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Alex May 2
here, another night
I should be asleep, comfortable
I should be… normal
instead I writhe
or I lie so ******* still trying to pretend
trying to will it away
inside I am clawing to get out of this body
inside I picture myself flailing, jerking,
thrashing, punching, kicking
I visualize breaking my own bones with how hard I fight the pain
I see it in my mind, I let loose and walk away bloodied, bruised, all cut up… but I won.
in my mind.
in reality I have no energy to thrash.
i lack the spoons to fight,
and this,
is an unwinnable war anyway.

so I lie still.
or I writhe, sigh, and cry.
Ella Burton Jan 2021
You ask me how I am
I say
I slur

You preach your 3 hours of sleep
As though it is a feat
A competition in your mind
I know I have already won
Yet mine isn’t so victorious

I have felt years of heavy eyelids pulled down by black fingernails, the bruised under eyes and lust for more sleep

A weak bag of bones is all I am now
Collapsed at a laugh
Or a cry
My muscles show no strength
Neither do I
I internally fight it,
Like a toddler that doesn't think they need a nap
But they're so tired
I know it's coming
I can't even see through the fog anymore
Fighting against my eyelids,
Did I take my pills?
Not that this question ever seems to make enough difference
But, yes
Then begins the mob beating version of sleep
The anxiousness starting in my feet
Maybe if I rotate them and stretch it'll help,
It doesn't
Tingles and tightness running up and down my legs
I search out the coolest parts of the bed
Hips and spine stiffen
Am I in quicksand?
Why is it so hard to move?
My shoulders hunch in and up to my ears
Trying to hide from the unseen beating
Someone must have hit my jaw in the night
I wake up feeling
Turning over
Everything pops and cracks
My bones feel hollow, heavy, tight
Where did all the cartilage go?
I try to stand up
Did they drive nails into my heels last night?  
Almost fall down
It hurts to close my hand on the door for support
Was I fighting back?
My legs don't want to work
I forcefully drag one foot, then the other
I must've gained 100 pounds over night
Everything is so heavy
Slowly, painfully,
Trying to break my leaden feet and legs free
Use your abs
My spine pops
Take a deep breath
More cracks
Breathing hurts
Maybe crawling would have been easier
I'm positive bruises cover every inch of my body
The miles long journey from my bed to the bathroom ends
I hobble my way to the mirror to examine the damage
No marks
No bruises
No nail in my heel
No concrete
No water
No quicksand
I look perfectly fine
I want to crumble
Shay Oct 2020
I watch the sunset but it’s tainted blue,
all the flowers are dying and the ocean’s empty too.
The world as I see it has lost all colour and life;
all that’s left is the dead weight of darkness and despair that is rife.
Zhavaed Haemaed Jun 2020
Don't touch me by the tender points
It hurts more than a soul can bear
Be gentle lest the pain doth spread
It moves me on to silent tears
Don't judge me as I let it pass
Let me lie down in bed & writhe
And wish for a reprieve of sorts
Or drug that cures me of this plight
How 'd you know how much it hurts
I have faked on a smile and laugh'd
Sanity hangs loose on edges now
If only I could alter the story's draft
Yet, clarity missing from how it ends
Unforeseen misadventures lie in wait
I have learnt to be at ease; with ache
And strife, this life & dragging weight
Anyone suffering from fibromyalgia will relate.
Sarah Mulqueen May 2020
I burn a little inside,
The pain
It strikes me, dives right into my core
I smile a little shakily
Talk a little less
So that others don't fear my sadness, offer sympathy on a platter

I need 8 coffee's
Just to start my day
I can't get up with a spring in my step or just pass the time away
My shoulders are tight
My limbs are heavy
I just want to get on with my day

I try with all my might
Still fragile
With a flicker of hope to make it through today
Shay Feb 2020
Like a wolf chasing and attacking its prey,
my body has turned on me and I’m fading away.
Breathing is harder and my body is on fire,
will this pain and torment never tire?
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