of Society.

But you have an opportunity to do things with purpose. Don't jam your pockets with phone numbers and calendars and one hundred versions of the same picture.

If your pockets are heavy, may they be weighted with the rocks you find while you walk beside the river that calms you.

And if your eyes grow tired, may it be from staring into the distance at the mountains you were born to climb.
Oct 2017 · 442
The Island
Donielle Oct 2017
He rains down like lightning
and he strikes your sand,
burns your beaches into hardened stone,
and blasts away your vacation,
leaving you with nothing but the memory
of rotting fruit.
Donielle Oct 2017
He dropped his bombs
and where your shores exploded,
lie memories of my own split rock.
I have healed, my flow returned to normal
as the sea smoothed his sins
and cleared his scent from my home.
I have drowned and been revived
and drowned again before I could see
the sun above the water but believe me, when I say it was a hard road,
I **** near had my feet cut off
before I finally learned which way was up and when I saw it -
God was it beautiful as I broke through
and took that first breath of air
free and clear of his aid.
I could breathe without him
and darling,
when you realize you
can breathe without him too,
you'll be amazed how far you can swim.
Oct 2017 · 315
Volume
Donielle Oct 2017
Lower your voice and soften your tone, if they're listening
they'll still hear you.
May 2017 · 1.1k
Late Night Snack
Donielle May 2017
One empty nightstand and a closet half-full,
dim the lights and don't bother
to draw back the covers before you
surrender to the time.
The windows are drab and unclean
because you've lost the ambition to see clearly.
The sink is cluttered with the ghosts
of your last meal together and the rotting smell
filling the kitchen
is your favorite reminder that you didn't really
enjoy her cooking anyway.
May 2017 · 762
Sweet
Donielle May 2017
Does her honey make every meal taste sweeter?
If not, time will break you.
Every love has a little sweet,
a little sour -
bitterness can boil over.

If she doesn't try everything before you,
she won't figure out what you really like.
And if she doesn't know your tastes,
how will she ever make your mouth water?

