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Solitude Man Nov 2018
She’s at a place where she feels trapped
As the mist rises and her sun is crying
She cant help but feel alone
Alone is a place were she’s been forced to feel
At home

She cannot recognise a noble deed
And allow that memory to take her
Instead the fear of being unloved
And hardly good enough
grip her hand

With every word
she is paranoid and annoyed
and triggered
into retreat
into alone
a place she calls home

they roll down a familiar face
warm and comforting
Its because she couldn’t stay
She wanted to, believe her

Believe she wants to be a better her
But she clings to alone
As a familiar face
A childhood case
That she needs to shake
She loves alone but hates it
She hates the time it gives her to think
About how unfamiliar the un-alone really is

She wants to share but she doesn’t know how
She wants to talk but she’ll be misunderstood
She wants to love him but she’s making him numb
Her sorry self is a burden and the cause of pain.
She says she felt rushed but she is here now
More in love than he can see
And then then there’s the stabbing thought that he wants to be free
Now she is comfort crying
Alone.
Issachar Bacang Nov 2018
this filthy
abomination

undeserving
of its rank

reigning over
your temper

holding your patience
at point blank

so why bother
heckling the crows

when their claws
are deep inside you

none can stand firm
before

or come close

In the hall of
the king of trolls
in the hall
of the
troll king
Lost Soul Oct 2018
Eat
sometimes i dont eat
the longest i've gone
is three weeks
i lay in bed ,my stomach in knots
cant stand up too quickly
dont wanna see spots
my body failed me again
bile came, hunger left
i cant quite remember when
water is my only friend
it soothes the hurt
acid reflux temporarily ends
water runs down my throat
when i move, it sloshes in my belly
sound like waves against a boat  
heartburn comes at night
my body and brain are at war
im kept awake while they fight
headaches come back
it hurts to open my eyes
i know its from the calories i lack
when i can handle a taste other then bile
i eat and eat , i'm called a pork chop
i know its a joke so i hide the pain with a smile
if only they knew
how i hate my body
and the pants sizes i blew
but its something i keep to myself
no need to bother someone else
its not like am a fragile doll on a shelf
....or am I ?
julianna Oct 2018
And it was
iN that split  
secOnd that i was
Rather weak.
Eating no longer  
seemed an eXit, but instead
as If it was so, so,
Aimless to do.
jai Jun 2018
i waited for you to come back
and you never did
and i know you didn’t do that to hurt me
but my chest is tight and my eyes are wet and i can’t stop these thoughts
thoughts of not being enough of a reason for you to come back up the stairs and hold me
thoughts of being a little girl and waking up and walking thru the house to find no one
you can’t fake that kind of empty
you can’t fake that kind of fear
thoughts of how because of this, i hate myself
i hate myself for allowing this meaningless act to make or break my entire day
i hate myself for letting irrational fears of the little girl inside me dictate my self worth
i hate that now that you’re back my butterflies have been replaced with razor blades
i hate that now i can’t look you in your eyes because i’m scared that perhaps maybe my thoughts are right, and your eyes will confirm it
and in all honesty i’d rather look at the ground and i hate myself, than to ever meet your eyes and have them hate me
i woke up to an empty bed and my boyfriend gone
i was so triggered
Daye May 2018
‪I was good before the meds‬
Slightly depressed because I wanted to leave my husband
But other than that, I lived.

Is this me?
Is mania my thing?
How many times do I have to trip before I go back to Bing?

Oh ****, everything is all of a sudden exciting!

Counting numbers like a mathematician
Looking at numbers like they’ll come into fruition
A Beautiful Mind subtracting with ambition

Hey Eleven! Is it 11:11?
Upside down, still 11:11
Oh hey, Porche 9-11
That’s my birthday! 9/11

8:44 I’m going to do it
9:44 I’m going to do it
10:44 weighing my options
44 reasons to pop it

Stop it

Where did I get these bruises on my legs?
Shortness of breath
A billion needles stinging through my chest
Night sweats
Driving fast and a little wreckless
That’s when I know I need to get checked
I need to be in this bed
Half dead
Blood sample draining from my head
From another case of miscalibrated meds

This better be the prescription
Otherwise I can’t live knowing my mind can't function
Haylin Apr 2018
we're told from a young age
that we should tell an adult
if we're being abused
but what if you've pushed
it so far back into your mind
that you can't remember who
or what
or when
or how

i know it happened
i know it did
but what if the only way
i can talk about it
is online
with strangers
who don't know me
in a poem

abuse is scary
****** abuse haunts me
i need to get it out
it's been 5 years
but i can't move on
You have me triggered
Oh, What did you say to me?
You'll always love me?
AD Snail Nov 2017
Frozen and numb,
Unable to comprehend the next move,
Everything moves in slow motion.

Suffocating on air,
Words clogged up, unable to break free.

Her elegant hair sprawled across,
The surface of my thigh.
She had such a gentle smile.
Oh, how at peace she was.

As each breath of hers was precise,
My was ragged and silent,
As I kept my gaze straight but my thigh burned.

As her muscles were relaxed,
My spasmed and tensed, like her violins strings.

I was hyper-aware, senses buzzing,
As she allowed hers to be silent.
She was in a delightful harmony,
While I yearned for the thing that came to her so easily.

Everything hurt and I was drowning,
Her solid form was more of an anchor,
To help me sink in my own sea.

I was caged, and she felt like debris blocking me in.

Her touch was overwhelming, though she never knew this,
So hush hush, don’t tell her,
Despite you wanting to beg with tears streaming down,
You keep yourself restrained even though your disintegrating.
Don't ruin the moment, because she is having a grand time, and you wouldn't want to be cruel or ruin it for her, now would you?
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