You know you’re broken
When your own reflection
Won’t even look you in the eyes
There's no such thing as a happy ending never ending
Depending on the circumstance,
If given the chance while resenting,
The thought of these..
Non relenting forces being brought on by the voices.. that are
A portion of me.. on stage
I am portrayed in a certain way
Because they all say.,
That I am hopeless, really hopeless
But the truth is.. always swelling up
Much like Love
Wich was never really.. spoken of
Because I'm always,
Going on pretending
I guess.. I'm always keeping
And that's each and everyday
The noted treachery of Eve
Which never felt so meant
But right now..
I'm really missing.. the feel of her
Warm summer breeze
I guess I'm feeling.. Sickly
Guess I'm being heckled by the freeze that only a cold winter brings,
As my heart screams
Come and.. get me
Which is now typically and emotionally
being played by me,
Just like a stream of bad dreams
Vague memory seeds going out with the last.. gleam
Which are likely.. Never ever to be
On time.. It seems
Because this happiness to be
Is all a mystery to me
As never.. Ending
But as for now.?
It's being totally decreed
I have sought silent moments of wet grief
to give myself that salty brine relief,
wetted white sheets then fell asleep
to find that time had gifted me
with emotion’s soft reprieve.
I have lived and lost, paid the cost
of all that was depressing,
obsessing over what I was possessing
and what was possessing me,
and in those moments, I have learned
quite a few lessons,
like I cannot get back one spent second
pursuing goals that might not come to fruition,
materials things should not be my mission,
and if I am not enjoying the journey
then this trip is not for me.
I have also realized; I am my own light.
Even though there is darkness if this life
the greatest victory I can achieve
is acts kindness against the inevitable black
that will swallow and take all of us back.
I brought him more than a book
more than words on a page
I brought him
My heart story
An epic series
I brought him the stories of my life
Before, up to, and including him
And he read it all
Understanding and translating clearly
the sheer terror and beauty of it all
And in the romance section
He read of my
Deep and abiding attraction
Ease of being with him
My devotion to caring for his heart
This soulmate connection
Written so clearly
Indelibly inked love
On the pages of my heart
The sun dies
To let the moon rise
And spread its light
Far and wide
The stars shine
Illuminating the sky
With hopes and dreams
For the ones below
The wind howls
With unkempt vows
Gushing through trees
As it goes on bitterly
I look at the scene
Sighing at my misery
Wishing for a thrill
On waking up
From the morning trill
Night time has a magic of its own
It’s the end of the day, giving us hopes for a better tomorrow filled with excitement and adventures
It’s the best time to reflect on our thoughts without anything or anyone disturbing us
As the pace of life slows
To protect my health
I sit here reflecting
For I can’t do much else
The global situation
On all our minds
Surreal as it is
The Earth is doing fine
I sit here listening
To the sounds of Soweto
Wondering if there’s anyone else
Like me.... locked down in Soweto
Luck it may have been
I consider myself lucky still
I wouldn’t want to be stuck anywhere else
What a story I now have to tell
There is hardship and struggle
Even for us every day
Yet there is also love... beauty...
Something so special to be here to “stay”
I’m no tourist
But still I feel unique
I wonder... is there anyone else?
Anyone else like me?
I feel I belong
I always have
But now this feelings deeper
I forget I’m not local infact!
It’s only when I sit here
And think, everything still
That I remember I’m different
Yet I’m treated like a local
I have become a Sowetan
And it didn’t start this year
It’s been happening slowly
The township adopted me, year after year
People are varied
Some are illegal
Yet, as written in the constitution
This country belongs to all
I love South Africa
But not all of it’s the same
It’s here in Soweto
Here - I got a new name
I don’t feel any different
To others around me
I have become one of them
But still wonder..... is there anyone else like me?
Getting stuck here was a blessing
How things fall into place!
Although no one anticipated COVID
Being in Soweto puts a smile on my face
I feel it’s almost sacred
To find myself here
During this global pandemic
I’ve been “protected “ it’s clear
I’m here for a reason
That has been proven to me
And whatever the reason
... it was just meant to be
I “belong “ here in Soweto
There IS no one like me
I am now a Sowetan
...just as it was “meant to be”
Ngiyabonga beautiful people **
Forgive me I’m new **
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t a mess.
What would happen if I got to see you in a dress.
What would happen if I let myself cry on your chest.
What would happen if I took 2 seconds to breathe and to rest.
I didn’t give myself a chance because couldn’t.
And I know you can’t forgive me and you shouldn’t.
I know I through the sink at you
And I’m just glad that you withstood it.
Of all the people in the world I could hate,
I just hope to God you’re doing great.
I still remember that $30 bucks you snuck into that hat somehow.
I guess I just wanna day thanks.
Most days, I wish I would stop breathing.
the same thoughts always repeating.
I stole years from your life
You’ll never get back,
I truly hope you gaining someone from them.
I don’t know if you still think of me.
I don’t know if you’re glad I moved on
Or If you hope I get struck by lightning twice at once.
Or Maybe somewhere in between?
Sometimes regret and anger bugs me,
Until I see my daughter smile in her pink onesie.
I hope one day we can be in the same place and nod.
And acknowledge that the last happened.
we both did messed up things we can’t take back.
I’ll never hate you for it
I’m mostly grateful for it.
I hope you can feel the same back.
Most importantly I’m sorry
For never trying talking
For giving into pills
And turning my back and walking.
I’m doing my best but it’s never enough
I understand that so I just don’t expect much.
I just wanted write something that isn’t depressing.
Not to cry and moan just because I’m stressing.
Not even to apologize and say I’ve learned my lesson.
Just as a loving way to say hi
And give a final goodbye.
This isn’t a good poem. It’s just some thoughts with a rhyme scheme while thinking of one of my least favorite spoken word artists Clayton Jennings.
I will get better and I will eventually love a life that redeems my old disgusting self.
This is just for someone who inspired me for years and helped me through some awful times to no benefit of their own- even if I’m not supposed to be grateful or remember it.
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this or read this or care whatsoever that it exists.
It’s a beautiful day and it just felt right.
This is for you.
My simple hello and goodbye.
Sad, it seems
That’s all I can find
I have loved many times over
and yes differently
hatefully, and drunkly
as F. Scott Fitzgerald said
but the toughest to love
was the person
in the mirror