Do her eyes drool at the sight of you? No?
Then she's probably reading the menus
at every red light.
She could be drinking from another man's glass
and drying her hands on his towel
while you are too busy looking in the mirror.
May 2017 · 1.3k
Write You
Donielle May 2017
Write with emotion and don't let anyone silence your heart.
Write about the way her smile
makes your insides feel warm
and how your arms feel empty
without her curled up in them.
Describe how the sound of his voice
makes your ears feel like
a fuzzy blanket was stuffed inside them
with a cat purring, sleeping soundly upon it.
Explain to your readers why you hate yourself
despite the desperate need for others to love you.
Write down the questions
that you don't actually want the answers to
although the questions look pretty on paper.
Let questions lead to more questions
and your feelings lead to more feelings.
Tell a story about how lost you've been
or tell the world about your journey
to where you are now.
Write away your past, let it decide your future,
break boundaries and don't give up.
Teach yourself to believe that what you have to say
is just as important as what anyone else does.
May 2017 · 660
Red Riding Hood
Donielle May 2017
The beast slinking in your eyes
scans my body,
searching for placement of your first bite.
The heat from your fire burns,
Soaking me in the desire that drips from your teeth.
Shooting stars land on my shoulders
where you rip me open,
and your gods steal my breath
to coax a song from my heart.
May 2017 · 354
Smoke
Donielle May 2017
Even candles burn out eventually.
And when the flame dies,
you're left with the scent of
what made it shine so bright.
May 2017 · 488
Half Full
Donielle May 2017
You're always sure that my cup is full
but it never overflows.
I try to absorb what excess there is
so that I can hand it back to you,
quench your thirst straight from my palms
when you feel empty.
May 2017 · 586
King
Donielle May 2017
Drag me around knowing full well
I cannot resist you.
Leave a trail of breadcrumbs
or promises of love to see how far I'll walk
behind your chariot,
while I idolize your crown
and make excuses for your sins.
May 2017 · 399
How Men Make Love
Donielle May 2017
I left my heart naked to you,
handed it to you in the moonlight
and you ravaged it,
tore it to pieces and spat them on me.
But since you didn't mean it,
I suppose I should wipe my face and make the bed.
May 2017 · 275
Winter in Summer
Donielle May 2017
I took my coffee cold this morning
so I could feel your side of the bed from my insides out.
I didn't need to add ice -
even if I had slept in the snow,
at least I'd have had something to hold.
May 2017 · 215
Find the Flame
Donielle May 2017
Some of the best country songs
were written by broken hearts,
girl,
so don't tell me
you can only write on good days.
May 2017 · 252
Paint By Number
Donielle May 2017
How easily I could give in,
allow my soul to harden
as the evil rakes its claws across my skin,
trying to swallow my soul.
How easy it would be
to allow the hate to consume me,
I could release,
unleash
all my rage built up inside.
But instead I just paint my nails black.
May 2017 · 335
Weather Advisory
Donielle May 2017
That storm that rages within you,
let it out.
Throw your wind at the trees
and learn what can stand the test.
Drop your rain in buckets,
flood the neighboring towns
and overflow the river.
Let it all go.
Clouds can't hold more than they're meant to,
and neither can you.
May 2017 · 348
Weather Advisory
Donielle May 2017
That storm that rages within you,
let it out.
Throw your wind at the trees
and learn what can stand the test.
Drop your rain in buckets,
flood the neighboring towns
and overflow the river.
Let it all go.
Clouds can't hold more than they're meant to,
and neither can you.
May 2017 · 453
SOS
Donielle May 2017
SOS
Your mouth forms a snarl
and when you bite at your words I can taste your conviction.
You live blindly,
a floating leaf in the wind
or the stream,
wherever suits your need of the moment.
I won't be the log in your river,
bumping your boat while you pass through,
and I won't be the tower breaking through your cloud.
I'll be the lighthouse
shining through the storm you created,
strong and still.
You can growl your argument
through broken teeth,
but my rocks won't be to blame.
May 2017 · 1.1k
Bail
Donielle May 2017
The wind in my hair whispers that I can fly when I look from atop tall buildings.

The trees trick me into believing they'll catch me with their green pillow tops.

The ground doesn't occur to me as a consequence, it merely signifies that the ride is over.
May 2017 · 383
Category 5
Donielle May 2017
Your wind uprooted all I have known as typical of boys
and planted the seeds of men
to show me that to love is to have true strength.

My shingles were weathered, claimed to be made
to withstand someone like you,
but at the first sight of you I ripped the nails out myself.
Apr 2017 · 1.2k
For Sale By Owner
Donielle Apr 2017
Like the car you dumped at the junk yard, you left me an empty shell of what I once was.

You grabbed your suitcase and emptied all of me into it as soon as you found a vessel more flashy to carry your soul.

My tires weren't brand new but my tread still hugged your road with great traction.

My speakers crackle with age but I still played your favorites at your request.

I have rust and some dents, but my glass was clear enough for you to see the path ahead.

I may idle rough, and my exhaust is loud when you test my pedals with force, but I could've gotten you where you wanted to go.

You partially lifted my decals, left the burnt-out air freshener dangling, dancing on the mirror, and the lighter you lost is still in my pocket.

