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Anya Oct 2018
My ignorance is astounding
Yet,
It is of my own choice
Laziness
...
Exactly the cause of my diffidence
If one is to be confident
They must believe in themselves

And in order to do so
They must deserve it
By feeling they
Deserve it
Through their actions though,
I suppose,
That show they deserve it
...
Oh la, I’m simply leading myself in circles

But the main point is
If I want to be condfident
Only I can make myself feel
I deserve it
Anya Sep 2018
There are many amino acids
But not nearly as many as there are
people

But,
like us,
humans
They are identical except for one key part
that makes them
intrinsically
completely
unique
Feel free to tell me your opinion. This was a passing thought, even I'm not sure I completely agree. I was sort of thinking of how we are all humans but we are unique as well.
Anya Feb 2019
I have a box
A nice cozy box
I try to make my way to the
But...I never make it
Out

That doesn’t matter
It’s still fun to try
To push my limits

But


Still in never out
I won’t go out
I. Can push
But I. Cannot
Go out

Because it’s warm and cozy in this box
I know what I can do,
I know,
The extent of my abilities

Why should,
I push through?

You’ll be regretting those words,
One day
She tells me

I don’t care


Fine,
But what if
Your protected world
Just
Disappears







Drip




Drop













Drip









...
Anya Oct 2018
It's the start of the school
year and everyone's
milling about
socializing

Water particles
Milling about
forming
and breaking
hydrogen bonds

There's a group of
new kids,
awkwardly standing
off to the side

A large crystal
of salt
is dumped among
the
water

Some of the old kids
start milling
over pulling
new kids
into
their friend
groups

The water starts
bonding with
individual
ions of salt
positive with negative
negative with positive
pulling them
away
to form
bonds

Eventually all the
new kids are
incorporated into
friend groups

The lattice of salt
is broken apart
...
And all the individual ions
are surrounded
by
new
friends
Known as H2O
If you find quirky analogies to science interesting check out my collection "science poems".
Anya Sep 2018
When I’m down
Real low
I start writing
Like a disease
Busting out those poems
Emotions
Like a waterfall
Or like puke
As the words tumble out of me
Till I’m dry
But I never seem to be
Anya Sep 2018
I’ve discvoered
A strange pastime of mine
I like to look for flaws
Little things I am ashamed of
Then use poetry
To slowly unravel them
Bit by bit
Like the
Small intestine
We unraveled in our seventh
Grade fetal
Pig disection
Just like that
The ugly flaws
Are unraveled bit by bit
Left in all their original
Blunt grotesque
Glory
In my mind
To be analyzed
And on paper
-or a screen I suppose
Embeleshed,
Into something
Beautified and attractive
But,
Still honest despite
Holding back
To an extent
...
Meanwhile,
In my mind
The flaws are
Picked apart
With little probes

Occasionally,
A finite solution
And method to
Get rid of the
Flaw
Placed on
My never ending
Bucket list

But,
More often than not-
...
ERROR
NO SOLUTION
REQUIRES FURTHER STUDY
Anya Nov 2018
Sometimes,
I just fake it
Cause
It’s easier

Yes,
The test was hard
Even though,
I got a 98%

Yes,
He has a bad personality
Even though,
He’s been nothing less
Than polite
To me

Yes,
She’s so amazing at it
Even though,
I’m not too far behind

Yes,
Their relationship is going to fail
Even though,
I think it’s rude
To gossip
Behind their
Backs


These things...
And more,
It doesn’t
Change
Anything
Even if I explain
Will people even listen?
Care?

So...
I let it be
It’s             Easier
I mean,
Not when it directly hurts
Others
I do have a bottom line

But otherwise...
With shades of gray
Difficult,
To differentiate
Between
  Right
Wrong
  Good
Bad

...

