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Sadie Grace Nov 21
I'm trapped
Food mapped out
No way out
Am I losing my mind?
How will I find a way out of this bind?
Out of this mess of a mind
No hope for the chains to be released
This is my way to cope with the pains, they never cease
I need a solution
Too much pollution clogging the pathways in this brain
I need a new way forward
A way to feel sane
But for now I'm trapped
no need to complain -- I did this to myself
no need to compalin -- it's time to get help and start helping myself
a poem I wrote from the writing prompt: "my ED is ..."
Lux Oct 3
One word was enough for me to go down,
bring enough thoughts for me to drown.
One stupid word and habits change forever,
acting in a way I thought I would never.

No longer able to eat or drink,
making my stomach shrink.
Relationships with food became tough,
I’ve to lose weight otherwise I’m not enough.

Brain won’t allow me to keep down food,
fat is how I’m being viewed.
Counting calories wasn’t enough to be thin,
hopefully throwing up is the way to win.

Whatever goes down must go up,
lose more calories while you clean up.
One word was enough to bring me here,
to a place where food is my biggest fear.

The worst part is that I don’t want to change,
world without worrying of weight is strange.
Some day it won’t be about skinny anymore,
Throwing up food will become a chore.

Living off of water and air,
eating just to satisfy those who care.
What goes on afterward you can’t know,
there’s nothing that would show.
Lux Aug 2
Eat as much as you can fit,
then throw up every last bit.
Be quiet so no one hears,
when you’re done wipe all your tears.

Just once more and I’ll stop,
avoid every single food shop.
Shove a toothbrush down your throat,
watch the previously eaten food float.

Thoughts of getting fat making you feel sick,
throw up what you ate you can’t get thick.
tumbledry Jul 31
I said goodbye to Mia back in 2018
But it'd be a lie to say I haven't visit her since.
She accompanies me every once in awhile
Bent over the sink or splayed out on the tile.
And when she's not here Ana follows near
Picking and coercing me to fear
the meals I've always enjoyed and loved.
Oh how I miss having company
When I eat alone my mind roams miserably
Convincing myself each bite is gluttony.
The joy of eating a distant memory.
I’ve begun “The Wasting” once more.

That ragged uncovering of bones and peaks and ridges that crop up along my spine and shoulders.

My scapulas revealing themselves like the bed of a lake as the waters recede.

Indents beside and under my kneecaps, hollows that match the ones slowly sinking themselves back into my cheeks.

And the hipbones…the things I truly crave to see through the paper thin layer of my skin…

Those…I’d starve myself to waifish proportions just to graze my hands along the mountaintops of those things, those sharp little things.

I lose my hair and my colour and my shine just to dig my fingers into the hardness of my breastbone, just to know that my jawbone is an overhang, just to plunge headfirst into the thrill of being thin.

“The Wasting” and I are friends, and I want to drown in her.
kennedy May 8
Pink athletic shorts
Bursting at the seams
With all this new body
Hips and waist and ***
You said
“It’s about time to retire those don’t you think?”
2 months later
They hang loosely past my hip bones
Hiding the body that dissolved
The person who is no longer there
And I’m glad I kept them
So they could swallow me whole
I knew what was happening, what I was doing to my continually developing body. Slowly withering away in front of my mirror. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. Blinded by the clouds of insecurity bent upon me by the words of others as well as my own conscience.
          Drugs may not have my high of choice, but addiction crept into my life nonetheless.
Addicted to an empty stomach
Addicted to that lightheaded feeling I’d get when I stood up right before I passed out
Addicted to compliments I’d never heard about me
Addicted to my bones sticking out
Addicted to 0 calorie energy drinks
Addicted to anorexia
Let me know if u like it
Taking back control of my life
My food is mine
I don’t need to weigh myself twice
Don’t get me wrong I’m still not fine
But I’m a lot better
Eighty-nine pounds was my low
Let me be a trendsetter
Just take it slow
One day at a time
Don’t let that voice take over
It’s an uphill climb
It’s not a four leaf clover
It’ll take tears
Maybe years
Not unscathed but you’ll get through
Take it from from me it’s true
18 pounds ago I was at my low. It’s been almost exactly a year since I was there. A year since I decided that I didn’t like fainting when I stood up and wearing baggy clothes. It didn’t happen overnight and I’m not going to lie to you and say that I never wish I was still that thin but the price it came with was too high. The price of not only muscles being stripped away but also my joy
Caosín Jan 24
My sick twisted gaze
On the women and the men
Thigh gaps, finger bones, ribs.
Thinspo: short for thinspiration. Inspiration to be thinner, photos of thin people in poses which enhances their thinness.
arin Dec 2022
how can the burn of bile
make me fearful
yet satisfied
i will remain in denial
that i prefer illness
over bliss
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