I love OD'ing on sunlight when I wake up
grab some OJ and go lay in the soft grass, and tell the birds to carry on
their light conversations and noisy chitchat above my closed eyes
open head - delve into me
the grass probably itches if I pay attention, but who cares
I can't restrain my limbs any longer
no more hanging in limbo with excuse of pain and no gain
I can't remember why I'm naked but
I always feel naked around you
I've always been naked under these clothes

My brain is dashing ahead, though I stop and gaze inward and upward
The trees could be mocking me, but they're probably just as happy to be themselves as I am
so I follow suit and reach up to ask for mutual attraction from the sky
and we start a new day
time to function
back to the grind
my gears shift and the grey leaks back into my veins
time to function
(but once you've overdosed on daylight, you're never the same)

I thought I knew what love looked like
now every time I log on
I get lost in your eyes

I thought that I was stronger than ever
but your smile makes me feel weak
I thought I had matured and grown
you make me feel like a schoolchild crushing

Whatever it is, it won't matter
Whatever it is, it can wait
2yrs4hrs
Whatever it is, I don't care.

Will I be enough?
Are you real?
Are you warm to the touch?
What does your hair smell like?

I thought I was crying
until you made me look
now
it's
fine

we have time

Don't change it, please
just wait
After this song
our lives can continue
as before

but everything
will change
as the chorus woefully crescendos
your eyes stare into the sixth dimension
and I can't control my tears

and the emotion will lie bleeding on my floor for you to notice
as I blush
when the last note
sustains
and
dies

I feel like something has changed inside
My odd new quirks won't let me hide
But what can I do to extract this?
A poison, or a cure for the masses
I could be lying, you won't know
Not until we wake up tomorrow
**** me today, and we reset
But I've told you this a thousand times
I wish we'd never met
All I have to do
is reset

skirts spinning in wind
on the hill I wave goodbye to the cityscape
lines and let the rain dash around on my eyelashes,
the warm grass lush under my bare feet I chase cloudshadows
and wander (searching for foxes) and the hunt is on, sanity escaping
and tranquility abounds as I bound from tussock to tussock, hair blazing little fox tail wagging and I lash the sky with open arms
home is where the heart is
and my earth is my den

Every word an enrapturing photograph
I can feel her insides pour through my psyche
the cold water hitting my warm stomach lining,
chilling my ulcers and numbing my stress

I drink far too much soda nowadays
I should be taking it in
not the sweet stuff
the purest water
by the gallon
by the
S

Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam,
Et lingua eius loquetur indicium.

Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem,  
Quoniqm *** probates fuerit accipient coronam vitae.

Kyrie, fons bonitatis.
Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison.

O quam sancta, quam serena,
Quam benigma, quam amoena esse Virgo creditur.
O quam sancta, quam serena,
Quam benigma, quam amoena,
O castitatis lilium.

Kyrie, fons bonitatis.
Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison.
  
O quam sancta, quam serena,
Quam benigma, quam amoena,
O castitatis lilium.

God help me I have an obsession
Now is not the time
Help me clear it from my brain
No wait -
The infection has spread
... God save the queen
She's captured my heart
She's back for my soul
God save the queen
Eternally lost, I can't stand
Hold me -
I think I'm dead
Devil in her eyes
My bloodbourne fervency
Can I contain this madness?
Oh God, save the Queen...
Ineffective quarantine
cells gone, you're all that remains
Unwavering Loyalty
To you
God help us all,
Save the Queen
Mistress, my Lady
You make me weak in the knees, nervous
Baby, princess, Kitten
I am ******
The wicked witch of the sheets
She's my duchess and my priestess
Queen of my bed
Off with her head

- recognition of an addiction/obsession is the first step to recovery

A chirpy little bird
A notion reaffirmed
From egg to box to room
You preen your emerald plume
I love you, Roombird

I was acquainted with a raucous older man while I was still young and as impressionable as plaster-of-paris
Malleable as I was
He left a mark

And now
I watch you wearing baldness with classy elegance
and donning beards with ease, easy on my eyes
Can we fly through space safely?

Fall to your knees
Let me overtake you
The feeling grows
The bitterness flows
Let it overtake you

You don't bring me peace
I'll find it on my own
You're out of luck
Out of time
I grow weary of this
I'm out of patience
You're out of time
Let me overtake you

Astral body, a different plane
It doesn't matter, you'll remember my pain
Scream, ****** and broken, and nobody will care
A taste of your own medicine is what you deserve

I will overtake you
I will learn to break you
A god no longer
Not-so-heavenly father
Trapped in your shell
You will know my hell
A scar to remember me by
A line drawn between your eyes
With my knife

You will never forget this
We will break you
Let the masses
Overtake you
So help me
Amen

two statements,
whose correlations become useless as I sit in my fox den of rainbow fabric and cat shirts and fuzzy blankets and exotic plants

my lava lamp blobs around like my stomach and I crave your mouth more than peanut butter

If concrete you may be, I'd decorate your stone visage with prismatic sidewalk chalk art and many cracks, fauna between

muted may you be, i hum you in my head like a favourite tune I can't deny echoing through my empty skull
I'll keep you, I think. Always in the corner of my brain (same corner i hold the memory of lights on the river, the taste of turkish delight, and my first moment of blinding love.)

