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5d · 99
Self worth
People don't have a clue,
But the fact is indeed true
Your self worth is always in your hand,
Only you can make your life grand
The admiration of others
Has no strength,
But this world is crazy
For people go to an extreme length
Just to grab some eyeballs
Might not turn out to be the best idea
In the long haul
What we need is passion,
What we crave is attention
Don't tell me not to be myself,
Otherwise this whole life
Will be one long detention.
Learning to be yourself and evaluating your worth through you and not others.
6d · 87
The Book
Where is this life headed?
I feel like I'm in the middle of the sea
Trying to find a shore,
Realizing there has to be something more
To this rather daft existence
Trying to find the meaning of your origin,
Feels nothing more than a burden
I'd rather live a little,
For dreams that often seem brittle
All these empty pages in my book
Waiting to be scribbled down
With stories galore
Maybe what I need to work on
Is an index for the book,
So I can head towards
where I want to look.
Fate can decide, I can ignore.
The never-ending urge to control where you are going rather than letting destiny make that decision for you.
Jul 17 · 212
Not looking back
To what you had become,
Because you were always busy
Fending for yourself.
Waiting desperately
To close the chapter,
That had you
Forgetting yourself.
Jul 16 · 187
Misty Mountain Top
The unparalleled serenity
Of a misty mountain top,
That made me stop
Right in my tracks
As I was rambling on,
With a haze of clouds surrounding
I gazed at the top.
The winds of surrender
The sounds of thunder
Had me shook
Before that first breath
That I took
With surreal beauty in front,
Of which I was always in the hunt
The desolate hilltop,
Is where I wanted to start a bonfire
The exquisite brisk of solitude
Was rather great to set the mood
Nature is very welcoming, I pondered
That is when it hit me
We are all connected,
Through some invisible wire.
We fail to see that,
Because we are all prisoners of our desires.
What a perfect recluse
to try and find my muse.
Natural intervention in life is essential, especially when you love exploring the mountains.  It's about finding yourself amidst the mountains.
Jul 12 · 133
Cyclic destiny
The cycle of life seems never-ending,
Is it just a matter of life and death?
Or is it much beyond that?
Things that often seem out of control,
With you playing just like a pawn in the game.
All you can focus on is your actions,
And nothing else.
You can let your actions define your destiny,
even though it might not turn out to be that easy.
The more you try to control it,
The more it seems far away.
To die freely, you must live within means
Although we have different perceptions of the word,
The feeling seems deserted.
There is freedom in solitude,
People move away with eyes averted.
A free bird but with weighted consequences of his actions. No decision goes unaffected. Karmic destiny awaits.
Jul 8 · 127
A fresh start
The hurt was real, the pain was unsettling
I was looking for a fresh start
I knew I had to move on
With those broken pieces of my heart.
Jul 6 · 99
Twist of fate
You can either be
Face to face with your fate,
Or simply an observer
When the time slips from your hands.
It's about who you were supposed to be
versus who you are right now.
Timings matter,
But the time gone by is something I regret.
What was meant to be and what it really is.
Jul 3 · 596
Chasing clarity but seeking suspense
Chasing love but seeking defence
Chasing freedom but seeking pretence
Chasing life but seeking a fire from incense.
The ever-conflicting needs of heart and mind.
In the words of The Rolling Stones, 'you can't always get what you want'.
Jun 30 · 151
Without the vision, people are rarely reminiscent
Of what they have been looking for,
And fall into a deep torpor.
Maybe it's this slumber that makes them realize,
All that they wanted to be was right there
In front of their own eyes.
With such strong desires held in her soul,
A fire was ignited in her heart
A rustling of leaves somewhere in the woods,
Where she sat somewhere along the brook
Pondering to herself,
Is happiness all I seek?
Or maybe it is just one of life's very old tricks
And it reeks.
With such a heavy heart
She walks alone into the woods,
Contemplating whether life is something
She ever understood.
Jun 29 · 101
I often have a dream,
About this feeling
It is an escape,
This love.

I don't know where I am
So I thought of holding her hand
And taking her along
On a journey with no sure destination.

Sometimes I'm stuck
listening to the background noise,
I'm fading out into the unknown.
This seemingly perpetual dip in time
Makes me come back to life.

Realising a purpose
Now that I have her,
It is time to make our journey
Conflate and intertwine
Like Adam and Eve
Exiled from the garden of Eden
Seeking salvation together for eternity.

