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:'(
Haylin May 2018
:'(
Just once,


                                   I want someone to be afraid of losing me.
Haylin Apr 2018
That's the thing
about teens
today.

*We're no longer invincible.
Haylin Jan 2019
In the cold, dark
        of January,
         I remembered
              you
        the most.
  As the chill
      snapped bones
              like branches,
     as the afternoons
   bathed themselves
in gray,
     as the birds
and the backs
      shook,
so did my lips
   around your name.
I'm so happy
     January is almost
over now.
Haylin Aug 2018
it’s crazy how superstition works
any belief, sometimes even religion
can make you go completely bezerk

it’s 23.10hrs in the night
i’m lying here and thinking
it’s really, nearly time
ironic how I write this
for my mother always told me
it'll only come true
if you keep it a secret

but,
I just have to write this
and pray that you see it


It’s 23.11 in the depths of the night
I wish you were here.
Haylin Aug 2018
There's a comforting feeling,
seeing that number on my phone,
feeling that panic,
closing my eyes quickly
and making a wish,
that I know won't come true.
Haylin Nov 2018
12:03 am
something feels wrong

12:05 am
something bad is going to happen

12:08 am
I'm a failure everyone hates me I need out

12:10 am
calm down just try to breath

12:12 am
you're going to be ok

12:13 am
you're okay
Haylin Dec 2018
You've been offline for 16 minutes
I could have said it, but I didn't
I had it written, but I didn't send it
I'm kind of a coward, I'll admit it.

I couldn't fit it in a space that I thought you would read
I had a tendency to ramble when you listened
or pretended, and in the poems that you've never seen
it's just as bad,
I go careening through a bending path of bramble
tryna scramble to the point
but I lost you
neck deep in the prose that arose
around a metaphor packed to the brim
with condescending tid bits
where I use your words against you
but a heavy weight that sits
over it all, when I lost the only friend I can talk to

so let me spend the next half hour
showering over you
another lesson in epistemology
honestly I don't know how you could be
so dim to miss what I've put in to this

Do you not see how wrong you are

Does it bother you
To have every miss step
pounced on and deconstructed
I was talking down
just to knock it through your thick head
but I guess I ****** it
I'll just have to say it angrier now

Let me spend the next two months convincing you
whatever you had seen in me was through a lens
I didn't deserve to be seen through
All it took was losing you to see
I'm exactly where I should have ended up

I know that no apology
will unwind the web I spun. the web I sit on now
to watch what I've undone with my own hands.
Hands that even now subside in fear
of what I'd hear then in your voice
when you reply
to let it die

So I'll let it die
I'm sorry
Haylin Mar 2018
A day of love, a day of hearts:
Valentine's Day, twenty eighteen.
The day started out like any other
But ended in a horrific scene.

Students in Parkland, Florida,
Shared their valentines today.
A former student entered the school
To celebrate in a different way.

An AR-15 assault-style rifle
Was that student's valentine.
Killing and hurting students and teachers
Was his version of "Please be mine."

All it takes is a single person
To drag a special day through the mud.
Roses and hearts with Cupid's arrow
Lie on the ground, splattered with blood.

Are we failing our people here?
When shootings occur, we ask for prayers
Instead of taking appropriate measures.
What a sad state of affairs!