I guess...
I’ll let it be

After all,
It’s


Easier?
Sometimes in life it’s really hard to know when to step in and ne when to mind your own business. And there are times when others naturally believe you agree with them but you’re to tired to explain your specific circumstances to them and just go along with what they say.
Anya Sep 2018
I used to wonder if,
one who enjoys writing
and history
stories
and words
Is bad,
at math and science

I'm finding recently,
that it's really not true

Sure,
science may not be my strongest
subject

But I can take what is,
English
and use it to my advantage

I realized
I could make educational poetry
Funny
fun
strange
analogies
from the concepts
to the stories I love

And that way I remember them better

The world really is a small place
Not just,
among people
But also,
Among concepts,
ideas
Reoccurring patterns
...
Everywhere!
Anya Sep 2018
She told me she was tired
About,
How her mom compared
Her to every other
Kid out there
Doing more
Doing better
About,
How sports five days a week
School
And clubs to boot
Was a bit much
Personally, I somewhat know what she means
But,
Being somewhat past
That stage myself
I don’t know what to say

She tells me
About her sleep deprivation
Iron deficiency
Sleepwalking
Lack of hunger
Problems
Problems
Problems
With which I could relate
Not one single bit
I listened
But I didn’t say much
Soon enough though
I
Just
Stopped

She told me about
Her latest crush
In her constant
Stream
Since seventh grade
Voice
Partially whiny
Partially one the verge
Of tears
I really couldn’t relate
Much
But,
It was kinda interesting
Plus I valued her
Friendship
A certain degree
So I listened
And gave comfort
Until in came someone
Who could do it better

We’re all self obsessed
To a certain degree

It really depends
How interested we are
How much we care about the person
How caring we are
In general
Many factors
...
But sometimes,
Especially with a problem
That we can’t fix
For them
Or even help
...
It can be really hard
To have empathy
Anya Sep 2018
Before you know it
It’s over
And you’re left wondering
How did it start
How did it end
Is it really gone?
A suspicion of deception invades you
Until your rationality convinces you otherwise
Its really done
No more
Tomorrow
And tomorrow
And the next
Yet
Your heart refuses to believe
For the longest time
As you gaze at your phone waiting
Until it gradually grows slow
And cold
And slower still
Till it stops all together
Anya Jul 2018
So **** Endless
The blue sky
about to swallow me whole
Are those really atoms?
A patchwork quilt
So intricate
Not even
Rather
So intermixed interwoven
Just a mess
Just a mass
Including me
Swallowing me
Whole
Anya Oct 2018
When spring time comes...
couples naturally come
together,
lowering
the stress of
finding someone
to go to the dance with

An exothermic reaction
Releasing energy
into the environment
By forming
bonds

But,
with the help of
events such as
jealous ex's
bad grades
losing teams
The couples are
forced
to break

An endothermic reaction
Energy is added
to
break bonds
...
And
hearts
If you find quirky analogies to science interesting check out my collection, "science poems".
Anya Sep 2018
It’s sad sometimes how desperate I can be
But what’s even sadder is-
Enough
CUT OUT THE POINTLESS SELF DEPRICATION
I wasn’t going to publish this but I though, hey, why not?
Anya Jul 2018
When you watch the sun set
what do you see?
The world aglow with
The sun’s last melody
A parting farewell
Or perhaps
A last clinging hope
To keep one good friend
Or at least imprint
A memory in our hearts
Of glimmering lights with orange hue
Before the sun rise starts anew
And our previous memories are washed away
As our mind turns to small common place affairs
And we start another day
Anya Jul 2018
Everything is so new,
so much better,
so much more interesting.
I want
to do everything
I want
to try everything
I want
to experience everything
For the time is now;
And I am ready.
Anya Sep 2018
A grand musical is underway!
Actors and actresses scurrying about
Memorizing their lines written by poets
Weaving sweet phrases
Conveying positivity
Encouragement
Cheerfulness
Artists shaping the smile
The relaxed pose
Arms open and inviting
Ready for instant hugs
A harpist for the mouth
Melodious
Joyful
Sounds
All this is at play
So, how is it possible
For one
To look deeper
And see what’s really behind the smile?
Anya Oct 2018
My dad tells me,
don't act like
everything's
set in stone
You're young!
Your character isn't
permanent
yet

