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Destiny Sep 26
What he should've been:
a protector...
a mentor...
a body guard...
a role model...
a leader...
a supporter...
a loving brother...

What he's been:
a predator...
a bad influence...
a target thrower...
a pushover...
a follower...
a hater...
a brother who used me...

I'm the only daughter in a family full of men and my oldest brother living at home thought I was the perfect target for ****** assault.

****...I do not like the word **** and quite frankly it is overused and joked about too often!!!

One day I will feel the justice I deserve...it will not be from his mouth or my mothers mouth or anyone else's mouth, but MINE! Mine is all that matters!!! The validation coming from my lips...NOT HIS!!!

My older brother...

My older brother...

My older brother is EVIL
Some days I think my mother wants to hate me more than she wants to love me. It feels like most days she finds more flaws than I knew were possible. My sister and I were the rough drafts before she perfected her work and gave birth to our brother. When I came out to her she asked why it took me so long to do it, how do you look at the person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally and say you didn’t want another nail in your coffin, another tally mark on the board of all of your **** ups. Every time I eat something I hear her voice at the back of my head telling me I should stop. I’ve never dined alone, my whole life my mothers voice has joined me when the slightest thought of food has crossed my mind. I have spent more days than I can count wishing I had the self control to starve myself. How do you say that out loud? How do you make the words slip off your tongue to anyone without them thinking you’re a lost cause. I think about dying like I think about skipping my next meal. It’s never set in stone, there’s no contract binding my thoughts to my actions but it’s always at the back of my head. A wailing ghost haunting my brain just waiting for the day that we actually go through with something when we first think of it.
Skyla Sep 15
Would you, If you could press reset?
You stole my heart, put it back in my chest
You hate me when I’m lifeless but I love my emptiness
I’m not the soul you once met
I just need to lay underneath the dirt and rest
All I see are silhouettes
Do you love me too much to forget
even in this mindset?
Or do you regret?

I don’t feel pretty, I feel scared

I wanna be your dolly, broken and impaired
Sad, skin and bone
In your arms I found a home
Made of glass and deeply fragile
You cradled me while I was in denial

Do you adore me, yet?

These handcuffs are tightening
Everything is frightening
I don’t feel the thunder but I feel the lightening

Just hold me, don’t scold me, I know that you worry, but I feel so lovely,
I’m lying, I’m dying, I hate that you’re crying, and you think i’m falling but I think I’m flying.  

You said that perfect don’t exist
Then why do I feel it in my emptiness?

You see my sadness and my brittle little head
   But you don’t see the gore or the bloodshed

I destroy you while I destroy myself
You don’t think I’m pretty anymore because I’ve destroyed my health

I  wanna be half, ‘cause I hate being whole
So I bow down to a porcelain bowl

You try to find my skin under the sheets
But you only find the swelling cuts and my bones, so you dig deeper underneath
But there’s nothing there.  Not even blood or muscle.  There’s absolutely nothing but air.  

And I know that’s not what you want to touch
And I’ve robbed you of the girl you loved
I’ve taken her place and I wear her face
and you miss her most, but for now all you have is her ghost.

You try to force life into the ghost of her body
How come you want the “healthier” her, but you don’t want me?

Do you not see how much I’ve done for you?
Replacing meals with fingernails and trying not to feel
Growing too thin so I can finally win
This game that you don’t even want to be in

I love you, and you love a girl who is withering away into nothing

You don’t love my body you love my soul
You love my heart, which has grown cold

I’m shivering under your fingertips in this hollow body, in this cold skin of mine
Not from your touch but from feeling no heat
No heat from your love, no warmth from your touch, just cold and sad and stuck.  

And when I look in the mirror and tell the ghost of me that she looks pretty
She screams in return and her eyes ache for me to see that I’m absolutely hideous this way

Darling, do you adore me yet?
The fight with your own mind,
Is the hardest war to wage.

But know, the lion that you are facing, is that same strength that you carry.
You can tame it.
Embrace it.

