Everyday the new stuff is here
And I'm loosing myself in fear!
Can't see myself anywhere,
been tormented with none of my share.
Its beyond me, can't help myself
What they shoved to my face
I cannot repair.
In all this disarray
the fragments I'm loosing of myself.
Everybody keeps on pushing forward,
but it drags behind me, in the back!
Sometimes what you cling to most
Is the one to hurt you most!
The whole world finds it easy
Am I the only one suffering?
provide a way to consign mischance behind to them who stray
earth is but a minor stain in lightyears’ expanse of stratospheric disarray
I know we have problems
And I know we are scared to say
Everything we see before us
In a state of disarray
When people ask if we are together
Tell them that we're not
Wake up every morning sad
My stomach in a knot
Sky heavy on shoulders
Cloudy or sunny and bright
Hope that we could be happy
Living a dream that's not quite right
Do you love imperfections?
Do you pretend they are not there?
Say that is what makes me special
Question if you're really aware
I get chills of fear imagining
Future without your embrace
Are you going to be the same in five years?
Will souls still interlace?
Insecurity blows my brain up
Skull expands, it bursts
When you've done nothing wrong
Still endure my worst
You do not deserve it when I explode
Hit by shrapnel, hurtful remarks
Justify my careless words by bringing up
Past indiscretions and own defined marks
The infinite acts of betrayal
Your indifferent selfish attitude
The reasons I lash out in anger
Often say things that are rude
I do not mean to hurt your feelings
I attempt to communicate
Thoughts softly falling in my head
Failing as they accumulate
It seems issues are too big
Too powerful and great to solve
Yet we keep waiting with the foolish belief
One day they will all dissolve
But until that time arrives
I will continue this back and forth game
We make mistakes. Forgive. Repeat.
Both of us are equally to blame
I am trying to take responsibility for my half of the issues we are facing
Feeling mundane on a Monday
Feeling like a Sunday every single day
Need some kind of healing,
But instead I'm concealing
Don't want to be revealing of my inner disarray
I treasure these stone walls that keep me warm at night, when I know its other occupants share no spark. The bitterness and filth of the night hold no triumph over me when the darkness of these baren walls hold me tight, bundled in their sheet of black silk. Walls are so inviting, they make a home and a fortress for my dreams to spindle into webs of mysteries and delights only I can fathom. For there is no need for windows nor doors when I do not intend to leave and there is no reason for me to depart. The moon has broke my heart, and the sun has crisped my soul far too often. My mind is all that remains intact and must be protected. No rabid creature can disarray my beautiful mind again. It must be kept sacred in these beautiful stone-cold walls.
I am a free spirit
Wild, young and free
With nothing to chain me down
I plow through everything;
Like a glass canon I shoot forth
Propelling myself, I bend light,
I bend truth, I bend rules to my whims
I mold, shape, and create chaos
In the forms of hazard and pain
To both me and others
I spare no victims in the chaos
I create, not even I
A glass canon is what I am
I break whatever the **** I can
Before I ultimately break myself
This disarray in my head
is a unhinged reality.
The plans become void
As always enabling each other, a destructive cyclone of dysfunctional
We all hide behind the glass cages of our mind
Through the transparent jail we keep the order
I long to shatter the glass with a perilous thought
Yet none so far have been quite strong enough
So I continue to hide deep inside
These parts of me where no one can find
I'm not so shy, you'd see
In the deepness of my mind
I'm not so great, so organized
My thoughts would show that I am disheveled, in utter disarray
There is chaos here within my brain
You'd never know as I conceal the calamity on the surface
All these things going on inside
I hide within a pre-payed smile