I can't wait to fall in love with cheap whiskey and sleep in tents near the sea.
To walk in meadows so high I don't have worry about where to ***.
I'm a ****** mess made of ****** beer and cigarettes.
I walked the land of the dead to come home turn around and go back.

I can't wait to fall in love with blue skies and trees of green.
To spread my soul to everyone to show just what I mean.
I'm a tangled lullaby that get stuck on your tongue after a long day.
I walked home from Paris to find him cheating so i turned around and went back.

I can't wait to fall in love with the fact that I'm 23 and no one likes that.
That my adult like mentality is clashing with my childlike dreams.
I'm falling apart so naturally and my desire for escape comes easily.
I walked home to find my soul was flying away, so I went with her.

I want to go back to when I could curl up in bed and Disney movies would make everything feel better.
I could watch Peter Pan and feel as though Neverland was around the corner waiting for me.
As though all the princesses really got to live happily ever after and I didn't know that their lives were probably ****.
Take me back to when I didn't have bills.
Or rent.
Or work.

Take me back to when happiness was a simple crayon drawing of the sky and some grass. When stick figures were considered great art!

I want to go back to before I knew what heartbreak was. Or how hard it was falling in and out of love. Before I knew that boys meant something more than just playing dodgeball with and girls were more than just a pretty face they actually had your back.

I don't know how I ever thought being a kid was so hard when being an adult is so much harder and much more sad than being a kid ever was....

****** is an art.
Liked red paint on a canvas-
I will be famous.

Tell me what is it about poetry and coffee in the cold early mornings that make your heart skip a beat?

Is it the fleeting thought that romance will never be as tender... As perfect as it is written from an outside perspective ?

Is it the way you wish those words would flow off his perfect lips into your perfect ears?

Tell me what is it about poetry and ******* that makes my head spin in circles so quickly... So chaotic?

Is it the way the letters dance across the paper and the color of the sky bring you to tears?

Is it the way you wish he would just stop and settle down for a minute so you could comprehend what he is saying!?

What is it about poetry and coffee that makes you so weak?

These poems seem so happy but the truth is I'm just a...
Self conscience
Hateful
Sad twenty two year old girl.
I keep these emotions bottled up inside till they just come out with tears and sentences that make no sense at all.
It feels like it should be snowing and my car is threatening to break down and yet I just ...
Keep spending money
Crying for help
Never listening to anyone.
Hope has never been my strong point but right now I could use a little faith. A little faith in something besides this emptiness I feel.
So don't get me wrong with these poems of happiness and of love because I am...
Not in love.
All alone.
Pathetically trying to get on with life...

You pin me against the wall- sharp intake of breath and I’m melting down my thighs.
Your hands are rough.
Your lips are soft
And stop… stop… no don’t stop.

I’m gasping and you’re pulling my hair- the fire in my stomach grows and I’m on my knees again.
I swore I’d never be on my knees again for you.

But your hands are rough against my skin.
Your lips are hungry and sweet.
And I don’t want you to stop… stop… oh my god don’t stop.

I remember the first time you starved me with those eyes.
The way you ran them up and down my body from my neck to my ******* to my hips to my thighs I knew.
I’d never be free of that stare or you ever again.

And I’d always want your rough hands gripping mine as you slammed them back.
And I’d always want that wet kiss running down my stomach lower and lower.
And I knew I’d never stop…. Stop… ****, I’ll never stop loving you.

I'm typing in lowercase letters but dreaming in capitals.

i'm swallowing pills and alcohol to numb the pain hoping for solitude in a bottle.
you're cute, i think?
sitting over there at the bar staring at me like i could be someone you want to get to know.
you're cute, i think?
but baby, i'm just a drunk girl at a bar taking too many drugs to even care about what your name is so please stop talking.

you slide over a glass of scotch, neat and cold, disgusting as i drink it down.  
you keep talking about how pretty my eyes are and how cute my hair is and where'd i get that nice dress and why is a cute girl like you at a bar all alone.
please... stop talking.

your hand is creeping up my thigh, and I'm too numb to stop you
the pills are kicking in and you are starting to look like him...
If i drink a little more maybe i can stomach going home with you and drowning my pain with lust.
but for the love of god, please stop talking.

he left three months ago, took his clothes and a toothbrush and headed out.
he kissed my cheek... he said he'd be on the next train home as soon as he could and left with no explanation.
he's married now.
his kids are cute.
he named one after me... which is disgusting and i wonder if his wife knows.

you are still there... wonderful.
i take one last swig of liquor and grab your hand; stumbling from the bar and slurring my words.
i laugh, because it's cute when girls laugh right?
you smile -- and i really can't tell are you ugly or not?
who ******* cares.

i'm typing in lowercase letters dreaming in capitals.
i'm going to go home with this man and pretend he's you.

cheers to drowning out the noise in lust and liquor.

It could have been lack of sleep or maybe just lack of something exciting in my life I am never really sure these days but I hate the sunset today.

And it could have just been boredom but I took pictures of the blue sky hoping to see shades of blue that reminded me of you.

As always I seem to write the same theme to all these poetically challenged poems... More like journal entries these days.

I have been drinking again and my words come out slurred like a car crash they pile up on one another with no mercy.