Darling the closer I get to insanity the closer possibly I'm getting to the coastal shores of wherever chance causes us to migrate.
Dont ever weep uselessly, sunshine.
The sky is on your side.
I lick the raindrop drip
                                      drip
                                             dripping from the eyes of heaven
and tear my gaze down to earthy you,
all sweater-bundles of cats faces
and orange furriness
and black frames

next to me
lets not sleep
lets hurt me with your closeness and
smile

Washing each other, mountain dew can ash tray
Lava lamp light
dark showers

Not kissing
reminiscing
music sharing, torrents
crush my lungs
play with your bones
You feel like home

Little soul - are you satisfied?
She's crying over him,
He's leaving because of her,
  You're trying to keep him here,
    And he's struggling to breathe and nobody likes to face the truth
And I should have answered the call
and I should have
Little soul little soul you're going too far
He isn't yours to sweep into the pond

Your eyes cannot see into the correct situation's panacea
evening glow, oh! so pure and whole
aeration of the dust-packed pores inside
Little soul, Little soul - no.
Don't go there
Don't wander into -
LITTLE SOUL!
I saw you open the package before the allotted date
styropeanuts, strewn cross't wooden paneled flooring
white infinity symbols, floating in rusty red blood
I told you the truth would set you free
And I warned you what it would do
Little soul.
Little soul.

I swear
somebody is following my inner footprint
recording and analyzing
hemming and coughing and clearing their throat
assessing my
"situation"

Stalking stalking stalking me

and filling my fortune cookies with relevant words
to psyche me out



i swear

I could have been lonely for those months
We barely talked
I could have stayed with myself and
remained, maintaining
Instead I got what I wanted
(almost)
and when that wasn't you
I found others.

Now here you are, here, you.
Telemiscommunications
why did I never expect this
I washed your blue face paint
from my eyebrows
Requiem

Falseness becomes you, little plastic angel
marble eyes roll, liquid sky drops of ***** coolness
never-changing
hair so fine, my heart wants to glide along your ribbons and silk like
figureskating
welts glow red on my skin as your bronzed alabaster shimmers respectably
kiss me once more; i want to taste the diamond on your lips
glitter glitter glitter
until it's time to tear away the mask
and then what are you?

When do you turn to the gift at hand
the antique beat
******, no pain
the ache is gone
mind won't drift
heavy breathing cat
work was wonderful
friends connections
she wants a new lover
i don't want anything
who draws lines
who counts the hands i hold
who dares restrict me
who can tell me not to live for another
i can be in love
make love
give love
share love
they don't have to be the same person
that doesn't make me promiscuous

These are the best days of our lives.
The days we give in to the colorful cracks in our skin, and let the beauty out to
scale the walls

Have you ever spoken with someone in this deep manner? The pain clarifies, sharpening and focusing into
wait where is my mind
Delaying the spoen inevitable truth spit
*spoken
Can't type when I'm shaking with emergency

I can handle this, truthful is far less salty than drowning in ocean-wave beauty of painful forgettable oaths uttered, meaningless.
Have your affection, I will cherish every virtual moment shared
Feelings combine within me and a calming of the water is good

Let me be the warm summer rain and chill breeze across the moor
i will be the cool ocean on hot days
the steamy shower after cold nights alone
I am the glass of sweet liquid parching every inner thirst
I am the surprise: fudge interior to the cupcake kiss

Spinning high to Fiction, a7x. the speakers' lack of bass is thin wailing across wood floor over bare feet slapping varnish surface twisitng in maroon boxers and 90's LOVE striped tank, coffee cooling with a pound of sugar next to pretzel rods salty and orange tiger bowl
don't judge the odd hair, i shed like a retreiver

The creature feeds on special spokens, tasting the air for more she realizes the brainstorm has passed her door. Travel the day with luciferin trails as you gleam fairly in the lowlight
shower is needed on this continent as well

words tear me a new soul. i thought i discarded mine to the wind when sorrow alighted barely balancing on the barbed wire fence, wings dank and damp, mangy feather dropping into thick dusty underfoot
dusting me off, windex the glass around my innerworkings so you can watch them spin dizzy from your helium touch

