Hello thigh gap
As soon as you just about 2 weeks and 4 months away,
I was left astray,
Betrayed by my own delusion of beauty
And illusion happiness

Hello thigh gap
They say the apple doesnt fall far from the tree,
But I learned that didnt aply to me when I was three
Because I will never be like my mother

Hello thigh gap
I can't eat without beating myself up
I am such a mess
That I still can't fit in my old dress

Hello thigh gap
I want to be like those girls on tumbr
But im not even remotely skinny
Nor am I pretty

Hello thigh gap
I cant stand this self hate
Its my one fatal flaw
That might just be the end of it all
This may be triggering for some, so if you are easily triggered, then ignore this poem
moon 2d
i looked at my hands closely,
pinching the skin covering bone and calling it fat.
looking in the mirror for over half an hour after i shower makes me want to disappear in my bed sheets again.
i stared at my open refrigerator only to pour myself a cup of lemon water,
calling my eating habits a "cleanse".
i put my hands up in defense every time my friends tried to feed me and endlessly offer me their food.

i don't want it.
i don't know what my goal is.
i want to feel okay in this skin.

i want my mom to take back every comment.
i want my little sister to think before she speaks when she's angry at me.
i want brendon, my first grade crush, to take back what he said to my face in second grade.
cause you see,
i remember it all.

i remember my mother calling me fat like it was a bad thing when my first grade thighs couldn't fit into my hannah montana jeans.

i remember brendon telling me he liked me until i started to get fat.

i remember every time my little sister has told me i have no friends and that everyone leaves me because i'm fat.
instagram // @introawake

i've never really written about this. i've always wanted to because i thought it would make me feel better, like i could just put it out there and it wouldn't bother me ever again. but writing it all out made me hug myself, trying to cover my body from people who aren't even looking.
"Just eat."
The words that sunk into my brain like an anchor
It's easy to breezily dismiss my problems,
But they are much harder to fix.
My illness may inflict me with pain,
But I gain control.
Control over what I eat,
Control over the number on the scale,
Control over my life.
I just strived for perfection
I strived so much that it became an addiction
An addiction that I couldnt control anymore
No food after 10.
No sweets.
No fats.
No meat.
Every time I ate anything above 300 calories,
I would spend hours sitting on the bathroom floor, hovering over the toilet with a spoon in my throat
Until everything is gone,
No more food or pride left in my system
The only thing left was my self-hate, self-pitty, and eating disorder
Jules M 5d
With the violent jerking,
And battering of my heart,
And my self-image,
I have deteriorated.
I don't want to look at myself for a second longer than it takes
To put on my face in the morning,
Because if I do,
I will begin to poke and prod at my own flesh,
Feeling as if I am going to upchuck every calorie I have consumed
In the 15 years, and 120 days of my life.
If I look at myself long enough,
I am repulsed,
And my day from that point on will be violently,
Disruptively disordered.
Everything I am forced to consume,
Because of the need to hide my disastrous disorder,
Will become disgusting, half-digested
Vomit.
And rottingly,
I will feel pure,
And vile,
All at the same time.
Jules M 5d
Breath short,
Distance long,
Goals still not reached,
I hobble along.
Time fast,
Pace slow,
My soul unknowing,
I have no place to go.
Wide smiles,
Loads of lies,
Distrust grows,
In my wavering eyes.
One hand firm,
One hand shaky,
They are strong,
I am weak, my insides achy.
Breath short,
No distance,
I have stopped,
With much resistance.
Callarbones & ribcages
The only love of my life.
They made me want to strive
They were the drive that kept me alive
As I cried in desperation for their inspiration,
They were my justification for isolation

Collarbones & ribcages
No more dreams,
No more love.
My motives came from a non-existent light above
A light filled with hates and lies.
The lies that struck me like knives

Collarbones & ribcages
Exercise drills and diet pills,
The image that kills.
Because beauty is pain,
Ana will make sure you die in vain
“How quickly can I drop a size”
And so the game begins
Don't accept your Grandma’s pies
Or touch the cookie tin

The kitchen’s a forbidden place
The gym a way to win
Your urge to occupy less space
Just couldn't be a sin

Tea fills your stomach for a while
It helps to keep you pure
You train so you can run a mile
Then just one mile more

Chew gum so you don't have to eat
Swim laps around the pool
Too tired, stressed or full for treats
No meat becomes a rule

Track intake for the smallest food
Chips cannot be a snack
You fast when you are in the mood
Until the world goes black

You're cold and hungry every day
And bruises start to show
Your mind won't let you stay awake
You're blood pressure’s too low

You see no reason for alarm
A diet’s always hard
You can't get wishes from a charm
Work for what's in your heart

Perfection cannot be attained
Without some sacrifice
And sometimes sacrifice means pain
But that gives spice to life
Stella Mar 28
I can taste it,
The bile in my throat.
The taste of a meal wasted.
I can see the remnants of what was once a calorie filled dinner
I don’t want to be like this,
But I have to.
I need to be pretty
I need to be skinny
I need to be…
Not me.
I’ve lost weight in the past months
I’ve gotten skinnier,
At the expense of my energy,
I’ve gotten prettier,
At the expense of my health
I’ve gotten better,
At the expense of my sanity
The sound myself gagging,
Is the proof that I’m getting better
The image of my ribs
Is the proof that I’m improving
The thigh gap I have
Is the proof I’m good enough
I just need to be…
Skinnier,
Slimmer,
Better.
This one is one of more raw poems. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading.
Belle Mar 26
A raven flew along, it was a cold winter day.
The black bird soon spotted a struggling bird on the ground and quickly landed nearby.
The raven greeted the fearful animal.
A small, shaking finch responded.
"Oh Raven, you must help me. For I am so alone and I cannot find my way. I will never live through this winter"
Clearly the find was in distress.
Sighing, the raven quickly looked around.
"I will aid you to be stronger, but you must promise me one thing."
The finch perked up, as the raven responded, "you can't give up."
So the birds took to the trees and the raven taught the finch how to fly. For the first step to anything is how to get back to your wings.
Then they went to the grass, and pecked for worms. The raven taught the finch that at times, it is okay to let your guard down, you are safe with other birds around.
And finally, how to make a home. A nest for the winter. They gathered all the twigs together, but the finch grew tired.
"Raven. I must rest."
"No finch, there is no resting until you build your foundation. You must continue."
"But I am tired."
"It does not matter. If you give up now, you will give up all." The raven handed the finch even more twigs.
The finch groaned, but painfully continued.
And they built the most beautiful nest.
In the nest the finch had both comfort, and sustainability.
"Raven, thank you. I now have the tools to be a strong bird. I can now, survive the winter."
"Finch. All you must do for me now, is never give up."
And with that, the raven flew away, in search of others to help.
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