My mom says,
put it in
a mental trash can
and get past
the thoughts,
keep
moving on
Try,
some mindfulness,
breathing,
It'll help calm
your mind
...
...
...
I tell my little brother
you're character's
not set in stone!
Throw it in a mental trash
can keep
moving on
...
Sometimes,
When reflecting on things,
they can be so sweet
Anya Jan 2019
A groan
A moan
Head ready to burst
Pickkkkk it upppp, yessssshhh
The traitorous voice hisses within
Pikkkkk it up and alllll your worrrrries are gonnnnneeeeee
I try-TRY to resist
Six is more than enough!
This vicious cycle cannot continue!

Too late
I’m binging on another tub of ice cream for another hour of Netflix
And another splitting headache coming right up
Anya Sep 2018
One may be straight
like a saturated fat

One maybe bent
like an unsaturated fat

Or, one could be bent,
disguised as straight
Like a trans fat
Another weird but true science analogy poem. If you don't understand look up the difference between saturated, unsaturated, and trans fats. If this offends you feel free to message me.
Anya Nov 2018
Rather to be...
A big          fish
In a           small pond
Or small        fish
In a         big pond
I've come across this question
a        lot

Whether to be a lead        in the middle school play
Or an extra    in the high school play

To be top of          JV
or to be bottom of  Varsity

To get A's in           regular math
Or B's in accelerated

To be the best         of the worst
To be the worst         of the best

Is a question,
I'm
Still
Grappling             with
Anya Sep 2018
I have my flaws clear as day
And some not so clear, but there all the same
Everyone has flaws but when you’re ultra aware of your own flaws does that make you better at getting rid of them or does it just make you self conscious and unconfident?
Anya Aug 2018
On his cheek
I see a piece of her
He forgot to brush off
My attempt to imagine and convey an emotion I haven’t felt exactly myself in words.
Anya Sep 2019
Elegy, elegy, elegy
The words pop out at me, framed by the strokes of...expressionism was it?
Honestly, I don’t know
The minimal art history I was exposed to
Has gone, been erased leaving me the white board
To scrawl something else hastily before-

I wonder why I read it,
Is it perhaps to affirm to myself
That I’m worth something?

No, that can’t be right
I do of course love myself, I have healthy amount of self love
I suppose then, it’s confidence at stake here
...maybe?

That whether I manage to memorize all the terms
Whether I can keep my hands from straying to another tab
That whether I can kick away the ball that is distractions and addictions and every self created villain in my fairytale

Determines who
I am and how
Much I’m worth

Is false

Because

I

Love me I do
I really do

But,
I still have to get out of this rut
I still have to do better
Then, maybe
One day I’ll
Anya Sep 2018
When I'm on a field
I can be free

When I'm with my family
I can be free

When I'm with little children
I can be free

When I'm with animals
I can be free

When I write
I can be free

...

But when I'm anywhere else
I'm constrained by
a cage known as-
self consciousness
social anxiety
shyness
She comes by many names
...

By any chance,
are you familiar with her?
I understand that my free situations may not apply to everyone so when you're reading feel free to replace them with any place you feel free in.
Anya Oct 2018
When I'm on a field
I can be free

When I'm with my family
I can be free

When I'm with little children
I can be free

When I write
I can be free

...

But when I'm anywhere else
I'm constrained by
a cage known as-
self consciousness
social anxiety
shyness
She comes by many names
...

By any chance,
are you familiar with her?
I’m sure you are

You may have met her,
In JK,
When you found out there’s a difference
Between a boy
And a girl

You may have met her,
In the playground
When you were
The only one
Who though
Playing
“Fashion show”
Was
Stupid

You may have met her
When that annoying
Red head
Kept saying
Ewwwwww
Whenever
Your underwear
Showed
During P.E.

