Why do I have to long,
To find a place where I belong?

getting you was
a cup of tea
holding onto you,
misery for me.

when you imagined
I'd go down on my knee
my first instinct,
was just to flee.

oh, can it be?
your voice is calling me
will you finally
set my soul free?

those eyes
without a face,
your steps
will I trace?
time to
take off the mask,
ready to die?
you ask.

If they disappear,
before they reappear
would you have them?

Some days I write for you,
Some days for me
Some days with a hope,
My words reach out to those in need.

In a world full of locked doors,
You hold the key to mine.

How do you expect me to
hold on to you
when I keep running from myself,
every chance I get?

around the bends of my mind
lies some memories
of uninhibited realism
of high fidelity
to myself
in letting myself go
somewhat joyous
somewhat chaotic
somewhat musical
but just there
to feel and see things
for more than what they mean
through my own eyes
seems rather unusual
but I go back in time
take a deep-dive
to recapture these ephemeral bubbles
of blissful euphoria
as if singing
to my alter ego
'We can be heroes,
just for one day
We can be us,
just for one day!'

It's one of those nights,
When your mind can't stop its chatter
And even the whiskey tastes like water.

No matter how much I try,
I keep winding up at the same place
I keep trying to break out of my loop,
I want to learn the way life survives
By never staying the same.

if I could just
write
how I feel
would you still be here?

living in a way to
avoiding the word failure
in your epitaph,
for a foreseeable reward in heaven,
is like walking on eggshells
without ever breaking out of your own shell.

you were just having fun,
within a day your feelings were undone,
happiness is a warm gun.

Why do you even cry,
When your first instinct
is to simply lie.

If the spirit isn't broke,
Yet all your dreams are up in smoke,
Whose ego will you now stroke?
Was it always a joke?

For things that may come and go,
words will always be there to make you flow;
For though the words make things easier,
emotions are still on show.

Every step I take towards living,
I'm stepping away from my calling
I'm stepping everywhere
end up getting nowhere
in search of stepping stones,
to move up the ladder
without grasping the idea
that these stones,
in due time,
will be steps I climb
up the downstair.

Intoxicated,
With my ego inflated
Lights out, I'm faded.

My thoughts are clouded,
A blurry vision
What a lonely season.

I don't know why they say
"It's better to have loved and lost,
Than to have never loved at all."

All these emotions come at a cost,
The writing was always on the wall;
Long before I dropped the ball.

It was all more than I knew,
After all the chances I blew
I can't even remember to forget you.

Morning sun comes
Nowhere to hide with the lights around,
Always waiting for the night.

living by myself
gives me time to confess,
no more fooling around
my heart
once a training ground,
is now a fortress.

You're thick but you try,
Often the truth makes your blood thin
Stars die,
Like a whisper in the wind.

Portraits lying on the old shelf,
Reminds me of a time
I used to do a good impression
Of myself
They say people never change,
It's rather quite strange
That there's a world beyond that door
While I was stuck sleeping on the floor,
Trying to diverge the bold arrow of time
Is in itself a crime?
Things seem unreal
Like a one-hand clappin'
Things take time to heal,
Just let it happen.

I want to show you some beauty,
Before the damage is done.
Could be too big of an ask,
To give yourself away,
To this weight of love.

She watched a silhouette disappear
Beyond the cold misty mountain
There was no turning back for him.

Things that might be keeping me awake,
These tiring nights
Hypnotic dreams making connections,
Way beyond my comprehension.

Are they meant to keep you on your path?
Or grow out of it and fly above the clouds?
An illusion of control?
Or a way to fulfil your soul?

Perplexed at those vivid pictures,
Of places and people left behind
Maybe sometimes just stuck in your mind,
Turning me into a beast of burden.

Wake up from my somnambulism
To find me back in bed
With sunken eyes, holding my head
No meaning to this pretence.

A lullaby went wrong,
A state of trance
A voice inside my head,
Speaking to me like I still had a chance.

'I know you know your pain,
Here's a ticket to hop on that train
The path is treacherous with mist all around,
But have faith, you are heaven bound'

Till the morning comes and the sun is shining bright
Still ******* in my fictitious knots,
I wake up from the slumber
Realizing it's not up to me to join the dots.