It is time to put an end to this pretend
Even if this union is treason,
For the summers are always slipping away
But the show must go on
We can escape together now,
Without having to give any reason.
Love is an escape, even when considered unholy or sin, is still pure. Escaping together, breaking the shackles of society and acceptance, towards another reality to fulfil the potential of the union.
Jun 26 · 391
Growing up
The meaning of growing up,
Perhaps lost in translation
I never realized what it meant,
To lose your innocence
And the feeling of playing catch up,
When the train had left the station.
Jun 24 · 165
The rain often makes me wonder,
Whether it is time to just surrender
The essence of what I thought was relevant,
Slowly turning into a blunder.
Where is the inspiration you need for the perseverance you want to breed?
Jun 24 · 150
What a time to be alive,
Where words have no value
It is easier to understand animals than people,
Where people love in a cryptic language
only they understand,
Where being one to being apart
Takes just about a weekend,
Where the world is in political chaos
Capitalism is still at the top,
Religion and race still matter,
As if we got stuck in the same history chapter.
Where people don't say what they feel
But often feel what they say
Their voice lacking a clear purpose,
With thoughts running all over the place.
Empathy is a thing of the past it seems,
With nobody to hold your hand when you fall
But pretending they are in it for the long hall.

Are you a stoic? Is it keeping you at bay?
It seldom works as emotions always get in your way,
Times are trying, they are uncertain
Today every misdemeanour is costly,
Every mistake is sinful,
Times when silence is as good as violence.
Where people are seeking therapy but no one wants
To work towards finding happiness,
Where everyone wants to talk but,
With no one to listen
It sparks fear to even think about
bringing a child into this world.
Has the world gone far into the deep end?
Do you still want to pretend,
Like nothing has happened
And we are still the same?
Or do you want to take a stand
To make things better?
Rise from the ashes to save the world
Maybe it can't be saved,
Maybe this is it - the dystopia
Maybe we are just brave,
To even hold this thought of a change!
Jun 18 · 183
Another adventure awaits,
On the crisp of your mortality
One last leap of faith,
To set the record straight
Was it worth the wait?
To alter the course of a life
Based on ecstatic escapades of thrill;
A high flying free bird.

For now, the time has come
To lay low for a while
Always knowing deep in your heart
You are way too tired to go on,
That you are counting down the moments
Before you trade,
A short life for a sure life.
Jun 17 · 184
Being a part of someone's journey through life
Feels rather strange when those times change,
Memories fade
On this road of life, you used to drive
All by yourself
Always feeling alive
Having a good time
You now sense the impending doom
Of sharing room
With that someone
Sharing this space in life
You wake up relinquishing control over your own
Pondering if that person was somebody you had known,
Realizing they are not the one you'd what them to be
Now those pangs of solitude
They come and go like clouds in a windy sky,
With a mixture of contentment and relief
I sigh!
Now understanding that I alone can be,
The sailor of my ship in the sea.
From feeling like having somebody to needing somebody, only to end up needing yourself.
Jun 15 · 289
Trying to stay off the dark side,
Always knowing the dark inside me
Ain't no rainbow in my heart,
Cold snow everywhere I see.
Jun 14 · 141
Fragile, as all things of value are, defines life
Small little things, we often overlook
Forgetting the context, we often realise
What makes up our existence?
Are we always chasing the unknown?
Swimming in a sea of feelings, trying to find the shore.

Trying to process these feelings
It never seems easy
What matters, in the end, is the conquest
Your name in a victory,
To help take meaning away
From all the wrong things you've done
Why do we even need anything
To feel satisfactory?

A sense of pressure puts us down,
Bringing upon a frown
On our fragile little faces
I thought I could be happy forever,
Rather than caring about expectations
Moving on rather than switching off
The past seems like yesterday
Hoping that this evasion from myself,
Will, in one way or other, finally pay off.
Jun 11 · 284
Trying so hard,
Nothing to see
But my own heart,
Maybe at peace
As it once was,
It now lies awake,
Waiting for an end
To this longing
My eyes,
Don't give any answers
To your questions of belonging
Where are we?
Am I with you?
Only if I knew,
I'd tell you too!
Jun 7 · 127
The Journey
Trying to learn, while I learn to fail
Not to be fixated now that I have set the sail
Towards a wiser me, maybe a brighter me
Decided to travel through the travesties,
Only to enlighten me.  

All I was hoping for was an illusion,
Was it an illusion of my creation?
Maybe nothing but just a delusion,
Maybe I'll get through it, hoping for an end
Never realized how I was missing the point,
When I let my laughter suspend.

They say it is all about the journey and not the destination,
I always figured they didn't understand my situation
What's the worse that can happen, they ask
Well, I may come short of the handed task.

