Crisp linen sheets
Like the Autumn leaves
Broken twigs
Like broken wings
Of a bird or a butterfly
Perhaps mine

We are all puppets
Manipulated by our minds
Caricatures of our true selves
We live
Like comic book characters
Actresses and actors

The words and pictures
Evidence of our existence
But mine is a child's diary
The unruly handwriting
Stick figures and paper planes
Fairy tales and day dreams

All too soon
They will be forgotten

Joyous rapture awoke sleeping animalistic giant:
carnal, feral, gonadal horniness in deed, when defiant

this primate crossed figurative
   paths with a stunning woman
older than a spring chicken freed
   via ma hen nah paws van
jealous (of casual suitors),
when I figuratively crossed urban
paths with delectable dame.

   This hedonistic mwm veritable tan
tin nab buell lay shun caged in rein
   mister experienced euphoric San
ta Claus gifted encounter merely
   approached a female stranger ran
king as absolutely beautiful asper
   Samson recounted Delilah, Qan

i.e. qualification assurance notification
   within this poetic blurb. Pan
dum money yum (does not come close)
   upon entering a nan
oh meter times a gazillion equals
   scope of super sized ALDI's, every man
woman, and child could be housed.

   This supermarket (anchored lan
did at one end of a string of bungle
   low slung businesses conveniently kan
struck ted adjacent to popular stores,
   which aligned buildings a haven come Jan
ewe weary, these newly constructed
   bricks and mortal portals along Ian

eyesed, seen as primary corridor
   i.e. Ridge Pike (linkedin with Han
sill and Gretel recently rural gingerbread
   cookie cutter communities). Gan
a mead by Jove, said affordably priced
   food store noticed as a fan
tass tick location along the driver side
   heading towards Limerick, ean
at dark hours within Pennsylvania).

   This patron (me) of aforementioned Dan
dee nofrills modestly priced franchise
   espied an available card soon after Can
Nudda entered this outsize place
   to buy groceries. Another shopper (a bon ban
Joe plucky strung string apetite
   slip sans attractive gracefully aged gal) anan

entered said market seconds later,
   and dye motioned (to her) as she sigh
lent lee reached same idle sturdy cart,
   which ordinarily requires a quarter to pry
loose from a train of chained property.
   I unthinkingly, reflexively, and blithely my
deferred politesse she took possession of cart.

   Within instantaneous affirmation je
nais sais quais consent given for her
   to load groceries in sought after cart, this guy
noir got fast impression immediately formed,
   whereby visually this chic chica to die
for spurred enticement as very pleasing
   Halloween eye candy, hence desirable allie

madamoiselle in question totally tubularly
   unaware of lovelorn spate. Minutes before
tardy reaction (and perfect comeback
   ex post facto) momentarily preoccupied chore
viz reviewing mental check list, my intent
   to act with courage and acknowledge a door
quick to close.  Her (unbeknownst)
   attractiveness to me. Upon inadvertently
   froze me like Eeyore

glancing at thee beautiful doll female human,
   an aggregate of positivity arose. That four
tut hood toward slender youthful looking chica
   figuratively took my breath away. She galore
re: us lee ranked topnotch on my register
   of aesthetic delight. Thus, while this jackfrosted hoar
frosted flake ambled up and down aisles,
   an aim sought to relay pleasant physiology while Igor
Stravinsky – Flight of the Bumblebee buzz

   within every square inch of my anatomy bon jour
quivered with cockiness, covetousness,
   and craveness without resorting to Dumble Da lore
for guidance, hence indecorous, impetuous,
   or idolatrousness loosed rampant as more
consideration asper jimmying bold, daring do
   hounded (Lo and Behold) luck did not ig nor.
A nod in answer to prayer ready set terrific
   wonderful chance arose pondering how to mine ore

and coax a major outcome addressing this ambition,
   which unceasingly pecked, piqued, dirt poor
piss lee  pricked thy noggin about sudden revelation
   presence pretty lady Upon quor
tar number of minutes passed,
   whereat her increasing proximity, an unflagging score
begging akin to patriotic duty and appeasement
   sans uttering a compliment recognized roar
ring optimal (once in a solar eclipse) chance
   to corral, field, and invoke latent obligation that tore
per regaling unknown xwoman a dollop gratutity.
   Whether embarassment ensued possibly war
temporarily shunted aside, cuz if no propensity
   to risk testing cab age comfort zones of yore

if awesome stroke ignored, a disappointment
   toward self would manifest irking conscience.
For the rest of eternity. So without missing
a beat (and reckoning with nary a spare off fence
guess not to turnip ma nose), a apple lick able amicus
   brief pickle this complimentary gents
dare devilishly egged, finessed, gambit regarding
   how gorgeous (a veritable stranger) kents
humed and appealed to me, whence squashing
   regret at a costly emotional ex pence.

Skylar Musa Oct 2017

Alarms ring in my head
When I see you act
I know it's fake so don't bother

I can see through you
We are playing each other
It's a game
That Iv'e come to enjoy

It's my favorite when you break character
I can see your thoughts and emotions
You think I don't
Those moments are getting more and more
Have you gotten bored?