You may have met her
In middle school
When you had your
First crush
But everyone insisted
You liked
His
Best
Friend

You may have met her
When every one
Of your friends
Was in
Accelerated
But you
Couldn’t wrap
Your head
Around
Rational functions

You may have met her
When every one of your friends
Had success branded
On their foreheads
With their futures
Straight through
A paved road
While you
Were left
A forest
To
Traverse

You may have met her
In any number
Of places
With any number
Of people
With any number-

Everywhere…
Even in the sock
You forgot had a hole
In it,
And wore to school

Now,
She’s obviously
Everywhere,
So you can’t ignore her
Hating on her,
Just makes
You hate yourself
So…
..

….
Why not become her friend?
Anya Jun 2019
When I start to write a poem my initial reaction is to
Purse my lips, brush aside my hair, twiddle my toes, try to feel
Where I am write down, who
I am write now, equal measures physically and mentally
In the case that the tap is on, my thoughts flowing in a steady stream I greedily clutch at them
Some are caught successfully in a bucket but more than I realize slip through
The cracks in my fingers

The times when the **** seems firmly shut I’m left
Waiting,
For an opening in my mind that seems to have dried up,
Not a drop left

So, I start digging. A scratch, two, eventually like a dog frantic for his treasure
I usually hit something
But as to whether it’s my prize is another matter
I’m more often hit with a rock
A very hard unmoving rock

Although, sometimes the rock is gold
Or pyrite and I can pass it off as such
It still glitters and shines
And that’s fine, isn’t it?
Anya Dec 2018
Poetry is for thinkers, I think
Those who’d spend their days dreaming away
Or those who, in a moment of passion
Scrawl down their thoughts
On little post it note poems
No matter the medium
Though, one can not deny
Poetry is for thinkers

Now, this past week I’ve been a doer
Typically, my lazy temperament
Would prevent this
But things happened
And more things needed doing
Without a doer to do them

And now my mind has switched
And all I can think to do is do
Rather than think to think, reflect
My mind has transformed
From a dreamland
To a bucket list
Anya Sep 2018
Three nobles were fleeing
after the monarchy had been overthrown

Three non-polar amino acids were trying to get away
from the polar gel they were on

They were escaping through means of a merchant who dealt with the black market
He gave priority to those who paid a heftier sum

The amino acids were aided by a non-polar liquid solution
The more non-polar the amino acid the higher up the solution could get them

But alas! For the merchant lacked the resources to
get the nobles out of danger

The amino acids all eventually reached the top of the gel sheet
But they would need extra aid to go over the top

And that is my science class
Typical studying is not always the way to go, sometimes you need to think out of the box.
Anya Sep 2018
The acrid, rather salty aroma surrounds
me, cloud of it invading my nostrils and tongue as the salty
liquid drips past my parched, cracked, lightly parted
lips as my throat is made hoarse by screaming
with all my might as we score the winning
Goal
Anya Jul 2018
So many people want to be
DIFFERENT
To stand out
Be unique, brilliant, and attractive
like a shining star
So many people want to be the
same
To conform
To fit in and belong like feet in a
snug pair of shoes
But, why?
When one always wants the other is one really better?
Anya Sep 2018
My mother’s favorite color is green
But I never understood why
I don’t dislike it
But
I couldn’t see myself being attracted
In flights of fancy
Excitement
Now,
I understand

Green,
To me
Is the color of the plants,
leaves of trees
Grass
Buds
My mother’s favorite color

Representative
Of those things I take for granted
Those everyday things...

