Sitting in the dark My thoughts racing Like a mad man for the door I hold a knife while thinking How easy it would be to end it All the pain The things I hide from others I could just slowly leave it all While laying in a puddle of my crimson sadness as it leaves my body But… I know I can’t It’s just a fantasy and a nightmare I dream of I can always feel the hate in the world Shaping my heart I’ve tried to forget about it But nothing seems to work Sometimes all I want is to just hold someone Someone who really cared… But in the end all I’m left holding Is the ghost of an idea A mere fading wish.
mostly just needed to vent at this point, kinda had a break down lol
My toxic blood pouring and again pushing everyone away and not opening up and talking about it. Like ****** always. Can’t control it, it’s tied to me like ****** strings. I’m ****** angry and depressed and frustrated and alone. I feel misunderstood and judged and rejected. I feel hated cuz I ****** hate myself. I wanna **** my soul. Get out of my ****** head and leave me the **** alone. Can you feel my toxic blood? It’s pouring, and affecting everyone around me. I’m vicious. I wanna leave and run away and avoid my ****** emotions like I always do. I don’t ****** do emotions. They too much, overwhelmed me till the pits of me are washed out completely with nothing but dry air famishing. We all here for different reasons, I don’t wanna burden anyone. Toxic poison pollution mess. Don’t **** with me
“His fingers wake, and flutter up the bed. His eyes come open with a pull of will, Helped by the yellow may-flowers by his head. A blind-cord drawls across the window-sill . . . How smooth the floor of the ward is! what a rug! And who's that talking, somewhere out of sight? Why are they laughing? What's inside that jug? "Nurse! Doctor!" "Yes; all right, all right."
But sudden dusk bewilders all the air— There seems no time to want a drink of water. Nurse looks so far away. And everywhere Music and roses burnt through crimson slaughter. Cold; cold; he's cold; and yet so hot: And there's no light to see the voices by— “No time to dream, and ask—he knows not what.”
i run you through my fingers, waiting for my response. your surface smooth as water, your blade sharp as ice. your blue tint reflecting my sadness, your cracks revealing my anger. still waiting for my answer, i place you down admiring your beauty. little shard of glass, nothing else can cut so smoothly. i think about it, can i be that strong as to not rip you through my skin, and watch the validation seep out? watch your red army attack my clothes, staining the white the deepest crimson? i think i'm done deciding, what will i do- only time will tell.
you once were so innocent though now stained with red. i took your life from you like you itch to take mine from me.
- credit to Sylvia Plath for the red army reference -- see 'Cut' --- a true genius