Our childhood was scarred by the efforts to erase it
Our memories mixed with emotions and bitter ghosts
Our time was limited since the moment of our first breath
Our future painted grey at most

We tried to break free of our chains
And the ugly demons holding us back
We tried to break free of these useless rhymes
But our destiny was doomed forever trapped

Life became nothing more than broken vignettes
Held together by seams of bitter hate
Whether it was reality or just an illusion
We wanted out of this dreadful fate

We'd die young and alone
Forever unwanted
We'd die with no tombstone
Forever haunted

But if you look closely
You'll see our tragic stories
drawn across our wrists

Lines jaggedly flowing
You ignored our suffering
But save the others
(With my last breath)
*I insist

The angels weep silently,
As the stars fall into the night.
Signifying another life lost,
Into the mist, out of sight.

My star still burns,
Yet so dimly it might fall too.
For I'm not dead but am dying,
Fading out of what I once knew.

What purpose do I have?
Just a meaningless ball of gas.
Why should keep on burning?
If I'm just living like broken glass.

Stuck in the between
Of life and death and,
what matters most

Slowly weeping
For what I should've had,
could've had so close

From a shooting star
To a dying one
Just waiting to fall too

From a bright light
To a crying one
Just wanting to start anew

And as I gaze out to the mist
I see another one fall
The angels weeping silently
For the next one they call

And worst of all..
It was not these
empty screams
nor the shards of
broken lyrics I belted out...

It was the sole simple fact..
that I bled for you
I opened up to you
I believed you
And only you
inside and out...

I believed you...
when you whispered to me
Those sugar coated lies
Lying under the screaming stars

I believed you...
when you cuddled close to me
and told me it'd be alright
That I'll learn to love these scars.

And I believed you again and again
Over and over
Our story that never ends...
that I was not broken,
just simply bent
that I was not shattered,
just had a dent
that I was not pathetic,
just completely spent
that I was not crazy,
just...

well what does it matter now?

My tears inked this paper
but the thoughts of you
turned it into a long vent.

My intricately crafted emotions
now turned into a disaster
not worth a cent.

And no matter what I say
My future is already clear,
written in cement.

And I still love you..
I always will
Though I shouldn't
I relent...

I just want you to be happy
I just want to save your soul
Because its selfish of me to want you
When my own life's out of control

You can't help me with my demons
While you still have yours to tame
You can't sit with me through the darkness
I don't want you to feel that pain

So I'll tell you I hate you
That you need to leave
Because I can't be selfish tonight
Though I want you to stay with me

All I wish is for you to have a happy life
One where you achieve all your hopes and dreams...

All I want is for you to have a fairy tale ending
Not be dragged down by someone broken at the seams...

But to give that perfect to you
I'll have to make you cry today
Just know how much I love you
And can't let your life fade to gray

I just want you to be safe
I just want to see you smile
And even though I'll forever miss you
You'll forget me after a while

You called me an artist
With a broken down soul
So when did I become your seamstress
And someone you thought you could control?

Trying to sew together these pieces
Of your broken down heart.
But who's going to be there for me
Deep in the night when I fall apart?

I'm just held together by band-aids
That you would call plastic smiles
Simply dressed in faux happiness
That you would call a style.

Eyes twinkling in a pool of lies
While my demons fight within
Adding a fake skip to my stride
While hiding these cuts on my skin.

But tonight,
The shards from my empty,
broken down heart
Are cutting in way too deep

And tonight,
The echoes in my empty,
broken down walls
Are screaming too loud to sleep.

So as I toss and turn tonight
In this endless infinite beat
Where are you now darling
As I'm alone crying in my sheets

And one thing is for sure
Never again will we meet
Because only one thing is for sure
This history always repeats

Lost in the waves
By the sweet salty sea
Watch my thoughts float away
Deep into the breeze

As the tides pull away
They always come back you see
Like when I push you away
And you come back to me

The ripples in the water
Come to wash away our sins
Second chances are rare,
So where do we begin?

