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Anne 3d
I thought I was smart enough to know that five m&m’s isn’t a meal
So I’m getting fat again yet I still have bulimic tendencies!! Awesome!!
Belle 6d
far
i dont know what to do
at this point
i feel nothing
i keep running around in circles
trying to figure it out
but i see the end of this rotary
thousands of miles away
and im so tired
so i cannot reach it
Sara Dec 3
i sit across from you
as if at a dinner party
but I think we both know that’s exactly the reason that i’m here now
you lure me in
whispering promises and secrets
“it’ll be just between us” you say to me
“after this, you’ll be beautiful”
i believe you
i start to give in, lean forward, close my eyes
no.
stop it.
they’re lies!
tears are streaming down my face now
i fall back with a whimper
you’re turning mean now
“coward”
“you’ll never be pretty if you keep at this”
“you’re not worthy”
i’m shaking i’m sobbing i’m scared
i thought i was the one in control
i thought i had the power
but now you’ve stripped me of that and everything else i once was
i have nothing left now except for you
you, my porcelain savior
Lexi Fields Dec 3
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who’s the thinnest of them all

Is it the angels
With their body perfect from all angles
Or
Is it the girls I see
With their frames so petite

Mirror mirror on the wall
Please me pretty as them all

Thigh gap so wide
They all cry with envy and broken pride
A stomach so small
People will ask if I eat at all

Mirror mirror on the wall
Why can I not stand at all

My body
It isn’t working on its own
But I can
Still see my bones

Mirror mirror on the wall
I am the thinnest of them all

I want
To be the thinnest girl found
I’m sitting
at 88 pounds

Mirror mirror on the wall
My heart stopped beating last fall

Laying in a casket
All I will say is
Being the thinnest
Is not worth it
I’ve always craved skinny,
The way other fourteen year olds craved their parents *****
I wished for hip bones that could slice me in half
Skinny was always a glowing exit sign in a dark room

Breakfast was 4 glasses of water
My organs floated in my body like trash in the ocean
I didn’t feel full unless I was empty
Which doesn’t make sense
But neither does starving yourself
Yet I mastered that a long time ago  

I still count the minutes after I eat
Food feels like a brick in my stomach
Some days I want to feel my bones more than I want to be healthy

It’s been six years since I first looked at food
and saw only numbers
My bones are no longer accessible
Most days I eat three meals and don’t think about it
Some days I break apart sticks of gum
Dividing 5 calories
Into a full days meal

Some days I want to be skinny
More than I want to be happy
And most days I realized how ****** up that sounds
But sometimes I miss the shipwreck that filled my hollow bones
Sinking organs with no hope against the water I fed them
Luna248 Nov 8
I'm not an obvious kind of pretty
I don't have natural blonde hair
Or bright blue eyes
No perky little *****
No gap between my thighs
I don't look like anyone else
I bleach my own hair
Use drug store eyeshadow
And **** shopping in Topshop

I have lumps and bumps
Cellulite and pudge
Blackheads and bacne
And prodigious pours
A recipe for nothing special at all!
Just someone average
Who has a bright twinkle
In her fog grey eyes
And curvy hips and ****
That sway in the sun

You have to look close
To see all my beauty
I'm not a runway model
Or a ******* bunny
Just someone on the sidelines
Watching the runway models and bunnies
While they get the attention
And I get brushed by
It's not obvious that I'm beautiful
Until you look into my eyes
Until you see my semi-white smile
Then you notice the little moles
The red and silver scars
The way my body curves
In a voluptuous ans peachy way
And then you see
Just how ******* perfect I am
Ciara Nov 3
Dear,                                                Date: Today
          eating disorder.

Maybe you were once a friend
Maybe your promises shined a bright light into her dark thoughts
Maybe you saved her from demons bigger than yourself

I know how a person can become so desperate
Holding on to every source of light even if it's artificial
Grasping onto every empty promise
She's trying to feel full but how can she feel full when you've made her empty

I know who you really are
You blind her like high beam lights on a dark night
You control her like a claw machine
You trick, deceive and lie to her
Telling her that her worth is measured on a scale
You want nothing more than to put her in a grave

But you're in for a big awakening

She is starting to see on her own now
She is starting to fill herself full
Full of food and full of love
You're getting weaker every day

Goodbye, eating disorder

Love,
      A body that knows how to bounce back
16,000 steps every day,
1700 calories burned each way,
Keep walking around and around,
keep pounding your feet in this ring.
You ate too many today,
that's another hour walking,
stretching far into the night.
You watch as the sun sets under the horizon,
swallowing it whole,
yet your perpetual repeat doesn't end here.
Your tripping up,
Legs are cramping,
Stomach aching with the effort of being empty.
You can't move any further.
It's midnight and you want to sleep,
yet the voice in your brain whispers to you,
tells you to keep walking,
just another hour,
then you can sleep.
You have to walk lightly,
as to not wake your family,
You lie and told them its fine,
everything's normal.
As you walk your brain can't stop thinking,
contemplating everything in existence,
amplified by the night,
scared and worried with fright.
You think of the morning,
how you will explain to your friends,
why there are bag underneath your eyes,
why your feet are swollen and red.
I stayed up late doing homework,
I stepped on something sharp,
don't worry about me I'm fine,
everything is alright.
You can't continue anymore,
you fall onto the ground,
into a heap on the floor.
You cradle yourself into a ball,
feeling the tears roll down your cheeks,
Ready to give up,
to sleep here till the morning.
Yet the voice comes creeping in,
"Is that all you got?
Get up you fat lump,
Keep moving."
"No, I'm exhausted.
Please, not tonight,
I can't do it."
I hold my hand over my mouth,
wipe my face with my sleeve.
"You're not done,
you got another 1,000 steps to go,
come on, get up."
Slowly I raise myself off the floor,
I sit there and took a deep breath,
I cleared my body of any emotion,
of any sadness,
of any tiredness,
of any happiness,
of any joy.
I kept walking around and around,
kept up with the pace,
until finally I was done,
done for the day,
ready to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.
Note to past self: You don't have to force yourself to keep walking each and every day. You can rest, you can sleep, you can eat.
Aaryn Oct 23
I have worn the same clothes three days in a row
the same filth
that ingrains onto my skin
and scratches at my heart
slices through everything

It is big enough to cover the **** mess that is my body
And my arms encase my chest
when I'm not wearing it
Although I know everyone notices
It's not that I can't afford clothes
Its that my mind can't accept them

I have one shirt
It covers my scars
It covers my chest
the one I want to cut off
just to feel like me
it covers my stomach
the one that aches from being empty sometimes
then hurts from being stuffed full

I want to wear different clothes
I don't want to be looked at the way I am
but in the end
This sweatshirt can feel like my only friend

Yes, it is crusted over with blood
on the inside of the left sleeve
but only because
it is making sure I don't bleed out

Yes, maybe it makes me look bigger than I am
but then after a binge
nobody notices the bloating
because the sweatshirt can hide anything

I don't know
where the metaphor ends
and reality begins anymore
Some of this is literal and some metaphorical... i'm very confused with this one
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