I often wonder if people know how little they matter.
Because everybody that could possibly remember you will be dead.
All the mistakes
Disappear.
As the universe reaches equilibrium
We all be the nothingness
No matter your grades
or your achievements
Nothing brings me more peace than that fact
That nothing matters
That I don't matter.
That my friend may be the one thing
that sets me free.
Optimistic Nihilism.
I'm sorry I've disappointed you.
I just can't keep pretending I believe in something I don't
Alaina Moore May 11
Perceptions, like opinions,
are often set in stone.
Established like law of the mind
they are easy to create and laced with fallacy.
Even the widest gaze cannot see everything.
Through each strangers eye
a new “you” is manifested.
Thousands of “you” running through their minds,
but none of them are… you.

You are the master of your creation.
Based on your reality
you must adapt to cope with life.
For some the burden is less than others.
The spectrum of content and discontent
lay within the realm of perception,
and the inevitable unknown of external factors.

I once had a perception of self
too highly influenced by those around me.
Whose perceptions I foolishly held on to as truth,
for lack of a better understanding.
I self-destructed into everything
they wanted me to be.
Disingenuous and jaded
I shattered from the lie.

There is an unmistakable familiarity
with rock bottom
that I have grown to welcome as home.
The fall down is vigorous,
hitting the ground hard enough
to knock every molecule of air
out of your lungs.
You lay there breathless hoping that
perhaps this is the crescendo.
Once you decide to breathe again
you can rise up.

From the outside I am not a strong person,
about as average as they come.
I have an inexorable burden
that you cannot see.
Yet another perception
only I can perceive.
What I must do to appear normal
is utterly exhaustive.
Compile daily responsibilities of a “normal” person;
I have to sprint to compete with those walking.

In the shadows I can show the pain
but in the light I must remain in character;
an actor on a stage.
The endless mind acrobatics
twisting and pulling myself to fit this mold.
A mold I was never made for,
so it hurts to obey.
As much as it hurts, I remain silent
about the realities of it all.

Whilst I adapt to my environment,
you call me weak.
As I pretend I am not in pain,
You note I am behind.
I pour my energy into your sorrows
You consume, endlessly.
If I ask for this treatment in return
You point to my condition,
Note your perception of unsuccessful,
based on a reality
you’ve manifested
for me.

My reality is one only I can see
however, that doesn’t change the impact
of the failure nomenclature.
Comparing me to you or any other
encumbers my progress.
Your lack of understanding
is not my duty to teach you.
My façade is not for entertainment
it is for survival.
I wrote this reflecting on a toxic friendship and a toxic past. I have a nervous system condition (fibromyalgia) that is often dismissed as being over dramatic, attention seeking, etc. When the reality of the situation is simply that I'm in a lot of pain, and I am doing my best to not lay my burdens on others. If I were honest about how I felt people would stop asking. This poem is really just a reflection on many things - most importantly. Those whom are close to me not recognizing the struggle because, I suppose, I am too good of a performer. I spend, or have spent previously in life, a lot of energy and time trying to help those I care for. Recently I have noted that many do not do this in return for me, and if they do it's rarely comparable. Given that my energy is barely existent, to invest in a relationship with no return is detrimental to me, and at this point in life no longer an option. This poem is me venting about over a decade of struggle to cope with this condition, me venting about how I feel that no matter how hard I push myself, for some people it will never be good enough. So perhaps this is just me trying to find peace with that.
Umi May 7
I will be here through the night,
Until the moon sinks, seeking rest beneath a cool dark shade,
The life which grows from light, is slumbering tight under a wonderful cover, the flowers have closed, awaiting another day,
But I cannot rest, for time has become endless for me, I can't set.
Why is it now that no one will hear my call, reflected in moonlight,
Why is it now that I feel so alive, even though I'm already long dead ?
First days, then months and finally years, pass, fall one by one, only a dim memory remains, what's left is a given; knowledge, of course.
Longing for the meaning of life, the fate was already determined,
Chains which bind me to make me carry on with my mission,
In a distorted dark sound melts into silence, losing it's colour,
Darkness in life and death carried by a curse of greed made me fear the coming day, sunlight, it burns, it hurts, I'll nevr be blessed by it,
The taste of blood on my fangs, sorrowful but also filled with hope, make me remember what it must be like to be a human, to be normal,
Even this scattered instant of a moment possesses unshakable love,
Ablaze, drawn out here in this holy world undear the nightsky,
Unable to advance or return, is there sense to believe in the future?
To face the dark clouds is the golden rule, so I don't give up,
This endless battle always was so meaningless, I forgot how it started,
The meaning of life...even it it remains unknown for me, like you it must exist and is that not very beautiful in its very own way ?
Darling, if I should perish by the morninglight, sing me a lullaby!
A lullaby for a vampire

~ Umi
Umi May 6
A phoenix is...
Extended ash, through unending life,
Darkness clouds the happiness of distant days, as eternal life
might be cursed by the flames of hell, yet she is always resurrecting,
Like a spectator, she watches life rise and fall, alike day and night,
Comparable to the smoke which thins it's trail as it travels into the distant sky, yet never truly dying never truly disappearing, living on.
Such is the fate of one who is imperishable, it is alonely existence,
Scared to bond but filled with hope she keeps her head up high,
Because the majestic, azure sky is always a source of hope and bliss,
This makes her fight on, although this battle will never end,
Believing there is a future, in which she someday will rest happily,
Misery and hatred burn up in her flames, which then fall into the darkness of a deep sin which has found its occurance in the long past,
As her body scorches into a blaze of immortality, recurring memories soar, illuminating the land and guiding her through the long night,
Even if all what is lost can be found again, it will perish, transiently.
For now all what is left, is but immortal smoke.

~ Umi
I had to write this twice
Because hello poetry was down when I wanted to publish it and the draft disappeared almost completely =)
I hate my life
Penny Iloa May 4
Here to expand my simple state of mind.
My soul senses her a sacred gift,
sent from the Divine.
She sees something in me,
the obvious traits I fail to see.
In my world full of darkness,
her name rings true.
A spark of hope in Love's One true.
Oh, how I love to be a humbled,
optimistic fool.
Amateur. Quick thoughts. Thank you for reading. Note: her name is Hellen (shining light)
Tiana Marie Apr 30
But if a bird can sing
to the tune of the rain,
then surely I can learn
to overcome the pain.
Aa Harvey Apr 30
Feelings change


Brittle heart and feet for wheels.
Never had a happy meal.
Living like I am at the end;
Never gonna try again.


Given up on giving up;
Craving more of a lovers touch.
I love the sun that shines on me.
Everywhere I speak I find empathy.


Dead inside, but still alive.
I am a mess that is feeling alright.
Hating every word you say,
So gonna look the other way.


Happy days are back again,
New open eyes see past the pain.
Fond memories of being loved.
I have never felt this good!


Still so sad under the skin.
I have an empty bed in which to sink.
Misery is all I can think;
It’s all I have left to believe in.


Up and down my feelings go.
Like her, I have never felt so alone.
Waiting on a new romance.
It’s time I gave true love a chance.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Sagar Apr 21
Everyone knows that the cake is a lie...
"Shit has utility" - oh please, nice try!

Every mine of gold is one day going to run dry...
You've realized the pointlessness, now why cry?

You have the wings, remember! So just go out and fly!
Live, live today to the fullest, for one day you'll die...
Indigo B Apr 18
Sometimes I wonder if this will be the cause of my demise. I cannot fathom such an incessant desire to see the good in all things; grant nations the benefit of doubt. I am blind to all but intent, intrinsic nature, and heart. I create euphemisms out of people.
-Indigo B
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