That are essential to me

It may not be the color that grabs my attention
But rather
Like a steady boat
Keeping me afloat
Basically
My stability
...
Not a want,
But
A
Need
Anya Jun 2018
In second grade my student number was 16
New school
New friends
Boy problems like a sixteen year old girl
Lamenting over
My crush leaving the state
But I still remember
he didn’t pick me to cut cut his goodbye cake
In third grade my student number was 12
From sixteen to twelve years
My immaturity dropped
To new heights
As I began crushing on Crush #1’s best friend
Too shy
Otherwise he may leave too
No friends either
Except one
Who cheated me out of a bag of oyster crackers while trading at lunch
In fourth grade my student number was 14
Little more maturity
Or at least I thought I was
Like a fourteen year old girl
A shining star, doing gymnastics on the railing for then handicapped ramp
And our very own fashion show
On the grassy hill in the playground
In fifth grade my student number was 15
I was like a big girl now
I had my own best friends
I didn’t need a crush-who cared about iky romance?
In sixth grade my student number was 25
My own maturity soared
While my friend’s dropped
As my friend’s hearts were broken
And age long friendships broke apart
I was the helpless observer
No drama of my own (thankfully)
But plenty from all other sides
And so came the end of my elementary school years and my innocence along with it.
Anya Oct 2018
My policy
is typically
*******
in a pony tail
easy
efficient
out of my eyes
But sometimes...
it gets monotonous
and tied
to my more
introverted me
academic me

I've tried braids
brings me back to elementary
school
Several people called me
cute
Certainly,
I embody a twelve year old

I tried a headband
not bad
yet,
the fluffy strands
continue
to get in the water fountain
when I'm drinking

Hair out?
The first one I tried
free
but messy
Everywhere
in my eyes
The me,
that will roll down a grassy hill
just cause

So, which one is it
or something...more?
Is it
just hair?
Is it
linked to my identity?
I dunno
But maybe I'll
find
out
...
What is it to you?
Anya Sep 2018
He called me dense
It still sticks to me
Not because
I'm hurt
or anything

But because,
I find it funny
I don't think I am
I do notice things around me

Honestly though,
half the time
it's a real pain to be
aware of everything

I know what I need to
I focus on what I deem important

Yet...maybe my lack of societal awareness
has dubbed me dense?

I certainly do sport a happy go lucky attitude
Often childish
Book smart,
but often confused
seeming
And I certainly do have
the annoying habit of people pleasing
while being shy
and diffident
at times

It's funny
I almost feel smarter with myself
When I'm with others
self-consciousness
self-doubt
social anxiety
naturally takes hold

It sometimes places me
in the role of under dog
Or is it dark horse?
The one,
who surprisingly pulls through
Surprisingly,
has abilities

I'm a little bit like a wave I suppose
On a stormy night
Lashing this way and that
as I please
Sometimes broken down
other times mowing my way through

So, maybe I am dense
Maybe I'm not
I don't know

Life...
can be described by many adjectives
But, let me keep mowing through
On my own merry way
Chugging like,
as my little brother would say,
A chu chu train
Anya Nov 2018
I have a friend
She has a prickly
Exterior
Lashing out at
Others
First

Last year
She god a pet
Hedgehog
...
It died two weeks later


Sometimes the shield we put up
Hurts us
The
Most
Anya Sep 2018
One thing
I love about this
site
is that
it's free
...
You're free
to write as you please
...
You're free
to comment as you please
...
There's plenty of room
for self introspection
..
And everyone here is either
like minded
or has an interesting
new
perspective to
contribute
Anya Sep 2018
Today my friend told me
I was acting strange
I gave her the
excuse
of a sugar high
But really,
...
I was just being
myself
Anya Nov 2018
Hey, past me from so close yet seeming long ago...

A knot from my sweater's bow I regret tying despite how unkempt the ribbons look hanging by my sides because now it's digging into my back

The hair I can't decide if I want out where it's pretty and makes me look less like a generic nerd yet gets in my face and food and life

The jeans I insist upon wearing without a belt even though their slipping down my **** may actually outweigh the pain of loosening the belt

The tennis shoes I'm too attached to give up that emit a constant squeak, squeak, squeaking through the hallways whether it's caused by residual rain from outside or not

The glasses, fond of slipping down my nose at frequent intervals, covered in smudges I rarely notice till they get out of hand

The phone whose screen happened to crack at the most inopportune moment and takes forever to read my finger print

The jacket that should be a highlighter blue but rather presents itself as a canvas of the week's tomato stains

The face covered in acne-
The stomach with fat instead of muscle-
The arms lacking muscle-
The legs with too much hair-