Most of us enjoy our day;
Our lives return to normal tomorrow.
Valentine's Day for people in Parkland
Forever will be suffused with sorrow.
In memory of the victims of the 2/14/18 shooting
Haylin Feb 2019
Wednesday, 14th of February 2018, 7.00pm,
" breaking news, a mass-shooting happened today in Florida, American authorities are calling this the worst school shooting in U.S.A's history "
6 minutes and 20 seconds,
That's all it took,
17 confirmed dead,
15 injured,
Countless more lives ruined,
All in under 10 minutes,
No parent should ever have to hug their child,
So tight,
Just because it might be the last time they'll ever say goodbye,
No kid should ever have to be afraid of their school hallway,
Or be afraid of who's standing in the classroom doorway,
No kid should ever wonder if this day will be their last,
And no parent should ever have to bury their kid,
Six feet out of their reach,
So this is for Scott,
And for Alyssa,
For Martin,
And for Nicholas,
Not forgetting Aaron,
This goes to Chris,
And Luke,
For Cara,
And for Gina,
Joaquin and Alaina,
Meadow, Helena, and Alex,
Carmen and Peter,
You are all in our hearts,
Let's face it,
The Floridian community of Douglas,
Will never go back to " normal "
So, Washington? Trump?
Riddle us this?
When is this going to be added to your list of " proud American traditions "?
There are too many heavy hearts,
Too many dark days,
Too much chaos and confusion,
For this to be swept under the carpet again,
Just like the last time,
We aren't even a quarter of the way into 2018,
Yet there has been over 30 mass-shootings since the beginning of January,
So here's to the people who aren't accepting the truth,
Who are too " confused " to realize what's going on,
For the people who haven't woken up to the fact,
That there were unidentified bodies,
Sitting cold in that school for over 24-hours,
And do not tell me I am too young to know what I'm talking to you about,
I stand alongside Emma Gonzalez, and the hundreds of young people across the globe,
This isn't just for our lives,
This is for everyone's lives,
Since when did " don't shoot nice people " become such a controversial statement?
Since when did school safety become a debatable, two-sided matter?
So I will join my fellow marchers,
And yell loudly and unapologetically,
Until they hear our voices,
In the words of Emma Gonzalez,
Adults like it when we have strong test scores,
But not when we have strong opinions,
We are Marching For Our Lives,
And this is our legacy.
Here we are 1 year later and he's still awaiting trial
Haylin Apr 2019
Fighting on the front lines
With red pens
For creativity,
For independent thought,
For common sense
Not Common Core

This is a battle in a bureaucratic war we’re losing
Keep pushing and shoving against an impenetrable wall
But we’re only foot soldiers, not actually giving orders

Kids look down on us and they ask,
“Will this be on the test?”
And say,
“Get out of my face.”

Here’s what I wonder: Why is “mistake” a forbidden word?

Taught by parent(s) to resist.
These are Kids who fail to create
But recite, recall, and retaliate

School is no longer a safe haven
Testing, testing, 1-2-3 hundred murdered students, teachers
Safety off and then off
And
Still off

Hanging by a thread and losing the grip a little more every day

Following the curriculum map to X marks the standardized test.

We dig and
                  Dig and
                                 Dig
For the buried treasure trove of teaching magic. The legitimacy and respect our careers deserve. The money, the time, the love, the support.

But it’s buried under so much testing and red tape, and so    

We fail.
3am
Haylin Nov 2018
3am
They say if you’re awake at 3am, you’re either inlove or broken.
I say it’s neither.
Perhaps it is the silent space between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all.
The indiscernible sentiments of someone who has been long lost and is yet to be found.
A soul that is neither gleeful nor wretched;
And instead waiting to feel, pondering on certain circumstances,
Or probably continually yearning for a type of serenity that time could still not dare to give.
Haylin Nov 2018
Every 40 seconds
someone in the world dies of suicide

Every 41 seconds
someone is left to make sense of it
4Am
Haylin Apr 2018
4Am
But I thought that being older and being a teenager ment going out with friends and hanging out til 4am

But here I am

And it's 4am
And I am older

But the only thing I am doing is debating on weather or not I should take my own life.
Haylin Jan 2019
Monday
Oh how I dread you
Can you just go away for one more day

Tuesday
You could be anything or nothing at all
You're just Tuesday

Wednesday
**** DAY
I finally get to look forward to the weekend

Thursday
The day before Friday
Anything could happen, but it wouldn't count

Friday
The most annoying day because of Rebecca Black
But it means we have 2 days of no *******

Saturday
Thank you for no school
But sadly you go by too fast

Sunday
Ruined because you know tomorrow is Monday
The one day I remember to do my homework
7w
Haylin Nov 2018
7w
Country Music Is
The Most Honest
Music
Haylin May 2018
I was born
I was happy
I started school
I made friends
New school
No friends - lonely
Change school again
Found old friends - happy again
Mother leaves - sad
Depression settles in
World spins
Self harm starts
World stops
Self hate grows
Eating disorder
Self harm worsens
People worry
I give up trying
Convinced to try again
Determined to right my wrongs
Start High school
No friends - lonely
Self harm comes back
Eating disorder returns
Ready to give up again
Wrote poem
My life so far.....
Haylin Apr 2018
the shards of my shattered blood line
piercing into my lungs
tearing it open

letting me bleed my sadness out.

i bleed slowly;
                       i bleed,
                                    i bleed.

your vibrant persona is too much for me to handle,
it feels choking at times.

