I'm so sick and tired of trying... Anything I try to accomplish leaves me dying
I hate this frustration... I hate this urge... God, I'm waiting... I'm trying... This feeling I want to purge
What do you want? What is it I need to do??? I feel so lost... so far gone on the path I need to be on... I've been removed...
Can you see my trembling hands?... That are too heavy to lift? They are chained to the edge... This wasn't what I wished...
My stomach is ******* in knots... My body is ripping apart Lord...YOU PUT THE SOUND IN THIS BEATING LIVING HEART
I AM SO SHAKE'N I am grasping on to the edge.... and I can't see the bottom You tell me to let go.... and I stare at you with wide eyes... "What's the problem?"
My hands are being scratched as I try to hold on....bleeding and fading... "I can't see the bottom... what if I don't survive when I reach it?" My body was shaking...
"I'll be there to catch you..." "Will it hurt? Lord, I'm so scared... Don't let me go.." "My child... look... and believe.. and trust me... let go.."
I cried out... trembling in fear... so terrified.. wishing to live. but at the same time... wishing I could die away to escape this pain... let it give...
"Let go...." "God...No...please no..." I begged, in a soft helpless voice... You kneel down to me, my body slowly slipping away into the challenge of darkness. "Fine... You leave me no choice..."
You cut the chains... and watch me fall... I found myself screaming... as I curled pathetically into a ball...
I whimpered... as my hair stood on end and entangled its self into a snarled web. The speed of winds suffocate my nostrils, the free fall of emptiness hugged me "There is no hope..." it said
Am I the name of conflict? Why does it feel like I'm stuck into this eternal free fall of the same emotion? The color never changes... only the shadows around me seem to be growing darker and closer with every motion...
"Lord... YOU SAID YOU WOULD CATCH ME!!!! SO WHERE ARE YOU!?!" I cry as this vertical hole began to enclose and grow thinner... and there's nothing I can do...
Banged... Scrapped... Bruised... Injured... from my body forcefully going down this narrow hole... Blood blocking my vision... wanting to die just to escape this torment... wanting to take back control...
I'm blacking out... let me see the light again... although all of this hurts... and it feels like it's all getting worse... it's worth going through... because, Lord... I know you'll catch me... and build me back up...but stronger... through this one **** of a course...
\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / PLEASE CATCH ME I may not understand... and I may lose a limb or two... I may want to die... I may not understand... but I won't stop..I trust YOU!!
was at a celebration of souls where creesed-up eye lids were adorned with laughter and teeth confettied all around i in the midst of the vibe had my mouth open in accordance with the dance of laughter when your scent found my tongue through conversations, amplified throat vibrations it took a while to savour you flavour for me to feel
"oh its you again. "
i tried to spit you out like I do with the rest of them but I didn't. i couldn't. you seeped into my conscious, strongheld my reasoning and I still don't know who you are what you are how you are doing this i'm just left blinded to everyone and focused on feeling you
there’s a gouging hole where my chest used to be ever since the moment i met you a tiny piece of me has crumbled and fallen to the floor leaving trails of myself as i pass and over the months as i have been chipped away at my soul has emptied
i’ve grown tired of the pain i’ve grown tired of the wanting and the longing
i’ve rushed to pick up pieces of myself again but i found that they don’t fit
i am not the same anymore
we are not the same
nothing will be like it was these months have sloshed like water, up and down and now the water is gone a new tide has come in
and i don’t know how to fit here in these waters what to expect from them
acceptance rolls in between my fingers touching my skin and begging to be absorbed this past month i have been playing with it in my hands, feeling its tacky sticky texture
it promises no returns, only a way to pick up my pieces again and fill in the gaps you left, with it’s presence
i lay on the ground water laps at my body and pushes bits of me into the holes they once occupied
my hand is now covered in it, the acceptance
i lay in the slowness, the grey sounds of the water filling my ear and there is nothing i can do but wait
wait for the acceptance to over take my body wait for myself to be whole again
i remember your face and i wonder how that’s ever possible
and yet here i am, being put back together and remedied
here i am
waiting for my impossibilities to soak into my skin and become possible
here i am
i dont know how to get over her but i will, its happening, i just have to wait