Why does it seem like
people go from "Lost in life"
to "Too late to start"

I prefer silence
because I am shy and awkward
but I hope you stay

because I like
the sound of your voice
it's sweet and strong

if freedom is a
state of mind
then I am a prisoner
trying to find peace
by avoiding life;
pretending
the things I can't have
aren't worth having,
but I want
You

An empty frame
is not a window
is not a door
is not a mirror
so how do I see
behind the scene?

People don't die alone
They only die lonely

it's been raining
like waves crashing on the sidewalk
i've been avoiding the puddles
waiting on the dawn of something i can hold
to come along and make me feel alive
again?

but the days never come easy
the morning rush only brings silence
the loneliness drags on
i've been wondering if the strangers on the bus
feel the same way
i do
are they breathing?

sleep won't come
affectionate offerings mean nothing
it could get better
but all it is
is getting worse
and all i to know
is i want to know
what it feels like
to feel hurt again
because all i feel
is nothing

so if this happens to be a rare situation
a bad dream where i'm running
a sweet dream where i cut
off everything i hate
about myself
maybe it'll turn out alright
and i'll find the feeling
to feel alive
again

i've been fighting a long time
i can't save him now
i've been fighting a long time
she can't save me now
i've been fighting a long time
i can't save me now

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

I don't understand why I'm so broken

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I feel it
Cause it was my fault
I ****** up again
but all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Yeah I know you're tired of hearing it
The excuses and sorry's
But it's all I have
and all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing, “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I need it
Cause I know I don't deserve forgiveness
And all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

One day I'll make it all right
But for now
all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
So don’t be mad at me

I ain't mad at cha

We didn't start out in love
But there was something in your madness
So familiar
I realized what others couldn't
So I stay holding your heart
And find comfort in your sadness

You stopped listening
While I was patiently waiting
Still a Stranger
I thought we'd be okay
When you said you cared (about me)
But you'll always be sitting on the edge
And I'll always be saying goodbye
To the man I think I know

When you show your flaws
I find comfort in your sadness
So take my hand, take my hand
Cause the rain is turning to flames
And you won't be sleeping
When your mind keeps leading you to the chair
Say "Goodbye", Say "Goodbye"
Cause you find comfort in your sadness

"You're adorable"
he smiled
"a lovely person;
very passionate;
caring;
sensitive...
I don't even think I'm complimenting
It's just a truth"
And I don't accept compliments
But because he said it
I'm accepting a truth

There is a black line between the page and the words.
When the line smudges
I get anxious
'Cause it makes the page ugly,
Feels out of control
And I'm wondering do I rip out the page
Or continue the line
What would you do?

She spends her days knitting the ocean
Where the waves crash against the docks
And tides sweep her away

I wonder if she would
Knit me a collarbone of gypsophila
How I would love for those long fingers
To make me tremble underneath their touch
I’ve tried not to think about
What it would feel like if she painted my spine
An explosion of hues like galaxies
But here I lie
Thinking of her warm breath caressing my thighs

Flushed skin and swollen lips
Prends-moi et ne me laisse pas partir
White shirts and boxer shorts
Fais-moi rire entre les draps

Woke up without her again
Every passing day is like the red scarf she knit just for me
Unraveling like ice cubes melting on the pavement
And I can’t take this heat
If only we could rewind a moment
Then could we rewrite a moment?
Then could I keep her instead of saying goodbye?

I can’t decide if she was dusk or dawn
All I know is
She was beautiful when she smiled
And I forgot how to be sad
When she made grilled cheese sandwiches
And I couldn’t help but fall more in love
When she danced around the kitchen in her underwear

I miss bad jokes
I miss cold feet
I miss needing a reason…

I miss the way she knit me love

I saw a boy walk between the bodies
Wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
He made them a promise to send the letters
Empty promises they will never keep
They’re not coming home
But they said they would

I saw soldiers
Run towards death on shaky legs
When they stepped off the boats
Out of the trenches
Fly up and down the line
Determination in their eyes
To protect a boy and a girl

I saw a girl walk between the bodies
Placing flowers on their eyes
And a hand beneath their heads
As she took away their screams
Hers shatter the sky
She wiped away their tears
Hers caused a flood
She took away their cold
Her body is painted purple & blue & black
She no longer feels

Abandoned by the world
I saw a veteran fall
At their graves is where he lays
Where he replays the horrors

But we won the war

He saw his friends walk between the graves
They’re wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
Determination in their eyes
As they fall and drown in a sea of blood

But we won the war

He sees his friends walk between the graves
Following a boy and a girl

But we won the war

They place flowers on his eyes
And a hand beneath his head
As they take away his screams
Theirs shatter the sky
They wipe away his tears
Theirs cause a flood
They take away his cold
His body is painted purple & blue & black
He no longer feels loss and pain and hurt