But I have a full tank of gas and someone new's got the key.
Apr 2017 · 608
Things
Donielle Apr 2017
We were lovers before we were friends.
You wanted to build a nest in my tree
before bothering to climb it
or learning me
to see whether or not my branches
could hold your home
filled with things upon things.
You wanted big things
nice things
shiny and expensive things.
You didn't want to decorate me,
you wanted to use me like a coat rack
to hold your winter coat
over summer.
You never asked if I liked things.
You assumed
that there are things I like
and things that I don't like
but it isn't things that I want -
it's people
and feelings
and moments.
It's everything that can't be bought
that brings me joy.
But you,
you were so sure
that if you filled my mouth with
money
it would mute the sound of my discontent.
But it only made me creak louder.
And when you tried to keep my hands busy
with the job of holding the things
you bought for me,
you thought
it would stop me from
pushing you away
when you whispered at night
that you loved me,
and now it was my turn to say thank you
by doing things
written in fine print
at the bottom of your receipts.
But you can't pay me to stand tall,
to hold your things high off the ground
when the flood waters rise.
You can't place your coins in a slot
to make a tree bend to your wind
or let you tether off your boat
to weather a storm beneath her limbs.
You slipped me so many tips,
but I don't have a price.
We were lovers before we were friends,
and we were strangers long
before we said goodbye.
Apr 2017 · 470
She
Donielle Apr 2017
She
The wild in your laughter is something I wish
I could keep in a jar to sip from
on a rainy day.
The colors of the Earth come alive in your eyes
when magic flows through the air as you sing.
Your hair flies freely
while the wind kisses your face
and your cheeks flush with the warmth I know
you keep guarded in your heart --
an innocent prisoner
who has not yet given up hope.
I hum at a frequency
only you can hear without sound.
Your soul is remarkable, untouchable.
You're my favorite book,
one I could read a thousand times
because it is the only thing that can see me
at the turn of every page.
You are my best win,
my favorite piece of poetry;
on my toughest day,
you are the mirror that I know I can look into
to see the real truth.
You are my best friend, the warmest blanket,
the tallest tree always reaching for the sky.
And when you find your leaves falling,
I dance beneath your confetti.
You bring me peace when I am tangled,
wake me up when I am numb.
You are the sand to my sea, cloud to my rain.
You fight emptiness.
You're my last dollar,
the gallon of fuel that gets me to the station,
the Ramen in the cabinet a day before payday.
I look to you
when I can't trust myself
or anyone else;
you're my guide.
I'm a plant in need of water,
and you're the sun to help me grow.
Apr 2017 · 1.1k
Fluidity
Donielle Apr 2017
You float over the concrete
the way driftwood rides the ocean waves,
smooth and graceful.
Your arms rise to the sky
in sync with your legs
like a puppet,
but you hold your own strings,
you control your own movements
so seamlessly
as if you were born
with a board beneath your feet.
Your eyes hold focus
how a starving man
holds a scrap of bread,
not fully moldy in the garbage.
You spin and swap your body
with the lash of a whip
and how I wish you'd crack me
just once
so I could taste your precision.
How beautiful a sight it is
to see someone so perfectly aligned
with the Earth
that gravity allows you a pass
on the rules.
And when you're finished
the passion that beams from you
is so intoxicating,
I'm too unsteady on my feet
to try to follow.
Apr 2017 · 338
Mr. Moneybags
Donielle Apr 2017
I am the rolled up dollar bill
making your pocket burn.
I will loosen the pain
and you can pick it off your face
while you sit up all night.
Apr 2017 · 1.2k
Riverbank
Donielle Apr 2017
My life's shoelaces are always a little loose.
At any moment I could come undone
and trip over my own two feet.
Fall headlong
with my hands tied behind my back
with the ropes of yesterday,
whose knots are tangled and frayed
like my nerves.
I clench my fists
like ***** of fire could escape them
to keep me straight,
but I feel my feet become boulders
and it becomes harder to lift them
with my spaghetti legs.
The weight in my mind
sandwiches my heart between
it and the rocks
and I eyeball the river and think
wouldn't it be so easy?
Apr 2017 · 450
Lush
Donielle Apr 2017
You're light and bubbly, intoxicating.
