Tiny wool mittens
Roughly sculpted my frame
From a flat land of snow
To a girl with no name
2 frosty green peas
Became blurry eyes
Then 10 little craisins
Made a smile so wide
My arms were uneven
One thin and one thick
Many shades of brown
But of the same stick
A mildewed blue hat was
Placed right on my head
Plus a scarf round my neck
That was cardinal red
All my wonderful features
Yet I don't think I'm real
'Cause I'm a girl with no name
Who can not seem to feel

Let me explain
I think I'm okay
No I'm not fine
But that's not the same
When I feel like ****
From icing that hit
I take a deep breathe
I know I'll make it
Victorious name
I will beat his game
Im stronger than this
It's only some pain
In just a few year
I can up and leave here
After which time
My future's unclear

But that's okay
I will find a way

Family
Taut Vines
Of Love, Trust-
Unfortunate Turns
Binding People Together

Swollen eyes of sleep depreieve
With giant black bags underneath
Bright red cheeks huff and puff
Raggedly pained air that I breathe

Tear stains appear on my pillow each night
In dozens of crosshatched lines
But I drudge out of bed to wash them away
So that nobody knows they were mine

From here on out- I refuse to sleep
to be forced into nightmares again
Coffee and lights as my main support
Why should I worry my friends?

I love you, said the boy
Watching his brothers nap
I love you, said the girl
Rocking her pup on her lap
I love you, said the movie
That two people watched for kicks
I love you, said the man
As he gently kissed her lips
I love you, said the woman
While she nibbled on his ears
I love you, said the father
Giving his daughter away in tears
I love you, said the dad
To his newborn baby girl
I love you, said the mom
Who had all the love in the world

Fair to the broken
Who through mankind have been slain
She make's them all pay

Weave me blue blanket of lies
Made from young virtuous lamb,
Forevermore, my comfort to keep.
Diminutive truths bearing no power
Mixed within sweet fallacy threads
Create this masterpiece I hold so dear.
Chamomile brewing late into the night,
Screaming black kettle boils over the edge
And sizzling snaps trail quickly after.
Duvet released my hand reaches forth,
Blindly scraping left arm on hot stove.
Howls, yelps, screeches of pain fly out my lungs,
Loud enough for Lupa, Achos, and Ania
To gaily dance amidst- my guttural cries as melody.
Ice pressed against my torrid flesh
I grasp the blue cloth of lambskin,
My defense against harsh actuality.
Fraudulent bliss a path often chosen,
Tis the blind man's way of life,
So a blind man is what I shall be.

Hello, said you.
Hello* said me.
Whats wrong you ask
I smile, nothing
You glare, Do not lie
I grin, But I'm not
You huff, Talk to me
I sit like a robot
You write in your book
my actions, Im sure
But I wont share my thoughts
with this talking doctor

"Sorry I'm late sir... I ran into a strange man down my street who kept following me and asking to borrow my socks. At first I ignored him but realizing he was following me to school, I stopped to question him. When I asked him why he wanted my socks, he said he wanted to smell their musky scent. I flat out asked this man if he had a foot fettish, and he guffawed telling me he had a smell fettish. I quickly speedwalked away from the freaky man and because my nerves were so jumbled, I forgot to grab a pass in the office."

Finally notices its a female substitue, and looks at classmates to see their mouths hanging open ready to catch flies

"So... I will just sit down now"

A kiss on the cheek
A kiss on bare lips
A kiss on the nose
A kiss on bare hips

One kiss to a girl
One kiss to a boy
One kiss to a dog
One kiss to a stuffed toy

Kisses on rooftops
Kisses on beds
Kisses on tiptoes
Kisses thought out in heads

An addict for sure
Is what I must be
For I love me some kisses
And some kisses love me

I am
just a daisy
A tiny flower
small and obsolete
In a Field of Poppies
Who smell sweeter than I
And are larger with brighter colors
but while they might tease me for my size
It Will be Them Who are to be Plucked Away
For showing off their pretty colors in the warm sun
So I Will Get To Bloom Larger Yet Because I Am Just A Daisy

You're sorry you say?
Now have pity for me?
I laugh in your face
I know what I see
You've heard of my past
And now you feel bad
But you still used to judge
Used to make me feel sad
Don't come to me acting
Like your sympathies are true
You want to feel better... right?
*I hope guilt consumes you

Is Love...
Exposing bodies to be able to feel another's sweaty chest, swollen lips, sticky ***, and ragged breath?
Falling out of reality through colorful clouds until you pass out on the side of the road convulsing from an overdose?
Tending to the bruises and cuts given the night before while promising to never do harm again?
Wasting thousands of dollars on expensive toys and new fake bodies only to be unwanted years later?
Playing with the bodies of others while deceiving the one person who gave it their all?
Laying inside of strong arms and finally being able to feel safe and secure, even if only for a short while?
Waking up every day where the only contentment found is in visiting a gravestone that contains memories of a whole life lived?
A newborn child, with its bliss innocence of the cruel world it has been born into?
Being able to speak the 3 worded and 8 lettered phrase aloud?

