Most of the time
it's a four letter word
that you want to avoid.
But this one is different
in so many ways.
It's longer--
in the pangs of pain it leaves...
That pain lasts longer than any butterflies.
Because butterflies come in the beginning,
and no sooner than this word is spoken
their wings are broken
leaving them unwilling and unable to fly.
And the pain you feel,
the pit in your stomach,
and the cloudy darkness in your eyes,
is how this word leaves them to die.
It's the "hell" in hello
(and there's no good part of it,
despite what you've heard.
What does that even mean, parting on "good terms"?).
I mean,
sometimes it's what you need--
this ***** word--
it's sometimes necessary.
But even fragile butterflies' wings
need provocation
to be broken
the glass won't shatter
with simple words unspoken,
or their beauty being forgotten.
Their crystalline glass has to crack
before it meets the breaking point.
But maybe it's best, sometimes, leaving things unsaid.
Maybe it's better
pretending that your heart hasn't bled
for the death
of those beautiful creations.
Maybe all can be well,
not tainting your hello
by dragging it through the muddy waters of hell.
But maybe attempting that
is diving straight into the deep end
damning yourself to all but drown
in that personal
pool of hell....
But maybe once this word is uttered,
you're damning some part of yourself as well
letting go of what once was so special.
And maybe that's why it's a ***** word.
maybe that's why it'd be better
if it were only four letters.
Because this word darkens skies,
and kills butterflies.
It breaks hearts
and diminishes the light
in Innocent's eyes.
This word ends hope
of new beginnings,
or anything close to extra innings.
This word reminds you you've lost the game.
This word finalizes the score,
no matter how much you might want more
time
or conversations,
or butterfly wings.
This word is a light switch,
but it only reads "off."

so say
g̶o̶o̶d̶bye                                              ­    
to the lights
the "maybe"s
the  "someday we might"s
and the butterflies.

I ask if I’m hurting you
And you don’t know

But I do
I am hurting myself
Stabbing pains in my chest
And a tingle in my hands.
But as it stands,
The thought of the glass shards
Left in my heart
Ripping open your soft soul
And leaving it exposed to the cold
All but freezes me though.

No matter what’s in store
Never stop becoming
Who you are at your core.

I didn’t fall in love with you.
I was falling in love with myself again, and you supported me as I patched these broken things.
And you loved me, and reminded me that I am worthy. You were the first to treat me the way I was deserving.
But I held you at bay, consistently afraid. Even when I began to let you in I dug my heels in, resisting change.
Until I started breathing and began releasing. I stopped white knuckling, and resisting.
And, remember. I didn’t fall. I made the choice to risk it all.  
I leapt over the cliff, where my earth cracked and crumbled to bits by the last. And I chose to love you even after all of that.
I choose to love you every day, getting know you as the seasons change. And through it all I plan to stay.

Your eyes are like the ocean
but the secret behind them
is that beneath the beauty that lures me in
it's darker than any abyss I've ever known.

Your eyes are like the ocean
but the secret behind them
is that the second you even dip a toe in,
chills consume everything.
But I dove in headfirst,
and I went numb so quickly
that I forgot that I was catching the worst kind of hypothermia.

Your eyes are like the ocean
but the secret behind them
is that the second I dove in
I got lost in them and forgot how to swim.

Your eyes are like the ocean
but the secret behind them
is that it's a tsunami wave
waiting
to wipe out the entire city
and every speck of light that inhabits it.

Your eyes are like the ocean
but the secret behind them
is that I have no idea
whether,
when I went swimming,
I sank or swam.
But either way
I'm pretty sure that when the storm hit,
I drowned.

You are not a bird to be locked in a cage. The door is unlocked—. Fly as high as you can and discover it all. Fly as fast as you can and feel something. Fly as slow as you can and experience everything.

You’re gaining my dear
but nothing good.
Step on the scale
though you said you never would...
Want a toothbrush
and a blade?
Because then, I can trick you
into thinking that everything is okay.
Don’t look in the mirror
you already know what you’ll see.
You’re worse off than ever,
you don’t deserve to eat.
So what, it’s Thanksgiving?
You’ve had enough treats.
and everyone can see it plainly.
So skip Christmas too,
if you can swing it.
Run until you can't breathe.
quit your complaining,
and drink something without calories.
Because hey,
soon enough you’ll be happy
back down to size three;
you’ll be able to breath.
As you well know
nothing good comes easy.
so work your **** off
lose any inch that you can squeeze.
when you can see your ribs again
I promise you’ll thank me.

with love
your E.D.

I crave your touch
your eyes
your lips
everything about you
I miss
You've got me hypnotized.
I long for you
for my hands in your hair
our fingers intertwined..
I wish I were there
or you were here,
or we were anywhere,
together.
you and I.
I miss you.
I feel the fire of you
everywhere
from my lips
to my fingertips
you will not leave me
the summer heat
you kissed me with
has seared my memory

I wonder if
you see
that I write about you
endlessly.
I wonder if you see
the attempt at hiding my smile
when I hear you sing
those songs that you wrote about me.
I wonder if you remember
everything we used to be.
and I mean everything.
If you could go back
rewind the year
would you do anything differently here?
I wonder.
But you cant change a thing.
So I'll just listen to you sing
and reminisce
in imaginary bliss.

The snow
makes my body ache
but it makes my heart soar

and good gosh,
I don't want to leave here anymore.

Keep me
Please
And never release.