They won the war
At the graves

As people we live in a broken world
There is no denying that
And we're looking for something
We're empty and we try to fill ourselves with money and cars and *** and happiness...
If someone is hungry enough they'll try to eat their own shoes
If someone is hungry enough they'll eat their own heart
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by giving gifts and cards...
For those who have been forgotten and underappreciated
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by drawing silly faces on post-it notes and giving away our hearts...
Waiting on a thank you
A smile
Waiting to be held
To feel like someone cared
But we refuse to accept a touch of love
Would it even satisfy the hunger?
It's not what we need
Maybe we don't even know what we need
Maybe all we need is a friend to sit with us in silence
As it tries to split us in two
Because we know we need something
It’s why we eat our shoes
Even though they are worn and scuffed and covered in muck
We eat our shoes
Anything that will give us a temporary relief
The sensation of chewing
Swallowing
But it's killing us
And we think we're solving the problem but it just makes it worse
Because the silence splits us in two
Drags us further away from the warmth we desire
We try to feel loved
We try to feel important
But people are temporary
They leave, we leave, they leave, we leave
But if we remember one thing about each other
Let it be the day we were born into this broken world
And not the day we leave forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Because we can't find what we are searching for in others
Or their products
What am I hungry for?
Love
Belonging
People can't offer that
They let you down
Even the best people die
And in the end everyone will let you down
Every single time
Because they steal and lie and cheat and whisper things to sculpt our opinions of each other
And Jesus I stopped calling out your name a long time ago
I have to accept you’re gone
And my heart shattered into a million pieces a long time ago
But if they remember one thing about me
Let it be the day I was born into a broken world
And not the day I leave them forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Let them remember the simple days
When I made them laugh
When being my friend was the best choice they ever made
When choosing to keep me was the best choice they ever made
When loving me was the best choice they ever made
In this broken world
Was being my friend the best choice you ever made?
Was choosing to keep me the best choice you ever made?
Was loving me the best choice you ever made?
In this broken world

I watched crimson dance on top of sapphires
Surrounded by moths
I begged forgiveness within their bars
Sent out a prayer for a savior
In return I received a mocking smile
As they took you away from me
In your death I was birthed
I bargained the flames of the raven
To burn the moths
I watched sapphires dance on top of crimson

I’m not who I claim to be
Few can see the chains I drag about
Still, they follow my lead
I’m wired into a new era of empowerment
Where I play the queen accordingly
Taking back control of the world
Reaching for what I want
That which rightfully belongs to me

I don’t know how to fix the mess they made
I can’t reset the past
I can only move forward along a twisted path
Abandoning all the answers
To watch them choke on the feathers they wanted desperately
One day you will understand
And maybe you will accept my apology
But I won’t rest till I get back what they took
I’m searching for that which rightfully belongs to me

Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “Where you going?”
I got to get off this planet before I fall intoxicated by your lips
This armor’s not enough to protect me from your…
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “What’s your name”
Take a seat, enjoy the show
But I know this armor’s not enough to protect me from
Falling into your vortex

I know I shouldn’t take a chance, sneak a peek at you
From my side of the couch
But I find myself wanting all your attention
Guess I’m just selfish, jealous
This must be how it feels to be in love
Think I like that I won your favor by just being myself
Tear off my armor, Unlock my chest?

Clear
1
A second became an eternity
Never had I thought you’d betray my trust
So I decided a second ago
To step out on the docks
Find a solution to this divide
Because I hadn’t known eons ago
I’d be swallowed by darkness in the curliest way
Never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black


Clear
2
I lived in a glass house
An estate many did covet
But never did I see greed resonate within you
You were not born to hate
I was drenched in naïve-ignorance
I believed you to be a friend
It was innocence that sought you out
Instead you sold my heart
For a fortune of your own
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
3

I never knew what it meant to fly
When they handed me a plane
Said go up and down the line
Shoot at everything that is not ours
Till red rivers cover green grass
Trees fall unheard and the clouds turn
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
4

Stripped of a name, of a family, of a life
Never did I imagine I’d bath in sin
Make a deal with the devil
But we were fighting
To get back what is rightfully ours
I lost what is rightfully mine
When I ignored their pleas to spare their life
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
5

Just the other day we made a promise
To save the broken souls
Just the other day I zipped my mouth
Defied orders because I never saw a thing
Just the other day I saw her body sleeping in the snow
I buried her where the poppies grow
Because I never want to see anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Love will stay Red
Where the poppies grow

The memories of you
Scream louder than their weapons
Pointed at me
Saying I should erase you from this life
They bring back the words you spoke
Just before you left me sitting alone in a theater
Watching a movie

I can follow the plot, but cannot pause
I watch the ****** stuck on repeat
And it won’t slow down

I feel the promise we shared
In the tides along the beach
It bring back the words I spoke

I promise I will never forget to remember you
Driving on the bridge watching the sun
Warm the Ireland moor
We survived the ghosts that night

The windows shattered when you woke up beside me
The gates opened and we’re moving into our new home
I know you’ll come home
Because I feel your presence as gentle as a hummingbird
Your bare feet walking through the door everyday
You walk straight through me
My eyes flash open