but nonetheless i am attracted
like a moth to a flame.
i know it is dangerous,
i know it will only end in my execution,
but i go in anyway
orchestrating my own death.

i plummet into your aura,
i take it in.

and a small part of me believes
that you even had the smallest inch of care for me.

but you don't.
it's someone else it always is.

it's always the 'it's not you it's me' crap;
or the 'i don't feel the same' torture.

nonetheless it breaks me,
and i break in silence.

the saddest part is i thought i had a chance with you.

joker.

what a joke.

it can't happen,
it will never happen.
and that is all there is for me.

there is no yes or inbetween.
it is always no,
a resounding no.

but it's not your fault.
i know i am an ogre,
a monster with two minuscule eyes,
with my pores oozing acid,
and my mouth spewing fire.

my fiery temper restricts all suitors,
i know i cannot be tamed.

maybe that is why.

i am boundless and limitless and that may be intimidating.
but
but i am human,

and every human has that one boundary and
that one
limitation.

that was meant to be you,
meant to be you for me.

but you have someone else,
someone prettier and better.

so be happy, because that's all i want;

but for now,

i bleed slowly;
i bleed,
i bleed.
Warning: Boys are terrible
Haylin Sep 2019
My life was fine and I was happy
And then you showed up
And everything went abrupt

You made me laugh until my face went numb
My problems you held like a forceful gun
I soon discovered an emotion I'd never felt
And you ripped it away from my fragile heart

My eyes once glowed like the stars beaming bright
But now they're filled with the sea spilling out
It's true you listened and that is no doubt
But you showed no remorse and simply threw me about

For so long I clung to you, scared of the world around
And now I'm sitting in my room unable to move about
In fear of being alone

I thought I was broke
And you would make me whole
But I didn't realize you tore me one by one
Into pieces, I lost, long ago with my smile

I cried every day
And forced you to keep me together
But little did I know that you couldn't find me either
Gave up on my life and lusted for me rather

I thought that it was love
But it was too late when I found out
That you were the one to hide my pieces
And wrote love on each end
To make me think that it was okay to be used over and over again
Haylin Apr 2018
we're told from a young age
that we should tell an adult
if we're being abused
but what if you've pushed
it so far back into your mind
that you can't remember who
or what
or when
or how

i know it happened
i know it did
but what if the only way
i can talk about it
is online
with strangers
who don't know me
in a poem

abuse is scary
****** abuse haunts me
i need to get it out
it's been 5 years
but i can't move on
Haylin Nov 2018
Addictions are like *******
Everyone has one, and they usually stink
Smoke
Shoot
Snort
whatever you need to get you through
but...
What about when its not drugs?
How does she disclose
When her scars itch
When she's twitching
Scratching
Looking for something
what is it
what is it
what is it
what is it
where is it
where where where....
Her mind races
Her scars burn hot
Hot enough to burn her shorts
Hotter than her tears
There
Under the board on her stand
Shiny and stolen
Mechanical pencils are better anyway
She mutters to herself
Up goes her shorts
Up goes her sleeves
1
2
3
4
5
Dont count, make them even
In a line
Not like that
Her sister gets clean
She's left in limbo
How could she justify
How could she seek help
When she does it to herself
When it wont make her *****
When it wont make her seize
Addictions, everyone has one
For her, there's a relapse on the way
who knew self harm was addictive
Haylin Jan 2019
I did it again.
That gun went to my head again.
My arms are bleeding again.
I'm crying again

Is there a point where tears dry up?
I haven't found it.

I did it again
I wrote my suicide note again
I took medicine again
I wish for death again

Why can't I do anything right?
I can't even die properly

I did it again
I pulled the trigger again
Nothing happened again
I say I'm sorry again

Maybe I'll die this time.
Or maybe I won't again.
Haylin Mar 2019
15 to love, still able to win,
gotta tough it out,
winning is everything. Losing's a sin.
I'll keep trying. I'm still in with a shout.

My backhand slices
the ball to my foe
(Joe's my friend but in a crisis,
I shift where the winds blow)

He parries, sends the ball to the line,
his touch is immaculate,
cleaner than mine.
I leap like a cat

return it with ease
he flicks it back over the net
intending to tease.
I grimace. We made a bet

and now I engage
into higher gear,
my brain fills with rage,
my heart fills with fear.

Advantage to me,
the crowd stands to cheer,
Joe falls to one knee,
buckled, losing a tear.