I drink you in,
and it goes straight to my head.
Inhaling your breath
I'm higher than
the mountains I would climb to
get my fix of you.
Your side of the bed hasn't even cooled
and I need more of you,
just one more kiss,
one more minute.
Just. One. More.
Apr 2017 · 386
Girl
Donielle Apr 2017
The sadness in your eyes
brought back memories
when I looked at you today,
memories that took me back
to what seems like a lifetime ago.
I saw the emptiness,
the void that now exists
where the irises of your eyes
used to flash color and life.
The light in your smile still lingers,
I can see its memory in the corners of your frown.
The color of your skin
betrays your nod
when asked if you're feeling better.
Your pale, frail little body
looked like a knot, all curled up
in that way on your hospital bed,
and as much as I hated myself for it
I silently cast pity on you.
Your attempt at conversation
was drown out of my ears
by the ringing of a thousand pills
hitting the bathroom counter,
what a beautiful tragedy your parents must have found,
their baby girl
splayed out on the floor like a heap of laundry
needing to be washed.
And you were,
washed that is,
they pumped your stomach the moment you arrived.
All those chemicals filling you
so you'd never be hungry again.
I noticed your scars,
and your freshly made art
hastily carved into your bark
so you wouldn't forget your intentions.
I can feel the thickness
of the air
weighing on you,
and I wish I had something to say
to help lift the burden,
so I simply leave you with
“things will get better,”
but you won't know that
until they do,
because I didn't know it
until now.
Apr 2017 · 474
Anchor Me
Donielle Apr 2017
Anchor me.
Don't hold me down
but keep me on the ground
when my head is stuck in places
higher than the clouds.
Anchor me.
Don't hold me back,
instead keep me steady,
straight on my path.
Anchor me,
but don't let me sink.
Keep me afloat
in one place,
here, where I'm safe
in your arms.
Apr 2017 · 1.1k
Rebound
Donielle Apr 2017
Rebound.
Lead him with a leash,
drag him along like the dog that has died
but you won't give up your walk.
Rebound.
You took your shot at the love
but you missed,
now you think you can give it another try.
Rebound.
Bounce back in like there's no penalty,
like hearts don't break,
as if you can simply tape it back together
and it will continue beating.
Rebound.
Just because you don't have a scoreboard in life
doesn't mean the points don't count.
Rebound.
When everything is tallied up
at the end of the day,
will you really come out on top
like you hope?
Apr 2017 · 595
Pilgrimage
Donielle Apr 2017
I want to dance
across your eyelashes like fingers on a piano.
I want to curl those fingers,
twirl them in your beard
like ballerinas,
twisting and jumping
gently with grace
across the stage.
I want to be close to the city of your soul,
listen to the sounds
that echo off the buildings of memories.
I want to be a tourist of you,
snapping pictures and
standing in awe
of the landscape that is your temple.
I'll build a monument to you,
an ode to your good deeds-
we could fill a museum with you.
I want it to rain in your voice,
pour over me
so I can drink your thoughts
and grow toward the sun of your smile.
I want to reach down
and dig my fingers into your Earth,
fill my mouth with your soil
and let your nature consume me
while I consume
it.
I want to bathe in your ocean,
wash my sins away
while I exalt in yours.
I want to feel your ground beneath me,
steady and sure,
as I take this journey,
my pilgrimage to your heart.
Apr 2017 · 424
Summer Time
Donielle Apr 2017
You're a pillar of smoke
that rises up
out of a pile of ash leftover
from a fire I thought
I'd extinguished long ago.
You're the **** of a cigarette
now smoldering
much after I've quit smoking,
and the smell of you
reaching my nostrils
brings acid from my stomach
to my throat
and I'm forced to choke for a moment.
You're the dark ring
around the tub
even after years of scrubbing,
and I hate it because
it reminds me of the rings,
dark and stubborn
around my eyes.
You're the agitated
pressure marks
on either side of my nose
from the glasses I habitually wear
although I've far outgrown them.
You're the splinter
that sits just far enough beneath my skin
that any attempt to remove it
just furthers my irritation.
I can try to forget about you,
let you slowly work your way out,
but it simply takes one rub,
one bump in the right direction
to remind me
you're still there
and I'm sore all over again.
Simply the thought of you
makes me ache.

