It's the waking up I hate Not the going to sleep People often confuse the two Not understanding what I mean I love to dream the night away The bed is one of my favorite places But every time I open my eyes All I see are disappointed faces So you see it's easier to stay up Pull an all-nighter or at least try Than to be shook awake by the painful reality The sobering pathetic state of my life So to avoid the jolt of the sudden truth I stay up until I can't fight and fall Honestly I'd sleep forever if I could But I can't so I'd rather not go to sleep at all
I know this is ironic but that moment when I first awaken and realize it's a ****** new day in a ****** up world with the same hateful state of mind is so ******* discouraging and difficult I would prefer to slowly fade into it from a long tired night than for it to hit me like a ton of bricks after a wonderful fantasy dreamland for however many blissful hours of relief.
she was apprehensive towards my behavior and each night she kindly asked me to come to bed early with her
but I would never listen
and thinking about it now as I’m screaming for an early bedtime I understand where she was coming from
but in the grand scheme of things, all those nights exploding with self-engagement, unmanageable consciousness, unsuitable stability, brimful and glistening with insomnia, insanity intoxication, isolation in that red light of the new dawn were just to beautifully violent and untimely to ever slow down.
all those nights
while her flea-bitten salt-crusted mouth snored through it all.