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Oct 2019 · 522
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
Nothing compares to a love like this. I didn’t even know this could exist.
You touch me and there’s automatic peace. You carry me to bed when I fall asleep.
You tuck me in to keep me warm,
Or let me wear your coat even though you can’t feel your arms.
You tell me daily how much you love me,
And it’s what you’re always demonstrating.
You listen to me read novels and poetry.
And (almost) never interrupt me.

I hope that I do enough for you
To show you that I love you, too.
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
I’m the queen of overthinking so you have to know that I’m overthinking things each night that goes by, afraid that you must have, or will, changed your mind.
Oct 2019 · 295
Pinch Me
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
This all feels like a dream— the highest are so high and the hues are so pure but just like when I’m dreaming, when something hurts it burns and stings and bleeds.
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
“It’s not you,” You tell me.
But I can’t make you see that security is always fleeting. But I will not be. And I just want that to be enough.

I just want to be enough.
I think I’ve calmed your mind on this subject, now. I hope I have.
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
You’re so afraid of your security
That you accidentally take mine from me.

I felt secure in you until you changed your mind, repeatedly.

If you aren’t ready, please tell me.

Because I’m afraid to wait forever for you only to find that I’ll never be enough for you.
You’re worth the wait and everyone gets cold feet sometimes. I understand your mind a little better now.
Oct 2019 · 324
Her vs. Me
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
What did she have that I’m missing? What did you have then vs. now that changes things? It’s hard to feel like it’s not me. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m adding to your stress and I’m sure I’m not helping but I just want you to see what this seems like to me, especially considering my history— nobody has ever been sure of me, really.
I get that it’s not me, now. thanks for explaining.
Oct 2019 · 406
Why was she different?
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
Maybe if you were ******* me it’d be enough for you to want to marry me, and release your notion of security.

Maybe that’s what it takes. Maybe that’s why she was different.
I know this isn’t true, now, but. It was a hard night that night and I figure it deserves to be shared anyway.
Oct 2019 · 405
Anxious thoughts
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
Even the guy who didn’t really want me, was able to get down on one knee. Hell, he even married me— albeit unfaithfully.
Is that why you can’t do the same thing? Do you not really want me? Or are you not sure I’m everything you need?
Why am I not enough for you to really choose me?
Oct 2019 · 372
Patience, dear
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
Each day I am with you, you remind me why I am.
I used to get in my own way, questioning if things needed to change, needing to control every little thing.
But at some point there I took a breath, relaxed a bit, and dove in head first. Thank goodness I did.
Oct 2019 · 262
I chose you carefully.
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
I didn’t fall in love with you.
I was falling in love with myself again, and you supported me as I patched these broken things.
And you loved me, and reminded me that I am worthy. You were the first to treat me the way I was deserving.
But I held you at bay, consistently afraid. Even when I began to let you in I dug my heels in, resisting change.
Until I started breathing and began releasing. I stopped white knuckling, and resisting.
And, remember. I didn’t fall. I made the choice to risk it all.  
I leapt over the cliff, where my earth cracked and crumbled to bits by the last. And I chose to love you even after all of that.
I choose to love you every day, getting know you as the seasons change. And through it all I plan to stay.
Oct 2019 · 101
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
You lift me
And I’ll lift you.
We’ll climb as we grow together,
It’ll always be us two.
Oct 2019 · 662
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
He was like alcohol and all he did was numb me
You are caffeine and leave my heart beats skipping—