I ache from my shins
like I did that night
you swung a metal bar across them.
And my ***.
And my chest.
And the back of my head
when I tried to roll away from your thunder.
I ache from my lips
like I used to when they'd swell
from the contact of your palms
or your knuckles
or my teeth
so I could hold back my screams.
I ache from my throat
like I would for days
after you would grab me -
I swear you'd squeeze harder every time,
and if given a choice now,
I'd happily pick a noose
over your hand any day.
But most often I ache
from my head as a whole -
my eyes,
my nose,
my mouth -
my temples throb.
I can hear my own heartbeat -
Everything tingles
like when you would box me,
pack me up with your fists
into a small package,
sealed with the stamp
of your forehead
pecked against mine
like a hammer to a nail.

But every beginning has an end,
under pressure
diamonds are formed,
and it's only after a star is destroyed
that we see it twinkle from Earth.

Every bruised eye
has made mine shine brighter.
Every fat lip
has made my smile wider.
Every tear, every plea choked back
has made my song louder.

I am now
the tree you tried to cut down
but my seeds already fell
and I'm growing again.
I am the picture
you tried to shred
but I became a puzzle
and someone else
put me together.
I am the star
you tried to black out
with your darkness,
but I became the sun
and now it's summer time.
Trigger Warning : Domestic Abuse
Apr 2017 · 310
Vacation Day
Donielle Apr 2017
This moment,
lying silent in the sun,
basking in its love,
and yours,
the whole world is still
except the air sneaking across our bodies
through the open window at our heads.
In this pure light
I can see every stray hair on your face,
perfectly misplaced
like carefully planned chaos.
I notice that the hair hiding behind your ear
begins to curl
when it has grown just a bit
too long
and it reminds me of ocean waves
and I realize
I've never been so inclined to drown.
If you were water
like the color of your eyes
I would let you fill me.
You could pour into my lungs
through my nose and mouth
and I wouldn't stop you.
While I trace with my eyes
the freckles you wear
on your shoulders,
and I imagine them as islands
in the sea of your skin,
I imagine how
I would wear nothing but a smile
and swim the distance
so I could visit each one,
allow your water flesh to rush over me.
I see your chest as a mountain
one that I've conquered time and time
again
but I've never taken the same trail twice.
Your breath like the wind through my trees
whistles
and your leaves shiver
and the birds outside our window
scream a love song like I've never heard.
The melody is sweet
and it calms even my hungriest demons.
When I can feel your warmth beside me
my thoughts become gentle
and my movements are immediately
calculated and
deliberate,
nothing with you near me
is an accident.
Time is frozen
despite the heat pouring in upon us,
and we'll always have this,
our tropical vacation,
our bed the sand
and your smile
the line in the horizon.
Apr 2017 · 344
The Hike
Donielle Apr 2017
Come take a walk through my mind.
Be sure to walk
in a single-file line,
keep your eyes on the back
of the person in front of you,
for if you misstep,
you're likely to be lost forever.
At our first stop,
I'll introduce you to the things
that bring me joy.
The happy things
that shine like the sun on my days
and ease me into slumber
when I snuggle in at night.
Here, you'll find my laughter,
my favorite food,
my best-fitting pair of pants
and my softest sweater.
This is the stop
where you will notice all the beauty
and warmth
and peace that exists within my world.
Here is where I keep my happiest memories,
the scent of home,
the feeling of a dog when I pet her
and the cloud-like softness
of a cat's fur
when it's purring like an engine
freshly oiled.
This is the place where I keep my love,
my passion,
my cache of motivation and ambition.
This will likely be your favorite spot,
and you'll want to remember this place
so please,
take a moment and soak it all in.
Make the effort to memorize
the grass that is perfectly green,
the crisp warm air,
and the sound of gently rushing water
as it passes by us down there at the creek.
You will want to remember this shortly
as we make our way to the next few stops,
because not everything is sunshine
and rainbows as they say.
Let us continue on,
now that everyone's had their chance
to charge their inner batteries
and fill up with warmth.
Store that in your back pocket for now,
because soon you'll be cold
and you'll want to take it out
to keep from freezing.

