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Belle Oct 5
I write to ease my pain.
Ink flowing, not my blood.
It does not feel as good.
Imagine, what if it did?
I think about his death a lot. They said i should write when i feel things, write write, just write until all the feelings are passed onto the sheet. But that day, when i discovered, i didn't, i just couldn't. I was just paralyzed, looking at the screen of my laptop. I stared at the word. Suicide. He committed suicide. I don't know how he did it. I don't want to know. But he did.
I know we don't know each other personally but that really does not matter, that's not the point. I stood beside him, with all the others, fighting for the same cause, wearing the same color, shouting the same chants. I felt my surroundings, the colors inside the house, the sound of the fan, the lights flickering at my side, stopped. They all stopped. Altogether, they stopped being what they were and then nothing made sense.
I thought about his death today. Again.
No, not really about his death. Its about the moments right before it. Right before he decided to do it. I imagine his heart just sinking, or full of grief or maybe just hollow and empty. I imagine how helpless he was, how nothing could possibly save him, no, not now, not a single call or text, not a thing, it was all too late. I imagine him slowly but decidedly, surely, letting go of the delicate line of his life.
It's too noisy and just too loud. Imagine how enticed he was with the thought of quiet, of peace, of nothingness.
my heart cannot comprehend the hurt that must be feeling by those who were close to him, his family, his friends, his orgmates. i hope he is well now. i hope he found the peace and the quiet.
Maia Vasconez Sep 23
In the mornings,
I ate like a hummingbird. Handfuls of
white chocolate chips and blueberries.
Saucers of green tea.

You do not know devotion until
you have seen these rituals.
These little rituals
where a young girl wakes up,
strips down,
holds her breath, and
steps on the scale.  

I wanted to hear my skeleton rattle inside me like
a set of keys.

I had a tape measure under my bed,
and a death wish.

There is nothing I know,
nothing more precious than this.
I wanted to be
rough, and
jagged edges.

She’s a fairy, she just
can’t fly because
she doesn’t eat.

Have you seen the disappearing act where
the girl makes herself shrink and no one
notices because
she is already small?

I won’t stop until
I drink air and eat sunshine.

I won’t stop until
they worry (they love me).
andi Sep 19
it follows me like a shadow,
each day clinging onto my body for dear life;
i wish my memories would die before i do.

it has gotten smaller,
but it still hurts the same, as if it had just happened yesterday;
at night, the memories still creep into my mind.

i am going insane,
or maybe i've just stayed the same;
**** truly never goes away.
make the past go away.
CNM Aug 26
It is a sunny day in this new world
The sun covers me and the fluorescent green of grass
Perfectly trimmed, perfectly tickling my bare legs
Into focus is the sound of boys speaking
And the outlines of bodies sitting beside me fade in and out
These are my friends, I think
And I'm suddenly very aware that they are boys
And I am not.
As many get up to leave, I'm not sure why I don't follow
Laying on my side I feel as if I could sleep within this dream
Within the warmth of this star
As I realize the presence of someone behind me
Strangers hands all over my body
A faceless perpetrator
Re-enacting the emission of a very specific kind of disgust
I've found often in my waking life
Rubbing this slime that oozes from his hands
All over my unwilling body
This time I try to yell Stop
But I can only whisper this opposition
But atleast this time
I tried.
a nightmare
Emily C Aug 22
Im not overweight
But I feel huge
I'm a balloon filled with cement
Large and heavy
I only see round
I want to be little
I want a sharp jaw line
So sharp
I could carve off the pounds
Collar bones so deep
They could hold every tear
Shed while on a scale
Concave stomach
Filled up with water
Like the kind from the pool
Where I'm too fat to attend
I wish I could put the gender wage gap between my thighs
I want my bmi and my 7th grade age
To be the same number
But instead I'm large...
Well Im back ig
ayb Aug 14
The arms of a stranger feel like home when they hold you just right.
I saw the devil in his eyes;
I knew he had a past deeper than I could comfortably swim,
but none of that matters when “home” feels like more than just a word again.
I wanted to feel this feeling before it forgot me
but time wouldn’t slow and I couldn’t go
anywhere with him holding me down
oh, God, why didn’t I just stay
what's that saying again, "Home is where the heart is"?
Lyra Saros Aug 13
I’ve always been erratic
There’s still an ember in these ashes
The forest has cooled since the fire
The birds are coming home tonight
They make their nests from kindling

Is it still a relapse if I never quit?
tw self harm
Aaryn Jul 26
I’m scared to be hurt
And so I won’t give you a chance
To hurt me again
Even though it wasn’t your fault

The though
Of losing
Losing control
Losing a friend
Losing you
I can’t take it

So I will make sure
I am in control
Of the pain
I will slice my wrists
And count the calories
And maintain my
Over my life

I’m scared of

I’m scared of losing you
I’m sorry... I’m still ****** up
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