Oh the songs my heart hums of late are new to me...alas i wish this was so. but I used to hear others hum this tune when I was smaller and rebellious, with no taste of blood in my cheek or on my collar. now my hem is ***** and worn, and fractious memories of other lips pressed to mine... can i toss these and replace them with whatever texture your ****** forestry implies? nuzzles are tasteful, when my tongue is out dear. if only a precursor, let us wander (skirtless) and fitzpleasure abounding not even gently when we combine talents and hum to the moon the new songs we've learned from hating eachother.
(i only hate you for finding my heart and for making me give it to you) but i forgive you for not being here

sweetness evades me, hiding in my stomach. being broke is not the worst, i guess.. until hunger shakes my bird bones - skinny not an issue, but weightlessly i drift to the keyboard back and again and with lazy eyes tracing the pattern provided over and over a few times more before
heart drench me
beating around in the brushfire
i stand on delicacy, shiver and stammer, foreshadow until you can't reply without stepping on my long skirts trailing
and i just woke up, i have no idea what i'm referring to anymore

We have oddly sticky hands
oil, dust and sugar
newspaper ink and ceramic chips
feet track on moldy rug
broken glass and rusty circles raise the question
peeking into past lives of
each room
salvage ex-roomate's ex-girlfriend's
shampoo body wash flatiron dishes

we make a shrine to spools of thread
little lion man and plastic pans
real tuesday weld and smoke with KC
won't you hold my hand?

Let's overthink dating for a night
I will try to be by your side
my rougey lips are for you
and the moon

Will this ever-increasing tic
obsession( fine fresh fierce)
end?
Oh dunedin
birds gossip nicely as the sixth pm drains away the daylight
like the holy cousin of rainwater, sliding into sewers and grasses
collecting in the corners, broadly shouldering
alight upon my flushing cheeks as I grin with content and turn open palms
fronds for photosynthesis- to the running sun
she hides behind a tree, throwing black shadow and navy skyshine to cover her tracks
easily distracted
stars mesmerize in redcloud manners with their fervent chimiing
and when the sun finally leaves i will not sleep by your side
but this is nothing new. so i eat hazelnut spread and honey on granola and milk
forget my nicotine withdrawal for the night
i'll smoke a bowl in order to eat dinner and sleep
without you

i forgot
I'm 20 now

why do they salt the outside
we eat the organs
and leave the shredded exo-
skelatals
underfoot and on the desk

"poetry is just words"
-evanwilson

Cake is just bread with a sweet flourish that makes it delicate and uncommon
painted beautifully, decorated to aesthetic design
produced in the same oven, created from same ingredients
to still stand separate from everyday usage
and survive bland reissue

I prefer one on special occasions

rather
a third interloper
that tears off polite visage
and hairspray bun
and gentleman's stance
to reveal red meat ******
carnage and fierce passion

*** is a friend that ruins the -
i thought i was going somewhere with this,
but all i want at the moment is
your hand behind my back
your caress of words

but i'll take
***

Would you scratch my scalp
twirl brown speckled fingers
twixt ever-lightening
locks, me myself and I
we fight over you
give us a taste
of what we've sweat over

if what i want is on this
decreasingly fertile rock,
possibility of my painful
atrophy, isolated,
dissolves
into shimmers
that make me kawaii
when i check doppelganger
in silver glass
because you
shattered dreams sprinkled
iridescent on bronze ivory

glitter blush for the creature
(in some other word or two,
you're my breaking point)

Could you please cease your
skinny white shining
crawling through my
REM with
mane ablaze in
sun-aura

Not because you aren't
a wonderful dream
but you make the waking side
of chaos and reality
into the old bruise
as i disinfect my
emote

The beams break barriers:
sound
skin
a note, trilling out
bleeds into the dust-dancers filtering through
rays of sun heating my leg
paleness brought to surface
like some
small, vulnerable creature
a careful animal
i wander uselessly through petitions
cancerous
but aside from this.
I could find myself returning
tearing away old skin to be young again
you make me want to be
a not-so-careful
Creature

(heart failing
limbs flailing
shall i be a
finless maid?
orginal thought
we were boats
i conquered this
ocean, and you
conquered me.
now i see this:
you are the
ocean in which
i would
much prefer
to lose my lungs'
functionality)

drown me

Flay you alive
one more word and you won't survive


- Eyes on fire

upbeat, and energetic.
how much is too much?
the urge to chug
heart down't slow down now

the body is desperate
force me to breathe
i forgot how

I have them; people
who can't live alone
i crawl through
mud of ironic smiles
teeth yellowed by
nicotine death but
you never saw me
the way I wanted you
to, anyway, let's re
begin

I'm running
spilling blood
snail trails
slimy leftovers
my footprints
aching soles
reaching out to
mend
other aching souls
each pill a haze
each hit a day's gaze
away from this
I need to be
alone without being solitary
drown me in - no
I can do it myself.
hit me, i want this
will you promise
to keep my collar tight?