I volley. It whizzers
past his frozen form
he tries, but misses,
defeated, forelorn.

At last I have won,
the gold cup is mine,
another dream spun,
back to the factory line.
Haylin Apr 2018
I look at you with lust and love
and I don’t know what to think
it feels so wrong…
yet so right
to feel these feelings on felt

I look at you and every part of my body
pulses
warms
and grows tender to touch

I watch you and wonder ‘what would we be like together’
‘how great would we be together

I love everything you do
the way your clothes cling to your body
the way you lick your lips after you –
finish eating
the way you smile
just simply the way you are

I wish and hope you know my name
to hear you say it would be *******
when you look at me I blush and turn away

Oh how I love
Oh how I’m in love with you

if only you felt the same
if only you loved a girl
if only you loved this girl
Haylin Jan 2019
My knight does not need to be
in shining armor,
nor blessed with prestige
or countless honor.

It only needs to be you,
someone who could wield
a sword, respectable enough
to be able to strike a heart of gold.
Haylin Aug 2018
I'll save the poems of deepest despair
for when you are dead or gone.
You are my only friend and someday
I might be your wife if you survive.
I'm committed to you for the long term.
Today I have logged out of all my
Social media accounts I won't return.
I don't want to see my nieces and
nephews grow up on Facebook
knowing I'll never see them in real life.
I don't want to deal with my Aunts
bouts of jealousy because she is being
mentally abused by her husband.
I don't want to feel a hacker looking
over my shoulder when I like a post.
I don't want to be reminded of all the
people who won't talk to me because
I don't have a job and think I'm the blame.
Facebook calls them friends.
Instagram calls them followers.
To me it's all the same they are fake.
I'm most likely fake to them too.
Honestly people it isn't an insult.
The hacker has won because I'm back
inside of my cave once again.
It's amazing how isolating social media is.
God won't answer my prayers for peace
but I don't believe he is mean at all.
Someday there won't be anymore
humans in my life that is a fact.
I doubt that I'll survive but then
again everyone has to die someday.
The feeling of wanting to die is
like crashing through a glass door.
Maybe I am more emotional
because I am going down to a
Lower dose of prednisone but
this doesn't make all that I wrote
any less true.
Haylin Apr 2018
As a mere freshman in high school
I was cursed with the miracle of life
Or an angel of death
That was wrapped in a pink blanket.
She was mine
After nine months of developing
She was here
But on unwelcomed sircumstances
****
An unwanted word
That's the way she came
When I was a mere freshman in high school.
Lucelia Marie
As I decided to name her
Was small and fragile
Something I couldn't take care of
As a mere freshamn in high school
Adoption, they called it
For the best, they told me
As a mere freshman in high school
So now she is four months old
With the woman she will know as 'Mom'
Not me...But a stranger
That picked her up in the night
When I was a mere freshman in high school

So my little girl is gone...
For four months ago today.
I will miss her always
Even as a mere freshman in high school
The pain of a last kiss
This is not true about me. I just made this up.
Haylin Sep 2019
We have many ideas,
but we do not seem to have idealists anymore.

We have droves of problem solvers,
but we do not seem to have solutions anymore.

We have endless media discourse,
but we do not seem to have dialogue anymore.

We have unrestrained capitalism,
but we do not seem to have money anymore.

We have innumerable drugs,
but we do not seem to have treatment anymore.

We have scores of Baby Boomers,
but we do not seem to have elders anymore.

We have unlimited vacation days,
but we do not seem to have days off anymore.

We have incalculable amounts of information,
but we do not seem to have facts anymore.

We have regular, established elections,
but we do not seem to have elected officials anymore.

We have America,
but we do not seem to have a nation anymore
Haylin Apr 2018
Another "randyhornbag" poem for all avid fans of *******.*

rip off my dripping *******
and part my waiting ****-cheeks
sniff my fresh-scrubbed ****
then rim me ******* senseless

taste the sweet-sour tang
of my recent defecation
force your ***** mouth-*****
past my eager sphincter

seeking to engulf me
in my ****** ***-lust
and now for our delectation
shove your huge **** up me

and fill me with your hot *****
or fist me till I scream
my ******* brains out and
then **** myself in terror
Haylin Jun 2019
Life is just a long exam

Some pass

But most fail
Haylin Apr 2018
He used to love you before,
but not anymore.
he replaced you with your best friend,
this proves that you're love has already end.

