So maybe we can hide,
all the others meet
over on the better side.
Maybe all these chips in me
are just because we're tired.

So maybe we're out of time,
all our love, it fleets
over to the other side.
Maybe all these chips in me
are caused by our desire.

So maybe we have younger hours,
where we broke one day
yet never gave up to the cowards.
Maybe all these chips in me
were made by who we are.

Some people are born
With crystals in their eyes
And hope in their skies
Of blue and green watercolour dreams.

No such shimmering exists
In here. The glimmer
Of past wonder has long since
Been destroyed by fear of existing.

Those three words;
hurt me, burn
me, know me.
Desolate delight. I
will burden you
with identity. I
will ache for
my divine shadows
to return. Yet
the clouds parted
and I saw
truth, some strange
recognition within, brought
by my thoughts.
"I know you."

Just take me -
                              take me home.
I guess I thought you might.
                              Despite everything,
I still hoped that you would save me,

                              yet you didn't.

Who is this person that I have become?
I used to be acute, radiant, true,
but now... I don't know who I am. I flit
between living and lying, feeling then
dying - there's no point in trying. When did
I change so much that I lost who I was
at the start? "What happened to you?", strangers
guise, their sad eyes looking through the disguise
I so pitifully tried to hide under.
Nothing works - my mind died along with the
happiness I used to know; when she died,
I died with her. The rapturous girl who
left along with the world and I was left
dying eternally in her wake.

All I hoped
was once a dream,
but fortune was in my favour.

I came to life
to live and love
and give all light a flavour.

A cave within
was filled with thoughts
drowned by emotions contained.

First of the friends,
show me the way,
to be, no longer, estranged.

Bipolar sunshine;
Life's periodic lullabies
Changing me,
Waking me from ash to animal,
Trapped in the cage
Of my past lies,
Present cries,
Future demise.

But underneath this skin,
I'm still a human;
Boats of evergreen
Floating on tideless seas,
Yet I think I'm dying,
Unready for breathing;
Wild waters, blood oceans;
Mind lost, nightmares healing.

I'll throw my soul
into your fire
To freeze or to thaw,
It's your heart's desire.

Two corpses we were,
alive we've become -
to lie or to walk,
in a week we'll be home.

Unstack your load onto me
as my fountain rusts out, and I will
throw my love on your frozen ground
to thaw, unlock and lift it all away.

I will twist the sun and the moon
to change the weather and seasons for you.
This is pouring rain,
yet this is paradise.

The rumbling of the coming earthquake
echoes beneath my surface,
threatening the very idea of normality.

Your starry eyes and my galaxy mind
dance together in the depths of the night.
No matter how bright I may seem
or how darkly you gleam,
no light compares to those stars I can see next to me.

An inconceivable fiction that
somehow became a tangible reality.
I am at a loss without *you.

Psychotic is my normality;
pure dust is my reality.

Normality is pure insanity;
the jester in my reality.

A lucid world
in which I forget
to continue remembering.

What am I without this
toxic insanity that twists
my every move? Nothing,
that's what I am, what
I would be without me.

Maybe feeling normal would
wash this burning passion
for difference, which I love so
dearly, away. *If that is the case,
I will be abnormal any day.

In the midst of my wakening,
what is this quintessence of ash
that haunts my soul?

What is sanity,
which quivers not need before your eyes,
whether you do not exist in reality,
only fiction in my assonance.

What wonder is the reasoning of man,
how simple in splendour. The clarity
of wakefulness which I perceive to be
sanity is only the same clarity with
which I dream or breathe, only the same
clarity which madmen believe to be reality.

If deception and error are my clarity
then nothing is my reality, for all lie
to protect themselves from the nightmare of old,
His power not enough to protect your mind
from the evil inside of your bones, the fire inside
of your soul. Which likens to the hellfire I find
in the dampening nights of relentless cries;
the corruption of your mind is clarity - a
clarity in your twisted reality.

Tongue tied, my twisted eyes
Allow me to see the truth,

Yet my vocabulary evaporates
Whenever I see you.