Sunken eyes, minds and hearts
of even the strongest souls
have drowned in the Sea of Calamity.
Their last rational thought being
*Where did it all go wrong?

One mug- earth
2 tablespoons Cocoa mix- people
1 cup boiled water- society
1 mini marshmallow- me**

1. Place the mix inside of the mug.

2. Pour the water into the mug, and mix it until the cocoa is completely dissolved.

3. Drop in the marshmallow, and continuously dunk it into the scorching hot water until it dissolves.

4. Enjoy perfection!

The Fire Man wandered through town
Looking for a gal
To find some peace of mind one night
Clothes nowhere to be found

A Woman of Ice caught the mans eye
His flame catching hers as well
A storm of passion blew between
Unknowingly brewing a spell

A Water Child was brought about
Come from their flames and ice
A child so sweet, he lifted their curse
As in him they found a new life

It's a tragedy

You gaze into green eyes
Upon curves and stretch marks,
Onto a battlefield of scars,

Weilding two calloused hands,
A pair of average ears
All topped off with a crooked smile

A person you've liked, loved
Stares back from the blunt glass mirror
That person, you, is me.  


It's a tragedy

I once met a boy
Who disguised as a saint
Trying lure me in
He flawed in his ploy
For there was nothing to taint
I'm made up of sin

There was an old man on my street,
Who resembled a pig made for meat;
He cussed and he drank
He fought and he stank,
'till a car squished him into concrete!

Its quite a funny thing
My darling asked last night
She asked why the sky was pink
In the summers warm sky
I told her that little birds flew up
and painted it that way for all
But she giggled and said to me
Theres no air, they would fall!
When I was a young girl
I asked why the sky was blue
and when told it was painted that way
I took those words as pure truth
But my darling I am proud
that you question what is said
that will help you will be aware of those
Whose lies to you are fed

Unfeeling, I watched the waves rise
Over sunsets of color and light.
Grasping my cold hand
You took me to land-
Denied Neptune the right to my life.

Feeling, I looked into your face-
Sad tears looking so out of place.
I sat with you all night
Promising, not to die
No matter the demons that chase.

Icy Winds of Lost Friendships
Surround my Soul Today
I Used to Count,
All my Friends on One Hand
But I Pushed All But One Far Away
Off the Bridge of Love and Respect
Is Where I Threw Them Out
No More Simple Humans
To Care About Me
Im Fine, Without a Doubt

You ever sat on a couch or a chair
In a room you've been in before
Maybe even your very own house
Surrounded by laughter and music
While the aroma of joy and food fills the air
People talk, or you do some talking
And nothing is wrong in the world.

You ever been in this moment
But just want to disappear
Because you're suffocating in yourself
And why should you deserve fresh air to breathe
When plenty of Angels in this world
Deserve so much more than your demonic self?

So smile
And laugh
And eat
And dance
And talk
And put up with your happy life
Because you're a fücking monster for wanting more.

Snared upon a rusted hook
A hook that's known as Doubt
Deep in my skin
It stays within
As blood slowly seeps out

Thrashing against it's tangled hold
Is how I used to fight
But now I lay
In disarray
Sinking deeper into my plight

Closing my eyes I hear them well
The words they screeched and sang
Fatty, ******
Liar, Doozy
Deep in my mind these rang

I'm tired of my empty shell
Their opinions are quite right
I'm finally done
My demons won
I'll forever be out of your sight

I've been hit by Life
She's ran me over twice;
Sometimes she can be nice,
A friend you call for free food.
But most of the time, it seems
She's that crazy ex outside your house
Wielding a blowtorch
Begging for you to make a wrong move

Panda woman, that is me
Wears a mask and is chubby
Climbing up a bamboo tree

My mind keeps forgetting
how to breathe right
For while others air go
In and out
out and in
In a simple function of normality
Mine falters a lot of the time

Turns my voice into wheezing gasps
The dead could speak better than I
My lungs squish into a tiny box
In the center of my chest
Causing a volcanic eruption of pain

It is a very similar feeling to my heart
Which thumps and clamors
At a speed unknown to humanity
The pace of a jackrabbit heart
whose cotton little tail's on fire
Until it simply feels like it
**pops

To be or not to be
Within the same room
But mind wandering

You're here, you say
But never around
Always planning the next escape

I'd rather you go
Be elsewhere, not here
It breaks all our hearts
When you can't seem to care

How morbidly cruel we humans are
To have deemed the cherry red rose
Slashed of its life and rid of its thorns
As the purest symbol of love

I only need you
Lover, drown me through deserts
Of painful mistrust

Cold, frosty, blue lips
Seem more capable of warmth
Than her ice, blue heart

I no longer question
The way of this world
Not that I would want to anyhow

I no longer ask
Why beggars are scorned and ignored
Even the children younger than me

I no longer ask
About Mermaids and Fairies and Elves
Nor the werewolves and vampires

I no longer ask
Where the sun and the moon came from
Or if the angels live on clouds

I no longer question
The way of this world
Not the questions that matter, at least

Your heart is there,
it's just on a different plane of existence
which is why only I can see it.
Our hearts live on the same level
of pain and secrets.

