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a distant thought of
an intimate dream where
my life depended on me
putting emotions into words
writing something
that makes me think
of myself as a decent and productive
human being
somewhere in the herd,
trying to raise the bar
of  critical thinking
in a thoughtless world
it wasn't so mechanical
so I would be on autopilot
but rather its a journey
a transformation,
always growing
perplexed yet again
at that thought of being
satisfied and optimistic,
looking into the mirror
vacillating as always
who am I today?
what will I get done?
being involved in another
facade or just flow
like water
lacking pretence,
waiting to be profound
over the baggage of rebound
longing both to be
known and hidden,
letting the significant moments
of my life
pass in little incidents
will I take these words
and dive in deep?
or simply give up
and go to sleep?
What if I had to write for my survival?
Will I survive?
May 27 · 174
there's a fight
but also
within me
who will win today?
will I be cheerful or despondent,
hopeful or sans it,
I just wish to
win over yesterday
for it is
my enemy.
we go on,
May 5 · 300
I feel like an open book
not just some words on paper,
with still some story to tell
trying to mean something greater.
perpetually surrounded by stories but finding one for yourself is almost like a needle in a haystack!
Apr 29 · 253
The First Kiss
the feeling forward
instead of backward
for a change,
triggering my body
into whole new
as if I never had
any urges before
this time,
when our lips met
it killed
the innocence
of crawling
before running,
which my heart was,
faster with every passing moment
like a drunken semaphore
of hormones raging
inside and out,
the brevity of time
and of life
clearly out of the window,
for when we collide
to come together
instead of falling apart,
like this poem
not a reckless serenade,
then it hit me
a moment lost in creating one
when she fixes me,
would be a pity
to know we can't
go back.
Apr 29 · 668
Liqourin' Down
my thoughts,
for some
that can't be
The paradox of alcohol: it does help with erasing bad memories and creating equally memorable ones.
Apr 17 · 176
yet another quiet reverie
precursor for a life forgotten
snatched away like the dreams I never had
of lush green valleys around the mansions,
fancying a meal of venison
in a clandestine shade of night
sparkling wine was a flavour of few,
lying awake at night
with a lover by my side

raucous laughter coming from all around
kind behaviour of the family makes you astound,
as a whole rather than a half
all together cherishing your art

lives were made and ruined in the night,
take it from an artist for losing everything in sight

a kleptomaniac of not just thoughts but words to boot,
fishing for inspiration while straightening my suit

scrambling for meaning even in the delusions,
living in denial rather than waking up from illusions.
Maybe in my dreams, I'm an artist.
Apr 16 · 239
Save Me A Trip
I just wanna talk
maybe about something real,
like emotions or feelings
but I'm often recommended to take a walk,
Oh how I struggle to overcome
all of that from which I'm trying to heal
why do people get stuck up with the news,
movies or tv shows they binge?
often seems irrelevant
and makes me cringe,
I wish for someone or something
to give me clarity
or If I'm being honest
just save me a trip to therapy,
I'm in the middle of a meltdown
all I wanna do is be free
Imagine if happy thoughts would sell,
what a world this would be
I wish for poetry to flow through me
but only when I'm high,
I hope the words will get to me
but I already know it's a lie.
Sometimes I just wanna
I don't know,
just sleep it off
for a month or so.
Apr 12 · 164
Talkin' Fingers
sometimes my nimble fingers
slide across these coarse pages
subconsciously but smoothly
as if having a conversation,
filling these blank pages
with ghost stories
collected from the sages
of past ages unknown,
almost flirting with my sanity
running off on their own
like a free bird
talking to me
'Hey, are you reading this?
Look, I'm writing poetry!'.
Runaway fingers over runaway hearts...
Apr 11 · 803
Sondering Around
Our complexity is what we think
separates us from everyone else,
our vivid dreams seem so different
yet ultimately meant to collapse into one.
Random thoughts for a crowd-less world.
Apr 9 · 198
Would You Pray?
I don't know if I've seen a lot
But seems that I've seen enough,
It's hard to find good people
As hard it is to find good love.

Maybe the world's crashing,
Hence everyone seems cruel
The world is ending,
And everyone's fighting their own duel.

It's hard to trust people,
But much harder is to trust yourself
Maybe there is a way out of this,
Where I don't end up by myself.

I've been carrying this load,
On what was once my light shoulders,
They just seem rugged now,
That the world has turned colder.

Once a virtue of kindness
Spread like a wildfire in my heart,
Tried to be kind once,
But the world tore me apart.