The forever falling devil reaches for my heart,
his talons digging deep as I am forced to sleep
in his world, for evermore
in the land of pure darkness.

The rotten wings which once resided
on his back; glorious, white, bright;
now shards of glass that cut those
who come too close.

The fire in his heart is put out
by the flood in mine; killed by the
never-ending storm inside me. Flames put out
by water; those who thrived in the soul fire
quietened by the heartless liar
who turned hell into an ocean.

You locked your heart away from the world
and gave me the only key. I kept it on
thread, close to my heart, to hold for eternity.

When I opened my eyes, the key was gone
and you were falling away. I never
found out what you did with the key
for that heart I led astray.

I am cradled in inescapable
darkness, kept alive by my perpetual
insanity. These clouded eyes and
purple skies hide the secrets of a lifetime;
hiding away in the shadows from my
own truths in order to free myself from
the lies I once told, the mistakes I once made,
yet there is no escape.

Am I drowning? The void of my soul fills
with water as I dive deeper in order
to escape this calm catastrophe
called "living".

Where do I go next? The city lights I
see through the murky haze, hallucinating
in my final breaths. Seeing the stars of
Atlantis, the long lost beauty.
Seeing the scars of myself, the long lost
calamity.

Was I ever beautiful, or did I
become so skilled in the art of pretending,
my art of hiding, that even the best
critics couldn't find me behind these canvas
walls?

Mermaids bearing blades pierce my canvas heart,
its surface painted by countless sorrows.
Blood swirling around me, closing my eyes
as I die in a painting - the girl who
sank her own city.

If the storm would talk in the depths of night,
Hear it crying its tortured lullabies.
May the life one day return to your eyes
When the storm that is screaming returns feeling inside.

If the rain would whisper to the dead of your mind,
Hear the silence recede as you're cradled with sighs.
May your heart one day be returned to the light
When the storm that brought darkness begins to make you alive.

We destroyed ourselves and all others
With our malice and greed and hatred,
And now, all that's left
Is an empty world
That has been devoured by fire.

Brooding overhead,
swirling, storming;
other hearts warming by fires
as mine shivers with delight;
beginning to wash over me,
chilling me, relieving me.
Purified.

Don't you cry now,
Your world will always be alright.
This chapter of your life is one of many,
So don't dwell on me now I'm out of sight.

I'm starting to cry now,
As my world has never been alright.
I'll have to end these painful chapters short,
So you won't dwell on me once I'm out of sight

Thoughts darken as I find myself
becoming the nightmares
that I keep my eyes open to avoid.

I am becoming tired of these mundane words
That give nothing, take nothing, feel nothing.
I am becoming afraid of the way I can use them,
How harshly they hiss when I speak them,
How bleakly they twist when I write them,
How solemnly I worship them in my silent self.
For all their power, these words hold nothing.
I am starting to fear that they will soon be meaningless,
Even to myself.

Fragmented into a billion nightmares,
Bliss became silence when I crossed the void.
Opening eyes into sunlight but only seeing darkness;
Afraid of what I already had been, what I was yet to become.

Shimmering caves deep within
Hold the purpose for our beings;
Shrouded in love and forever belonging to the soul
Of that one we found called, "Home".

An exchange of hearts,
the closest we could get to a touch;
nobody thinking about what would happen
when our bodies rejected the hearts
and we died because of the love that we craved.

How much longer do you think I can withstand
the pain of being torn apart from the
inside out? The claws ripping into my
heart, piercing my soul, making this into
a nightmare; tear-stained wishes pouring as
love floods off my tongue, easy yet broken;
my mind running circles until the thoughts
make me dizzy and I fall; paralysed,
hypnotised, terrorised. How much longer
do you think I can cope with this hole in
my heart, the hole that can only be filled
by you? Let's count.

Maybe the darkness will bring us together
through many a tear-dissolved dream,
so maybe the darkness will bring me to you;
through the film that clouds all I see.
Maybe the darkness will piece me together
into something neither could see,
and maybe the darkness can bring me to you -
so we can finally be.