I never packed up your things
Never closed the gate
Never fixed the shattered windows
Because you promised you’d do it when you came home

But nothing makes sense
Am I a hostage of hopeless thinking?
But I feel your fire consume my heart
Was I too occupied by the warmth of your arms
When you pulled me in, sat me down, I lost my breath
You gave it back
Soft like the English rain tapping on my windshield
As I drive towards the station where we never should’ve said goodbye
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome

It starts out as a simple day
With a raining symphony playing around me
I walk to the bus stop and meet a stranger
Tell her how I’d love to buy a pair of bright blue rain boots
And though others quicken their pace
I find tranquility in the rain
Because she works the pavement like a runway
I find charisma in her words
They hit me the way the rain throws pebbles at my umbrella
I find fulfillment with her by my side
Like the rain collecting in my gutters
Washing away the muck

And on this fine August day
All I see is summertime smiles, bright red umbrellas
Loud noises from cars passing by
On this fine August day
I watch fireflies light up my heart
I watch the twinkle, twinkle of her character
Brighten this fine August day

I could hide within my own screams
because you can't hear them
and you can't see them
or maybe you just like ignoring them

Sent a ******* note calling it an apology
And a phone with a promise that if I needed you all I had to do was call
And I’d be tempted
If your shield never came crashing down on my chest

This is a Civil War
The moment I realize what I’ve always known
I was never your friend
This is the part of the story where you abandon me
In the middle of nowhere
But it’s not like you were ever there  

Shattered my armor, made of iron, into a million pieces
They said engineers could fix anything
Create a brighter, better, brand new future
So I’ll spend the rest of my life fixing my broken heart

This is a Civil War
The moment we disregard peace negotiations
No compromises, it’s all your fault
This is where I stop following orders and take control
I’ll take my chances with the guilt
As it swallows me alive

The longest hours of my life
Waiting in a hospital room
Playing with the lighter,
You gave to me,
As everything you ever said and everything I never said
Came crashing down like that shield on my chest

This is a Civil War
I woke up shouting in the best way
Trembling limbs, anxious heart
But I won’t back down
This is the end of the story
This time I refuse kneel before your monarchy
This Civil War is mine

Snowflakes melt in the palm of my hand
No matter how hard I try to prevent it
Droplets slip through my fingers

This is New York in the Fall

Could I have a snow globe to store this feeling - awhile?
I’d like to hold on a moment longer
Could I have a flicker of warmth to duel this cold – awhile?
When dark days crash through

This is New York in the Fall

I stand at a crossroad
Fearful of being left behind
I don’t want to be stranded on the side of the road
Waiting for time to stop
Wishing snowflakes would Freeze!
As if I was 10 again playing a game of wax museum
I’m not ready to give up
When I’m certain I’ll win
In time

This is New York in the Fall

Walked in, showed up out of the blue
wait, waIT,WAIT!
Black feathers fall on marble floor
Elegant, the way he wants to end it all
get out, get OUT, GET OUT!
We fell to the floor
Held on tight as he sobbed
Wanting to forget it all
Held on tight to the enemy

This is New York in the Fall

Said he knew of unrequited love
But he knew nothing
Of impossible things
So, don’t bother with breakfast
If you can’t be bothered to return these feelings
Open-Close-Door

This is New York in the Fall

The shower was running
When he entered the room dripping wet
Caught by surprise and exposed
Well? Kisses on my lips left me startled
Why is it he can’t return this unrequited love?

He is New York in the Fall

The feeling inside is that of a broken clock
The second hand isn’t ticking
Time has your lungs paralyzed
But even so, at least twice a day you feel like yourself
And you can breathe for a second
Before you lose it all, again

Most would throw a broken clock away
Upgrade to a digital with a million other uses
Instead of replacing the batteries
Or taking it to the horologist
It’s rare that anyone who would pass it on the road
Would turn around to spare it a second glance
No one has time for a broken clock

It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re busy;
When you’re having fun; when you’re in love;
When you feel something other than a roller coaster of emotions
In your mind you wonder how did the screws fall loose?
Nothing makes sense in nightmares
Where images of pink one-eyed monsters chase you down the hall
But time never seems to pass
And somehow you find yourself falling through an hourglass
But the ending always finds you waking up
Broken, staring at a clock

On a wooden table nested between purple flowers
A little cup of coffee sits
By a window perched on a bar stool
Fiddling with the cup, in the palms of her hands, sits a girl

She woke up this morning in a hurry to meet you
Took 3 buses to get to you
Because you made plans weeks ago, but you never showed up
And now this girl is left hopelessly thinking
“What’s the rush to being rejected?”

The barista came by, asked her if she was waiting on someone
No one important
because waiting on you is like reading the same paragraph three times
And never understanding a single word
They asked her if she’d like another cup, anything to eat
She can see the pity in their eyes
They can see past her faux smile
She doesn’t have an appetite, but accepts another cup

They filled it to the brim
Maybe its warmth will fill the cold inside her chest