.. I'm afraid: if I breathe fresh air
what will become of my sweet staleness
sitting in heaven's refuse
i'm among such
**** sinners
my perfect brokenness
hush, i'm spinning
bring more pills, when you return.
I'm sober ( I hate this)

i hear your outcry
false love
needy little child
bawling crocodile tears
you want her to
love you, correction:
bow to you. she is
FREEDOM
we aren't children
don't spoonfeed
your hilarious attempts
self-harm for her benefit
no. selfish creep.
stop forcing
heartbeat measured
tastes bland as stale rice
cold: as rain washes
through my entrails.
I feel no pity.
she is not your toy
get a dog

when I see the colors you carefully speak
your tongue to ink to paper to screen
to my eyes
to my heart, which knows
begging to be let out ( i caged it long ago)
running sharp nails along the dark
side of my ribs, i beg for mercy

heat in my stomach
(or lower?)
I've never been starfishing
I suppose I could have tried
but I digress. this moment i realize
falling stars are real, one has
crashed into my skin
alighting upon my shoulder
whispering in my ear
rain falling and birdsong
and the sweetness of a guitar

are never any match for the voice of a god

but the hole in my lungs is draining
my air into the the sky, plugging
it with all this nicotine is utterly
useless. i do it often enough
to know. bleeding eyes
stare at your face, or
what i can see of it
on the screen, I
guess. will you
come for me?

take that it any way you prefer.
( i meant it in every way possible)

replay the music
i can't fall, not without a soundtrack
hands sting from skinless remarks
shuffling sideways to avoid
blatant attraction
words spilled from the side of
a half-closed mouth
that never fully closes

I would bleed for you if you asked me to
i would rather you kept me from losing everything.
we could be sheep in the fields forever
sunlight and waving golden faces, old rain
on the trees slipping down to remind the dry hands

lay with me in the grass, but don't get wet
we can do that later

all i want is enough time
to ****** you with my silver
tongue
but the time keeps biting my back
until i edge ways I never wanted to
sleep all day
a lonely thought: someday

feed me?
you could feed me, as long as
i can stare at you with half-lidded windows
to bring you closer as you
spoon-feed me Nutella
or peanut butter
or anything
as long as it's
you on the handle

I'll drive you anywhere, baby
I just don't have a car

So I'll be your drive, everywhere baby
Think of me when you can't see
hold me close when you can't breathe
even though you're over there
and I'm still alone

my throat aches for food
my stomach and mind shout
naysayers
heavy with
the clock, she won't stop chattering
nervous tic
aching shoulder, from laying on my side
staring
waiting for
one new message
crooning songs echo
in my shallow veins
beard of dunedin
oh to stand in manufactured rain
cleanse together
hot steam breath collide with
(well)
******* scenes dance heavily
salty
sweet soapy soft silky
soaked..
i feel so alone.
what life would crawl over my skin?
what lips caress these dead eyelids?
what fingers traces these cold curves
like tree limbs next to the curb
i am living trash

but I still want to make you
wet

but internal nearness
beauty of never knowing
(it's a sad fate)
hot twitches
the clock ticks too loudly and I can't sleep
the music runs rampant over my hot nerves
every sound
a jolt to the side
hungry ghosts nibble at my heart
my warmth
come closer dear
do you see me?
I'm beautiful?

I'm only (only)
one step away
from the plane
this dimension
we could shatter like glass
make me scream
(i know you'll moan)
-moan for me

anorexic raindrops
complain against my pane
erasure
little windy whispers
they remind me of a time when i wasn't so god ******
alone.

of us.
a gentle twist
collision
repair
fury and fondling
entwine
you can wear me
i'm a sweet lil thing

i don't care what you bruise
i don't care what i lose
(i'll let you take anything)
fierce creature
tenderly, now
save the wrecking for later
..but don't wait too long

back aching, i want more
sweat, suffering, sweet lips
the suction - when two fatless chests
press close
hair in your eyes
in my mouth, brush away
from my cheek
half-lidded peek
grasp me
i want you to hold my hand
into the mattress
breaking the ice
with every push
whisper, tickle my ear
eat my skinny bones
i feel alive
skin is numb
electric
welts across my back
nails carving our way into spine
pillow talk
the awkward walk
another cigarette

tell me i'm pretty
i think I am

unwell

Cravings for the light
my skin tinted blue
The darkness imposing
But whence my return to the light above





                       all I want is the pain and chains of below