Is it all in the process, I wonder
Is pondering about the end game always a blunder
Weren't we all meant to get somewhere, achieve our goals?
Or are we always trying to fill a hole,
A hole without which we can't be whole,
A part of us, this hole so wide,
It can make you do the unthinkable,
A hole of the unknown in our very own little fable.

I'm always at war to figure out the answer,
Maybe the quest in itself is a paradox,
Maybe I'd be better off figuring out the way
To love the journey and finally think outside the box.

The answer had always been in front of my eyes,
I couldn't unwrap myself from all the lies
The untold truth of what we were supposed to be,
Not finding the hidden treasure but being the voyagers of the sea,
For the treasure is what you see,
When you become better than what you were meant to be.

Just a little older, just a little wiser
Now understanding that I was always a miser
Holding onto my darkness and never letting go,
Now I'm making memories that I can never blow.

The destination had always been on my mind,
Always right in front of my eyes,
I was clouded, I was stranded
The rewards always seemed nice
But walking when I was supposed to run
Made me comprehend that the journey is what is fun!
Jun 5 · 84
I was under the spell,
The spell of love,
Forgot how much I had bled
In churning out a new me for you,
How often do you get your wishes fulfilled
from up above?
I thought I was happy,
Now I often repent the path that I had tread.
Jun 3 · 94
Doing what you're supposed to,
Is a mixed feeling in itself,
Trying to chase something better,
While I sit at a place
And appreciate the clutter.
May 30 · 150
Life, as we understand it, could just be another one of our fickle imaginations
Every day is a new fantasy
We are running around in circles concentric;
Making us feel vulnerable and asking ourselves whether we are eccentric
With each passing experience, we make the circles grow bigger,
But are we growing, who's to know?
Maybe we are and who's to blame us,
After all, life is all about trying to be a better part of our selves
At the core of these circles, we lie and we never try to forget
Who we were during the part of the whole process.

Even if we did figure it all out, who we were supposed to be;
Never fearing about the fall-out and remembering our need to be free,
Even if we did stutter to make the best of it,
Did we ever try to feel like a complete part of it?

Who are you chasing?
Is it a part of you that you left behind or just another one of your own created versions?
At the centre of it all, we're still the same person
Who we were and we never tried to escape it, all we did was just reshape it.

We're running in tails of who we wanted to be
Never realizing how much we want to be the one we were supposed to be
But who are we supposed to be?
What's the cost of happiness we ask,
Is it drowning into your problems or giving life a way to seep through you?

Every tangent is different, every experience will take you away from your circle,
to make you feel something more
But that might not be the only way to grow, but it surely will be the right one
They say 'go with the flow' without ever telling the real truth,
Go with the flow as long as you don't crash and burn.

Chaos is everywhere, within you and without you
In chaos there's meaning, there's truth
It's inevitable but so are you
Each chaos is your tangent, maybe the aftermath is not the complete you,
It won't matter though as long as you take the exit
And get back to where you were before.

At the end when the dust settles, you're still your self
Your version who thought he was better than your previous self,
It was harmonious knowing what you know now
Even if you found yourself and how,
Knowing you'll never go back to being the same person you were,
before life consumed you and you became the paranoia that only you know.

You are still the centre of your creations,
Raking chaos in your way of finding a meaning.
Trying not to lose yourself along the way,
Before you fade away.
May 27 · 201
Feels like the days are flowing by,
While I lay here, restless
Unaware of my becoming
Like an unusual goodbye.
May 27 · 394
You don't have to go
But if you must,
Escape to a place
Where the cold winds blow,
A place of starry nights
And even better snow.
May 26 · 92
Reality is jaded
Reality is jaded, memories are faded
The end of a long hedonistic night comes down to the same old plight
Reminiscent of the old days when you never knew you had enough to go on,
In the end, you always got more than what you thought
Is it the freedom that you're after? or is it the one that's chasing you?
Are you trying to create a story for yourself?
Or just being a part of one makes you feel complete?
Maybe you've always given your best, maybe all you need is some rest
Some shut-eye to take a temporary pause in a life that never stops
Will you ever get there or is it just a waste of time?
Will your passion be the wildfire you crave or will it put you in your grave?

