I sit here, alone,
in my own head thinking of someone,
just to pretend to not be
-only alone j.j
I started drinking
it burns the throat
but it puts
the type that boil
by the smile I make.
oh it's there
I assure you
it's contained, maintained
stains my skin
seep out sometimes.
but it's okay
I beat myself til it's gone
and a new day
I'll drink again
She's hiding behind makeup
But through her orbs you can see everything
idk what I'm writing but that what it is
In my youth
I pretended to be
what I thought others’ thought
was prideworthy and praiseworthy,
and I was unjoyful and unhappy
self-annihilating my authentic self.
Now I am older
and I realise
only by being my authentic self
and striving for joy and happiness
using my authentic self
can I be joyful and happy.
You and I in darkness
Eyes closed to deny what we feel
Wearing only child-like frustration
You ask if the love supplied is real
But I did not know how to reply
Some emotions are lying unsure
I am doing my best to tell you Why your tight smile is the one I prefer
Through beauty lines I see your soul
Friendly yet cautiously hidden
Feelings built a hard demeanor
Blocked the world, anger-ridden
I witnessed your **** side
Know how to prepare for and expect
What your hands are capable of
Same tools drawing blood protect
Pretending I feel the way I did
In bed alongside your tired mind
Don't want to break your heart, I'm scared,
You are such a lovely waste of time
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time
i bump into the thought
that i don’t really care
not being pretty
or healthy, or better.
when you wipe off
the good girl cosplay
the soft peach blush
and the freckles
and the lip gloss
the straight a’s
and the sweet potatoes
and the self-discipline
you will find a wild thing
in her underwear
drinking iced coffee
for lunch and
doing nothing but
writing and reading
and abandoning any
semblance of sanity
by all the things
i shouldn’t be.
and when i have
with my negligence
when the decent ones
have seen themselves out
when there is nothing
left inside of me
there will always be poetry.
from my third collection of poetry, ALMOST HOME, out in October. pre-order now: http://madisen.co/almosthome
Despair of a furtive root,
I try to keep the time at bay;
My ambition is rendered moot
And I begin to dread the day
And though I know it seems inane
My reality lives in dreams,
While my life is but a dream-I feign,
Since my life is faulty-it seems
Lost somewhere between hate and love,
apathy versus ambition
And the desire thereof,
Must I imitate affection?
Is love found? Or is it produced?
Is purpose found? Or is it set?
Is zeal found? Or is it induced?
Someone who knows I have not met.
I sought and searched for something new
But found and obtained something old,
I try and try to start anew
Instead I find I grow more cold
Our lives are fleeting and bitter,
I cannot seem to find content.
Through love and hate do I flitter
So I shall remain despondent...
I don’t know what to do
That's what we're doing
from day to day.
Pretending to not care,
even though we actually do.
Pretending that we're not afraid
even though deep inside we are shaking.
Pretending like we're all alright,
even though some days we just break.
But when we look into each others eyes,
we seem to recognize our own lies.
See our own burdens within one another,
knowing that somehow we're not alone.
She looks so happy, always laughing and never crying
But beneath that smile, heart of hers is slowly dying
She's covering it up with that lively mask
Keeping it up just be an impossible task
I hope she knows that one day it will break
And everyone will see that it's all been fake
Not just her smile but her entire life
She's doing it all to escape the knife
She's trying her best but it's cutting deep
And even tho she feels the pain
She'll never let them see her weep