Now the seeping sand weeps
And burns away our past
It buries the skeletons away
And the shadows that they cast

You told me once before
That together we'd finish this fight
That we have to wash away our demons
If we want to live right

So walk with me for now
Away from our problems, into the night
Walk with me for now
Away from our shadows, into the moonlight

I want to say goodbye
Leave all these shadows behind
So you need to let me go
In life there's no rewind

You try to save me from myself
But you can't save someone
who wants to drown

You try to pull me back up
But the only way I can see
from here is down

These cuts are getting too deep
And these whispers too loud
There's no peace even in sleep
And I'm just an empty face in the crowd

See I ran out of plastic smiles
And misplaced my mask
Now my true colors are bleeding through
Who knows how long I'll last

But promise me one thing
Just one thing I ask
Let me say goodbye tonight
Let me escape what's past

Sometimes I pretend to be a poet
Because poetry is art
And art is beautiful forever,
Whether its burned, scratched, or torn apart

And you can judge me all you want
The little lines and splatters of ink everywhere
Judge me across the window pane
Like I'm a broken masterpiece beyond repair

All these words written in the night
All these emotions painted on my skin
Admire me from afar, sweetheart
Or you'll see the darkness within

One step too close you might break me
Shatter all my endless walls
Break my skin and cut me so deep
That I may never stop the fall

One little cut is all it takes
Watch my words bleed onto the page

One little tear until it breaks
Watch my demons flood onto the stage

One little cut,
One little tear,
One broken smile,
Watch it all disappear

One little word,
One little line,
One broken poet,
Well, the end is near...

Well I'm crashing, barely breathing
The feeling I've lost all control
On the driver's seat, but who's driving?
I'm sitting slowly losing my soul

You told me it would get better
Told me to give it some time.
Is it time enough now though,
Now that I'm bleeding out in rhyme

Flipping over and over again
While broken shards of memories lost
Burn through my bleeding brain.

Crashing and turning over again
While sounds of sirens drown me out
Driving me insane

Yet the impossible promises never stop
"You're going to be okay"
I'm gasping and drowning for air
While you're begging me to stay

So close to the end
And I never felt more alive
I just took a shortcut out
Of this never-ending drive

"...in a major accident..."
And the voices are drowned out by chimes
Because the only mistake I ever made
Was struggling to live all this time

So what's so bad about that?
I'l never see the finish line
But there was nothing waiting for me there anyway
Except a simple "dead end" sign

Well life never goes as planned
And some dreams never meant to come true
So I'll forever be stuck in the sand
Though I just want to start anew.

A clean slate, A clean soul
With no past haunting me
A new name, A new goal
To live like I was meant to be.

No more bad decisions
No more stupid rhymes
No more dealing with feelings
Or any more tough times.

I'll keep my mouth shut this time
No sharing secrets or more pain
Be the perfect person I want to be
Not this broken girl gone insane.

Then maybe I can make her happy
That little girl stuck staring at the sky
And turn these useless words to something
So life could be more than a lie...

So sick of seeing familiar faces
So done with this whole joke.
So tired of the same old places
And these memories so broke.

Well you told me it'd get better
You sang it to me in rhyme.
But words can't make life sweeter
And I'm just stuck in time.

My plastic smiles have faded
My hope vanished somewhere.
The only option left is to run
To I don't know where.

Running away from myself
While trying to reach this goal
Never running fast enough
To escape out of this hole.

So tell her sorry for me
The little girl with so many dreams,
She just wanted to touch the stars
And not be so broken at the seams...

Settling back into the rhythm
Of our heart's beating rhyme
Hoping we can work again,
But something's off this time...

We were perfect for eachother
But that was before I was broken
Into little shards of nothingness
While my feelings were left unspoken...

Yet like a hero you came for me
To pick up my metallic remains.
To put me back together
And free me of these chains...

But sweetheart I wish you then knew
That paper that's wrinkled and ripped too
Can't be put back together by glue
And I'm a broken machine missing a *****...

Now every tick of the tock
And every beat of your heart
Just keeps reminding me that
We're closer to falling apart...

You thought you could save me
But I'm an unfixable machine
Now we're just clinging on to
Nothing but a hopeless dream...

Yet while you'll soon move on
And find a better fit
I'll shrivel up and die
Alone in this deep little pit...

I'm an artist they say...
I painted my illusions of dreams
I drew on a smile everyday,
I was happy, so it seemed

But my palette ran low
As my colors faded grey
Now my life holds on by a thread
And I'm just fighting just to stay

Because as the days go on,
I let these colors bleed through.
From my paper to my skin,
I'm nothing but red, black, and blue.

