deep breaths. racing heart. what is the teacher saying? bouncing leg accompanied by the tap tapping of fingers. room needs cleaned. check needs picked up. how long until school is out? the secondhand has a tick. have tests to study for. is that a new ring on her hand? my appointment starts at 4:30. the AC has kicked on. when will the weather make up its mind? need to pay attention to notes. need more sleep. my shoe came untied. the wind is blowing the trees outside. what college do i want to go to? did I turn in my assignment? this needs to stop.
Here is a jumble of my thoughts from the past 20 minutes.
i still call you, just to hear your voicemail. i wish one day you would pick up the phone. but at least i can still hear your voice
i needed to call today i dialed your number and i knew there would be no answer but today all i heard was an automated voice message now all i think about is what happened to you
this was a draft, but today the phone didn´t even ring and i feel so lost what happened to your phone what happened to you will i ever see you again what am i supposed to do now why do i still miss you
My life was all smoke and mirrors trying to disguise the pieces that were broke. Smoke filled lungs made my head feel clearer, but parts of me were still disappearing. As I forgot about my motivations, and was stressed to make end meet. Waking up with mental lacerations. I had a lot of plates, but no food to eat. There was a lot in my life that seemed to go wrong, but I kept moving forward to the next day. Delivering pizza my car breaks down. What can I do to get paid? Dropped out of college to make more money. Now how does that even make cents? One day you were just at my apartment. This was the first time we met. Slowly you showed me who I could become. It's something I can never forget. One day exactly I remember fully falling in love, and two years later that feeling still exists. Growing more with the days, hours and minutes. You have changed my life more than I can perceive.
Would the ocean feel any pain If it couldn't tide, would it strain? If the moon didn't pull it each night With no force to help it feel light Struggling with its surface tension Reaching out, without attention Would it burst under the pressure? Or would it die, without pleasure? I would relate to its heartache Holding it in, trying not to break. Universe, stop calling my bluff. I think... I've had more than enough.
Guilt that all i feel It's this constant emotion that won't leave And you reassure me saying it's okay But it's clearly not Because if it were okay I wouldn't be feeling this way If it were okay You would be telling me that it's not okay