Your lack of grace, or charm for a better word, makes my stomach hurt... How can I love someone I hate so much and hate someone I can't love? Such young and naive thinking is all I do these days.

I wrote you a letter but it sounded so childish... It was as if I was begging you to want me. I don't beg.

And I'm not sure If I get enough sleep because I tried to call you using my toothbrush and I realized I hated the sunrise this morning on the way to work.

I swallowed my thoughts revenge like the ocean swallows the ship we sailed in on.
I kept the light on each night waiting for your warm embrace that never came.
I often found myself amused with the idea of you falling off the edge of the earth and I remembered the earth was round and was truly disappointed.
The stars never betray me, the speak riddles only the Milky Way would understand but she is asleep.
I turned the light off finally realizing I would never smell your salty skin again.
Selfishly I awoke early to catch a glimpse of the Sun as he rose high above the clouds waking the sleepy night.
And I selfishly realized I wasn't selfish at all just because you decided the open road was the way to go; honestly I couldn't blame you when all I ever told you was my plans of escape.
The stars never lie to me; the tell me exactly what I need to know.

If i could just tell you how much I hate you.
If I could tell you how much you make my life miserable.
If i could tell you what i really thought about you and your "rich" husband or you blonde hair blue eyes skinny girl looks.
If i could tell you how much i hate how you talk so fondly of yourself without realizing everyone ******* hates you.


**I would be fired.

There was a moment in between the fighting and the screaming when I remembered what passion we both held.
Stuck there silently breathing and staring at the wall wanting to cry and laugh at how this blew up so quickly.

There was a moment between the wanting to pack my **** and move away and you begging me to stay I remembered why I loved you.
Stuck there silently thinking if I could just get the words out maybe you'd let me go.. maybe you'd want me to stay more.

I was tired of feeling broken every other day while you continued to grow without me.
I was tired of the silence I left on my tongue when you told me I was utterly useless in this relationship.

So there was a moment there between the looks of sadness and pain where I saw a glimpse of what we used to hold before the regret and contempt.
Stuck there silently watching you run your hands through your hair.
Stuck there silently feeling tears fall down my face as I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

It was like strawberries and champagne.
It was like the taste of sugar when my lips pressed against yours.
It was like the rush of *******.

It was the morning air filled with regret and sorrow.
It was the way you touched me that made me heart race.
It was the look you gave me when you said you wouldn't be back tomorrow.

I like the games, they keep me on my toes.
but i hate the way my heart feels when we are done.
I like the games but they fill me with woes.

It was like strawberries and smoke.
It was the way you asked me my name when we first met.
It was the way i wished you'd just choke.

emotions are high.
I am high.
My life... is low.

Mondays belong to
Trash coffee
Work piled up
Windowless buildings

When they could belong to
Sleeping in
Coffee with you in the mountains
Art days and daydreaming

But I guess I have bills to pay.

I like to speak in riddles when you're around.
I like to bring you up just to pull you down.
I am afraid to commit to someone at the current moment.
But I'm even more afraid of letting this guy in when we just met.

I found love in the back of a pick up truck in a small country town.
He picked me up, tore my dress off, and laid me down.
He spoke in a pretty country accent and told me I was the best he ever seen.
I remember thinking learn to speak properly- but that would have been mean.

You left me running from town to town and bed to bed.
I can't let go of the awful things you once said.
I try to race time by running as far away as I can.
But all this running is leaving me cold and without a back up plan.

Follow me down the path straight to hell because we both know heaven wasn't made for us.
Follow me into first pits of doom where my heart and your heart wait to be shoved together once again due to misunderstanding.

I get the feeling of being ripped in half every time you say my name. My heart fills with blood just for me to watch it bleed out when you walk away.

When the moment passes and 6 months down the road you come back; please note: I'll be gone for good this time.
And when your heart starts to ache with past memories of us, or the right song starts to play at the right time; please note: I'll be gone forever this time around.

You're a ****.
You're dead skin.

Please note...don't ever ******* call me again.

Stop painting water color skies when you keep crying i told myself; these skies always keep me sane.

Sitting on a dirt road I found peace in the clouds above and the ground below. It could have been worse I kept telling myself.

Being alone takes it's toll but not being with you is a price I never knew I had to pay. I tell myself I would do it all over again but lately I doubt i would.

I kept the sparks from the flame we had hidden in my dresser drawers next to the lipstick you used to love when I wore it.

These clouds keep me calm while I know inside there is a storm brewing and I am not sure anymore if I can tame it the way I used to.

I know I can love again but the failure that lurks around the corner threatens me with every step forward. You'll never understand the fear I keep hidden inside.

Stop painting water color sunsets when years are raining down your face. It could be a lot worse I tell myself.

You came around like the wind; sort of unannounced and very cool.
You were smooth and walked with your eyes down and head up as if the world would part for you.
You talked with your hands and told me about bands I had never heard of before...
We smoked and drank cheap wine throughout the night as if nothing could stop us.
I was intrigued; you caught me off guard.
I like the way you smile like you have some great secret or brilliant plan you can't share with anyone.
When I was with you I felt invincible...
I felt calm and stress free...
I felt peaceful.
You listened to ****** indie bands and I liked pop punk.
You liked heartbroken girls & I had a thing for good looking boys who smelled good.
No one said we were a good match...
No one said this would work out...
But I sure like you.