Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
eden May 29
(TW: mention of ****, self harm, ED, abuse, relapse, addiction, drugs, my toxic ex who should choke on a filthy toe, etc.)

I need to write something


anything
to tear my
mind away from you
from your hands
your face
your voice
your smile
your eyes
god, the way
you trace
delicate patterns in my
heart

circles
irises
planets
solar flares
shapes that
haven't been invented yet
you carved them deep
you carved them carelessly
into my chest
so that I would never be able
to forget

I need to write something


I need to write
so I don't have to remember
how you ran up to me
the last time I saw you
as I was walking
towards hell itself
you gave me my
half finished
orange juice
that I was going to leave
behind
in the car
with your dad

you told me to drink it
that you were worried about me
that you cared,
that your father did too

something so simple
shouldn't be this meaningful
but to a relapsing anorexic,
it was


why am I cursed with
these painful
painful
painful
excruciating
memories
of fleeting and cruel
moments
I can never *******
return too?
why do you exist in
this cassette player you
hand built in my head?
and installed right where it hurts?

why did you put
every beautiful word
you ever dared speak to me
on repeat
on loop
a symphony of repetition
you knew that I would crave
just to walk away?
why would you
do such a terrible thing?
why would you
leave me to suffer
in your sound
if

you're gone?

absent.
that's the reality
so why then?
****.


I so desperately need to write something


I don't want
to think about your stupid
curly hair
your stupid dorky smile
your mannerisms
the way you speak
how you light up when
you start on one of your rambles
of something you're passionate about
or something you've been relentlessly
researching
out of boredom or
interest
it was always different
every time
you captivated me and
every time
you made me fall in love,
like clockwork
you let me down
made me bleed

your ''love''
I can't even count the scars that it left
they draw breath
all over my body
there are hundreds from the time
you cheated
there are more that served to
help me survive
the ****
why do I still think
it was okay, the things
you put me through?

you're the devil himself
I despise your mind games
I hate your temptation
I don't want to remember
such small details
I hate that I am tormented,
haunted by the
way my bed creaks
by the empty promises you made me,
for me
as you held me.
promises I thought
were made up of stardust
and real love

I found were
really just
******* and glitter
you got me high
made me ill
and I was too addicted
I was too sick
to give a ****
to want anything more
than your pretty
sparkly powder
that I inhaled
and overdosed from
time and time again


it's hard because,
I can never get enough of you
and yet,
the more of you I have
the worse I become


and
I need to write
because
I don't want
no, I 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵
*******
think about
the stupid
orange juice

anymore
I can't keep replaying
the good parts of the movie
and skipping all of the
*******
closing my eyes
fast-forwarding
whenever I don't want to see, or feel
but you gave me orange juice
and I remember kissing you
when you did
I watched you walk back to the car
and I wondered
if that was the last time
I would see you

I sipped on the juice
when my mom yelled
when the cops came

it kept me sane
I held onto the cup
like it was a life raft
in a tsunami

that was the orange juice
but you. . .

you never
once
persisted in being
something even remotely
similar to a life raft
if anything,
you were the tsunami
itself


and you gave me the means
to stay alive, sure

but just barely



eden
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Nikki May 22
we're all so foolishly desperate to be someone's perfect and in their eyes only.
You Keep me blinder and blinder with your love,
With your light,
Making me feel that I worth something in this world,
For the world we work'nd fight until we realise the world doesn't give a **** about what we do,

Blinder and blinder about what you really do,
For me, for our future,
For your Kind...
Yes, my heart used to be true...
We fought together and alone for the world
But
The world doesn't give a **** about what we did or wanted to do.

The world doesn't give a **** about what you need, about what we did or didn't do...
To think that we all fought
(together and alone)
And for what?
Duty... Honour... Respect. All garbage în the end. May I Thank you?
BCS
****** chicken soup,
Yum Yum,
Puddles of chicken soup
All over the space,
There's a tornado of soup
These days
Plenty of chicken soup
In the fridge too.
Happy the family,
Forevermore
For gallons of chicken soup
Every day made in the bathtub...
Hot warming the heart to the bones
******,
Bon on sweet
Puddles of yum yum,
On a plate the bowl
Of YummyYum,
****** chicken soup.
Chicken is: 1. sweet (godammit, let's hope it won't be killing us - 'cause God forbid, we want to live forever!)
                      2. tasty and nourishing, for sure! Nurturing only sentiment of good use.
                       3. ******* condescendent (these days. I Wonder if this is the way chicken always was. So ****** silent and all of).

*"- ****** survivors!" launched the chicken boiling in the bowl...
-****** chicken... Soup! Too hot again! the ragged voice of the termite terminator blurted.
- Oh, how I love a good hot bath and a juice show on such a hot day! Grinned the carrot.
I asked her, why?

Why she couldn't hold my gaze
Despite the indescribable connection we feel for one another.

And she told me
That we were like two sides of the moon
Always longing, but never meant to even see each other.

And nothing good would come from the fight to understand
The fight to see one another.

The fight to stay alive as two halves of each other.

For we do not complete us
We love so deeply we swallow ourselves whole
Trying so desperately to have more of what we cannot have.

We are two polarities
And we cannot co-exist together
Not like this.

I bid her farewell
Leaving her only in my thoughts and in the sky
That I often see her in.

The moon never seemed so dark as it rushed  to four quarters
Of what it used to be.

-Kore
I love women <3
eden Feb 17
please don't leave
your absence is unbearably
hard to swallow
difficult to stomach
painful to digest
but you force me
to eat every bite
on the plate
filled with static
it tastes like blood
it is so confusing
shocking and metallic
stinging my tongue
and hurting
burning
my throat

please
please baby
i don't want this
but you left
and so i have no choice
but to choke on this empty
breakfast
this is not nourishment
this is poison
you fed me poison
every kiss
every laugh
every touch
that i will never have again
only serves to **** me further
my insides are torn and
my guts are bleeding
where the ****
did you go?

and why did you do it?
i would have never
let you hold me so tightly
if i had known
you were
giving me venom
if i had known
you only came to leave

i eat this loss for breakfast
every morning
every
exhausting
morning
Man Jan 23
you're "laughing out loud" at me
that's good
i hope its hearty
thank god i'm humorous
to bring elation to a life as dull as yours
and i'm not upset
cause i'm laughing too!
SquidInk Nov 2020
What you said:
"LOL"
"bahahah"
"****"
"hehe"
"😂"
"hahahah"
What you wanted to say:
im in pain
i want a hug
im mad
im sad
im dissapointed
i miss him
im hurting
im crying
i want to cry
im not eating much anymore
im upset
i dont care
i don't know how to feel

i know that you dont know how to express your feelings, and i understand
you say "LOL" or "hahaha" when absolutely nothing is funny
you say it when you're hurting the most
but why does it help you cope
to say the opposite of what you're feeling
indirect interpretation
Next page