There's no end to this pretend, maybe this is the wrong intent
Project what you are, there's no reason to be scared
Madness is the only reality and reality is the only madness
You thought life was a gravy train and you arrive late to the station
But believe that this struggle is your only salvation

Now that you try to fight it, try to snap out of it, it seems harder than usual
This encounter with your past self might not seem so casual
Maybe it has some significance
Or is there another meaning to life?
Well, if at the end of the tunnel you see the meaning
Will you chase it or would you want to transcend the feeling?
Because maybe if you already found the meaning, your life would lose it.
May 18 · 275
Been running silent,
Silent but deep
Into the wondering night
All of that seemed so bright
Once upon a time
Holding your hand in a place
Of serenity and peace
With blinding passion and love,
I was always at ease
With the moon glancing at your face
The trembles of leaves, the luscious forest
Reminding me of the times
when we had it all but eventually spent
In rather the discussions of the dichotomy
Of what it meant to lose ourselves in each other's minds
And still be able to think
About all the moments when time stood still
You were always there to connect
I was maybe lost within
This journey of memory I had withheld
My mind still plays these tricks
As I fade out to the thoughts
Where am I standing?
With you by a silent creek.
Playing with those pebbles
Now they just seem like stones
Of cold and heartache, the pain had left me afloat
These feelings never let me sleep,
never let me sink to the bottom
The depth of our purpose was something I could never fathom
There were times when the sky looked so bright,
now just seems like a clutter of unwavering clouds
All the things you used to say,
All the things left unsaid
Now feels like an ephemeral mirage
Maybe if I could still see the pain
I would reach out to you,
Little did I know we were so close
Yet in desperate need of repair
Despondent and despair as I feel right now
I always believed,
we could survive the crushing burden somehow
Of how we wanted to feel each other
And wished each other to just be
Being yourself with someone else
Didn't seem like a challenge before
Little did I know
I was waiting for a hail mary
Before the perpetual snow
I can still see so vividly
How your lips were always so tender
Never leaving a chance
For me to do nothing but surrender
I tried to change but that rarely works,
For you have to see yourself in the mirror first
Before you make the eventual jump
My ears could recognise you from your soul-soothing voice
Is all a distant memory now, a cacophony in disguise
Held pictures of you in my heart,
Trying to take them all down now
For it had to be done,
Otherwise, I might again sway
Your eyes did have that shine
For me to slip away
I wish time was kinder
So you to still be here
For I didn't just lose you
But also a part of me
That had to be buried deep inside now
Maybe I needed help to recover little parts of me somehow
Maybe some parts were still left unscathed
Hoping for your eventual return, my mind played another one of its tricks
Only time will tell
If I do get up or just sit there and dwell
Even if I wanted to,
I got no control over time,
All I know for a fact is,
Only this time I couldn't make you mine
Our story did always feel like a book,
A book with no ending
With its ups and downs
A terrifying thriller
At the end of each preceding chapter
I should rather stop and run away
Before I turn over to the last ones
Who am I kidding?
Things don't just seem to change
I was a leaf caught in a blizzard,
Waiting for the eventual rain
Hoping to rise from the ashes
Of the toxic smoke
Wishing for a return to normalcy
From the tragic crisis that this seems
A remedy for solicitude
Is to maybe replace it with solitude
At the end of it all though,
I'm just hoping for a glimmer of hope...
May 13 · 127
Holding on
A test, another thing to best
A new you for another day
Sometimes you can't survive the burden
That lay on top of you,
Your shoulders were never weak
Until you saw the path that lay ahead
The mystery of life brings you down
How does someone stay content in the midst of such chaos?
Building yourself up every day
Only to be broken down again
Overcoming your shallow misdemeanours
One day at a time
If there's no bliss at the end, is it even worth it?
How hard must one grovel?
Maybe you've never seen the real thing
Or maybe this is that path you were too afraid to travel
If overcoming is the end result, why must I even bother?
Maybe all I want
Is to persevere,
But towards a tangential goal
The sight of which still seems near
It is too much, I often lose my self
In trying to build houses
Over the grounds of disdain and despair
Maybe all I want
Is to be happy right now
Not thinking too much
About the load that I have to carry
On the road with my dusty soul
I often wonder about could have been
Had I been normal
Not letting my mind into overdrive
Running wild with thoughts asynchronous
Maybe then I could have finally put on a savoury smile
Can't always be proving myself,
I should instead focus on growing myself
To deal with things I've never dealt with before
Tackle all of the unknowns
Trying to hold on to my peace of mind
Never letting go of the grind
What if I lose myself in the process?
What has been the purpose of all this struggle?
Isn't it to find solace in all things uncertain?
Or just make peace with what you had always known
Still not fit for the task, I have got to grow
I have got to rise up, be mature
Get real about the situation
Can't escape anymore
Is it a stronger sense of urgency
Or a deeper sense of complacency
That keeps you dwelling
Upon how things will eventually turn out
Maybe you've always known
Even with the work, you'll probably still end up ashore
In a sea of ghosts
Never once been able to set sail for the treasure island
Don't let the end result bother you, they say
Well, that's the novel approach
You've always been told to stay awake
Never resting, never sleeping
For you might miss your chance
With your ever fading vision
It's getting rather harder to hang on
To the thought of you ever climbing up the skies
Bringing upon a tear down your eye
Regardless, the wheels of change are in motion
You have to play your part,
Even if you feel like a deserted hut on a mountain hill
Like a cactus plant on a long country road
It feels like the strangest thing,
But now you have a deeper understanding
You have to put it all on the line again
Let your purpose be all-consuming
For this time if you fall short,
You fail with a purpose
Of trying to never let go of it
For now, you are closer than where you were before
If I let my sins do the talking,
You'll only hear them say
Pleasure is all you were seeking
Pain is what lead you to stay
Knowing this story of right and wrong,
Of pleasure and pain, of black and white,
Has got no end
Things so often knock you off your spirits
Bring you down
For it was never binary,
But rather multifaceted
It was all the colours that you had found
Maybe that's the only lesson here
Altering your thought process
To walk with different shoes at different times
Always staying on top of each phase
Winning is rather inconsequential now
In the longer run,
you'd have enjoyed your date with destiny
With all its ups and downs
All the times you'd have previously frowned
Now you'll smile in the same place
For now, you learnt how to let go
Of that two-faced coin
Holding on to the idea that experiencing a multitude of emotions
Is still a better result than waiting for the ultimate win
Feeling all the colours of the rainbow after a heavy rain
May 8 · 566
The clouds are especially hazy tonight
Maybe they are putting up a fight,
With the moon and the stars
While I am just sitting here by the river
Gazing at my phone, getting no network bars