You might be fighting your own strength
Please keep fighting.
Emily C Aug 22
Im not overweight
But I feel huge
I'm a balloon filled with cement
Large and heavy
I only see round
I want to be little
Petite
Dainty
Underweight
I want a sharp jaw line
So sharp
I could carve off the pounds
Collar bones so deep
They could hold every tear
Shed while on a scale
Concave stomach
Filled up with water
Like the kind from the pool
Where I'm too fat to attend
I wish I could put the gender wage gap between my thighs
I want my bmi and my 7th grade age
To be the same number
But instead I'm large...
Well Im back ig
bridgett Aug 16
I want to know what people see,
I'll never see myself clearly.
My brain changes and contorts my body,
I'll
**** in my stomach till I can't breathe,
Nothing but high waisted skinny jeans,
No tight shirts, dresses, or bikinis.

I'm
too wide in the waist
too broad in the shoulders
too chubby in the fingers
too full in the cheeks

And
I'll never see what people see
I'll never see what makes me, me.
mila splawska Jul 29
i run purely on coffee and thoughts of you
- i hope you know
Aaryn Jul 26
It’s sick
But all I can think about
Is the pain

I think it’s an art
One that I have perfected
The ability
To ignore everything
But the pain

I don’t think
I could make room
for anything else

Because if I’m not cutting
I’m burning
If I’m not burning
I’m starving
If I’m not starving
I’m purging
If I’m not purging
I’m binging
If I’m not binging
I’m probably dead

And thus
All I can fit
In my brain
Are these thoughts
These morbid
Thoughts
Of pain
.9978324.
Aaryn Jul 26
I’m scared to be hurt
And so I won’t give you a chance
To hurt me again
Even though it wasn’t your fault

The though
Of losing
Losing control
Losing a friend
Losing you
I can’t take it

So I will make sure
I am in control
Of the pain
I will slice my wrists
And count the calories
And maintain my
Complete
Dominance
Over my life

I’m scared of
Losing
Control

I’m scared of losing you
I’m sorry... I’m still ****** up
I luv it when you say,
I Don’t Want Your Money ,
give it to other H.E.R s”
Just wanna tell ya,
All the diamonds, silver or gold
would be useful when you’re old.

Now you are 28,
twenty years from now,
when it only costs 50 Cent for an Eminem CD,
would you Remember the Name of the guy who wrote you this piece.

When November smiles, you would be South of the Border
at the doors of Melbourne
and then to the Wellington gates,
go exploring something foreign.
Don’t forget your Cardi gan when you meet the farmgirl Camilla.
Don’t ride solo on Friday nights.
Listen to Travis, the cab driver next-door who’s gonna tell ya,
Don’t be Anti-Social and beware of biker gangs.

Put It All on Me,
Your tantrums, temper and ill moods,
I’ll mix them into a cocktail called Ella Mai.
I try to be strong, so I eat demons. It feels evil, those little devils.
Bada Boom bada bing, you’ll knock me right off my feet.
I Don’t Care if Leann never _Feels like listening to me, but do hear out Justin the Canadian barber.
Be wary of Young **** s and J Hus tlers.

You are right, there is Nothing On You that I dislike.
Paolo does his laundry at Dave,
Leann finds her bravery, be safe.
I know you don’t do beef or coffee,I’ll board the Stormzy Airlines to Take Me Back to London just to buy you toffees.

YEBBA black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yebba, Yebba three bags full,
One for Ed,
one for his dame,
and the Best Part of Me is meant for you.

It is all fun and gluey when we BLOW bubbles on the floor,
munching a Mars snicker while chatting up Chris tina.

The only Way to Break My Heart is not by a Skrillex drill,
but by seeing you ill.
For your good health,
I’ll run a 1000 Nights over Gasing hill,
with a cat called Meek Mill
till the day time stood still.

No matter what you say, didn’t say, what you do, didn’t do,
it will never Cross Me but I do mean to do what I say..a Chance to bring you to Budapest to see a stone called PnB Rock.

Auckland beckons, I reckon. My friend Khalid will bring you to meet all the Beautiful People ,
lots of glitz and loads of blitz
but I would still only have eyes for you, carelessly whispering to your ear,
“You look stunning, dear”
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