This is our next spot.
Here you'll find my memories
that don't make me so happy.
Everyone be sure to huddle closely,
and it would probably be best
if you all held hands.
If you have something to hold on to,
the demons that will surely surround us
cannot drag you off.
The howls and screams
are much quieter
if someone else cups their hands
around your ears.
Please remember to be aware
of your surroundings,
I know this is all new to you
but you must keep your eyes
open very wide.
Things come crawling,
slithering,
swooping in from all angles.
Without the proper training,
this can be very exhausting,
I'm well aware
so we won't remain here long.
Be sure not to drop anything,
don't feed the beasts
that are closing in around us.
Don't shed a tear
because it simply sustains their life
just that much longer.
Try not to look
at the dark, withering,
decaying black trees,
and the rain clouds
that are rapidly approaching.
That warmth that I spoke of earlier?
You may want to retrieve that now,
the temperature is dropping,
so let us hurry,
we're on to our last stop.

For those of you who need a rest,
you'll be thankful for this
or maybe you won't.
This stop is my favorite,
it is where I spend most of my time.
Everyone close your eyes
and take a deep breath
and hold it in for a moment.
As you exhale,
we will enter the space.
When I say space,
I mean literally.
This is the place
that is like the space between words.
It is blank,
like the expression on my face
as I am unfazed
by the ordeals we have just been through.
This place is as empty
as the lack of color in the air.
It is so calm
that there is no feeling,
the air is so still
that there is none.
Here I do not breathe,
I just exist.
Here I feel no hunger,
no fear,
no weakness,
but I also have no courage,
no strength,
no satisfaction.
Here there is no longing,
no need,
no desire,
but also no sense of purpose,
no accomplishment,
and no love.
Do not mistake
this white space for light,
for this is the purest meaning
of the absence of everything.
So ladies and gentlemen,
you have made it.
You made it
to the end of the trip through my mind,
and you have survived
just as I have.
But unfortunately for you
there was something I forgot to mention.
Once you have made it to this blank place,
it's nearly impossible to make your way out.
This is the end of my shift,
I am used to where it leaves me.
Here is where you begin your journey alone,
trying to fight your way out.
You have to start here,
where there is nothing,
and claw your way,
all by your lonesome,
back through the terror,
the horrific images from which
we just came,
to make your way back to the light.
You must go it alone,
in a single-file line.
But tread lightly,
because somewhere in all these ruins
lies my heart,
please do not step on it
on your way out of my life.
Apr 2017 · 197
Hound
Donielle Apr 2017
I want to reach out,
pour my heart out
and tell you everything -
You can't hear me.
You're too far out.
The rims of your eyes
are red all around,
making your irises
brighter than the sky.
But they're not blue in the same way,
they're the desperate color
that screams
you haven't slept in days.
Your skin is ashen
and your hands are clammy,
you shake and tremble without
even knowing it.
I want to be close to you,
but I want you to go away.
I don't want to leave you lonely,
but I want you to leave me alone.
I can't feel you
when you feel the way you do.
I want to push you away,
but I want you to hold me
tight like the way you clench your jaw.
When your muscles flex
in the side of your face
and I see your pulse throbbing,
the life fluid hurriedly pumping
throughout your body.
I want to distance myself from you,
but I want you to pull me in
like your bottom lip,
when you unconsciously toy
with the parts of your mouth
of which you're normally unaware.
I want to forget you, turn away,
but I want you to busy yourself
with me -
if you must do something
with your hands,
put them on me,
run them over my skin
like you run your teeth
upon each other,
grind against me.
If you'd like to stay up all night,
we can stay awake together,
run wild in the night,
or we can lie still together
and soak in the seconds,
and minutes and hours -
if it's time that you want,
I can give you that.
But I cannot be anything for you,
do anything with you,
when your nose
leads you away from me.
Apr 2017 · 620
Shelter
Donielle Apr 2017
Your outstretched arms