Loneliness can only be washed away by my thoughts, but, counting seconds until I drown, I no longer have the time to save myself.

I want to love and live,
But, as always, I am held back by you.

Black eyes on the horizon;
Ominous cries start
As souls start writhing;
Faces disguising;
Ink lies reflecting grey skies,
Causing natural disasters
Wherever they hide.

We are in agony all of the time
And we want to scream it away,
Yet we must keep ourselves quiet for the sake of the world
As it wants to keep us in its cage
For the benefit of their dignity;
Kept intact like the solidity
Of our unbreakable, inescapable prison cells.

I cried a single tear;
Painted my bedsheets blue.
I sobbed and I sobbed,
But nothing came out,
Because all I could think of was you.

I,
for a moment in a vast space of time,
was angry.
Not at myself,
not at the world,
but at you, for you, *because of you.

I try so hard to change myself,
Yet it isn’t enough for you.

You force me and push me,
Yet when I bleed, it’s too much for you.

I can’t do what you wish of me,
Yet that’s not satisfaction enough for you.

I want you to stop,
*Is that too much to ask of you?

Why can't I cry?
I am numb -
Lost and confused and upset and diffused,
And I just want to cry
So I can at least hold on
To the sadness rolling down my cheeks,
Yet I can't.

Just let me cry,
Please.

Fear of myself should have been fear of you,
The venom itself in my veins.
Thickening my blood and corrupting my soul;
A time bomb held down by your chains.

My home cannot be here,
Which is where I choose to stay,
For I gave my heart to you,
And you are far away.

I will,
You just have to trust me.
One day, I will wake up and decide that it is my time,

To focus on me
And allow myself to be happy,
But right now, I need to feel this way.

I can't tell you that,
You wouldn't understand.
But feeling this is so much better

Than feeling nothing at all.
You just have to trust me,
I will.

I fill myself up for you to take it all away,
Watching the flood commence as you do so.
The broken waters that refreshed my being;
Smiling through the day, crying through the night;
You always liked putting old agonies in sealed bottles.

Falling faces as sunshine turns to dust inside,
Stuck telling the time on a long-broken clock.
Minds wandering as beasts draw nearer,
Blood in their eyes. ****** on their breath.
Killing it and taking me with. Instant relief.

I breathe.

Bandages to stop the bleeding,
Long sleeves to stop them seeing.
Quiet words to keep from crying,
Believe it, even though you're lying.

Pour the wax where you'd press the knife,
Bathe in pain, it signifies life.
Pull it off and melt it again,
It brings the feeling so call it a friend.

Do not trust, it'll only hurt you,
Candles are your only virtue.
You will not trust, even if it hurts you,
Candles must be your only virtue.

I find myself here again,
sleeting days; fleeting nights.
Where are you? Is it raining, snowing,
wind blowing your hair as you
look to the ground and think of me?

The pull, ever drawn upwards
towards the promise of your eyes
looking into mine once more.
Should I go there, leave this behind
so I can be home again? Reunited
with the lost touch of a broken family.

I can't come to you, nor you to me,
I don't know how I'd find you. Lost in my mind
as I roam the world, filled with empty goodbyes -
forever sorrows in my mind. I need to find my home again,
otherwise I think I might be lost with you.

Where did my love go
After I gave it to you
So I could make you happy?

Where did my light go
After I gave it away
For only you to use?

Where did my heart go
After I gave myself to you
So you wouldn't have to be lonely?

Where did my mind go
After I let my guard down
And you took it all, just for you?

A misunderstood mind,
A heartache of mine,
My main frame covered in dust.

A good clean long overdue,
Awakening when I find you,
Helping me to vanish the rust.

You make the light shine brighter
And the weight feel lighter,
And you open my eyes to the new,
So now my heart will love more
Than it could do before,
And that's all because of you.

I am sympathetic towards the blind ones,
Who have been engulfed by how alone they are.
They cannot hear the others that are like them,
So all they do is shine their lights from afar.

They hope that another will see them,
Even though they are so far apart,
As they don't have the strength the reach them,
But they need someone to light up the dark.