But don't worry we say,
because you'll find "true" love one day.
maybe in an unusual way,
and you will find a way to make him pay.

Though you still love him,
the future could be dim.
when you were together he starts to forget.
later in life you will make him regret.

you want him back because of your first kiss,
but you should always remember this,
that you must do your part,
so that till death do you both part.
Haylin May 2018
Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right?
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live.
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep.
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause.
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide.
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon.
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.
If anyone seeks help and wants to talk, message me privately and we can talk on there or I will give you my number.
Haylin May 2018
I didn't ask to be born.
Did I give you permission to have me?
I'm just not cut out for this, really...
I think about suicide constantly
Everyday I question my sanity
Am I okay? Stop starring at me!
You're only worsening my anxiety
They saw me crying.
I don't want them to think that I'm attention-seeking
Because I'm not:
I just have a lot of ****** up thoughts.
One day I'm calm and the next I feel forgot-
Ten: they told me when I grew up I'd be that number
Not someone who's chubby and refuses to go to slumber, part-ies
They were just never for me
But don't get me wrong I tried to participate
Just no one ever really included me unless it was a one-on-one standing
I get it, I'm a fill in.
That's always been my role
Someone who's just there
For when others couldn't be.
That's me.
The girl I'll hit up tomorrow because my other friend is busy
On a new note I'm about to be 15
My parents could kick me
out or disown me
Send me on my way
As if they never had known me
I'll eventually be on my own
That's the point of this right?
To witness someone's life and
Then toss them aside but say
That you'll be there until the end of time?
Right?
Wrong
I always feel that way when
I'm singing this song
Titled: strife
It makes me not want to go on
But it remains
Always in my veins
It tells me to stay
On the worst of days
It triggers me hard
I just want to go away
Just let me already
Why must I stay steady
Can't you tell I'm not sturdy
And just want to yell
At everybody
I'm in tears already
As I pull the cord on this bag
Helium fills my lungs
I no longer feel sad
I laugh continuously
As I'm  being poisoned
I'm mad; crazy
I forgot to write a note
Don't hate me
You all knew me in the past
For a time being
You had your chances with me
There was no right or wrong
I was just always singing a different song
So don't feel bad for my no longer going on
I was never meant to be here
Please. Stay strong.
Haylin Feb 2019
She was the devil if the devil's curse was lust
He was  a worshiper, her body his altar
They represented disdain through all who knew them
But she was a drug and He was addicted
Haylin Aug 2019
That feeling you get
When you finish the show
Before anyone starts clapping.

That feeling of breathlessness and accomplishment all at the same moment.

That my friend, is what we march for.
I just finished band camp 2 weeks ago and tonight we just had our first rehearsal and I've got to say, this has been the best time of my life. I love these people and I can't wait to spend the next 2 years with them
Haylin Sep 2018
Here I sit broken-hearted
tried to ****, but only farted
Then one day I took a chance
tried to **** and **** my pants.
Saw it on pinterest
Haylin Oct 2018
Beauty is only skin deep.

You could be the most attractive person in the world,
but still be a complete *****.

Some people at school they are so pretty,
but they are the ones who bully you.
Haylin Feb 2019
I faced the demon of lies who lives within my soul
Now there’s no way in hell I’d let your people go
I mortify my love in the fires of your pain
Burning eternally hot, did you spread my fame?
Blood red those evil eyes, sing a wicked lullaby
Relax, don’t cry, there’ll be time to pay when you die
Do you believe in sins redeemed, do you believe in dreams?

Let the sun beat down and shine on us
While we sing and dance, in god we trust
And when it rains which it eventually will
Let’s blame the devil for the rage we feel
Let every man, woman, boy, and girl
Find their place in this crazy world
And crazier yet before we die
Let’s take a chance and believe some lies
Haylin Apr 2018
I will forever defend you because that's what best friends do,
You are gone and I sit here with people I am told to call "friends"
But none of them compare to you
Because you make me laugh and you make me complete
You are the Cancer to my Cancer
You are the one I want to go on hikes with and talk about the delicate curve of a collarbone
You are my best friend and I love you
No matter where you are in the world.
Haylin Mar 2018
What's the hardest thing about being bi?
Secretly falling in love with your girl best friends.
And she's straight.
And other is a lesbian.
And you hide your feelings, so you don't ruin the friendship.
And stay friends just to keep them in your life.
Two years ago I fell for one best friend (girl)
The next year(last year) I fell for the other.
One is a lesbian.
The other is straight.
And neither of them like me that way.
I talk to them everyday and they still don't know.
And most likely never will.
I wrote this a year ago. This is not how I feel now
Haylin Dec 2018
this morning
i am stuck

i am stuck
between
Blue
and
Pink

every morning
i face the same decision
and ask the question
how do i feel today?

