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Nothing compares to a love like this. I didn’t even know this could exist.
You touch me and there’s automatic peace. You carry me to bed when I fall asleep.
You tuck me in to keep me warm,
Or let me wear your coat even though you can’t feel your arms.
You tell me daily how much you love me,
And it’s what you’re always demonstrating.
You listen to me read novels and poetry.
And (almost) never interrupt me.

I hope that I do enough for you
To show you that I love you, too.
I’m the queen of overthinking so you have to know that I’m overthinking things each night that goes by, afraid that you must have, or will, changed your mind.
This all feels like a dream— the highest are so high and the hues are so pure but just like when I’m dreaming, when something hurts it burns and stings and bleeds.
“It’s not you,” You tell me.
But I can’t make you see that security is always fleeting. But I will not be. And I just want that to be enough.

I just want to be enough.
9/17/19
I think I’ve calmed your mind on this subject, now. I hope I have.
You’re so afraid of your security
That you accidentally take mine from me.

I felt secure in you until you changed your mind, repeatedly.

If you aren’t ready, please tell me.

Because I’m afraid to wait forever for you only to find that I’ll never be enough for you.
9/17/19
You’re worth the wait and everyone gets cold feet sometimes. I understand your mind a little better now.
What did she have that I’m missing? What did you have then vs. now that changes things? It’s hard to feel like it’s not me. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m adding to your stress and I’m sure I’m not helping but I just want you to see what this seems like to me, especially considering my history— nobody has ever been sure of me, really.
9/17/19
I get that it’s not me, now. thanks for explaining.
Maybe if you were ******* me it’d be enough for you to want to marry me, and release your notion of security.

Maybe that’s what it takes. Maybe that’s why she was different.
9/17/19
I know this isn’t true, now, but. It was a hard night that night and I figure it deserves to be shared anyway.
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