I've always acknowledged that perfection is not possible, yet I have to at least try to strive

I think, as I sit at my desk, fingers typing fragmented sentences, attempting to convey thoughts speeding too fast to grasp

Yet, just a simple poem of reflection brings to light these numerous deficiencies, many of which I COULD fix were it not the invisible fiend upon whom I stamp the label-laziness

These deficiencies, many of which aren't even noticed by those around me, some of whom are better some are worse

But it's not as simple as that, I've known I can't just be "one of the people", I need to find something, some identity, some way out of my seemingly impossible to escape label of "just above average"

In academics, in extracurricular activities, EVERYTHING, I seem to be at a stagnant

I've done bad, I've done "just above average", but never above. What is the point if you get plenty of losses and plenty of "fine" but no victories?

It's something about me though, somehow I believe, subconsciously, I'm impeding myself. I'm holding myself back.




...



Why?
A rant. The use of long sentences which I rarely use was inspired by Marie Howe's "What the Living Do".
Anya Sep 2018
I write like a paintball machine
Spitting out ***** of paint
In flights of fancy

I write like I think
My thoughts
And emotions
Coming alive

I write like a roller coaster
My mood swings apparent
High to low
And sometimes
Just plain wired

I write like I sing
At moments belting it all out
Other times, softer
Taking the effort
To sing so others will like it

I write like a camera
Taking snapshots
Of everything surrounding me
Both outside
And inside

I write like I cry
The words coming out like an endless waterfall
In a short burst of emotion
Before it stops
And I am light as a feather

I could compare my writing to so much
It’d probably take longer than I have
To name them all
But with just this
I’m sure you can relate

Writing can be a lovely thing
Anya Dec 2018
Awkward smiles
We try
Ha, ha, ha
Act like it’s all good
Touching the surface, greatly scratching, bearly a ripple
We easily avoid it, the clean, smooth, pristine surface
Skirt around disturbing it’s placed waters
Skirt around saying what really needs to be said
Instead we laugh, and smile
Weaving a masterpiece
Of our own

Some may blame this course of action but,
What if we do disturb the sleeping lion
What then
What then?
Are we afraid of
Our perfect facade
Perfect visage breaking
Shattering into millions of tiny pieces
Too small to reattach

“But if it’s broken can’t you just fix it?”
“How, Sweetie?”

“My mommy always puts a band aid on my boo boos”
“But it’s not a boo boo, it’s completely broken.”

“Then why don’t you just build it again?”
“How?”
“With legos! That way it’ll be taller and even better!”



Ha,
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Sometimes the answer is right there
Anya Sep 2018
There's a mansion on a hill
I've seen it numerous times
But,
I've never been inside

It's said to belong to an old woman
Who is very selective
in who enters her domain

Either you're an insignificant servant
And you slip inside
Through a back door

A tiny molecule diffusing
from high to low concentration

Or, you're a personal servant
Then, you gain special access
Still, through the back door

Water molecule
Diffusing through osmosis

After that are ordinary guests,
aided by the butler
through the front door

Facilitated diffusion
Molecules carried or channeled

And finally,
the VIP's  
Welcomed by a great procession
Through a special VIP door
People,
invited by the madam
with great effort

Active transport
From low to high concentration
Requiring added energy

But despite this selectivity
of who can and cannot enter
That old mansion on the hill
And the jobs it provides
Is essential to the livelihood
Of the people in this town

Just like the cell membrane to our bodies
I tried another science analogy one. Personally I like my amino acid and fats ones better but I don't know. We'll see.
Anya Sep 2018
It it better to write...