No joy anymore when you see my break down in tears
That's not weakness
It's all a game remember
You think I don't know how much I lean on you in those times
I do

No effort
Half-assed
Boring

That's what you've made this into
Such a shame
I was having loads of fun

I guess that I didn't see
You didn't
Shame

anon Sep 2017

And I don't know why
But over and over
I've watched this show

Yet over and over
I never get tired of it

I know the jokes

I know when they're coming

But that doesn't stop me
From loving every minute

And call me crazy
But I almost wish
I could be like that

Acting

Acting like I'm so close
To everyone around

Acting like I always know
Exactly what to say

Acting like the bad
Gets better before the end
Of a thirty minute show

And I really want you
To see that I
Am thinking
About how

If I
Could only

Act
Like them

I could act
Like we were more
Than what we are

And I could act
That when I've had a bad day
I don't need a hug
To tell me it's okay

But I can't promise that to myself

Because I think I can act
I've always wanted to act

I want to be an actress

I want people
To remember my name

I want to be
That actress
That little girls
And even boys
Everywhere
See

And they want to be

Just

Like

Me

But I know
That I can't brush everything aside
To make room for a mirage
That everyone sees
But me

Inside
I know
That's all I am
When I act

A mirage
That I can't see

But there is still
That spark
That burns through the night
That tells me to act
To smile
And laugh
Like everything is peachy

So I wave
I smile
I grin a lot
And beg myself to act

And even though
I want to know
If I can make it or not
I'll never

No never

Let my dream rot
And
I'll never

No never

Act like everything
Is A-okay
Because it's not

Sometimes

And I'm rambling
I just want to tell you
At this hour of night
You were on my mind
And I missed you

So when the couple onscreen
Made up
And kissed
And hugged
And cheered

I just wished that was us

And in my rambling mind
I acted like
It really was us
Because that's how much
I want you
Even more
Than I want
To care for myself

Because I'm secondary
Sedentary
Sidelined
...
Sad

A sad girl
Who looks at a screen
And dreams of tomorrow

Hoping I can be
And we can be
And I won't need
To

Act

Anymore

Rebel Heart Sep 2017

Standing in a sea of people
As a lone island
Floating around
In the endless nothingness
Drifting away and drowning
Falling apart
And piecing yourself back together
Over and over
And over again
Every single second of the day
Wishing for it to all stop
Helplessly knowing
Nobody will ever hear
Your silent cries
...
Noone could ever save you
Because how could they
Ever save you
From yourself
...
It's hearing yourself talk
And move
And smile
Maybe even laugh
But knowing
It's all an act
With noone to yell "cut"
At the end of the scene..
Because your whole life
Has become a giant play,
Where there could be
A thousand people
And a thousand lights,
There could be a thousand claps
And a thousand great nights
Still all the while
You'd be a thousand times lonely
Drowning in the lights
Drowning in the laughter
Drowning in yourself
All because
You've become too good
At acting
Like you could swim
...
Depression is killing yourself
Slowly
Every day
Every minute
Every single second,
From the inside out
Because you don't know
Who you are anymore
Except for an empty body
Defining disappointment
And a burden
And a void of fake
All wrapped in one.
...
Depression is Loneliness
Depression is Acting
Depression is Drowning
But most of all,
Depression is Me

Excerpts from a journal entry a while back. I forgot I even wrote this as I hate going back and rereading my own material but I found it and it described how things have been lately. It hasn't been edited but some parts have been edited out... feel free to leave your thoughts.
Life has its valleys but it has its peaks too even if you can't see it, so keep holding on. And if you ever need someone to talk to I'll always be here to throw you a lifeline...

(Front page 9/16/17)
maria Sep 2017

Maybe it's the way we act
Or the way we all want things to be in tact
And not one single thought escaping
The realms of our own being.

So what if one time,
We act very differently than before
Are we not considered normal?
Like anyone from this fort?

Let's say one thought broke through
The chain of memories you've tried to stay but didn't pull through
And that thought was seen by all of your friends
What would you feel then?

Let's say it's about our talking
The way we express every meaning
Now, is it really hard to tell
If I'm telling the truth or lying that you've all fell?

What I Feel Aug 2017

There.
That look of disbelief.
But yes, I am. So I'll be brief:
I am an actress.

"What?"
I know, I'm really not the kind
of girl that quickly springs to mind
when people think of those inclined to say
"I am an actress."

"But..."
I'm quiet, self-reserved and shy,
that girl who never seems to cry,
the one who never meets your eye, but yes,
I am an actress.

"How?"
Because you think this mind of mine
is great, that I am sitting on cloud nine.
For though these mangled thoughts creep up my spine,
You seem to think my life is fine,
so whilst my sun appears to shine,
I am, indeed, an actress.

Sometimes the best actors are the ones that are suffering the most.

Trying out a new rhyme scheme.
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