At the young age of three
My brother said to me
"I wish I got hit by a car"
My thoughts wandered far

Why would a child?
Have thoughts so vile?
I didn't comprehend
That this wasn't the end.

At the age of 14
I typed on a screen
"I want to jump off and die,
I'm ready to meet my demise"

I understood the pain
My brother held in his brain
No wonder life felt drab
When I couldn't even feel sad.

And yesterday, at 11 years
My youngest brother told me crying tears
"I want to jump off something tall
I want to die, I feel so small"

I hugged him tight
Kissed his cheek
Told him life, does seem real bleak

But these thoughts,
I've had them too
And your brother
And grandmother
And my mother
It runs in our blood
To feel so alone
But together we're strong
So please don't go.

Confusion of the senses
I smell a burning lie
Listen to the color's leak
Fall out the endless sky

Listen

I know I'm not
What most would see to be sane

But you see
I don't see
How faking a love of romance and passion
And beautiful things

Can truly be so bad
If it's the only way he'll stay

Best Friend of my universe
The only person
I couldn't imagine a world without

When he laughed
And then nearly cried

"I don't love you anymore"

I saw the pools of hurt arise
I knew right then his words, all lies
And knew that this was my last

Chance

To keep him in my life
And as I'm selfishly afraid
Of being alone again
I took it

"I was afraid"
I swallow my self loathing away
"Because I love you"

The hope swells, he smiles wide
Laughing, he grabs my hands

"I knew you loved me"

Pang, I shut off my emotions
As he grasps my *******
And slobbers his lips on my own

Boom, my head beats in disgust
Goosebumps rising in panic
My every nerve ending wanting to run
I smile at him when he says

"Tell me you love me"

I feel bile rise, why do I do this?
Is flinging my clothes to the floor
As he leads me to my bed
The necessity to keep my last Friend?

****, why do I do this
Again and again?
Self destruction behavior, big surprise

Right?

But I swear I've never stooped so low
But I've never felt so alone
But I can't recall loving a man
But I've never rejected lust
But with him the touch is rough
But now I'm 3 months pregnant
But it's with a person I choose
But he thinks all this touching is normal
But I can't seem to ever say no

"I love you too"

I refuse to loose you my friend
Not ever again
No matter the cost

As a grape I was in shock

As a pear I was enraged

As an apple I was embarrassed

As a grapefruit I was ashamed

As a pineapple I was depressed

As a watermelon I was a mess

But when he came out a babe, things fell into place

Away fled the shame as love took its place

I know how it sounds
When your eyes do abound
On these pages of mine
Where you read my thoughts cry
Since I say I'm okay
Though ruled by Anxiety
A Monarchy of despair
But I'd hate to reside where
Emotions lead down a path
Where I cry and then laugh
I promise that I'm all good
Things are just as they should
Karma's taken its toll
On my sin bearing soul
And I'm calm with my fate
But I do fücking hate
When the people around me
Are falling and drowning
And I can't do a thing.

A girl sits alone on worn, cracked steps
Not seen by any, but seeing of all
She sees the beauty, and lovely things
She sees the ugly, and tragic things

People pass by the worn steps, isolated from all
They need to see, she thinks
To see the beautiful and lovely things
To see the ugly and tragic things

Pen in hand, paper on lap
Chewing on lip, taking a breath

She writes of tenderness,
A cheeky child grinning as he embraces his mother

She writes of adrenaline,
A reckless teen screaming as he jumps off a waterfall

She writes of anguish,
An old man sobbing as he holds his lifeless dog

She writes of loneliness,
A girl sitting alone on worn, cracked steps

The most common lie
That has tumbled off my tongue
**Im tired, thats all

A snowflake kissed me
Upon my bright cherry cheeks
The softest kisses

Sometimes
In the Sunshine
Is where my heart lies
And I never wanna leave

But the dark climbs
Through the night sky
And I can't fight it
No I can't fight what's meant to be

Please protect my soul
If there's a Father above
Keep my body whole
From breaking apart

I have felt so cold
And broken apart
So please protect my soul
If there's a Father above

Sometimes
It's a good day
Clouds are away
And I'm feeling like a champion

Then there's mistakes
That makes my heart shake
And I can't fight it
No I can't fight what's meant to be

Please protect my soul
If there's a Father above
Keep my body whole
From breaking apart

I have felt so cold
And broken apart
So please protect my soul
If there's a Father above

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
Should I fight my own war?
Should I kneel down and pray?
You know it's hard to have faith
In a man up above
When the people you know
And the people you love
Drag you hopeless and torn
Left you crying and worn

And as a child
A small child
It was so easy to love

And as a child
A small child
It was so easy to pray
To that man up above

Please protect my soul
If there's a Father above
Keep my body whole
From breaking apart

I have felt so cold
And broken apart
So please protect my soul
If there's a Father above

Please

Sympathy
And
Empathy
To Me
Was as Confusing
As being Forced
To Spew
Fake Apologies