When only your embrace quelled me Only your words soothed me Only your affection moved me. I have these fantasies that keep me pacified like a child. Tales of ultimate romance. And the pages are torn away, the story is in pieces. The neurotic are the closest to a true understanding of god; Flailing with emotions, coming and going, painting you like heaven, their canvass on fire. I'm glad you got out.
In a winter reflection, through a cage of ice, I watch a shadow of myself love you. From a sunken place, I’m stuck, Endlessly pacing within my head, I’m stuck, a lonely, hungry tiger. The coldness fills me slowly as I watch you from my prison. The bars to my cage pretend to bend, but it is only a trick of the sun. I refuse to leave the cage even though I have the key, for safety for sanity for selfishness I swallow the key often. The cage will melt eventually so I will wait until then, It is hard to hate for so long in conditions like this where every day the water freezes and unfreezes and freezes. It is hard to hate when her hands melt the ice. Love freezes the pain and drips away everything else Into the gutter, but the sun always falls, still.
I check my phone. Its the same thing I saw 5 minutes ago.
I have no interest in my favorite things at this point in time. Even as I write this bit of prose I can feel that I'm not truly interested; I keep writing.
I check my phone. 20 minutes ago I zoned out while my favorite song was on and stopped singing.
When I was 16 I picked up guitar; my dream job was to be a musician, but then I turned 22. More recently my dream has been to find a dream in all the perfect chaos that is this world. "Are dreams a valid thought, or are we just told we should have them from a young age?", I ask myself.
I check my phone. I should be leaving my car to go upstairs to my girlfriend and child.
I check my phone. Why does my car feel like the safest place at times?
I check my phone. JUST GET UP AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOURSELF.
I put my phone down. Why am I not crying? Normal people cry. Why would I be crying? I haven't lost anything worth mourning, right?