Like you breathe?
Like you're creating a piece of art?
Or like you're taking a test?
Anya Sep 2018
hungry
Hungry
HUNGRY

For more appreciation
From society

Till society forgets you
And you just
Melt
...
Into
...
Nothingness


Love yourself for who you are,
Not what others think of you
Anya Sep 2018
In hybridization
Atoms
Shuffle around electrons
In orbitals
To be able to bond
With the maximum number of electrons
Of another atoms
...
Rather like the amount of effort
She takes
To connect with you
Does it work, does it not? I wouldn’t mind some feedback.
Anya Dec 2019
Most of my poetry on here is from 2 years ago
Back when I was
                     - not depressed -
But covered in a blanket of social anxiety and under confidence
which could have easily been mistaken for such

Each of my poems from then
involves the romantic dreams of a naive young girl
searching for a purpose, searching for her purpose

Each of my poems from then
ends in a query  
                          - as if -
I didn't think I could possibly be right
and I was still trying to find my way

Each of my poems from then
involved an intrinsic indecisiveness
from a time when my every word every glance every action
was blanketed and wrapped into a burrito of -
"am I doing this right?"
"what should I do?"
"Should I even be...?"

But now,
It's two years later and about time for me to get my ***** together
It's come for me, whether I'm ready or not
Time to leave my bubble and take my first step
time for applications
I'm not nearly as experienced, wise, nor knowledgeable as I could, should, will be
But I better get my act together and look like
I AM
Anya Oct 2018
My parents...
are immigrants
Yet, why is it I,
so strongly
reject
their once,
homeland?
...
Perhaps,
the cause
it rooted at
my dad's cynical
comments
and critics
...
Perhaps,
it's my own visits
stifling relatives
horrible traffic
definitely
less, comfortable
...
Maybe,
it's the rejection
of such a gripping
religion
when I myself,
am an atheist
...
Maybe it's
the stereotypes
Chaining me
enclosing me
irritating me
...
...
...
Whatever the case,
it's there

I can be whoever I want to be
what-blood-crap?

Go far back enough,
and we're all related

The only links I have,
are my visits
and influence
of my parents
who once lived there
...
It's not a bad place...
at all...
...
That's not the problem
...
Is there one even?
...
...
...
I,
can be
who
I want
to
be
Anya Sep 2018
Am I...
cold?

I didn't cry when my grandpa died
Yes, I'd only seen him several times

Long visits across the ocean
during the summer
Apparently,
he spent a lot of time with me
at my birth

But...

I didn't cry
I was more concerned with giving my dad
support
...
It makes sense I guess
Anya Sep 2018
There is a fundamental difference
between the peacock and the butterfly
Both are beautiful
Both are deserving
But when it comes down to it
One struts proudly
while the other...
quietly flutters away
Anya Oct 2018
Sometimes,
I can be,
quite
an airhead

And at those moments
all I can think
is:

My amazing ignorance
strikes me dumb
...
literally
It popped into my head and I wrote it down.
Anya Sep 2018
The first one
A bully
Keeping me on a leash
Under threat of abandonment

The second one left
Moved to another state
Robbing me even
Of the opportunity to be chosen
To cut his goodbye cake

The third one was too girly
Weak willed, too easily embarrassed and self conscious
One who’d rather
Be the star of a pretend fashion show
Than attempt dangerous and
Exciting escapades
In the playground

The fourth were a pair
But new schools
Different interest
New friends
New workloads
Made it difficult to keep up
And the relationship drifted away

The fifth were once again a pair
But, too caught up in each other
Until a falling out with one
And a lack of opportunities to see the other
And eventual conflict between the two
Shattered that relationship to a fragment of its former self

The sixth was too self obsessed
With too many problems of her own
Sleep deprivation
Prone to sicknesses
Struggling with classes
And a general lack of social awareness
And extreme denseness
And seriousness
Ended that too

And now, I’m on the seventh
We shall see how it goes
Thus far we are two completely different specimens of people
One would opt for ****** Doo and Agatha Christy
The other for cheesy romance Asian dramas and light novels
One would rather be building the sets
The other, on the stage
One cares nothing at all for other’s thoughts
The other cares too much
One wants to be a police woman
The other simply cannot choose
It shouldn’t be possible
Yet it is
And perhaps, it is our extreme differences that bring us together
That keeps us from clashing
Or,
Maybe something in our respective personalities find solace in the other
Whatever the case
I hope we last
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