are a gentle summons to my heart,
inviting me in for a romp
with the hair on your chest.
My ear finds that groove in your arm,
the perfectly-sized puzzle piece
for the side of my face.
The scent of you lulls me,
fills my nares and gently rocks me
into a trance.
Your quiet grumbles
as you breathe in the midnight air
do not disturb me,
but keep me sedated until the rising sun.
I find comfort in you,
solace,
a feeling of home.
You bring structure to my chaos,
steadiness
to my ever-wavering tendencies -
You settle me.
The static inside me
goes smooth,
and when we collide
the whine in my ears softens
and I am at ease.
I can rest
from all the negativity in the world
when your body blankets me.
Apr 2017 · 396
White Devil
Donielle Apr 2017
That White Devil,
shiny
and pristine,
has she stolen you,
torn you from me?
Sweet-talking you,
ripping you from my grasp?
I know she has
your attention,
there's no denying that.
But at night,
when my eyes
close,
will you be
beside
me,
or will the scent of her
fill your nose,
as you follow her
off into the dark?
Will her promise
of happiness
fulfill
your every wish?
I know her song.
I've heard it
with
my own ears, long,
long ago.
She lit my soul,
took me by the hand
to dance,
to spin
in the wind,
play
in the rain -
She mesmerized me -
But in the morning when I woke,
she was gone,
just
as she will do to you,
and then,
what will you do?
Come home to me?
No.
You can try,
come to me by the light,
but I will have found
my sturdy ground
to walk upon without you.
I will start
anew
again,
don't forget I can -
I can hold it down
without your hand.
I walked alone once,
and I'll do it again.
Apr 2017 · 474
History Lesson
Donielle Apr 2017
Within the creases that
outline your eyes,
I can see
traces of the things
that have made you smile.
In the hearty whistle
that is the gunshot of your laugh,
I can taste the places you have lived.
In the wrinkles
in the palms of your hands,
I can feel
the happy you have
tried to spread in the world.
In the sighs
that you whisper at night,
I hear your successes,
the dreams you have lived,
your setbacks reconciled
before the close of the day.
The scent of your skin
emits hope
and all that is good
and peaceful.
The dust
and tatters in your clothing
bear witness
to your honest attempts
to stay true to you.
The gentle strength
with which you hold me
at night,
screams promises
of your intentions
and the tales
of your own past bruises.
My mind searches for these words
so I can tell you in my way
that my soul sees you.
I see where you've been,
what you will do -
I see your errors as well as your winnings.
I see your flaws as well as your excellence.
I hear the shame in your voice
when you admit a mistake.
But my soul,
it still cries out for  you.
Despite anything you've done,
I see you,
and I love you.
Apr 2017 · 398
Gravity
Donielle Apr 2017
She cries out,
grapples for attention
from anyone
that will cast a glance
in her direction.
She speaks any words
that may hold their gaze upon her
for more than a minute.
Going home
to settle in alone again,
a fear she carries
behind her ear,
like a spare cigarette.
Instead of lighting it,
she drives,
avoiding the ashtray
of a home,
the place scattered with snubs of regret,
unfulfilled needs,
and the scent of wishing
for more.
She screams,
hoping her tone
will find a set of ears
that will convince
a pair of arms
that she is worthy of being held.
Maybe the whispers
of guilt
will quiet
if she has another voice
to listen to at night.
Maybe her tears will cease
if she has
another pair to get lost in.
She squeezes,
holds her fists tight
and clenches her jaw
as if being stiff like a rock,
the planet we stand upon,
will draw others closer,
letting gravity do all the work
because despite how strong she tries to appear,
she is weak.
Apr 2017 · 507
Lifeguard
Donielle Apr 2017
Your eyes like pools of the clearest water beckon me,
beg me to drink from them.
With each blink,
their color grows warmer,
smoother, more welcoming.
I move closer, toeing the edge of your abyss,
heeding no warnings of eternal falling with the miss of a step.
The swirls of blue mirror the sky
on the most beautiful day,
mesmerizing me, hypnotizing me,
easily fooling me into stepping in
without testing the depth of your water.
My blind faith does not lead me to drown.
Instead,
your waters surround me,
wrapping me in warmth and keeping me afloat.