I turned myself into a canvas
Trying to describe this strife
But it wasn't beautiful at all
For my paintbrush was a knife

And my paintings are nothing but
empty promises of what we once knew
The only color left in my life
Are my memories of you

In a room full of people
Yet I'm so empty inside
So tired of putting on these masks
With nowhere to hide

Under my bed
in the midst of the night
my demons run loose
and keep me up with fright

I'm constantly running
Away from myself
Screaming, shouting, crying
For anyone to help

And as the sun rises
I've survived another day
Still clinging on to the hope
That this will all go away

I'm slipping away again
Deep into the unknown
Into this dark void of nothingness
Where my true colors are shown

In this valley of dark shadows
Dark monsters reign from the past
Stuck within a world of my own demons
I don't know how long I'll be able to last.

I thought I finally had a home
Somewhere I belonged and cared
But I guess that was an illusion too
Along with the life I thought we shared

And I'm just wandering these empty alleys
Hiding from the monsters inside
They'll hunt me down and tear me apart
Till I have nothing left but pride

Pride that I didn't give in
Somehow I survived another day
I managed to watch another sunset
Wishing my problems would just go away

When you think everyday is your last
That these demons will finally **** you
Then what's left to live for in this world?
Besides the broken pieces of what we once knew...

But I can't show you what hides behind
my mirage of this rainbow of hopeful colors.
The color red bleeds on my skin
While black and grey everything covers

Because I breathe in nothing but ashes
And the shadows of what once used to be
I'm stuck between a valley of empty promises
Behind this illusion I put out for you to see

In truth, I'm just a broken girl
Simply too weak to survive
Yet there's nothing more I can possibly do
Then put on a plastic smile and hide.

Because though I seem to be just fine
My true colors are bleeding through
They pop up on my skin,
Colors red, black and blue.
And when I'm running from my demons
My only thought is of you
Seeing another day would've been easier
If only you just knew.

So
Sticks and stones
may break my bones
but words may never hurt me

Because
my heart is cold,
of ice and stone
sitting alone in a palm tree

And
words whizz by
and my steel heart lay stuck,
in this little brown tree

I
forever wonder if the
world spinning by
will ever stop to notice me

Maybe
I'm just lost and
in this cold world I'll find you
standing there holding a key

To
Unlock my heart
and spill my secrets out
out for everyone to see

Can
I finally get away
From being locked up inside
myself and finally be free?

Or
Am I just dreaming
Are you already gone
far away from me?

So
It's sad but without you
my heart's still lost,
cold and dying out at sea

Because
steel drowns
though, for now, I sit here
waiting in this little palm tree

You make my heart ache
clench, quiver, and sway
Break it into pieces
and watch it fade away.

Yet one look into your eyes
and I'd let you do it once more.
Hurt me over and over
and I'd still demand an encore.

But do you really love me?
Or are you just using me too?
Did "us" ever exist?
Or was I just hung up on you?

Because you swore to me
that one starry night
under the stars,
under the moonlight

That you'd never hurt me
and we were meant forever
But what if really
forever lasted for never?

Yet all these doubts
and questions in my mind
went away at your touch
and the stars realigned.

And I was stuck again
drowning deep in your eyes
weakening at your touch
as I let down my disguise

Because you were the only one
who ever saw the real me
and my heart still belongs to you
though everyone says it shouldn't be.

And you can call me stupid
for not being able to see
I meant nothing to you
But you meant everything to me...

These sands of time
slowly slip through my mind,
Grains that slow and fade,
unable to be defined

Are we really living life,
or are we just living to breathe?
To count the days as they fade away,
softly in the summer breeze?

I want to believe there's more
To life then the eye can see
but my time is ticking away
and soon I won't be me

I'm fading away
slowly
I'm losing time.

I'm fading away
slowly
as I lose myself in rhyme.

These grains of time
have slipped away
up into the breeze.

You won't see me again
I've slipped away
out into the sea.

So tell me now,
now that my time is done
do you miss me at all?

Or are you still lost
within the worlds of time
running towards your own downfall?

If you're a pencil,
then I'm the paper,
We're perfect together,
but not forever.