Just like the river, in life, there is an ebb and flow
That is the only way I know how to grow
To a newer version of myself,
Fading out of somebody I used to know.
May 6 · 303
A new world
A new world awaits
While you sit here
Trying to pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
Collecting the pieces that once were
A whole part of you
Seems like a never-ending journey
To push yourself through
The trembles of your voice
Now all feel like a cacophony
Hoping to strike
Yet another one of that epiphany
That put you to sleep
For days on end
You used to weep
Of times unknown
Of times gone
When you let things slide
Instead of taking control
Times that once seemed a bliss
Ever so wonderful
Ever so full
Happy with what you got
Rather than pondering
About what you deserved
All seems lost
You're clinging to the last breath
The last ray of sunshine
Seeping through the window
Of your soul
Feeling of love
Perpetually evading you
The pain is real
Something you can't control
For once you realize
All is not gone
All is not lost
Trying to think of better times
That will come to you
Love and hate
Being equal parts of you
Not letting emotions drive you
Relinquishing all that you held close
Building yourself up
Fixing your flaws
Moving on
To another version of you
Is it possible to connect again?
Is it feasible to love again?
Never seeking external validation
Your self worth at stake
That got shook
With every passing mistake that you ever made
A gun to your head
You feel like running ahead
But you stop
Knowing you can't run forever
The time's up
You better man up instead
You've got blood on your hands
Your death, your demise
Grief finds a home in your heart
Makes it hard to just restart
Sometimes you just don't
Want to fight anymore
Stick to what you know
Before this chance also blows
The sun is drowning
The night has come
Waiting for a new sun
To put an end to your run
Finding glimpses of happiness
Through the fierce rain
For a new world
That's calling out your name
May 5 · 210
Time, an ever flickering flame
Makes you wonder where you stand,
If there was any other way around
To control it, mend it, change it
So that it won't rebound
The vibrations of time make you astound
It hasn't been kind, you say
Another minute, an hour, a day, an year you thought was there to stay
You didn't know when it flew by
I guess we'll wait for some time until this storm subsides...

Are we all meant to walk a path or should we strive for changing it?
And in turn, changing ourselves, with this passage of time
Pondering about the past and future from where you stand is itself a crime
So are we the criminals or were we robbed of time?

A moment of pleasure, a moment of pain
Ever wondered what's the last stop for this train?
Dust of the future, landing upon us today
The chaos and havoc of the present making your plans sway
Is it time for a change?
Is there any other way around it?

Time, for ever-flickering, is also ever-changing
Changes for the good and the bad
There's no hiding, but maybe we're on track
To drive the winds of change
By embracing them ourselves from the inside
Devoting it towards self-growth and development
Maybe we'll mentally hold on to that idea while letting destiny drive us
Towards a brighter future or a bitter end.

Move on, all alone, if you have to
There's all too much of this agony
The world is suffering but what's there left for you
Let that drive you towards creating a difference
And march closer towards your victory...

As I climb, as I rise high looking down upon the vibrant haze
I'm preparing myself for the next phase...

— The End —