Each blink is a wave rocking me steady,
rhythmically, peacefully,
matching my own heartbeat,
repeating, promising an ever-continuing symphony,
a lullaby
that claims an end to my nightmares.
Apr 2017 · 449
One
Donielle Apr 2017
One
Our lips meet like an
explosion.
The pieces of debris
cannot be
traced to a source.
There is no me,
there is no you -
where one ends
the other begins.
We are
one infinite breath
shared.
One life,
the origin
of everything.
We lunge
forward and back
with our souls,
using only our hearts
to speak.
The corners of your smile
edge chasms
for my mind's feet to tread,
my tongue,
a soft landing for you
to count on.
Our mouths,
two pillows
in the midst of a battle
only to be won,
by our forces
converging,
bringing peace
to the wrinkles
in our bedsheets.
Donielle Apr 2017
Like a fog at night
I know you'll creep into my head.
Around every corner,
lurking like an unknown figure
in the dark.
Your face will always find me,
in my darkest hour,
my happiest morning,
or the lightest of my sleep.
You'll always be with me,
I can't escape you.
I can't want to try to forget,
and I can't need to stop missing you
before you're even gone.
But you will be.
You'll run away into a cloud of happiness
just like everyone before you,
and anyone to come later.
But I know you'll take a piece with you,
a piece of a greater size than anyone before,
and you'll run.
You'll run so fast I can't remind my feet
to run after you to stop you,
to ask you to stay, to remind you I'm still
here and I can't be without you.
So I'll just stay.
And be so unsure of where I'll go next that I'll just stay.
I'll just stay until someone comes and drags me
away.
Because I can't go.
I won't.
I'll just sit and remember until the fog rolls in again
and I can't see anymore,
and I'm left with only my thoughts
of what was and what could have been our "is" and "are"
and I'll just be lost, but still be in the same place
as I've always been.
Sitting here.
Staying.
Waiting.
Apr 2017 · 501
Eyes
Donielle Apr 2017
Even in the darkness
I can feel those eyes upon me.
I can close my eyes tight
and cover my ears,
but I can still picture their menacing glare,
and I can still hear those words
loud
and clear.
Don't shout your compliments
and jam them down my throat
because without my own consent
they mean nothing.
They tell me to learn
to take a nice gesture
but the truth is
it's the compliments that hurt the most.
When I close my eyes,
I can still see your mouths moving,
and I feel your words
rocking my world,
slowly sinking my ship.
I've tried to keep my sea legs
steady
for so long now,
but I can feel the uneasy,
sick,
queasy feelings
rolling back into my brain,
and I have to fight hard to stay on my feet.
You shout your words
like I should be thankful
to hear them.
The words only bring fear
that this perfection you see
could slip away,
and then I would be left
with the memory
of who I used to be.
The saddest thing is,
when I close my eyes,
I can't stop hearing their words,
and I can't stop feeling
like I should be ashamed
of what I've let myself become.
But the eyes,
the ones I see
even when I close my own,
are just that;
The eyes that peer down
upon me,
evilly glaring,
constantly staring,
picking me apart,
are those that rest
just above my own nose.
Apr 2017 · 458
Echoes
Donielle Apr 2017
The walls around me
tower over me even
in such a short room.
Unfriendly reminders of
ugly mistakes
and the chain
and shackles of my past.
What is it like
to know
I have taken a step backward,
fall forward,
headlong,
but still somehow I've
managed to fall on my *** -
stuck in neutral
in this guarded dungeon?
My walls are worn
and corroded,
from neglect, and now
I have allowed them to crumble.
And here I kneel,
weak and alone,
crying out for that one thing
everyone wants from an empty home,
but the echoes are
my only friends.
Apr 2017 · 422
Breathe
Donielle Apr 2017
A leap, a
second,
a deep breath.
Splash.
The Earth swallows me
wrapping me in splendor -
and for a moment I forget.
Relief and satisfaction
envelops me.
However long
I may, I will allow my body
to glide just beneath the surface,
like silk against itself
or upon a newly shaven leg,
until the last air escapes me.
When I return
and I submerge only my ears,
the sounds of my breathing
remind me
that I can
still
feel,
and there is time.
But for now,
I'll just breathe.
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