Lean on me,
tell me your deepest lies.
Show me your true self,
what's under that disguise.

Spill your secrets,
Color me grey
Tear off my edges,
Mean what you want to say.

Fill me up
With your darkest thoughts.
Leave me stranded,
Alone in your room.
Let me down
With your fancy words,
And leave me to my doom.

I'll shrivel up over the ages.
With your secrets locked inside.
But you'll forget me and move on,
For the world I have died.

Because I existed
only for you
for your smiles
and the pictures you drew.
But I guess I was stupid
you never even knew
how much
I truly...
Loved You...

My pencil scribbles
on this empty sheet
defining the story of my life.
Incoherent lines for
incoherent thoughts,
unable to describe this strife.

These useless words dance
on the empty edges of lined pain.
These ruthless monsters rejoice
on  the empty corners of my brain.

My mind is a battlefield
of meaningless words
and demons of the past.
The only hero left
is a sole broken soul
that'll never even last.

But one look at you
and the lost soul is no more.
Something new flickers,
there's some hope for the war.

But the flicker of hope vanishes
as the last straying colors fade grey.
The hero knows it is a zero,
and doesn't want you to stay.

Because I'd let hope in to help,
but it's too late to try.
I have to fight this battle myself
Can't let you in to drown and die.

I'm bad news and a lost cause
all rolled into one
I may smile but I'm shattered,
incurable when the day is done.

Colorless...
Loveless...
Useless...
Like these words I pour out.

Emotionless...
Heartless...
Hopeless...
Chained up by demons, too broken to shout

Show me fake love,
Lie to me in the face...
Kiss me with broken words
and hold me in an empty embrace.

Love me,
Love me not
I don't even care.
Just remember to
buy me some flowers
and play with my hair.

Compliment me
once in a while
tell me jokes and
make me smile

Make me fake promises
promise me a place
with just the two of us
and nothing but empty space.

Because love is just an illusion
that does nothing but shatter my heart
and what we have is a hopeless dream
and you'll understand that if you're smart.

Just show me fake love,
and lie to me in the face...
Kiss me with tainted words
and break me with grace

Another year
has Come and passed
Who knew
this long I would last.

My body is working
But I can't move
My heart is paralyzed
At the sight of you.

And my lips are moving
but words can't escape
Your name stuck in time,
as I stand here agape...

In the back of my mind,
thoughts swirling inside
memories crashing and burning ,
drowning in the deep tide.

The reality you convinced me was true
turned out to be nothing more
than a figment of my mind.

The truth you convinced me was reality
turned out to be nothing more
than a lost paradise I designed.

And a single tear
drops
from my face

And my heartbeat
stops
empty in space

As my realities crash
and tear into pieces
My life crashes
and cries into shreds...
Because you were all left of me
And now that too is dead.

Well I guess we all have
our own versions of the truth
Our own little realities
Mine separate from you

When I say that I'm alright
And you know that's not true
When my smile, its so fake
And I can't hide it from you

So maybe I'm living in an illusion,
Or maybe this is all just a dream.
I don't want you to see my life
how it really is.
You mean too much to me

You barely scratched the surface
of my whole life story
And to tell the truth
I don't want you to know,
Just think that my life's boring

It's better for you
and better for me
If you keep living in this illusion
Because we only see what we want to see
And you don't need to see these scars...
They hide too much of the truth
The truth I myself hide from.

And I hope you'll never have to find
The ugly truth that I call my life
I'll keep it all buried in time
In this pain, in this strife.

I'm trying to hold on
To this little sliver of a lie
that holds the broken pieces of my reality,
Telling myself I'll be alright...
That this pain is just an illusion
And in truth I'll be fine.

But I was never good at lying
And I'm just doing this for you.

Because you're
safe
in your own little
reality
As long as its
Far
from my own little
truth.

Who knew it was possible
to feel so many things at once
as I looked at you smiling
After so many months

I'm glad you found a way
to wipe those tears from your face
I wanted to make you smile
but that's not the case.

I miss you
but you're happy now
Forgive me for breaking
your heart in two.
But we weren't meant to be
That, at least, is true.

