Cravings for a hit
Hints of sin begin within
Winning bit by bit

Life is a matter of perspective
And happiness is a choice
But the smile I paint upon my face
Doesn't mask the sadness in my voice
Just because I know joy is inside me
Doesn't mean I feel it in my heart
I search for peace every single day
But finding it is the hardest part
It comes so easy for others
As it did to me once before
It's not that what I have isn't enough
It's that I used to have so much more

I see only perfection
Take a look around
Still you will see
You are the one beacon of light
In this desolate place

I am..
Nowhere near perfect

I am..
Not amazing

I am..
Nothing like her

I know we have problems
And I know we are scared to say
Everything we see before us
In a state of disarray

When people ask if we are together
Tell them that we're not
Wake up every morning sad
My stomach in a knot

Sky heavy on shoulders
Cloudy or sunny and bright
Hope that we could be happy
Living a dream that's not quite right

Do you love imperfections?
Do you pretend they are not there?
Say that is what makes me special
Question if you're really aware

I get chills of fear imagining
Future without your embrace
Are you going to be the same in five years?
Will souls still interlace?

Insecurity blows my brain up
Skull expands, it bursts
When you've done nothing wrong
Still endure my worst

You do not deserve it when I explode
Hit by shrapnel, hurtful remarks
Justify my careless words by bringing up
Past indiscretions and own defined marks

The infinite acts of betrayal
Your indifferent selfish attitude
The reasons I lash out in anger
Often say things that are rude

I do not mean to hurt your feelings
I attempt to communicate
Thoughts softly falling in my head
Failing as they accumulate

It seems issues are too big
Too powerful and great to solve
Yet we keep waiting with the foolish belief
One day they will all dissolve

But until that time arrives
I will continue this back and forth game
We make mistakes. Forgive. Repeat.
Both of us are equally to blame

I am holding onto something
I'm scared it isn't real
Is this an illusion?
Is it what you really feel?

I know it is wishful thinking
Wishes don't come true
Every time you're on my mind
I hope I am on yours too

I am waiting for your attitude to change
Wondering when it will end
The moment heart finally breaks
Allowing it to start to mend

Labyrinths have me trapped
In each feeling you raise
Searching but I still can't find
My way out of this maze

I said I would not let you back in
Here I stand exposed
Heart holds on despite the hurt
I am not blind-my eyes are just closed

I do not know why I can't let go
Of love we once had
Still miss you though I don't show it
Without you my life is sad

I was once happy
Love filled my warm heart
Now I'm lost and jaded
On the verge of falling apart

Why is it hard to smile?
No matter what I do
Cannot stop feeling down
Just can't find joy I knew

Life seemed easy once-upon-a-time
I've been longing for those years
Do not know when I stopped believing in magic
Somewhere along the way it changed to fear

Struggles are strong and neverending
Drowning in dark dismay
Reaching out a hand for help
Days are all black and grey

I know inside this is right
Still it feels so wrong
I am sitting here all alone
Believing its where I belong

Wouldn't my mother be so proud
To see what I have become?
Hidden behind hurt and unhappiness
Shut off from **** near everyone

I will listen to this music
Smile and I'll lie
Show how strong I can be
I just want to cry

I am too afraid to reach out
Try and take somebody's hand
When it is an impossibility
They could ever understand

You know no one is perfect
Why do you expect yourself to be?
Have flaws but so does everyone else
Within your heart resides true beauty

Lost amongst ridiculing words
Each step of a plan to be better
Fight to show you it can be done
Tough love coating every letter

And it is one blunder after another
Hope that you find strength
Continue on when it's the hardest
When the night too long in length

Beautiful what you are to me
Do not let your fears manifest
Focus on positive traits
Forgive yourself for all the rest

You were the smallest baby when you were born
How could we have guessed you'd be such a thorn?
You put the twinkle in our eye
It reminds me daily when I look at my thigh.

I hate moments we argue, hate when we fight
You have been so wrong but mostly you're right
Can't imagine giving birth to a child
You sacrificed lots to make sure I smiled

I dedicated life to my daughter
Little did I know that would stupidly start some slaughter
Now you go begin life on your own
I stand back watching how much you have grown
Very confident and bold
More valuable than silver or gold

I did not ask to be brought into this world
Hands tiny, innocently curled
So much time has passed since then
Now you're not just my mom, you're my best friend!

Raising you taught me so much
With more ahead in store
Every day that passes I
Love more and more

You have left me hanging once again
Been eight hours and still no word
After all you put me through
Do you think punishment is what I deserve?

I have suffered enough at your hand
Cried enough tears in your name
Yet it doesn't matter to you
Just treat our love like a game

I have done my best to be patient
Multitude of mistakes dismissed
You left me stranded without a care
Or courtesy of a goodbye kiss

I have been staring at the door
Waiting on you to arrive
You have been gone all day
Absent of you, barely feel alive

It hurts knowing youre fine alone
What the **** are you trying to prove?
Already know I'm disposable
But wanting to improve

I tried not to get too close
Failed right from the start
Fell straight into your enchanting  embrace
Now I'm falling apart

I wasted countless nights
Waiting to hear your soft voice
But until now I always felt
I had no other choice

Lately you have been cold to me
Putting me down with hurtful things you don't realize you say
Before you walked out the door
Seemed like your mind was far away

I do not know what changed between us
Or why you started treating me bad
How did things get so ******* ip between us
Reminiscing on the good times we had

I'm sorry our story turned out like this
Arguing night after night
Would do anything to go back in time
To days you still held me tight

But those days have come and went
Only exists in memory
Indifferent silence clearly shows how you feel
You are no longer in love with me

I say I want to start over
Yet cannot let go of the past
If I cannot put your mistakes behind me
How do I expect this to last?
Even before my trust issues
Got so bad they couldn't be repaired
It was still a little bumpy
Because your sincerity was never there
Yeah you spent your days with me
When no one else could stand being around
But you never shared your secrets with me
Your thoughts barely made a sound
I knew deep down you were up to something
Always hiding things behind my back
And as time passed I began to wonder
What it was that I seemed to lack
Why can't I be enough for you?
Why do you always need more?
I wasn't good enough for you back then
I am now a far colder person than before
But my heart still feels that flicker
Of heat each time fingers brush
That's what I tolerate this ******* for
That incredible breathtaking rush
So even though it's clear that I'm no good
For you and you're not good for me
It seems like we want different things out of life
But a future without you is so hard to see
You're my best friend and you understand
All the ups and downs I've been though
So despite the past mistakes between us
I'm still head over heels for you

Everyone says I'm a sweetheart
I am always making others smile
They don't know that I need to make someone else smile
Before I am allowed to wear my own

If I sat and counted things I've lost
It would take at least at least three days
Even longer if I included every person
I drove away with my destructive ways
Wallets, phones, service, my mind,
Love so great it made me fall
And though the memories hurt to remember
I am grateful to know I had them at all