and every morning
i struggle
not because i cant find the answer
but because im scared of it

because i know
that i cant be Purple
thats too confusing

but i feel Purple
My life in a nutshell
Haylin Jan 2019
Your Beautiful Blue Eyes Never Lie
Boy
Haylin Apr 2018
Boy
Put your wavy black hair and hazel eyes

In the spot between my thighs
Haylin Dec 2018
American school bombings
London stabbings
Gaza shootings
North Korea missile launching
Russian poisoning

So many broken counties

Lying politicians
Teenage pregnancies
Kids cutting
Child *******
Babies born as addicts

So many broken people

Air Pollution
Ice caps melting
Diminishing resources
Global warming
Seas of *******

So many broken things in the world
One day people will look and wonder how the world with so much love and beautiful things became so broken
Haylin Nov 2019
I am a broken glass.
I am an empty mug.
I am a withered pine.
I am a tasteless gum.
I am a burnt out pipe.
I am a falling star.
What should I do?
Where should I go?
Haylin Dec 2018
She walks in from school,
With a smile on her face.
Mom asks "How was your day?"
She just nods and says "Okay"

You don't recognize the fright.
You don't see her crying into her pillow at night.
You don't understand the pain she's felt,
The fear she's felt.

But how could you?
All you see,
Is a smile.
Haylin Oct 2018
I rip myself apart,
Piece by piece.
I place bits of my heart,
Into your hands.

I tear my soul,
Little by little,
And gift a morsel:
But when will I realize,
You never asked for me,
Or my vulnerability?

Remaining transfixed.
You step on my soul,
***** it,
Bury it,
Beneath soil,
Without a second glance.
No mercy,
Or pity,
In your eyes.
Simply and only,
A slight surprise.
You never asked for my care,
And were never aware,
Of all I invested,
All that manifested,
Beneath my shell,
Deep within my heart.
So why would you mind,
Tearing it apart?
Haylin May 2019
We press our bodies together
Forcing separate atoms to form one
Of a new breed,
But it will never be achieved
We don’t bond
Just periodically breathe.
Haylin Mar 2019
Clock? Could you tell me,
if I could reverse time,
what day would I turn back to?

maybe the day I spotted a flower, blooming alone in a field
spacious silence for it to grow
ever so gentle movement in the breeze that spring day

or the day I met you
your smile shining brighter than the crowd
eyes like the rich soil from which you grew
if only you'd learn to
                                      outgrow
                                                      the spaces  
                                                        ­                between us

maybe then clock, I could recall why you left me for the fields of silence
Haylin Apr 2018
Clumsy child,
Why so sad?
Did you make mom and dad mad?
Clumsy child,
What's up?
Did you spill over your sipping cup?
Clumsy child,
Get up,
Or was that beating enough?
Clumsy child,
Where are you now?
Another victim 6 feet down.
This is based on child abuse and how the signs are missed too often and social services aren't contacted soon enough. It's short to highlight that it can be over swiftly. Clumsy child implies the emotional strain and verbal abuse the victim endures with a dark innocence.
Haylin Feb 2019
Color, one word, thousands of references
It is an illusion, science perhaps may explain it
But people have utterly transformed its definition over the past decades
Is it pride? Is it wealth you carry within you once you are born precious yet so fragile?

Define it for me
Release the inner load of prejudiced assumptions
Passed down from generation to generation
Do not be afraid to speak your mind
For you are enlightening me
Go on, define it for me

Red, orange, blue and green
Purple, pink, white and colors we've already seen
Came in touch with, and accepted for what they seem
Whom we do not hesitate adoring, whilst waiting for what more of them there is to see

Colors, beautiful bundles of joy
Billions of them undiscovered
Yet willing to view
And yet unwilling to embrace one another solely because our skin tone is a shade darker, or a shade lighter?

I'm sorry, I thought we loved the thought of not having to unlock our gates to gardens full of plain, dark pigmented red roses
There's got to be the lighter pigmented ones and the yet to blossom ones
The ones that are yet to be labeled
By humanity's impaired vision
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