packets of crisps empty not even crumbs are left the cookie jar is empty and that jug of sweet tea washed it all down so it could come up easy so it could come up into the toilet it goes along with my fear.
I ate away the ****. I ate away the abuse. I ate away the depression. I tried eating away the pain. But now I can't keep eating. Because of the words that you threw around like it was nothing. Fat. Disgusting. ****. I'm not sad and beautiful. Like the girls you write the stories about. Because my self harm was my comfort food. The way your self harm was the lack of food. I punished my body everytime I climbed stairs. And I knew I deserved it. Except now at my lowest, I can't afford a salad. Or a donut to find the seratonin that I crave. And the only thing I want to eat now Is a bullet.
A groan A moan Head ready to burst Pickkkkk it upppp, yessssshhh The traitorous voice hisses within Pikkkkk it up and alllll your worrrrries are gonnnnneeeeee I try-TRY to resist Six is more than enough! This vicious cycle cannot continue!
Too late I’m binging on another tub of ice cream for another hour of Netflix And another splitting headache coming right up
A glance The little black figures words lines of endless text pass me by my eyes seeing nothing but little black lines shapes dots stripes crosses ... A stick slathered in nutella chocolate, and hazelnut the sweet makes me numb The crunch makes me succumb ... The sounds pelting me commands inquiries, things to do things to hear So Much Noise Information being blown away in the wind past my unresponsive ears A lone buzz takes over ... The sprite gluggs down my esophagus Burns my lungs A crinkle from the now, empty bottle ... The led ****** my fingers the keys click clikety click as I tap tapety tap poke **** the computer keys the piano keys ting tingety ting as I push press Smooth that little piece of dirt I rub rub Rub RUB scratch SCRATCH ... The frozen unbelievable painfully sweet sweetness numbs my tongue cream cold as ice freezes my brain My brain My brai My bra My br- My b- B- b- B- bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb ... ... ... Enveloped in a blanket of sweetness my tongue is all I know as I Binge To Ecstasy
It's a strange feeling I've tried to inscribe onto these pages. A bit dark, obsessive, attempting to numb obligation with food, some OCD in there. But all of these are maybes, interpret it as however you'd like I hope you find it interesting.