What did I learn so far?
In life, there are no two ways,
There is only one
Would you believe in God if I asked you to pray?

Pray for your soul,
Pray for your temptations,
Pray for all those souls
That desperately seek salvation.
Strange times but stranger human behaviour.
Apr 4 · 329
Lights and all the shades
That its shapes throw,
Etched along the path of its travel
Are the moments it creates
Where we're wasting away
The time of our lives
In the hope that a beam
Will wash it all away,
Give us the enlightenment
For which we all pray
Let the wave of brightness
Pass through the keyhole
Of this dark room of life,
Make you look impeccable
While in reality
You're only
Dusting yourself off,
Picking up the pieces left over
In the wake of destruction
Caused by your own self,
The smile is unreal,
Not fake
You still carry hope
In the middle of all the cries
Some days you fall,
Other days you shall rise.
You can't run from the mountain,
If you want to drink from the fountain.
Apr 1 · 473
my dreams
being blown away
up in smoke,
just trying to get
some feelings stirred,
but my heart looks away
without staying broke.
Still, I ramble on...
Mar 15 · 490
At last, a light from the moon
In this gloomy night
Could be my last ray of hope,
Or just the ultimate boon.
Maybe we'll dance
under the moonlight again,
if we ever get the chance.
Feb 16 · 95
waking up again,
for a ray of hope
or maybe because you are broke.

escaping the darkness,
for finding a light
or maybe enjoy a forgotten delight.

selling your soul,
for a piece of trash
or maybe just some extra cash.

playing with feelings,
for when you're bored
or maybe until you find the cure.

finding your place,
for a purpose you see
or maybe something that could make you free.

visiting your friend,
for justifying a means to an end
or maybe to pretend.

winding it down,
for finding some sleep
or maybe waiting for tomorrow's leap.

breaking the loop,
for some living
or maybe just being forgiving.
The state of what we call living now. I'm not worried, are you?
Feb 5 · 266
Do the seasons change
so that I don't have to?
People come and go,
sometimes for a reason
sometimes just for a season,
I'm here till I can be.
Feb 5 · 323
As I Am
To be here as I am
I had to be there as I was
a perpetual dreamer
sometimes a singer,
but often a screamer
my ever-fleeting memory
of past life
feels like pollen in the beehive,
was I always the same
or just another empty name?
maybe asking questions
just made me mad,
as there were
days I've been sad
days I've been glad,
living was always the grey area
between good and bad.
Jan 30 · 373
The Past
it keeps me awake at night,
I try to escape but it holds me back
for all the things said and done,
I thought I could so easily run
away from it all,
but life holds you accountable
and I take full responsibility,
but it gets tiring
maybe I want to be happy
just for one day,
without having to think about
what ghost of my past
may show up tomorrow to play
for even though the days,
they come and go
as they please
without me in control,
what won't I give
to trade the dusky nightfall of yesterday
for the crack of dawn tomorrow
with that in my mind,
I try to live and grow
and I still cast a shadow,
that I may never outgrow
yet there is a light,
at the end of the tunnel
and I aspire to reach there someday,
for it may take away all the pain
and shine on like a crazy diamond.
There is a calming essence in letting go of your past, but it sometimes takes all fibre of your being and every once of your strength.

Listening to The Dark Side of the Moon again after ages.
Jan 15 · 204
Et tu, Brutus?
I don't have
great inspiration,
very often,
to write
but when I do,
the site stops working.
Why do you do this HP?
Jan 13 · 172
Lone Wolf
A wolf in the jungle
Leaving my pack far behind,
I was howling for you.
Jan 8 · 372
She's Always Seeking
without a vision
people are rarely reminiscent,
of what they have been seeking
and fall into a deep torpor
maybe its this slumber
that makes them realize,
all they wanted was right there
in front of their eyes.

there was a girl, brave and bold
carried in her heart, a potful of gold
searching everywhere, knowing nowhere
where she would get her answer.

with such strong desires held in her soul,
a fire ignited in her heart
as she wandered into the dark,
the rustling of a brook, somewhere in the woods
where she would often sit by and ponder
'Is happiness all I seek?
or is it just one of life's very old tricks
and maybe it reeks?'