We should've lasted forever
Who knew forever was so short.
And you may blame me for the end of us
But let me tell you
You're still my everything
However much I wish that wasn't true.
And after all those memories we made.
It's hard to forget you.

But though I wish to
hold on
to you.
I just had to let you go...

December has come
And time has passed
Who knew without you
This long I'd last

It's weird to think
You won't be here
For Christmas was our
favorite time of the year

Gingerbread houses
and the Christmas trees
Snowball fights
and the cold, cold breeze...

And you won't be here
to save me from the cold
or to wrap me up tight
at night as we grow old

And you won't be here
to chase me around the room
To steal my chocolate cookies
or to escape on a broom

All the nonsense we did
all the jokes we had
are frozen in place
in the Christmas past

And as I set up this tree
and light it up too
I sit here wondering
what do I do

I always love the Holidays,
but I'm thinking of you.
Of all the smiles we shared
and the songs we knew.

And you should know,
I asked Santa for a gift
But I know I won't get it,
I know, I admit.

I even sent a letter
My wish, I couldn't buy,
I wished and I wished
I still had to try...

Because if there's one thing that I knew,
It's that Christmas
Wouldn't be Christmas
Without You

Well,
If I thought you could fix me
I guess I was wrong
Cause all we could
is try to heal ourselves in song

I guess,
We're both broken,
But if you're a wreck,
I'm a catastrophe and
drowning in my own mess

Because,
Now we're apart
and all that is left
Are these unfinished words
and promises never kept.

Tonight,
I'm drowning in my own tears
and memories of you
in a room of broken music notes
and broken hearts too.

And,
I want to run back to you
but I know that will be wrong.
I guess we were never meant to be
anything more than an unfinished song...

Is it a sin
To be so broken apart...
To be so torn at the edges
That there's nothing left but heart?

I'm still beating
Though I feel like I have no soul.
This life I'm barely breathing,
And maybe I've lost control.

Skin torn off by shards of broken promises
Bones withered down by time,
Yet the only thing I have left is this heart
This heart I pour out in rhyme.

Maybe I've lost control
And all sense of direction
I have but nothing left,
Not even an ounce of protection.

These words I spill out,
Written in the blood of my empty heart,
They're the only thing I have left,
Every other piece of me is torn apart.

So I'm begging you,
With this one last thing I have to say,
Take care of these words, my heart,
It's already broken anyway.

People come,
and Lovers go.
Follow your passion
and strive for your goal.

Tomorrow is real,
and time will come.
But love is reserved
for the naive ones.

Love is for the lonely
or the ones who haven't found themselves.
Not for you, you pretty one
take the world for yourself.

You cannot fall in love,
What falls, breaks.
And you cannot grow in it either,
for the seeds are fakes.

Don't let love misguide you,
for its nothing but a shadow.
It'll linger and fade,
because people themselves outgrow.

I tell you this as a warning.
Steel up your heart, and let it grow cold.
For if you cannot love, you cannot get heart-broken.
At least... That's what I'm told...

A little girl asked me today,
With her eyes full of hope,
and her face like a dove.

She asked, "Please, I need to ask...
What is the meaning of Love?"

I told her to ask me anything else,
anything but that.

I looked her in the eyes, so innocent and kind.
I could not tell her if I wanted to
She was still yet too young,
with yet too much to go through

Love's for dreamers,
for it really doesn't exist
but in fairy tales and storybooks
and these stupid fat myths.

The true meaning of love?
If you listen I'll say,
But for you romantics out there,
I beg you not to stay.

Love is nothing but an illusion
It messes with your heart
and messes up your brain.
It's nothing but sleepless nights
and causes nothing but endless pain.

It's an ever-growing fire
that's meant to be admired
and cause odd desires
in empty souls just trying to belong
in this empty world of liars.

It consumes you
and spits you out,
till nothing's truly left,
but the ashes of a broken soul
and promises never meant to be kept.

These old poems...
Turn to new songs
As I dream sitting awake
All night long

And the days...
They will go by
As I regret demons past
And saying goodbye

But at least when I'm awake...
At 2 AM and thinking of you
I'll have these songs with me
And something to sing to.

The faster I run
The faster these monsters keep
Catching up to me

And it feels like I'm
The only one reliving
My own tragedy

How will I escape
I'll forever be stuck in
This loop of blind faith