So I‘d actually thank him for leaving.
Oct 2019 · 288
Find a penny, pick it up...
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
“You mean everything to me.”
He whispers, earnestly.
How did I even get this lucky?
Oct 2019 · 404
What Void?
Makenzie Marie Oct 2019
I filled every void with my own love, and then I made room for you.
Wishing I didn’t have to title all of these dang it
Sep 2019 · 101
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
I am your silver lining in your search on a stormy day.
Sep 2019 · 246
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
you made it through yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. You’re doing better than you think. Keep holding on.
Sep 2019 · 93
Shadow hours
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
It was those late hours and those lonely nights that she took a step back, and doubted herself. And she hated herself for those nights. Because she it was in those quiet doubts that she proved to herself that she was not worth trusting. Because her spirit was not yet in control and her demons got the best of her and she failed again.  But she will try again. She will start again. And tomorrow will be a new day so her new start begins in this moment. In this moment she will begin again learning to love herself.  In those dark quiet hours she prayed, and pleaded and released, and surrendered and she began again to believe in her strength
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
Sometimes, you tend to internalize. I used to hate it (and I’ll admit some days I sort of do), but now I understand why you do.
Sep 2019 · 347
How you love me
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
I trust you so deeply to respect me.
And every day you show me in one way or another, that you really do. You don’t just tell me, you show me, too.
Sep 2019 · 289
Much better.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
You are so different from him. You are so different from all of them.
Sep 2019 · 622
You do every thing.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
You tuck me in any time I lie down because you want to make sure I’m comfy.
I know you love me, because you show me in every little, big, thing you do.
You don’t do the things you do as a cloak for manipulation, to prove to me that I’m so lucky. You’re not doing anything just to convince me.
You’ve changed my ideology of the word “healthy” when it comes to sharing and showing love.
Sep 2019 · 571
Swim to me, please.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
I’d swim across the ocean for you.
And I’ve always loved this way.
But the difference is that before, every time, I would do it for someone who would stay dry, and comfortable, and let me be drenched by the storm in the sky. Less than crossing puddles, and less than even helping me cross it myself. I swam oceans for people who would ask me to carry them on my back while I did, eventually forcing me under and drowning me, knowing full well what they were doing. They would hardly cross a street for me.
But I will still swim oceans for you— and I am absolutely sure that you would for me too. So I’ll meet you in the middle.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
‪I have never felt the kind of love I have with You in my life. I am so blissfully happy every single day I get to see you.‬
‪After all of the hell, somehow I found you. And that cliche that it seems like I was looking for exactly you my whole life, makes sense.
After all of it, somehow, by some stroke of luck or by some divine plan, I found myself here. By some miracle, I found you.
Sep 2019 · 843
Learning new Ideology.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
Forgive yourself
We all get let down sometimes
Maybe you let someone else down
Maybe they let you down, too.
Hand in hand with uncommunicated expectations.

And it doesn’t have to be one person’s fault.
Sep 2019 · 175
You whisper into my neck,
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
“It’s you.
It’s always been you.
It’s always going to be you”
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
“I’m sorry”
I whisper.  Over. And over.
A reflex when things are not okay.
Because no matter what I’m always to blame.
Makenzie Marie Sep 2019
Fears created by years and years of trauma and abuse and manipulation. Triggered by the smallest thing.
I’m sorry.
Aug 2019 · 432
My mind is the whole Zoo.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
The fight with your own mind,
Is the hardest war to wage.

But know, the lion that you are facing, is that same strength that you carry.
You can tame it.
Embrace it.

You might be fighting your own strength
Please keep fighting.
Aug 2019 · 658
You should be proud, I am.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
You have worked so hard. And dear, I hope you look back, and see how far you have come.  You have changed. You have grown. I hope that you embrace it
Aug 2019 · 847
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
If I haven’t told you enough times today,  
I love you. And I am infinitely proud of you. Even on your hard days, you handle it with grace.
Aug 2019 · 173
When you talk to God.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
Love, when you pray, I smile.
Not because of my love for the Almighty, but because yours shows so much in your words. And your relationship with him shows in your tone. And I smile each night I hear you speak to Him.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
If I am not your peace, will you come home to me 10 years from now after a stressful work day and want to talk to me? Especially if there are problems in life? Or will you come home emotionally numb and f** me and then shut me out all over again? Why is this your coping mechanism?
Fears created by years and years of trauma and abuse and manipulation. Triggered by the smallest thing.
Aug 2019 · 117
Let’s have a fight.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
You are concerned about commitment
Because we haven’t had more than one argument in the past year.
Maybe it’s because instead of talking about it, when it could develop into an argument, you shut me out. If you can’t let me in, how can we move forward? How can this really begin?
Aug 2019 · 126
Little fears.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
Am I too little, not enough to peak your interest or not enough to brighten your day or not enough to entertain?
Or am I too much, and too into you and too in love and too ready and too willing to please?

All I want is to make you happy
And all I want is to be enough to do that.
Aug 2019 · 195
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
Because nobody is expecting you to be perfect today. All anybody wants from you is that you try to be better tomorrow.
Aug 2019 · 346
At That Day
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
I want to strive to be worthy of your grace. So that the day I see your face, my knees will hit the ground in praise, but my eyes don’t drop to the ground in disgrace.
Aug 2019 · 364
My apologies, my God.
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
Father, I’m sorry, because I’m not perfect.
And I know that’s what you ask of me. I’m trying to be but I’m obviously doing it imperfectly.
But the perfection I’m seeking isn’t something I can gain immediately. The perfection that I’m reaching for is not a finish line but it’s a journey.
But... What about when I make the same mistake repeatedly? What does that speak of me? “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”
And I’ll ask that you forgive me. For the big and the small things adding up to my day, or my week, of imperfectly trying, and sometimes failing. And it’s been said that in failure, there doesn’t need to be any finality. You organized a way for me and my family to grow and improve and be clean for eternity.
Aug 2019 · 136
Dear Friend:
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
Fear is normal, and it’s okay that you feel it. Don’t let anyone, even me, make you feel otherwise.
Aug 2019 · 134
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
I am terrified
Of how deeply I love you.
Because the last time I fell in love..
it was...
It was my truth built on someone’s lie.
But I know you can sympathize.
And my fear can not reach the depth of my love for you.
Aug 2019 · 921
650 miles..
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
It’s far too far
And the months are much too long
So the moment I can, I close the gap between us and snuggle in so close to you and remind myself that one day I won’t have to leave your arms.
Aug 2019 · 261
Makenzie Marie Aug 2019
I’ll wait forever
He said
I’ve never known a love like this.
Jun 2019 · 257
Makenzie Marie Jun 2019
This is what love is.