with such a heavy heart
she walks alone into the woods,
contemplating whether life is something
that she never really understood.
I seek for her as she seeks the answers.
Jan 5 · 339
Starting Over
stuck in an abyss,
staring down into nothingness
as if it will shine a light,
when you least expect it
lost myself in a manner
it was hard to recover,
with the missing pieces
still at large
but can't give it up,
not yet
I have a long way to go
before I eventually blow
looking for some sunshine
after this punishing snow,
clear as a crystal
while my husky's fur bristle
getting a cup of coffee to go,
its high time for me to grow
more than I ever know,
I feel it is harder
to pull yourself
out of the funk
when you have been down and out,
there is that element of doubt
hindering your next move,
to get out of the abyss
and find yourself in a place
surrounded by love and hope
sometimes even your heart can't cope
simply because it ain't used to it,
but this time I shall submit
to a higher belief
that everything is gonna be alright
give my future self a chance,
a chance at redemption
to take responsibility
for myself
and those around me,
a chance to start over
and rise again.
One from the archives.
Dec 2020 · 445
Pipe Dream
a man's word
is all he has,
a poet's word
may just be
a pipe dream.
words are all I got
to give these dreams
some meaning.
Dec 2020 · 222
I thought
we were once
so close,
knit together
close enough
to know
what's it like,
to be ghost
to each other,
yet wandering
out into our
own colourful
way of life,
just that
we are
colours now.
colours change,
seasons change,
people change,
yet I
remain the same.
Dec 2020 · 1.2k
Living With Myself
I never wanted
to be
what you
turned me into,
but I will
live with it,
for I
don't know
how else to live
with myself.
Dying feels easy, it's the living which is the hard part.
Dec 2020 · 173
I don't need you
to question
my decisions,
as I do that
well myself,
a plethora of voices
to account for
no reaction,
maybe one
sanguine voice
will rise,
to drive a change
and take me away
from a desolate
morbid graveyard
to yet deserted
but pristine meadows,
with nothing but
a hope
to grow
rather than
just fade away,
and maybe
that is just enough.
The seed of all this indecision isn't me, I'm perfectly capable of making alright decisions.
Well, maybe not that often.  
But at least I'm in control.
Dec 2020 · 347
The Laundromat
maybe I saw her
at the laundromat
and just missed her,
I was looking for a change,
while she walked
Now my life remains the same.

A cruel penny for my thoughts indeed.
Dec 2020 · 140
Living & Learning
please don't make me
another person you shove,
just let me be free,
out here learning to love.
Love isn't one of the most important lessons in life,
it is the trying
and starting back again.
Dec 2020 · 363
my frantic anxiety used to wait for you,
now it just waits for a notification.
****, these notifications can **** you, in many ways.
Dec 2020 · 289
seeing things I don't know,
learning things I won't remember
another year with nothing to show,
sitting through a bitter December.
Ah, it is that time of the year again. A flashback of all that was said and done, this one has been different in so many ways.
Dec 2020 · 319
Fear of a Blank Planet
another nihilistic overture,
for the impending hedonism
a callous cacophony
looks to be rather innocuous,
a brazen haze
of a lifestyle,
every night
a bohemian escapade,
thought we came far away
past life abandoned
that felt austere
yet salubrious,
this air reeks of dystopia
such a rootless feeling
keeps me riding
the nomadic hound,
a desolate heart
in a victorian home,
all around I see
empty eyes
and wretched souls,
need a shining light
for the start of something beautiful,
before the world crumbles down
fueled by fattening greed,
trees fall to the hatchet
realizing a dismal trepidation,
the fear of a blank planet.
What are you doing to save the world?
Do you even go out of your own bubble to see the world?
Do you even see the irony of the last question?
Dec 2020 · 247
Undying Love
does love breeds death
as much as death breeds love?
Here's to hoping I love till the end, one way or another.

Sometimes we're as close to the living as we are to the dead.
That is love.
Dec 2020 · 488
already running in circles,
still care about drawing lines.
Maybe humans found a way out of their humdrum existence through the division of anything and everything.
But that's not even the worst part.
Unfortunately, it seems that humans never learn and the loop goes on.
Dec 2020 · 356
Why do I have to long,
To find a place where I belong?
Just trying to find a place,
to rest this nomadic soul
a place to stay,
without a hole.
Dec 2020 · 622
It's Uncertain
getting you was
a cup of tea
holding onto you,
misery for me.

when you imagined
I'd go down on my knee
my first instinct,
was just to flee.

oh, can it be?
your voice is calling me
will you finally
set my soul free?
It's just your voices against mine.
Dec 2020 · 260
Pandemic Love
those eyes
without a face,
your steps
will I trace?
time to
take off the mask,
ready to die?
you ask.
A rendition of Romeo & Juliet, during the pandemic.
Dec 2020 · 337
Art is Home/Home is Art
art, in any form,
helps deal with what is real,
an escape to a euphoric place
a way out of the sacrilege
that we now call living.

words can't often do justice
to such a beautiful place,
for even the love songs fail
whenever we embrace.

maybe the world is darker now
than it used to before,
maybe we have now raised our voices
to speak up,
our beliefs and fears
all out there
in the open now.

the world was as pure as the canvas before,
now that we are painting it
without ever knowing
if we will finish it,
tricking ourselves into thinking
we hold the brush
and decide the strokes
we decide,
our humble abode
rather than fearing
a loss of control
the world,
it is out there
for us to feel
as it has always been
through time,
an inviolate home
for those with beauty in their eyes to see.
Today, I woke up with an appreciation of art and how it helps give meaning, make a connection and save lives.