Was never great at reading signs
Been living with these feelings somehow,
At the end of the tunnel, there's a light that shines
Time to face the music now.

Greatness isn't for those,
Who gets satisfied merely by seeing their old work
And think 'This is it!'
But instead for those who observe their own work,
And think 'I wonder how I can top this'.

I was stuck in a rut,
Not in a place I knew.
I had my heart shut,
Through and through.

Maybe I am following a light,
A junction from where I took right
Some days I'm just chasing a high,
Is it just some words arranged tight
Or is it chastising yourself through the night?
For when the sun is shining bright,
I love taking my emotions for a flight.
I'm not hunting for any limelight,
Nor do I have any foresight.
I'm just driving through the misery and the plight,
Knowing I will always stop at a red light
Like a deer in the headlights
I'm trying to be my self-guiding light,
Try as I might.

I knew that scars
Will never take me far,
But if I learn some way
To live with it
And heal somehow,
I could be my very own star.

Is it just another perspective?
Or is it a much broader lie?
Is it what makes you fly into the sky?
Or is it that something that helps you through the night?

Is it just an expression of thoughts?
Is it just some feelings that you bought?
For someone, from someone?
Or is it everything that you sought?

Is it like writing your life script?
Or yet another piece of paper that you ripped?
Is it just some words you could gather?
Or is it out there forever,
Once you pieced those words together?

Is it just a combination of phrases and words?
Or is it expounding on a fairy tale that you heard?
Is it just a mysterious experience?
Or is it something more serious?

Is it an escape from this cruel world?
Or is it a declaration of truth with a banner unfurled?
Is it like God speaking through you?
Or is it always within you?
Maybe in different forms and styles,
Something that makes you stop and stay awhile?

Is it a catharsis of a tragedy?
Or something to help you keep steady?
Is it ever hostile?
Or does it always makes you smile?

Two years ago, I was still in love.
I was trying to build a new home with someone, upon the clouds above.

Four years ago, I was leaving my home to head to a new city.
I was trying to make a name for me, in a place of immense complexity.  

Six years ago, I was turning eighteen.
I was trying to make big plans so that my mother is proud of her gene.

Eight years ago, I was still in high school.
I was trying to survive through it rather than looking cool.

Ten years ago, I was a completely different person altogether.
I was trying to build bonds and friendships that would last forever.

Now that ten years have passed, I still feel the same.
Time has gone past like a flash, but there is no one left to blame.

Piano keys are like humans,
Both black and white
Alone as notes,
Just producing sounds
But together as chords,
They produce symphonies.

If I could smoke away all the pain,
I'd never stop setting the fire.
Even if it'd wash away in the rain,
I'd never stop chasing my desire.

I'm trying to trick my brain to be happy
Although it is hard to face reality,
Carrying remorse and guilt from my past
It's stopping me in my tracks to run away fast,
But everyone is running away from their paths sought
The only question is for what?

I'm trying to lie down and take a break,
But there's always this urge to stay awake,
Just trying to give my heart a rest
From this unfair pain in my chest
Used to think I was clever
Are we going to do this dance forever?

I want to run the clock back to the good old days,
When I was carefree and outside the maze
Here I feel stuck with my feelings,
Does this prison have no ceiling?
Maybe the time I stop lying to myself,
Is when I finally start trying for myself.

The time when,
The self-belief system is down
And you are running on autopilot,
Is the time to start asking some real questions.

Those three words,
That you were so desperate to hear
And I was too afraid to speak,
Are now the difference
Between pleasure and pain
Between lightning and rain
Between effortless and strain
Between pride and shame.

Flying into a sea of clouds,
Makes me realise, as I look down
Upon how small the world is
And how I'm big enough to influence things,
To take charge
Hardly seems true in life.

Maybe I'm missing the patience required,
To make it large
Like the sun, I must rise everyday
Especially after the darkest nights
Radiating rays of hope and peace to everyone around.

It's a feeling of control
Over my life, over my flight
As I leave the runway
To take the jump,
Away from all that I despise
Hope I don't crack under the pressure
To live a happy life
And fly away into the clouds,
Where I will thrive.