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You think that thought
You hold your breath
You press into your skin, but theirs no regret.

You let it go.
You dropped it, the metallic blade hitting the floor.

You don’t know how much of this you can take anymore.
You feel like you’ve lost your mind, there’s just all these thoughts whirling around inside.

Crimson drips from the crease, at least tonight I get to feel a freedom of release.
Gea Venise Oct 12
Stop telling me I’m strong
When I know how weak I am

Strong people aren’t hunted with thoughts
That keep them awake ‘til sunrise
Only to sleep through tired eyes
From either staring all night at the ceiling and the walls
Or crying.
Strong people don’t cut
Nor punch walls
Nor starve themselves
Just to feel pain

Because strong people wouldn’t have the need to feel pain at all
In order to stay sane.
Trigger warning // This is how I see myself, I'm not saying you have to apply this to yourself as well.
#tw
Grand Piano Oct 2
Talking the people I love off of the ledge is what keeps me from jumping over
I know that if I leave I might be the reason someone finally decides to take that final step
Thinking about the pain I would cause by not being here makes my pain just a little more bearable
Mööse Aug 25
I'm 19 and I never thought I'd make it past my expiration date. I figured something would've thrown me out by now.

My head's in disbelief that we're still blowing out the candles and waking to reality, I truly believe that my existence is scorning me.

What do you say, when they ask
"where do you see yourself at 20?" When you never thought you'd grow that old? How do you take a hold of living?
Living, living, living..

I really wish I knew what do with my life,
Now that it's not a short coming
All my friends, see they had plans,
And so did I, but mine weren't of growing old or running wild. I never thought I'd be anything more than a child.
I don't know what kept me here..

So here I am, hope in hand as I try to understand what to do. What to do with the years I was given- when you never thought you'd grow that old to take a hold of living, to take a hold of living
When you never
Thought
You'd
Grow
That old.
To take
A hold of
L I v I n g.


And Now im finally living,

finally living..


Finally

living
Consideration never felt so comforting in the eyes of the weary and beaten down.
JN Cole Aug 20
Oh, hi... Yeah I'm good you know...

I've been thinking about
death a lot lately, but no.
I don't want to die.
I think about death as
a concept like...

What happens when
I die?
No... things like Heaven.
I do believe but more like...
What now?
What of this earth?
What of the people?
What is one less
person?

What is the impact.
Ah, yes. That is it.

Will anyone remember?
Remember me for
cutting my hands often?
Having Band-aids wrapped
around any finger?
Being short-tempered?
Listening to punk music
and pretending that I am
one? I am not sure about
the pretending part though...
What about the books
I read that no one has ever
heard of? Because I just
pick them at random
at a random time
at a random bookstore
on a whim
on a bad day
on a day where home
isn't home.

I'm sorry (laughs).

Oh, where are you headed?

Oh, it's fine. Me?

Well...

Will my family still use
lemon-scented laundry soap?
Lemon-scented bath soaps?
Lemon-scented aerosols?
Lemon-scented bathroom deodorizer?
Lemon for the water.
Lemon for the tea.
Oh, and for the toilets
and bathroom floor...
Lemon-scented thick bleach?

I'm sorry (laughs).

Lemon is just a scent...
a memory from childhood.
A candy
a summer day
a sun-smelling bike ride
a nothing-to-do-just-
lie-down-on-the-floor
kind of day
I've been obsessed about it lately.
Maybe because I read it in
a poem. Something about
scrubbing your clothes clean
till they smell like lemon.

Oh, do you have to go now?

Well, do take care and
see you soon. Thank you for
listening I hope you'll like the smell
of lemons from now on.
Lemon-Scented Memories Part 2/Prologue
JN Cole Aug 20
gone now the
laundry basket by the
multi-color tiled bathroom half-
empty been a week now
been trying to fill it now
been trying to
not feel
empty gone

now the
cartons of milk he's allergic
to anyway,
in the fridge at the
bottom being replaced and being
tossed and
tossed again.

gone now he still
winces at the freshly laundered
sheets now
lemon-scented
lemon-scented you
but you are gone now.

---

who is going to
pester him for more tuna
more vegetables who is
going to tell him not
to water the cacti you
planted in chipped tea
cups who is going to
walk the dogs he gave away
not long ago because
no one has the love and
patience to do it anymore.

who is going to love
the lemon-scent the
scent you loved
just because of a poem
about it or a story who
knows...
who knows now
what you want
where you are how you've been...

who's gonna tell him
now not to
take the pills after
you bitter-sweet
lemon-scented good
bye.
Lemon-Scented Memories Part 1
Nikh Aug 19
Tw: Self H*rm

I double guess myself, when you’re not around.

I need your voice to fall asleep, because of a secret you gave my soul to keep.

I hear her say “I don’t want to play that game”. The sound of her cries bring me back to mine.

The scars you’ve caused, will go deeper than her skin, reminding her that abusers always win.

Maybe she’ll turn out fine, or maybe she’ll continue the line.

Like an artist going mad from their own work. Never seeing something beautiful enough, so deeper she goes.

Another cut, another cut

They do say beauty comes from within, don’t they?
#tw
Nola Leech Jul 29
Dry heaving your sorrows
Past flooded gates of stress
Teary eyes and your runny nose
Won’t make those problems go away
Receive the truth
Speak only lies
Hush your own ****** fluid
Until it can be mistaken for silence
Relapse
A quiet lullaby
Of hungered dreams
That only makes me seem smaller
Problems, so many problems
You have one more to overcome
marty Jul 31
how bad i wish skin was easier to cut, for bones to be easier to break, for blood to be easier to drain.
i realize it is pretty easy, as long as that’s what you desire, but still there’s something that’s holding me back from those desires.

once i’ve finally gave in to these desires i wonder what’s keeping me from cutting deeper. seeing blood flow is my current desire, yet i wonder why my wish won’t be granted, as all i see is a scratch. a simple scratch is not what i desired, yet it is all i’ve gotten so far. how deep into this endless rabbit hole must i go in in order to get what i want? at this point i ask myself wether this is my true desire or not.

in the third act i am back again. a new desire has made its way into my mind screaming and it is begging to be heard. merging with my soul, mind and body, i find myself as an hybrid of these desires that now compose my whole existence and guide my life. it does not revolve around me now, as it never should have been. even though crying is what my soul yearns for, my body won’t give in. it is as it wants me to grieve more and more, until I just give up and go one way or the other. it’s so loud, it hurts my head and my body is shaking. my lungs just can’t take it. I just need to let go, but I can’t and that’s even more painful than a blade running through my skin, cutting the tissue, craving to hit an artery, make it all stop, to enjoy that brief moment of euphoria where I beat everything that was holding me back and make it to my freedom. that sweet journey that took all I had and crushed every one of my hopes and dreams, that horrible journey that made me think there was a way out.

everyday i wake up to a reality that i’m not willing to face.
chris Jul 25
let me understand the clouds
their moods and patterns that

they display in the sky

a single cloud crosses the sky,
from the ground, we can watch it go by

holding my world up there high
in the sky, we look as time passes by

happy clouds, quiet clouds
calm, still clouds
inspired by RM's tweet about catching clouds
link: https://twitter.com/BTS_twt/status/1287030767353131008?s=20
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