It is not what it once was
To me
I was wrong entirely.

This is love, complete.

Thank you for showing me.
May 2019 · 329
A Sinner’s Prayer
Makenzie Marie May 2019
I’m so sorry, Lord
I failed again
Even though I say I’m trying
It feels like I can’t

I can’t try
Without failing
And I fail
At trying

All the while I carry this cross
The weight seems so heavy to bear
And I stacked on the pounds
I was not unaware
But surprised when the last grain of rice tipped the scale
And I look back to see myself having failed

And then I stop and I think
(Not to dissipate the guilt,
But to accept my fate)
It was never written or taught
That you never tripped while you walked
Carrying your cross
To Calvary— for me.
And for a time even, you allowed
A friend to carry the weight
You, even, were not alone in your feat.

I will look and behold
But strengthen my neck
To hold it up
Help lift my cross
So that I am not crushed
I want to dwell in your glory
But what do I know of Holy?

A year ago this was not me,
Somehow my direction changed
And slowly I turned from your face
And once you were just an arms length away
And now I’m in a valley
Looking miles up the Hill
Where you died for me

Today I am not the woman weeping
At your feet
But my Lord and God
I long to be

It was me
who nailed your hands and your feet.
Please, forgive me.

Forgive me Lord
It was me.
I am the cause of your sufferings.

Please show me what it is I need
To do to come to your mercy seat
Lead my feet And hold me

I will walk the road to Calvary
Or I will walk the road you paved for me.
I will collapse at your feet, begging,
Please forgive me.

I understand the one
Who washed your feet with her tears
And dried them with her hair

She saw your glory
And perhaps her misdeeds

And like so many heard
I long to hear the words
“Take up thy bed and walk”
Or, “thy sins are forgiven thee”

I will not pray,
“Please save me”
But “you have saved me.
Now please, please,
Change me.”

Make me more worthy
I know it might hurt
Cleaning the wounds imbedded with dirt
But you will wash me.
May 2019 · 325
Distance = Patience
Makenzie Marie May 2019
You won’t speak to me
Because all your energy
Was spent.
I guess this is the price you pay.
And I had warning
But living this is not the same.
And I have never felt as far away from you,
In every way,
As I do today.
May 2019 · 300
Makenzie Marie May 2019
Remember that even without me you are everything.
Makenzie Marie May 2019
Hearing your voice and breathing your scent and seeing your smile.
Wrapped in your arms and finding your lips and taking it in.
Hearing your laugh and catching my breathe and falling in love
I remember the moment.
Do you remember?
May 2019 · 268
If you’re a bird...
Makenzie Marie May 2019
You are not a bird to be locked in a cage. The door is unlocked—. Fly as high as you can and discover it all. Fly as fast as you can and feel something. Fly as slow as you can and experience everything.
May 2019 · 197
Fear cannot control you
Makenzie Marie May 2019
Trust yourself and let yourself be afraid. Two emotions and conflicting ideas can exist in one mind and one soul at the same time. Come together with yourself and accept it. And then, take the step.
May 2019 · 689
You are every good thing
Makenzie Marie May 2019
That moment when you’re somewhere between sleep and awake. That moment on a roller coaster as you drop at almost a 90° angle and your adrenaline surges. Your favorite song on the radio in the summer, when your windows are down and you’re singing along. The warmth and comfort that envelops you as you snuggle into bed. A sunrise. The moon rise. The galaxy of stars on a clear night in your small home town.
All of these things and feelings
You are every one of them, combined.
May 2019 · 292
Makenzie Marie May 2019
If I can say unto this mountain
“Be Thou Moved”
I can surely move myself.

If I can say unto the waters
“Be dry”
Surely I can fill myself.

But these things I can only do,
Through You.
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