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First, I forgave the bullies
Who made me cry.
I didn't know your story.
You didn't ask for mine.
Now the hard part.
I forgive myself
for the mistakes I've made.
It's been a long, weird game.
But so far, I don't regret
The way I've played.
Amanda Jan 26
I AM SO TIRED OF FAILING
AT THE BOTTOM NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I TRY SO HARD
I CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT RIGHT
I **** EVERYTHING UP ONE WAY OR ANOTHER
EXCEPT FOR WHEN I WRITE
The title of this poem is referencing the fact that this is posted entirely in capital letters haha. My bad.
Amanda Dec 2019
Saw it unfold before my very eyes

But it happened too quickly for me to wrap my life back up into the neat little box it was packed in
Pandora doesn't go back into the box
My heart is the home of squandered potential,
Depression sets in,
Cement the state and fall away into my usual state of mind.

The mirror I trod upon is the unfalling foe,
Introspection's regressions feed the deathless ranks of anxieties,
With but nothing left to say,
Nary a hopeless smile althewhile.

Pop another pill to drown tomorrow's sorrows,
With today's having a long way yet to go.
Gemini Nov 2019
One where I’m happy –
Where I can laugh with sincere glee.
I can appreciate all the things given to me.
I can look in the mirror,
and like what I see.
It’s a world so perfect –
a world where I want to be.

But then, there’s another –
a world full of misery.
Where every time I meet my own eyes,
I wonder why I even try.
I don’t like my smile, my laugh, or my thighs.
Sometimes I wish, even with temporary bliss,
that I was blind.

I doubt all I am and all I ever will be.
I don’t trust myself or anyone around me.
I try to be strong and to keep my head high,
But it’s exhausting – going back and forth.

Up, then down.

Ecstatic, then depressed.

Something, then nothing.

Two worlds, I live in…

Yet neither belong to me.
three worlds, really, but two important ones
LaFayette Oct 2019
In my defense, I swear
It wasn’t my idea
She said she was lonely
Needed a friendly ear

I thought we were friends
Turns out more than that
She asked to undress
I’m on the phone, who cares

I kept my pants on, mostly
And didn’t talk much
I really didn’t need to
She had her own fun

Then you and I dated
I never expected it
She gives me weird looks
I think she remembers it
Each time I shave my face,
I scrutinize with my eyes,
To look for my mistakes,
But my eyes, they fraternize,
With the enemy on my chin,
And so, too late,
When on a date,
I feel them with my fingers
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