We all have an artist within us, just a matter of the medium of expression. I'm agnostic, but sometimes I think that there is a higher sense of purpose for every one of us and it can be shared through the art.

This one is for all you artists out there; never stop creating!
Dec 2020 · 289
If they disappear,
before they reappear
would you have them?
Also applies to people.
Dec 2020 · 176
Some Days
Some days I write for you,
Some days for me
Some days with a hope,
My words reach out to those in need.
Dec 2020 · 271
The End
can't take on another lover
I'm just looking for a friend,
I gaze out of the tinted window
as the night washes away
the pain in the end,
would you like to sit next to me
when all that you've held sacred,
falls down and does not mend?
while we watch chaos overrun the world,
and now there's no time to pretend.
I'm not a man who sold the world, neither am I another shoulder for you to cry upon.

When it does happen, I'd prefer front row seats to watch the end of the world unfold. Are you up for it?

PS:  Inspired by Jim Morrison's soulful vocals in 'The End', the perfect apocalypse song for me.

Apparently, he was also the first rock and roll artist to have been arrested on stage during a show.

Dec 2020 · 262
Games of Luck
In these games of luck,
I've lost more than I've ever won
Don't wanna seem like a schmuck,
But this time I'll get it done.
Here's to putting it all on the line now.

This time let's play to win, shall we?
Dec 2020 · 379
The Key
In a world full of locked doors,
You hold the key to mine.
My younger innocent self wrote this about an ex.

Now I'm older and wiser, or am I?
Dec 2020 · 225
A Sincere Question
How do you expect me to
hold on to you
when I keep running from myself,
every chance I get?
Dec 2020 · 497
Linger On
I know now that
you can't be my
ray of sunshine,
yet you linger on
with your pale blue eyes.
Dec 2020 · 421
around the bends of my mind
lies some memories
of uninhibited realism
of high fidelity
to myself
in letting myself go
somewhat joyous
somewhat chaotic
somewhat musical
but just there
to feel and see things
for more than what they mean
through my own eyes
seems rather unusual
but I go back in time
take a deep-dive
to recapture these ephemeral bubbles
of blissful euphoria
as if singing
to my alter ego
'We can be heroes,
just for one day
We can be us,
just for one day!'
Heroes by David Bowie seems to be the perfect song to relive those high-on-life moments.
Dec 2020 · 356
It's one of those nights,
When your mind can't stop its chatter
And even the whiskey tastes like water.
I'm in dire need of a whiskey lullaby to put these voices in my head to sleep.
Dec 2020 · 124
Not a Love Poem
when my heart was
inundating with love,
I tried to fill up yours
so you don't feel vacant inside.

I thought we'd both survive
by this give and take
only you took everything
in return for false hope.

eventually, I got to know
what I had to do;
just walk away from you
while learning that not all change is good.

I used to think you'd make me whole,
holding hands together we'd stroll
but the fairy-tale jig is up darling,
don't think this as a love poem for your soul.
Dec 2020 · 226
Break Out
No matter how much I try,
I keep winding up at the same place
I keep trying to break out of my loop,
I want to learn the way life survives
By never staying the same.
What are you waiting for
A change?
An awakening?
An answer?
Dec 2020 · 320
Inviolate Abode
don't worry about fate darling,
even if she got it bad for you
don't worry about things breaking,
even if I'm not there to fix it for you
for even fate follows her foreseen immutable road,
while you push on looking for some inviolate abode.
This is goodbye, my friend. I bid you farewell. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Dec 2020 · 1000
if I could just
how I feel
would you still be here?
Nov 2020 · 305
Your Epitaph
living in a way to
avoiding the word failure
in your epitaph,
for a foreseeable reward in heaven,
is like walking on eggshells
without ever breaking out of your own shell.
The fear of failure is worse than actual failure. Failure teaches you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and have another shot.

The context seems rather relevant now with what has happened this year.
Here's to hoping you never give up and find the strength to start again.
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